I had my first relationship when I was 21 and lived with the man for over a year. I was still to naive to ask the questions I needed to as. I was warned repeatedly that we must never discuss what we did. This was 1959-60 and there were no resources. While I didn’t feel bad about the sex or think it was wrong I did understand that society would punish me for loving that man. What ultimately happened was we broke up and I went deeply into the closet for 35 years and it wasn’t just a lack of discussion it was no sex either.

I came out at 55. I am now gay. Before I came out I was homosexual but definitely not gay.

We need to differentiate between homosexual and gay. A homosexual denies who he is and or hates himself. That was me from 21 to 55 after 55 I celebrate who I am.

Of course, rumors will fly, but as long as the individual does whatever (usually he) can to deflect the rumors, he’s welcome to be a musician, youth leader, teacher, singer, or even priest.

But come out? Make it clear you are okay with it? There’s the door.

Same basic point, though. As long as you see yourself as broken and treat the church as a hospital, you are welcome. They’ll be happy to use you. But see yourself as whole, as an equal member of God’s kingdom, as a full member of the community with nothing shameful to hide? Nah.

It isn’t your personal beliefs that matter. It is your public persona. God may care only what’s in your heart, but vanishing few churches do.