Box Turtle Bulletin

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About Sexual Reorientation (or “Reparative”) Therapy

Before 1973, homosexuality was listed by the American Psychiatric Association as a mental disease. Consequently there were many different therapies to try to “cure” gays and lesbians. Usually these therapies consisted of psychoanalysis (or “talk” therapy), but sometimes these attempted “cures” were far more severe. “Aversion” therapy often included painful electric shock or apomorphine injections, which caused severe gut-retching nausea. In the end however, there were very few “cures,” and today aversion therapy has been abandoned for ethical reasons.

But Sexual Reorientation Therapy lives on. Most practitioners are religiously affiliated, and their methods range from occasional psychological or group counseling to more intensive live-in therapy programs. Some use conventional secular methods, but most rely on a spiritual conversion of some sort. Many of these groups refer to their members as “ex-gays.”

All of the major professional organizations state that because homosexuality is not a mental disorder, there is no need for a “cure.” While they refuse to endorse the practice of sexual reorientation therapy (and most discourage its practice), none prohibit it. They all insist however that such therapy must not be based on the assumption that homosexuality is a mental disorder, or that clients should change their sexual orientation.

Featured Reports

“Repeat After Me”: The Reparative Therapy Echo Chamber

The April 2008 edition of the pay-to-publish vanity journal Psychological Reports featured a new report from NARTH. Written by NARTH president A. Dean Byrd, past president Joseph Nicolosi, and Richard W. Potts, the report carries the unwieldy but self-descriptive title, “Clients perceptions of how reorientation therapy and self-help can promote changes in sexual orientation.” While the title describes what the authors meant to show — how clients describe the benefits of reparative therapy — the report itself actually illustrates something very different: the ex-gay movement’s remarkable ability to instill an almost robot-like parroting of ex-gay rhetoric among their clients.

From the Inside: Focus on the Family’s “Love Won Out”

On February 10, I attended an all-day “Love Won Out” ex-gay conference in Phoenix, put on by Focus on the Family and Exodus International. In this series of reports, I talk about what I learned there: the people who go to these conferences, the things that they hear, and what this all means for them, their families and for the rest of us.

Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word "Change" Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For "Change"
Part 6: The Science Of "Love Won Out"
Part 7: The Politics Of "Love Won Out"
Part 8: Hope For Parents Who Struggle

Recommended Books

Anything but Straight: Unmasking the Scandals and Lies Behind the Ex-Gay Myth, by Wayne Besen Wayne Besen, founder of Truth Wins Out, first gained fame for exposing former “ex-gay” leader John Paulk at a Washington, D.C. gay bar. Since that expose made headlines across the country, Wayne spent four years interviewing ex-gay leaders and practitioners, and went undercover to attend conferences and individual ministries. The result is a very thorough look into the world of the ex-gay movement. Hailed by gay-rights leaders and reviled by anti-gay activists, it is an essential read for everyone interested in the ex-gay movement, regardless of what side they’re on.

Ex-Gay Research: Analyzing the Spitzer Study And Its Relation to Science, Religion, Politics And Culture, by Jack Drescher and Kenneth J. Zucker (Eds.) Dr. Spitzer’s famous study, “Can some gay men and lesbians change their sexual orientation?“ sparked a firestorm when it appeared in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2003 with its claims that some homosexuals can change their sexual orientation. This was so explosive that the journal took the unusual step of including a lead editorial, twenty-six commentaries by professional peers, and a final response by Dr. Spitzer. Since then, this study has become a mainstay for ex-gay proponents and a lightningrod for gay-rights advocates. This anthology makes this study available to the general public for the first time. Also included are the peer commentaries, editorials, and other letters from the Archives, along with six more articles from the Journal of Gay and Lesbian Psychotherapy, including an interview with Dr. Spitzer. This volume is destined to become a standard reference for everyone interested in sexual reorientation therapy.

Sexual Conversion Therapy: Ethical, Clinical, and Research Perspectives; Ariel Shidlo, Michael Schroeder, Jack Drescher (Eds.) This is a definitive anthology bringing together prerspectives from leading psychologists, social scientists and other experts in the field. Chapters include:
— “I’m Your Handyman: A History of Reparative Therapies” by Jack Drescher
— Excepts from “Cures: A Gay Man’s Odyssey” by Martin Duberman
— “Becoming Gay” by Richard A. Isay
— “A Psychologist’s Journey Through the Ex-Gay Movement” by Jeffrey G. Ford
— “Cures versus choices: Agendas in sexual reorientation therapy” by A. Lee Beckstead
— “Therapeutic Antidotes: Gay and Bisexual Men Recover from Conversion Therapies” by Douglas C. Haldeman
— “Ethical issues in sexual orientation conversion therapies: An empirical study of consumers” by Michael Schroeder and Ariel Shidlo

Straight to Jesus: Sexual and Christian Conversions in the Ex-Gay Movement, by Tanya Erzen Ethnographer Tanya Erzen provides an outsider’s view into the everyday lives of the men at New Hope Ministry, a residential ex-gay program. Ms. Erzen argues that it’s impossible to understand the appeal the ex-gay movement holds for these men without appreciating their need to reconcile their sexuality with their religious convictions. But by becoming what they call “new creations,” these men undergo a religious transformation, not a change in sexual orientation or behavior — even though the Christian Right tries to counter gay rights by using ex-gays as proof that “change is possible.” With great respect and obvious affection for the men at New Hope, Ms. Erzen gives each participant a very human face which, ironically, provides a powerful argument against this anti-gay strategy.

Out of the Closet and Into the Light: Clearing Up the Myths and Giving Answers About Gays and Lesbians, by Jerry Stephenson A Baptist minister and college professor for fifteen years, Rev. Stephenson came out after having been part of the ex-gay movement. He wrote this book for gays and lesbians and their friends and family, and is intended to clear up the myths regarding the gay and lesbian community.

The Antigay Agenda: Orthodox Vision and the Christian Right by Didi Herman This book provides an excellent overview of antigay rhetoric, tactics, and politics of many conservative Christian groups. Ms. Herman demonstrates the context of “ex-gay”ministries in the overal strategy to prepare the world for Christ’s return. Sometiems polemical, always well-researched, The Antigay Agenda explores evangelical Christianity’s theology and worldview, and the role many Evangelicals see themselves playing in the modern world.

Elsewhere On The Web

The following links open in a new window.

Professional Organization Policy Statements

American Psychological Association: Resolution on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation: Provides guidelines to psychologists in working with gays and lesbians in their care, opposes “portrayals of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth and adults as mentally ill … and supports the dissemination of accurate information about sexual orientation, and mental health, and appropriate interventions in order to counteract bias that is based in ignorance or unfounded beliefs.”

American Medical Association: Policy Statement H-160.991, Health Care Needs of the Homosexual Population: The AMA “opposes, the use of ‘reparative’ or ‘conversion’ therapy that is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon the a priori assumption that the patient should change his/her homosexual orientation.”

American Psychiatric Association: Position Statement, Psychiatric Treatment and Sexual Orientation (PDF: 12KB/1 page): The APA “opposes any psychiatric treatment, such as ‘reparative’ or ‘conversion’ therapy, that is based on the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or is based on the a priori assumption that the patient should change his or her homosexual orientation.”

American Psychoanalytic Association: Position Statement on Reparative Therapy: affirms that: 1) Same-gender sexual orientation cannot be assumed to represent a deficit in personality development or the expression of psychopathology; 2) anti-gay bias negatively affects mental health, contributing to an enduring sense of stigma and pervasive self-criticism in people of same-gender sexual orientation; and 3) as in all psychoanalytic treatments, the goal of analysis with homosexual patients is understanding. Psychoanalytic technique does not encompass purposeful efforts to "convert" or "repair" an individual's sexual orientation.

American Psychiatric Association: Position Statement, Psychiatric Treatment and Sexual Orientation (PDF: 12KB/1 page): The APA “opposes any psychiatric treatment, such as ‘reparative’ or ‘conversion’ therapy, that is based on the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or is based on the a priori assumption that the patient should change his or her homosexual orientation.”

American Psychiatric Association: Position Statement, Therapies Focused on Attempts to Change Sexual Orientation (Reparative or Conversion Therapies) (PDF: 23KB/5 pages): The APA “affirms its 1973 position that homosexuality per se is not a diagnosable mental disorder. Recent publicized efforts to repathologize homosexuality by claiming that it can be cured are often guided not by rigorous scientific or psychiatric researcher, but sometimes by religious and political forces opposed to full civil rights for gay men and lesbians. APA recommends that the APA respond quickly and appropriately as a scientific organization when claims that homosexuality is a curable illness are made by political or religious groups.”

Articles and Documents

Youth in the Crosshairs: The Third Wave of Ex-Gay Activism (PDF: 1,966KB/92 pages) by Jason Cianciotto and Sean Cahill of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF).

Finally Free: How Love and Acceptance Saved Us From The Ex-GAy Ministries (PDF: 925KB/38 pages) A collection of essays from fourteen individuals who were former members of the “ex-gay” movement before they finally learned to love and accept themselves for who they are.

Web Sites:

Ex-Gay Watch: A group weblog headed by Mike Airhart, with a primary focus on analyzing the activities of the ‘Ex-Gay’ movement.

Truth Wins Out: A group founded by activist Wayne Besen, author of Anything But Straight: Unmasking the Scandals and Lies Behind the Ex-Gay Myth. The goal of Truth Wins Out is to counter the anti-gay activism of many of the ‘Ex-Gay’ ministries.

Posts about Love Won Out

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

April 6th, 2008

Everyone has a personal narrative of how they would like their life to turn out. Oftentimes we have narratives for the lives of our loved-ones, including parents who have narratives for their children. When some of these children are gay and come out of the closet the narratives their parents held are oftentimes shattered. As Jim points out, Love Won Out does little to help this.

Parents’ Narratives For The Lives Of Their Children

“Refried Freud” — Psychoanalysis and Ex-Gay Therapy

Jim Burroway

March 30th, 2008

Christine BakkeBeyond Ex-Gay co-founder Christine Bakke is truly a delightful woman. I got to spend a little bit of time with her again last February in Memphis during the Beyond Ex-gay Mid-South Regional Gathering. Not nearly enough time though — she was exceptionally busy putting together the art show for the weekend.

Last Friday, Christine posted a very thoughtful essay inspired by Peterson Toscano’s comments that ex-gay ministries are still depend on the developmental theories of Sigmund Freud — “Refried Freud” he called it. Which, when you think of it, means that the ex-gay movement is stuck in a very peculiar time warp. Most of their operating theories are founded on some rather ancient Freudian theories that the rest of psychology has largely abandoned.

Sigmund FreudSome of us are old enough to remember when Freudian psychoanalysis was all the rage back in the 1950’s and 1960’s. Everyone who was anyone, it seemed, was seeing an analyst. And everyone who was anyone was just as messed up after seeing their analyst as they were before. It’s no wonder that Freudian psychoanalysis has largely fallen by the wayside. As a discipline, they remained too wedded to a narrow set of untested and untestable theories, while the rest of psychology and psychiatry honed their methods and understanding over generations of research and observation, throwing out old theories when they were disproved and adopting new ones as they came along.

Meanwhile, Freudian analysts and their ex-gay therapy counterparts, undeterred by the march of time, continued to press forward with their oft-parodied opening gambit: “So now, tell me about your mother.”

Christine Bakke knows where that leads all too well:

The fishing expeditions (a friend started to believe he didn’t feel his father’s love after being badgered with, “did your father say he loved you? It doesn’t matter if you knew; did he say it? He didn’t say it? Then you didn’t really know it, did you? Of course you didn’t know it; didn’t feel it. How can a child know it if they’re not explicitly told it?” and so on) and leading questions and suggestions (one pastor’s wife suggested I make up abusive things that might have happened to me, so that I could break the curse of satan, just in case I didn’t remember specific things that might have happened to me in my life. I forcefully refused.) I was even told that sometimes women can be gay because they have not been able to grow out of the stage of penis envy.

I knew one women whose therapist gave her assignments to flirt with men. An ex-gay guy who went on several dates to try to learn how to be with a woman (without disclosing that he identified as ex-gay), on the recommendation of his therapist. A woman who was counseled by the leader of the ex-gay group that women should wear makeup (”need to put some paint on the side of the barn”). A man who changed his last name because his ex-gay therapy led him to believe that his parents were to blame for him being gay. A woman who insinuated that she had been abused because she felt like her story didn’t “fit” the ex-gay model without some kind of a root cause. A young man who said that after he got out of the ex-gay movement and was finished with reparative therapy, that’s when the real repairing began. He had to repair the relationships with his family after buying into the belief that they were distant from him and made him gay.

The American Psychological Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders in 1973. In doing so, they relied on non-psychoanalyitic studies like those of Evelyn Hooker. But the American Psychoanalytical Association dismissed non-psychoanalyic studies as “superficial.” This created a strange closed-off echo chamber where evidence that ran counter to a theory was thrown out because it didn’t fit the theory. In fact, the APsyA remained hostile to homosexuality until 1991, when openly gay candidates were for the first time allowed to apply for acceptance by the APsyA.

Since then, the APsyA has begun to consider the implications of research in a whole host of mental disorders like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, which today are regarded as being at least partly physiological disorders. This would have been anathema to psychoanalysts a mere generation ago. Last year, the APsyA issued a statement supporting same-sex marriage. That’s quite an improvement since 1991.

But ex-gay therapies continue to rely on the same outdated theories that once threatened to make psychoanalysis a historical footnote. While the APsyA are allowing nonpsychoanalytic research to inform their work, ex-gay ministries remain stuck firmly in the past. But the problem with relying on untested and untestable theories is that they are no more scientific than any other folk remedies or superstitions. And some of these remedies may be damaging. Christine Bakke contrasts her experience with therapists and misguided religious-based lay leaders, and concludes:

Of course, like in my case, even licensed therapists who have an ex-gay mindset and agenda can be just as damaging as the lay leaders. Sometimes I can’t decide which is worse. Counseling by a therapist we think should know the best because we think they’re the experts and we trust them more, or lay leaders who we think love us more because we are not paying them. No matter what, ex-gay counseling done by therapists or lay leaders, many poorly equipped through books, Exodus conferences, Living Waters training programs (one week long), Love Won Out day-long conferences, on-the-job training, or for some, nothing more than being ex-gay themselves, mixed with refried Freud, is a recipe for disaster.

I highly recommend you read her entire essay.

CitizenLink’s Needle In The Haystack

Jim Burroway

March 19th, 2008

The so-called “Professional journalists” at CitizenLink are at it again. They’re claiming vindication over a new pamphlet (PDF: 132KB/6 pages) by the American Psychological Association. That pamphlet repeats what we’ve been saying for quite some time: Nobody knows what “causes” homosexuality. According to the APA:

There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay or lesbian orientation. Although much reearch has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both place complex roles…

The mere mention of developmental roles is tiny sliver of a silver lining that has Exodus vice president Randy Thomas and Focus On the Family’s Glenn Stanton very excited:

“They are starting to have the integrity of reporting accurately about the condition of homosexuality,” said Randy Thomas, executive vice president of Exodus International. “We find this to be a very exciting move and hope that it indicates future movement toward recognizing that people can and do overcome homosexuality.”

Glenn Stanton, director of global family formation studies at Focus on the Family, said the brochure has an activist bent, but he sees a ray of hope.

“This doesn’t mean that we’ve completely succeeded in all the things that we’ve wanted to,” he said, “but it’s a move in the direction that we’ve wanted them to move in, and I think that’s very positive news.”

CitizenLink, Stanton and Thomas chose to focus on one lone paragraph and ignore the rest of the six-page document, including topics like the role of prejudice in LGBT’s lives and well-being, the importance of “coming out,” the nature of same-sex relationships, gay parenting — and, oh yes, this:

All major national mental health organizations have officially expressed concerns about therapies promoted to modify sexual orientation. To date, there has been no scientifically adequate research to show that therapy aimed at changing sexual orientation (sometimes called reparative or conversion therapy) is safe or effective. Furthermore, it seems likely that the promotion of change therapies reinforces stereotypes and contributes to a negative climate for lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons.

Nope. Instead, CitizenLink advises readers to go to Love Won Out to learn more. What they might learn is, in fact, more stereotypes which contribute to that negative climate the APA is talking about.

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

March 16th, 2008

Today’s videos aren’t exactly related to each other except for all being about Love Won Out. The first video looks at the language used by LWO speakers which attempts to separate a gay person from their sexuality. Jim finds it comical the term “people who are struggling with their homosexuality” is used to describe him given that he has no struggle with his sexuality. Our second video today looks at the financial cost of attending both Love Won Out and the ex-gay ministries promoted there. And our third video today examines how scientific studies such as the Spitzer Study are quoted at Love Won Out.

Separating The Person From The Sexuality

How Much Do Ex-Gay Programs Cost?

Quoting Scientific Studies

Interview With Ex-Gay Survivor Jacob Wilson

Daniel Gonzales

March 9th, 2008

Jacob Wilson attended Love In Action the summer of 2005 while the whole Zach fiasco was unfolding. Jim Burroway interviewed Jacob about his time at LIA while we stood out front of Central Church where the Love Won Out ex-gay conference was being held.

Jacob speaks about “drinking the kool-aid” having convinced himself his same-sex attractions were lessening. He also speaks about how Love In Action made him feel like “part of myself was dying inside” and lastly the value of affirming friends, family and loved ones now that he’s trying to move beyond his ex-gay experience.

Interview With Ex-Gay Survivor John Holm

Daniel Gonzales

March 6th, 2008

I managed to pull ex-gay survivor John Holm aside for an interview as we stood out front of Central Church where Love Won Out was being held. I asked John about believing he was “changing,” dating girls, and his switch from Southern Baptist to Quakerism. John attended Living Hope Ministries in Arlington, TX as well as Nehemiah Ministries in Urbana, IL.

In other news, Beyond Ex-Gay has just released a photo album of our Memphis weekend.

Low Turnout at Love Won Out

Jim Burroway

February 26th, 2008

Anti-gay activism in America seems to be on the wane. Last September we reported on the very low turnout at the Family Impact Summit in Tampa, FL. They had hoped for about a thousand to show up, but on the first night, they made barely a hundred (organizers blamed “traffic”). On the final evening, they managed to draw about four hundred which featured Ken Blackwell and Tony Perkins, despite nearly continual live on-the-scene broadcasts from a local Christian radio station. Attendees grumbled at how difficult it was to drum up support for conferences like these.

Then there was the Watchmen On the Walls conference in Lynnwood, WA in October. Organizers there had hoped that 600 to 700 people would show up, but news reports estimated the attendance at a little over a hundred.

Now Focus On the Family’s CitizenLink reports that the Love Won Out conference in Memphis drew about six hundred. Previous draws in other cities approached eight hundred to over a thousand. I could get used to this trend.

Deconstructing The Ex-Gay Myth, A Weekend Of Action And Art

Daniel Gonzales

February 4th, 2008

Focus on the Family’s “Love Won Out” ex-gay conference is coming to Memphis on February 23rd. Beyond Ex-Gay and the Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center are teaming up to respond with “Deconstructing The Ex-Gay Myth, A Weekend Of Action And Art.” Have a look at the video which outlines all the cool stuff planned:

A full schedule of events and details can be found here on BXG’s website. If you have friends or loved ones in the Memphis area please send them this 4-minute video and help get the word out!

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

January 14th, 2008

Today’s videos focus on Joseph Nicolosi, who until recently always delivered Love Won Out’s opening session on “The Condition of Male Homosexuality.” In the first video Jim recalls an encounter with a greiving father attending LWO. Jim believes the message of LWO is serving to keep a relational wedge between the father and his son. In the second video Jim discusses Joseph Nicolosi’s acknowledgment that one of his former patients, Daniel Gonzales, is outside the church conference protesting.

Driving A Wedge Between Father And Son

Nicolosi Acknowledges Former Patient Now Protesting

How ‘Love Won Out’ Is Promoted Through Local Churches

Daniel Gonzales

January 6th, 2008

The most visible sign Love Won Out is coming to your town is the billboard that generally goes up about a month before the conference date. I’ve long suspected LWO is also promoted from within local churches and now have confirmation of that. LWO’s website has undergone considerable re-tooling in response to the paradigm shift caused by the emergence of the Ex-Gay Survivor’s Movement.

It’s not part of that response but the LWO site now includes resources for local churches that wish to put together groups to attend/promote the event. See “Church Resources” on the LWO site here. Most interesting is a PDF checklist titled “Promotional Plan.” Checklist items include:

-”Put LWO information in your bulletin” on four consecutive Sundays prior to the event. A sample bulletin text is provided.

-”Dates to make introductory announcement from your pulpit” again on four consecutive Sundays prior to the event.

-”Let Dr. Dobson assist you in introducing LWO to your congregation by playing the promotional CD.”

-Brochures Focus will provide to put on information tables.

-At your next church staff meeting choose 5 staff/lay leaders “who need to hear this message.” [There’s something about that phrasing I find creepy.]

-Discounted group rates for organized groups of more than 10 people ($40/person, the regular advance rate is $50).

-Recruit members of your church to volunteer at the conference.

The most comical part is LWO’s continued paranoia about security. Following the item about recruiting volunteers is a note that reads:

“*PLEASE recruit only volunteers that you or your pastoral staff can personally recommend”

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

December 18th, 2007

Today we present two contrasting messages found at Love Won Out, one celebrated publicly and the other disclosed more privately. In the first video Jim looks at Mike Haley’s speech (in a general session) in which he proudly displays his marriage photos having achieved successful change. Then Jim contrasts this with Alan Chambers small breakout session in which he discusses frankly the life of struggle all ex-gays can expect.

“Mike Haley - The Hope For Marriage”

Alan Chambers: “I live a life of denial”

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

December 16th, 2007

In this segment Jim recounts Nancy Heche’s speech in which she describes praying her daughter, Anne Heche, out of lesbianism. This is one of the most bizarre moments of Love Won Out so we’ll let Nancy’s do her own talking, here’s the video:

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

December 11th, 2007

Love Won Out isn’t just about selling the idea to parents that their children can change, there’s a political element as well Jim Burroway discovered. Here Jim describes a “fear inducing” speech by Dick Carpenter on how homosexuality is handled in public schools. Carpenter takes relatively benign videos promoting tolerance for children of gay couples and presents it as propaganda. Carpenter presents the material but never explains what the implications of the videos clips are supposed to be. Those in attendance, including Jim, are left to wonder.

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

Daniel Gonzales

December 5th, 2007

A few years ago, Warren Throckmorton popularize the phrase, “I do exist” through a video which highlighted the testimonies of ex-gay individuals. The idea behind the video was to provide proof to counter the argument that nobody really changed their sexual orientation. (Just last January, the video’s lead spokesperson, Noe Gutierrez, withdrew his support for the project, but that’s another story.)

That title, “I Do Exist,” is the theme for our next video, where Jim Burroway objects to the one-sided presentation at Love Won Out of what it means to be gay.

The “Love Won Out” Series:
Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word “Change” Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For “Change”

Disputed Mutability on “Love Won Out”

Jim Burroway

December 3rd, 2007

The blogger Disputed Mutability finally got around to posting some of her impressions about the Love Won Out conference in Indianapolis last October. This is the start of a series of posts I’ve been looking to for a long time. She identifies as ex-gay (“until a better label comes along”) and is supportive of the ex-gay movement, (”in the deepest, truest, and purest sense”), she is often critical of many of the culture-war aspects of ex-gay ministries. She is also one of the smartest and wittiest observers of the movement I’ve come across.

I had several pull-quotes set aside that I was going to repeat here, but DM isn’t one to be pull-quoted or soundbit. Just read her review and go with the flow. It’s wonderfully rewarding.

Okay. One quote, which has almost nothing to do with the rest of her post. I just wanted to highlight it because I couldn’t agree more:

Driving in, we saw a small cluster of protesters in the dark (Indianapolis at 7:45 am on the day before the end of Daylight Savings is pitch black!), no more than 15 I’d say. The only sign I could make out then was “PFLAG.” There were no protesters when we went out for lunch. We counted 12 on our drive out at the end of the day–I tried to make eye contact and smile and give a friendly nod to each as we drove slowly by, but mostly got blank stares from dour faces. One guy finally did grin back at us and wave; we waved back of course. I was shocked at how somber they all seemed–they wore the same vaguely constipated looks of solemn judgment that the quiet brand of antigay protesters wear. I understand they must have been saddened by the goings-on inside the church, but to me it seems like a poor way to change hearts and minds. It wasn’t very seductive.

This has really bothered me about most responses to Love Won Out. I had similar thoughts at the Palm Springs event in 2006. I mean, we’re supposed to be, like, gay, aren’t we? LWO tells everyone at the conference how miserable and angry we are, and then when the conference is over they look at us as they drive off and we’re standing there confirming everything they heard about us. I mean seriously, I thought we were supposed to be more creative than that.

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

November 12th, 2007

Attention Towleroad Visitors: The video you’re looking for is the second one on this post.

Healthy Expectations For The Prospect Of Change
The whole point of the Love Won Out conferences, put on by Exodus International and Focus On the Family, is to convince parents, loved ones, pastors, teachers, gays, and anyone else that “change is possible.” They often do this without defining what change means, and they often sugarcoat the likelihood of change for everyone. But if you’re lucky enough to attend the right breakout session given by just the right speaker, you just might catch the most honest assessment for the possibility of change you will ever hear.

Who Seems To Be The Most Genuine?
That’s a tough one. Does being genuine require that one be consistently honest?

See also:

The “Love Won Out” Series:
Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word “Change” Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For “Change”

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

November 5th, 2007

Advice Given To Parents
Last weekend, Exodus and Focus On the Family held another Love Won Out conference in Indianapolis, Indiana. If that conference was like the others this past year, it was mostly attended by parents of gays and lesbians, and not so much by gays themselves who are interested in change.

And if that conference was anything like previous conferences, the information those parents heard was something of a mixed bag. It’s easy to focus on the negatives, but it’s also important to recognize that it wasn’t all horribly wrong. Love Won Out speakers were able to offer some advice to parents which might actually be useful to them — at least in terms of trying to keep the lines of communications open with their children.

All Gay People Have Been Sexually Violated
While Love Won Out offers some examples of useful information to parents, other examples can be quite damaging. Here, Jim Burroway discusses one parent’s reaction to hearing Melissa Fryrear say she had never met a lesbian or gay man who hadn’t been abused.

See also:

The “Love Won Out” Series:
Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word “Change” Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For “Change”

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

October 29th, 2007

A Culture Within A Culture
Love Won Out can sometimes be somewhat mysterious to those who are outside the evangelical world. What’s more, homosexuality and the ex-gay movement largely exists outside the experience of the typical evangelical church-goer. This makes Love Won Out a unique culture within a culture.

Blaming Fathers For Gay Sons
Most of the Love Won Out audience consists of mothers and fathers of gay sons and daughters. Guess who Love Won Out singles out as the main culprit behind their son’s homosexuality? Don’t take my word for it — you can hear it straight from Joseph Nicolosi’s lips.

See also:

The “Love Won Out” Series:
Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word “Change” Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For “Change”

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

October 22nd, 2007

Why I Attended Love Won Out

Assumptions About What It Means To Be Gay

See also:

The “Love Won Out” Series:
Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word “Change” Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For “Change”

Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

October 16th, 2007

Love Won Out held a conference in Irvine, CA over the weekend and since the media down there appears to be “ex-gayed out” the most news coverage it appears to have received in a blog entry at the OC Weekly. This ex-gay media saturation in OC is of course why none of the familiar faces chose to head down there last weekend.

That said I personally have been busy editing footage of Jim Burroway discussing his experience attending the Love Won Out conference held in Phoenix earlier this year. I present to you the first two of twenty eight video clips.

Who Attends Love Won Out?

What Melissa Fryrear Says About The Prospect Of Change.

See also:

The “Love Won Out” Series:
Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word “Change” Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For “Change”

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