It seems to me that must mean that you believe that an insignificant number of gay men are actually bisexual. I can’t think of any other reason you’d have trouble with thinking the opposite.

No, Donny D, that is a strawman argument. To not accept your presumption as absolute is not the same as asserting that is it, in entirety, wrong and that the opposite is true. Instead of believing that your opinion is not accepted due to anti-bisexual bias, perhaps consider that it isn’t accepted because you are not backed up by research.

This actually goes hand in hand with Donny D. and his remark “And a large proportion of openly gay men are bisexual to some degree, often significantly so.” I’m also struggling with these broad, sweeping statements that “significant” numbers of gay men are actually bisexual.

It seems to me that must mean that you believe that an insignificant number of gay men are actually bisexual. I can’t think of any other reason you’d have trouble with thinking the opposite.

Perhaps things are different in America, but the bulk of the men I’ve slept with are not gay men in the closet about being bisexual. Some may have been dabbling with heterosexuality when younger as society pressured them that way, but, their true inclination was unfolded when they released themselves from any notion of being “heterosexual” or “bisexual”. I can attest that as a very young 21yo living in a time when homosexuality was still illegal that I professed I might be “bisexual” (without any evidence… I’d only had male to male sexual encounters).

Unless you got to know every man that you slept with deeply, why would you assume they’d necessarily be upfront about any continuing bisexuality? A lot of gay men are pretty negative toward male bisexuality, so don’t you think that a lot of men, especially if they just want to have a good time with another man, probably wouldn’t make their heterosexuality evident? And if they thought you were especially likely to be bi-negative, they’d work to avoid the subject with you.

I fully and openly accept and truly believe that some people are bisexual and to me that means being a) aroused sexually by both sexes & b) being capable of emotional attachments to both sexes.

The problem with that is that this really is about sexuality. Some bisexual people are much more likely to get into relationships with one gender than the other. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have sex with both, or have strong though unacted upon sexual feelings toward both. I won’t assume that’s the intent of your definition, but it leaves out people like those lesbian-identified women who have hot sexual relationships with men but leave those relationships without regret to get into committed relationships with women. Or men who do the same thing. Or those young gay guys who actually started their sexual lives having a lot of sex with girls in their secondary school years, because they liked the sex and the girls they were having it with, but went on to live the gay life as adults — with none of the magical disappearance of heterosexual feelings that is so necessary to make the “most ‘bi’ guys are on their way to becoming gay” trope work. There are a lot of all of these kinds of people around, but somehow the anti-bisexual ideology among gay people has to make those bisexuals’ heterosexuality mutable (just like ex-gay ideologues, but in reverse), or dismiss it in some dodgy way or another. A lot of assuming and ignoring has to go on for monosexually-identified gay people to not see the bisexuals among the gay and lesbian people around them.

Could we not create further divisions where none really need exist?

The divisions already exist, and don’t stop existing when bisexual men in the gay community sit down and shut up to avoid trouble.

Props to you, Timothy.

You ask “Please correct me Priya, but does this mean that deep down and in your most contemplative moments you cannot believe that I do not have a physical attraction toward women?”.

I’m trying to make a distinction between what I know logically and intellectually and what I “know” emotionally. I’m simply trying to say that because I find some women so incredibly attractive its hard for me on an emotional level to accept that not everyone feels the same way. If the topic comes up in conversation (and it frequently does) I’m going to say yes there are men who have no attraction whatsoever to women and some even feel sick at the sight of female genitalia. I will never argue that all men have some attraction to women.

Its like when I go to get on a large jet plane. When I look at the size and weight of that thing, emotionally I feel there’s no way that thing can fly while intellectually I know it can because I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times.

Hope that clears it up.

Please correct me Priya, but does this mean that deep down and in your most contemplative moments you cannot believe that I do not have a physical attraction toward women? This actually goes hand in hand with Donny D. and his remark “And a large proportion of openly gay men are bisexual to some degree, often significantly so.” I’m also struggling with these broad, sweeping statements that “significant” numbers of gay men are actually bisexual.

Perhaps things are different in America, but the bulk of the men I’ve slept with are not gay men in the closet about being bisexual. Some may have been dabbling with heterosexuality when younger as society pressured them that way, but, their true inclination was unfolded when they released themselves from any notion of being “heterosexual” or “bisexual”. I can attest that as a very young 21yo living in a time when homosexuality was still illegal that I professed I might be “bisexual” (without any evidence… I’d only had male to male sexual encounters).

Could we not create further divisions where none really need exist? I fully and openly accept and truly believe that some people are bisexual and to me that means being a) aroused sexually by both sexes & b) being capable of emotional attachments to both sexes. While I can be emotionally attached to a female in a platonic, deep and abiding friendship sense, there is no physical arousal and no mental gymnastics on my part has ever been able to convince my “boy” parts that there is anything exciting about “girl” parts.

Sorry if this seems flippant or confused or missing the point, just letting my fingers do a stream of consciousness thing here this evening.

Some people claiming to be bisexual are gays who are reluctant to admit to being gay, but there are A LOT of men in heterosexual relationships who are bi, they just prefer to let people think they are strictly heterosexual. Far from being a “very tiny minority” there’s far more bisexuals than there are gay men[....]

And a large proportion of openly gay men are bisexual to some degree, often significantly so.

They too are tired of all the queer and bi and oh oh oh .. well anyway, honey, they’re GO Proud or some such thing and they just like Good Things like we do, sweetie, and they support real men and real women who don’t look like they got their hair did by Andre’s Androgyny shop (that’s what I call it anyway – Andre gave Mother the a Justin Bieber haircut and died it a quiet shade of, get this, BLUE! It was all I could do not the shriek with laughter – while she was there).

Any way, as I was saying, they have some meeting coming up to support Michelle Bachmann. And you know, I’ll just say it: she has the best shoes.

Gay men who are disgusted by effeminacy is, of course, is grossly offensive to Queer Culture which maintains that the very essence of being gay is to talk, look, and act like a girl, and that any gay man who doesn’t do talk, look, or act like a girl is a “sell-out” and a “self-hating queer”.

Timothy, I think Queer Culture should die. Why would you object to that?

Fabulous, sweetie. Love! It!

Then let’s have the Italian Culture die off (eww, too much mafia and bad fashion). Oh, and the Orientals with all that “ching-chong” talking. Who can think with that going on? And don’t get me started on the Religious… well, girl, what a waste of a Sunday morning, I mean really!

And ugghhhh, I just shudder at the hip-hop stuff of the, well, you know. But all those big muscly hot sweaty black men, ohhhhhh I’ll work on that culture myself. And they know how to be real men, I tell you (I could barely walk on Monday)! (except for the missy-prissy choir queens, who really put the “girl” in “girlfriend” if you know what I mean. Ha!

But Mary, I know just what you mean about being disgusted by all that effeminate stuff. I’d had enough of that Joel at brunch no Sunday at FredPaul’s. He was going on and on about his beauty regimen. And get her! she’s not that pretty. So I leaned over my Latvian Waffle Souffle and I told Miss Thing, “you’d better be careful, Precious, you’re about one glitter bead away from a full-on drag queen!” And you can guess that her mouth just fell open and so I knew it was perfect time for my exit.

And who wants to be all militant and, ugh, political? I don’t have time in my life for all that.

I think we would all just be happier if they’d stop with that femmy stuff, shut about “pride” (“Gay Shame,” I call it). As I was telling Jimee while we were shopping (and Oh! My! God! there’s a great sale on toenail moisturizer at Nordstroms – my toes a Glistening!) that it was so much better back in the days before all the queers and fags got all uppity and militant and started marching. We would just have our brunches and nobody would bother us. Oh, sometimes you had to be careful in the park when you cruised the T-Room (ohhhh honey, I could TELL!! you stories) but we were just fine.

And all those girly bitches could just butch (snap) it (snap) up (triple snap). I mean!! Would it kill them to just pretend to be real men like us once in a while?

You know, with all the dykes pretending to get “married” (and insisting that I celebrate a home with no penis – really?!) and all the butch trade actually calling themselves “gay”, it feels like no one ever appreciates how things should be.

I’m so glad that I have you, though, my dear kindred spirit.