my husband and I have multiple copies of our marriage liscence for just the reason you stated. I also took his last name in case we are out of our equality state. (As often occurs in any relationship, we now bear a striking resemblence to each other) We can say we are “brothers” if we are ever in need in a trip cross country, and it’s a darn shame we have to pretend in order to be able to answer for each other in those times of need. We also have medical directives which we have copies of.

My attorney told me in the absence of a clear health care agent appointment, the hospital / doctor will defer to the spouse / oldest child / oldest sibling. A legal case can be made that those people are “next-of-kin.”

He also thought married same-sex couples should have a copy of their marriage license handy, not that an opposite-sex couple would be asked to prove they are legally married.

He advises all adults — single, married, gay, straight, living alone, living with others — to designate a health care agent and an alternate.

Sorry, but it’s sort of depressing that straights apparently need to be reminded that same-sex couples love and commit the same way they do.

Straight people are used to thinking they are the only people who exist, and that everyone else is an insignificant exception. Those who think this way includes many straight people who see themselves as non-homophobic. “How men feel” is always how exclusively-heterosexual men feel, ditto with women; “growing up” is always about straight teens — and “couples” always means opposite sex couples. Straight people are only starting to get used to the idea that in the normal day to day world, gay and bisexual people exist, too.

I’ve been seeing an odd situation emerge – one that I hadn’t predicted. I’m not sure if it holds true in you friends’ example, but here it is:

Repeatedly I’ve seen stories in which a person dies and the remaining partner has to get permission for every detail from a sibling or cousin. But rather than see this as their right as “next of kin”, it infuriates the sibling who loved the couple and now sees the parter put in an unfair and humiliating position.

And then suddenly a new angry straight advocate for equality is created. Who then tells all their straight friends about how unfair and cruel it is to deny rights to gay couples.

I don’t think NOM ever expected that.

It makes me smile.

;)

My good Lesbian friends did just that. Their assests were significant, but they are far from wealthy. They hired a lawyer to put everything they owned into a trust. They planned to protect each other. Each little change to the trust required another thousand dollars or so for the lawyer’s services. They thought they had everything taken care of.

When Jean died at 67 from pancreatic cancer, after 40 years together, Rose discovered AZ law trumped anything they could have done legally. Rose had no legal custody of her partner’s body–well, as Executor of the estate she would have if there were no blood relatives living. But, the Executor comes at the bottom of the list. Rose had to get legal consent from Jean’s sister for the cremation. In this case, the sister’s children are beneficiaries of the trust so there were no problems.

Just another story for same sex civil marriage. Yes. What it is called DOES mean everything.

You better be good to me, Kincaid. I know where you blog! :-))

(apologies for turning the thread into a Tina Turner comment-off)

Rob’s original post is very powerful and Don’s comment speaks real truth about real commitment. Thanks to both.

It’s a second hand emotion