Comments on: Memorial And Rally? Very Well: A Memorial and Rally

By: Kelly

Kelly — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 01:00:25 +0000

I wonder, too, Kathy (and others who watched on TV and found it awkward), if you might have felt different if you had been in the crowd. The energy in a large crowd, as there was both in McKale and in the football stadium, is very different than in your own living room. It might have felt awkward to me, too, if I’d been home with just my family. But in a big crowd like that, where the speaker is so far away, it felt completely natural to express our emotions in a big way. And believe me, it wasn’t all happy cheering. We cried, too. But I think the venue has a lot of bearing on the energy of an event. Columbine’s and Virginia Tech’s large stadium memorials had similar energy as here. Certainly it would have seemed out of place for that kind of response in a small house of worship, for example.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 00:42:14 +0000

Kathy, there’s a difference between being personally uncomfortable, as you are, and telling others they did it wrong. You are totally within bounds, particularly as a member of the community, to feel that it wasn’t right for you. That’s different than pundits in New York telling us we did it wrong. Nothing you’ve said has made me bristle, but plenty of other people have said stuff that I found terribly hurtful and judgmental.

Did you catch Jon Stewart’s take on this on Thursday night’s “Daily Show.” He nailed exactly what I was feeling, and John Oliver and Samantha Bee did a wonderful job of portraying the condescending tone I was feeling from those outside our community who were telling us we didn’t now how to “publicly grieve to [their] expectations.”

By: Timothy Kincaid

Timothy Kincaid — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 18:38:23 +0000

A very classy inclusive bi-partisan speech.

As for delivery or reaction… I’ll let those most effected choose the level of appropriateness and I’ve not heard complaint from them.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 17:29:08 +0000

Jim, we grieve differently. To be honest, I had a hard time with “Together We Thrive” before we even buried the first victim. I wasn’t close to thriving. I live here and clearly I’m not as far along in the process as you & Kelly are. In my tradition and experience, the time between a death and the funeral is subdued. My background is Irish Catholic. So I know how a party and laughter (& drink) are a comfort, but we did that after we laid our loved one to rest. So don’t judge us too harshly. We were struggling Wednesday night and people were jumping up and waving on the Jumbo-tron. It was shocking. But clearly they grieve differently than I do. I thought it was disrespectful but I have since learned that it’s different, not wrong. We too had a different reaction. maybe we’re not “wrong”?

By: Annie P

Annie P — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 15:34:29 +0000

Hi Jim – my computer crashed but I’ve borrowed next door’s!! I’ve been closely following with horror and anguish the events in our home town. Your piece is beautifully written, and thanks for posting Obama’s speech as I missed it.

By: andrewb

andrewb — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 10:06:33 +0000

I totally hear the comments about celebrating life — I’ve had grand times at funerals and wakes for close family. I think it would have struck me differently if it were the friends and family hooting and hollering, not a stadium full of people, outside speakers with potential opportunities for gain, and the political context of it all.

I’m not prepared to tell anyone how to grieve family and friends, but folks from the “outside” always need to be extra-mindful.. Mind you, that goes for passive observers like myself, as well as special political guest speakers. For what it’s worth.

By: Jim Brunk

Jim Brunk — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 02:47:10 +0000

I totally agree with your assessment of the situation. Life here has been totally surreal since Saturday. Gold’s gym… just on the NW corner. I go to Safeway all the time; and have had a very hard time getting my mind around the fact that this could have happened at a place where I frequent. And to a person who so surely was one of the best congressional members I have ever had represent a district in which I reside. The Memorial was very Tucson and Extremely appropriate for who we are as a city. For me, it served as an anchor reminding me that life- although changed so drastically- can go on in a positive direction. Like a wound on a tree, life will find a way to incorporate that wound and turn it in a direction that gives character.

By: Counterlight

Counterlight — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 00:19:53 +0000

No tut tutting from this coast, from me in New York anyway. We have a little idea how folks in Tuscon might be feeling about now.
I thought the event was splendid, and very much as you describe, by turns somber and celebratory.
I send everyone in Tuscon my best wishes.

By: CPT_Doom

CPT_Doom — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 22:48:00 +0000

14 years ago this month, we lost my wonderful mother to pancreatic cancer; she was only 58. The traditional Irish wake was not very traditional, as it is hard to celebrate the life of someone who died too soon and because Ma was a teacher for nearly 35 years and we had hundreds of her former students at the funeral home, nearly all in tears.

The next day was the funeral and the priest who said the Mass was an old family friend. He began his remarks by recollecting the first time he met Ma. He was a new priest just assigned to the parish and as my mother came up to greet him after church the Pastor warned him, “here comes Mary, she’s a real piece of work.” Anyone who knew Ma would agree, and the laughter that followed echoed through the church. It seemed inappropriate to some, but to those of us who knew and loved this remarkable woman, who had been making jokes on her own deathbed, it was the perfect tribute.

I thought the cheering was a bit much early on in the service, if only because it prevented some speakers from getting their remarks out, but like many others, by the end I thought it was perfect. I was in tears by the end, and thought Obama did a fantastic job. His decision to frame the speech using the hopes and dreams of a lost 9-year-old was a stroke of oratorical genius.

By: Jim Burroway

Jim Burroway — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 21:10:42 +0000

Annie!

Thanks for stopping by. We miss you.

Kelly!

Great to hear from you. Thanks for adding your vote of confidence, and hold your kids close.

David, (I don’t think we’ve ever met, have we?)

Thanks for adding your voice.