I don’t know why many African-Americans have these sentiments, I would guess they have less to do with religion and more with a psychological reaction to the issue of “the other”. Being the “other” causes trauma and hatred and self-hatred must be some kind of reaction to it.

Since you have written this column, there has been fantastic shifts in African-American public figures that have supported gay issues. I think I also remember that surveys are showing that the percentages of opinion are also shifting that way.

In other mostly African-American parts of the Americas governments are discussing changing sodomy laws. The Bahamas have already done so and I think
that they will all change in time.

Showing sensitivity and love will help foster reciprocation.

Meanwhile, many gay and bisexual African Americans face the greatest oppression. Even if they become the greatest singers
or football players, they feel compelled
to live in denial, and or die that way.

I will say this, though. I have no desire to involve myself with EQCA unless they start running an honest campaign. I admire your ability to do so.

You know I worked very closely with the No on 8 campaign even though I had my differences with them, primarily in two key areas: 1) The ads were too SOFT – we needed REAL people and REAL same sex couples of ALL races in those ads. 2) Reaching out to communities of all races and engaging them in conversation because we truly are (or at least should be) in this together.

I raised these concerns several times in the campaign, particularly the one about the ads and they were just convinced the right thing was being done. SO, I done the best I could w/in those constraints.

I am working so hard right now trying to convince the Executive staff and board members of EQCA that we MUST change these things going forward. I met some people in pretty high places w/in EQCA through my extensive volunteer time and financial donations but I have to be honest, I’m questioning whether I am convincing them. I have been emailing one of the primary board members but I have yet to get any confirmation which would give me a sense that they are accepting these arguments!

I met some really wonderful staff of EQCA and HRC and they do a wonderful job within the framework they are given. But the framework needs to change so that they can be more effective.

We as a community need to band together like we have never done before and win this once and for all. I know we can do it if we put our heads together. Every one of us has a part to play and we CAN and WILL do this.

We need to get EQCA, HRC and the other statewide and national organizations together on this. Let’s face it, they are the people with the staff and resources AND financial backing to make this happen! But first we need to convince them that the strategy needs to change. We need to CONVINCE them it is necessary or I fear we will lose again.

Their staff CAN do a wonderful job with the RIGHT strategy. I worked so closely with their staff for 6 months – I know what they are capable of! I have absolute faith in them. BUT, they can only accomplish this if the higher ups in those organizations get on board with a new strategy – a winning strategy..

Anyone with contacts in these organizations, do what you can to convince them of this, PLEASE.

Next, we MUST involve the religious community and get as many on board with us as possible. We all know, many of them are on our side – they are not all against us. Let’s get them more actively involved.

As for Kincaid, this

“…Or we could also just write off this subset of the population and hope that we can sway enough whites and Asians to outweigh the African American vote.”

…will not stop bugging me. Isn’t this what the (mostly white) gay community already does? White gays working with the second most pro-gay group in congress (the Congressional Black Caucus) to advance their goals and being politically correct here and there while thinking you’re honoring (sic) black people by saying “gay is the new black” doesn’t particularly strike me as “a concerted effort to strategize and find allies for a long-term plan to educate and influence the African American community”.

Or are you inferring you already know that?

Thats my problem with the gay rights movement. Many of us are either too politically correct or too insensitive that we bloat out anyone we don’t like. The first are our gay organizations the latter are the LGBT activists on the group. We need to find a way to become more inclusive, strategic, smarter.

We ought to already have ENDA passed by now as well as the Matthew Shepard Act. DOMA should be challenged at every turn. We should be months away from having civil unions nationally. The gay rights movement should be ahead and it isn’t.

Instead of comparing the gay rights movement to the black civil rights movement how about some of you guys buy a couple of books on the black civil rights movement and get an eye full. Actually learn something. Notice what their signs say and compare them to our own. Take notes on how they conducted demonstrations.

Mr. Kincaid. I’m a Black woman and I think your first assumption is flawed. What happened when Dr. King died that would enable frank discussions about race and especially about race and the gay community?

You are looking at Black people as a statistical model and painting us with the MLK mythology. I don’t think you should look at Black people as minorities because we’ve been majorities in our communities for generations due to segregation. Our families, communities, churches and leadership have gay/lesbians members. We have had to focus on race as a priority because we continue to be grouped that way–Black people.

I don’t have any close “openingly” gay male friends but I do have close female friends that are in relationships with other women. They don’t identify as “lesbian” and have children from marriage and/or relationships with men. They are more “live and let live.” I think many Black people see sexual relationships as a choice because the people we know are not wearing the “born gay” label and many choose to have relationships with men and women. I think our historical context is very different and traditional marriage is something we’ve had to fight for as a people.

You can’t really come in our communities and “educate” us or convince us. Our gay/lesbian relatives and friends have to be a part of your movement first and tell us it’s important to them. You have to connect to the gay/lesbians that you say you represent.

You also need to drop the “we be the same as you” argument as part of your strategy. It forces me to focus on the uniqueness of my history and the struggle of my people. I can’t let it be reduced to the “same as” your struggle in California. It’s like you are picking a fight. We are a people that were considered property as a compromise in the U.S. Constitution. Our struggle to become considered as part of “we the people” is not just one of discrimination as a minority, it is one of slavery, oppression, rape/breeding, injustice, and criminal consequence based on race by the U.S. government. Plessey was 7/8 white and visibly white, and was still found to be guilty of a crime for attempting to sit in “white only” accommodations. My Grandfather’s Grandfather was lynched without due process without any legal recourse for his family.

The history of your struggle, which is so different from mine, needs to be told. But you really have to know history before you can compare it. If you have a similiar story to tell, then just tell it. I will relate to it independent of my who I am or where I’m from.

Best way to do this? Empower the black lgbt community. Blacks overall are at a social and economic disadvantage compared to whites. Its only logical the same can be said for white lgbt people and black lgbt people. Actually, I think there are plenty of studies to prove it. Anyways, why not share the wealth and resources and pour capital into black lgbt organizations, leaders, and or potential leaders?

I see a win-win situation. Black lgbt people win. White lgbt people win by creating a more multiracial image.

That sums it up in a nutshell.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, the issue is the closet. All of this stuff about religious, black, latino voters makes no difference. Let’s put it on a personal level.

A guy is gay and has not told his family. He lives a fulfilling life in a distant city, but does not share anything about his life with his family. His partner is his roommate. Or worse, they have separate telephone lines so his parents never talk to the bf. He never brings the bf home for holidays, or mentions him. He keeps this most important part of his life a mystery.

He has less and less to talk to his family about, and vice versa. and then he wonders why he has no relationship with them. they’re merely strangers with a history.

He finally does tell them, perhaps in a crisis moment. He’s been in an auto accident, and has been seriously injured. And then he wonders why they don’t understand a thing about him or his life, and treat the bf as a non-entity, an irrelevancy., and ban him from the hospital room.

This is the “campaign’– pardon the sarcasm– in a nutshell.

Most people are pretty decent, I have found. But you have to give them a chance to be decent. We could have and should have won this, at a minimum, by the amount we lost it. That we did as well as we did despite the stupidity and closet mentality of our “leaderS”– pardon the sarcasm– is the proof of that. Had we not ocnducted it form the closet, i have no doubt that we owuldn’t be wasting time analyzing it today.

“What? what? No gay people here! This isn’t about gay people. this isn’t about marriage. this isn’t about prejudice, religion, or family. this is aobut decent american values. this is about equality. This is about tolerance.”

Absolutely pathetic bullshit. I would rather that we lost the campaign by being honest, than losing the campaign because we lied.