Those who marry do not define the straight community, and those who choose to marry homosexually will never define the LGBT community. Community-wide irresponsible bachelorhood vs. responsible marriedness is a false dichotomy.

One of the truly loathesome things about the straight community are its myriad punitive, derogatory, strait-jacketing rules. If you are older than a certain age, unmarried and female, you’re an “old maid”, you’re “sad”, “alone”, you never get laid. If you are older than a certain age and you’re a man, you’re either a “dirty old man”, or you’re “weird”, or you’re “sad” and “alone”, or “suspicious” (possibly gay). There’s nothing good to be said about older straight people who are unmarried, and the best thing said about them is that they are “unfortunate”.

Those things are not foregone cultural conclusions for lesbians or gay men who are older. I for one do NOT want the marriage culture as currently lived by straight people to become hegemonic within the LGBT community. It’s a procrustean bed for both the married and the unmarried.

I used to proudly consider myself a freak. I don’t know if I qualify anymore though, I’ve settled down a lot.

And I don’t think of people as being freaks.

As to major corporations requiring marriage for same-sex couples presently receiving benefits under a domestic partnership program – my own experience: when the Walt Disney company implemented DP coverage, prior to California state DPs, domestic partnership papers had to be on record, or produced within 30 days. If one’s municipality did not have a DP program, an affidavit was required -.until the city or county passed a DP ordinance (at which time, proof of registration was required with 30 days).

Hoops to jump through, “inclusion obligations,” and lots of paperwork (as marriages are, and were, and will be).

In other words, the one and only reason you’re able to live the mainstream life you’ve chosen is because of all the freaks who made it possible. Those freaks deserve our gratitude and our respect, not our scorn. If everyone else hasn’t caught up to you in terms of cultural evolution, then just give them a moment or two more and more people will.

But the freaks will never totally disappear and thank heaven for that. A world of mainstream, responsible, grown-up people has to sound boring as hell even to someone who considers themselves to be mainstream, responsible and grown-up.

Please discuss this with your tax accountant.

Yes it will cost more in tax preparation fees* but only in very rare circumstances would you pay higher taxes by filing as ‘married filing jointly’ status.

* – Because the feds don’t recognize marriage, multiple returns are required. But if DOMA 3 is overturned then the fees would likely be less than the two of you filing separately.