I’ve seen this work: Simply say, “when you make comments of that sort, it makes me uncomfortable. So please don’t say that when I’m present.”

Don’t try and make him agree that he’s wrong. Don’t refute his excuses or challenge his psychobabble. Never let it be an issue of who is right.

Just consistently say “this makes me uncomfortable”. And don’t feel any need to explain why. He knows why and so does everyone else.

I suspect some people will try and convince you that you’re being ‘too sensitive’. Just tell them that it’s fine if it doesn’t bother them, but it bothers you.

He’ll probably push back a little at first, but stick with ‘that makes me uncomfortable so please wait until I’m not hear to say that’ and if he’s at all a decent person, he’ll stop it around you. And when he does, he’ll probably fall out of the habit altogether.

I wanted to get this off my chest, so I’ll use this as an excuse, I guess.

I have an acquaintance who’s always spewing heterosexist and misogynistic shit. Most of our mutual acquaintances don’t have a problem with him, and I guess I get why, because he’s not a mouth-breather who yells slurs. He’s much subtler and always denies being homophobic or sexist. He always couches his bigotry in pseudo-intellectual theories, excuses, passive-aggression, etc.

He’s extremely narrow-minded and prickly, so there’s no chance of changing his mind (I know people who have tried). I guess I’m looking for reassurance or advice on how to cope with this guy.