How do you forgive the unforgiveable?

It’s easy for those of us not victimized to say “hey, look, we won one! haha, they admitted it! case closed, let’s move on!” – and boy am I glad I’m one of those who has the luxury of putting this very bad man out of my mind.

But let’s not forget. He put bread on his table, food in his mouth, and a roof over his head for decades by these actions. By my standards, all of those things are forfeit. This guy should be stripped of his possessions and required to live off the kindness of strangers. Perhaps that will be the judge of his sincerity and contrition – because “just words” don’t cut it. And yeah, a hairshirt sounds just about right.

Sometimes I find myself thinking that much of the opposition to gay equality at this stage springs from an intuitive understanding of the staggeringly grievous harm they have done to so many innocent hearts; the burden not only of guilt for it, but the work of making amends. Better to keep fighting to the bitter end, and pray death will render their part in this human tragedy moot.

Subliminal guilt can drive people to do horribly cruel things and I’ve no doubt it plays a role in some of the haters’ hearts. I wish John Smid well on his journey.

Smid is taking some huge steps in the right direction, of course, which is deeply appreciated. I hope he’s on the path to ending his self-torture (as in not allowing himself to act on his sexual orientation) as well as his torture of others.

Mr. Toscano is very right. The abusers don’t get to decide what needs to be done to make amends and they don’t get to decide when they’ve done enough. Their victims alone have this right.

I realize he was a very controversial figure then and now, but that quote has always rang true to me. Progress is healing the wound. Sometimes I find myself thinking that much of the opposition to gay equality at this stage springs from an intuitive understanding of the staggeringly grievous harm they have done to so many innocent hearts; the burden not only of guilt for it, but the work of making amends. Better to keep fighting to the bitter end, and pray death will render their part in this human tragedy moot.

But will it? I would at least try to make some amends now, imperfect though they may be, while I still could.

The penance of thieves and abusers, requires MORE in compensation, than the equivalent of what they THINK they’ve taken away or damaged.
As most people who are analytical can glean from some ex gay who remain so, there is a weakness of character that requires a large amount of validation and reinforcement. Sometimes abnormal amounts of it.

Which would imply that the opposite is true if they are to compensate those they have harmed. Perhaps, in a way, Smid needs time to ‘grow a pair’, in order to fulfill that compensation. And whatever time it takes, perhaps we’re obligated to be patient.

It’s up to him to study what it’ll take to grow that pair, and build the strength of character required to now be an advocate. Some people can’t wait and HE won’t live forever.

I hope this teaches him also, why he shouldn’t have done what he did. Too many people did run out of time, and some are still at too much risk to never have it.
Such as in the case of all the very young teens at risk of suicide and also those who torment them.

Some would like to respect whatever time Smid should have to grow a pair and a backbone, but perhaps he needs to be on notice that it should be sooner, rather than later.

He posted a very peculiar comment at the throckmorton blog. It does not read to me like the comment of someone who has properly understood his situation. Indeed it has just a whiff of anti-gay thinking about it.