Comments on: Former Ex-Gay Spokesperson: “I Was Disowned”

By: Tribbles Aren’t The Trouble. Labels Are. « LifeWalk

Tribbles Aren’t The Trouble. Labels Are. « LifeWalk — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 19:17:02 +0000

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By: Spousosexual « LifeWalk

Spousosexual « LifeWalk — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 02:55:59 +0000

[...] http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/2008/05/11/1990 Leave a Comment [...]

By: Priya Lynn

Priya Lynn — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 20:04:29 +0000

I meant to say “Tell us Timothy, what do you think the criteria should be for choosing a mate, if not that?

By: Priya Lynn

Priya Lynn — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 20:02:01 +0000

Timothy said “(And, by the way, I personally think “who am I the most attracted to” is a particularly poor criterion for selecting a mate. I think many many people of all orientations have regretted putting “attracted to” too highly on the list.)”.

By “most attracted to”, I don’t just mean in the physical sense, I mean emotionally, and mentally as well. Tell us Timothy, what do you think the criteria should be for attracting a mate, if not that?

By: David Foreman

David Foreman — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:56:01 +0000

Timothy, I’ve read some of Dr. Throckmorton’s material, but I’ve never heard that term. Wow. If I use any label, I may have to claim that one. I kinda like it. By the way, thank you so very much for having what I believe to be conversation with me. Far too often, these things end up as just self-serving mutually exclusive monologues. Truly, God bless you.

By: Timothy Kincaid

Timothy Kincaid — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:50:06 +0000

David,

There’s a term that’s been floating about a bit; I think Dr. Throckmorton coined it.

Spousosexual: when a person is primarily attracted to persons of the same sex but have found that affection and love for their opposite-sex spouse engenders sexual attraction to that one person of the opposite sex.

This seems to me to be the case with many if not most of the married ex-gays I’ve encountered. I don’t know if this is accurate for you and I know that you don’t like labels, but this is a kinda amusing one that is quite accurate for some folks.

(And, by the way, I personally think “who am I the most attracted to” is a particularly poor criterion for selecting a mate. I think many many people of all orientations have regretted putting “attracted to” too highly on the list.)

By: Priya Lynn

Priya Lynn — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:42:04 +0000

David, I’m skeptical that anyone who was part of an “ex-gay” “ministry” never let thoughts of what gender he “should” be with override a choice based on who he was most attracted to. That combined with your claim that you have no reason to doubt the honesty of anyone who claims to have “come out of homosexuality” leads me to believe you’re not being honest with yourself, let alone others.

By: David Foreman

David Foreman — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:31:28 +0000

Priya, thanks for clarifying. Rest assured, my love for, and marriage to, my wife is not at all based on what I thought I “should” be doing. I believe, with no doubt, our being together is a “God thing.” Believe me, I more than explored my options. I can’t believe anyone, male or female, could be a better match for me than the one I’m with.

But that’s part of my big problem with labels. I guess, if I had to wear one, it would be bisexual. But that’s another attempt to pigeon-hole all that I really am. I just think humans are much to complex for all that reductionism.

Again, I wish you all the best in your life and your relationships.

By: Priya Lynn

Priya Lynn — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:20:06 +0000

David said “Priya, I appreciate your input, but I do disagree with you. The “B” in “GLBT,” as you know, is for bisexual. Some people may to attracted equally to both sexes. To say they can’t choose someone, either sex, and decide to have a monogamous relationship, even though other attractions exist, is, in my opinion, absurd.”.

I never made such a claim David. I am bisexual myself and I’ve had relationships with women, and now a man. My point was that in each relationship I chose the person I was most attracted to, I never let some idea of what I “should” be doing override that. If that’s what you’ve done you have indeed cheated yourself and cheated your partner. This has nothing to do with the fact that regardless of who we are with we may still have attractions for other people, its all about whether or not you compromised in your choice of partner.

By: David Foreman

David Foreman — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:13:58 +0000

Timothy, thanks for your comments. Again, I assure you, I’ve seen both side more than you can imagine. There certainly is hate on both sides, just as their are bigots both black and white. I think, should we know each other better, we would indeed have no (or little) conflict.
Priya, I appreciate your input, but I do disagree with you. The “B” in “GLBT,” as you know, is for bisexual. Some people may to attracted equally to both sexes. To say they can’t choose someone, either sex, and decide to have a monogamous relationship, even though other attractions exist, is, in my opinion, absurd. Most “straight” guys are still attracted to other women. Does that mean they’re “Cheating” themselves or their partner? I think not. My wife and I have been together a total of 30 years. We are both free to admit other attractions. That’s not cheating or shortchanging each other. That’s sharing our lives. Again, I neither deny, nor am I defined by, my sexual attractions. I’m simply a man with choices to make.
I hope my reply has not sounded harsh, as that is not my intention. I’m just explaining where I’m coming from.
God bless you in your journey.