Churches like Coastline Bible Church like to present a single model for what makes up an acceptable family — this is generally at the expense of single parent households, other family members raising kids, blended families, unmarried partners, people who remain single or don’t procreate, and of course LGBT folk like me.

Today’s video looks at how the church sends the message to non-conformers like me that I am inferior unless I bend my life to fit their model. As you’ll see bending one’s life to such extreme degrees can result in things breaking.

There’s a term for this attitude, Heterosexism: the presumption that straight two-parent households are superior to all other family life arrangements. And in case you haven’t already heard about it, Soulforce, Box Turtle Bulletin, Truth Wins Out and a few other groups are having an entire conference about the underlying heterosexism of exgay programs next in Florida called the Anti-Heterosexism Conference.  Of course I’ll be there.

Part I, “What My Church Taught Me About My Sexuality”
Part II, “The Harm Of Trying To Fit Into Someone Else’s Mold”
Part III, “Distrusting Science When It Doesn’t Agree With Your Faith”
Part IV, “Gender Conformity And Giving In To Peer Pressure”

Somehow these folks have created a world in which the evidence before their eyes is far less important than a blind faith in the opposite. They choose to believe that all that they see in front of them or hear from those who know is to be discounted, dismissed, and argued away unless it fits with their pre-conceived view of existence.

I believe that a faith that cannot subject itself to scrutiny is not a faith at all; rather it is based in fear – a fear that it we look too closely and see too clearly that what have always believed may disappear leaving us without a foundation or protection, alone. So those whose faith is fear must seek self-blindness, willfully.

Today I ran across an example, a truly tragic story. Cherie Rowe, a volunteer for ex-gay group Exodus International, tells of her struggle over the past 13 years to deal with her daughter’s homosexuality.

Now this is not a tale of “that dangerous lifestyle”. The daughter has a “sweet partner”, wonderful friends who have become family to her, and still tries to keep a relationship with her mother. But despite recognizing that her daughter has a blessed life, Cherie still longs that God work a miracle and remove all that goodness from her daughter.

I do confess that seeing their demonstrations of affection to one another is sometimes difficult, but God’s amazing grace allows me to accept them and love them without approving of their lifestyle.

I am so aware of how I might have been swayed by the tides of emotion in favor of these same sex relationships, had I not been rooted and grounded in the infallible Word of God.

The extent to which Cherie Rowe’s self-absorption is present on the page is astonishing. And no doubt that ability to see the world only in terms of herself has given her certainty that she and her faith are absolute, steadfast in the face of all evidence to the contrary – so she is careful not to see it.

She is so “rooted and grounded” that she can see love and think that it is evil. She is so “rooted and grounded” that she thinks that her own selfish desire to control her daughter is a passion to see God glorified.

On August 27, 1983, Bobby Griffith took his own life. This was the end of his four year struggle to reconcile his orientation with the pressures from his family to pray his gay away.

But Bobby left behind extensive diaries. And a distraught mother.

Unlike some parents who, when confronted with the destructive nature of their rejection, seek to absolve themselves and blame their children, Mary Griffith was shocked into self-evaluation. And the result of her journey of discovery was life-changing. Mary recognized that she had been instrumental in her son’s distruction and decided to become an activist for the care and support of gay teens and for changing the attitudes of parents.

In 1995 came the book, Prayers for Bobby: A Mother’s Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son.

Now on January 24th, Lifetime Channel will be tell Mary’s story (starring Sigourney Weaver). The network has been heavily promoting this movie and let’s hope that many many families are watching.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Carol Boltz has been through a lot over the past few years. It’s one thing for the straight spouse to deal with a husband who has had to tell her that he’s gay. It’s quite another thing entirely when that husband is a well-known public figure.

Carol has a blog now, and she’s telling her side of the story. It’s a tremendous act of courage, as well as support:

Today I realized that I have recently signed two comments on my friend, Peterson’s, blog, with the closing, “my heart goes out to you.” I was responding to another wife, like me, of a gay man. She, like me, had all of the emotions to deal with when this deep secret was revealed. I can’t know how best to help this woman, but I knew that I could identify and share what has helped me. By closing in the way I did, I hope that she knows that someone else has been where she is today, and I lived through it.

Somehow I have made it out of my Christian fundamentalism, and the misconceptions of homosexuality that I had previously known, to a bigger understanding of gay people. My faith has been shaken, but it is still there. Without sounding presumptuous, and I surely don’t have all the answers to so many questions, I have grown more than I even thought or dreamed possible.

Many things have helped me in the past [almost] four years, and there are ways that hope has entered my life and my heart. I hope that I can offer that to other wives of gay men, and perhaps to my friends who read this, too.

Her blog is not only heartfelt and courageous, but it also has some great gems of simple common sense:

Speaking up for gay marriage, it is my belief that besides all the reasons mentioned in this article, it would make more sense for gay people to marry gay people, than for them to marry straight ones.

This is a blog by a woman who is still trying to sort things out from a very difficult position. I hope you will visit, read, and learn — and offer your words of support.

[Hat tip: Peterson Toscano. Even though Carol is my Facebook friend, I'm embarrassed to say I didn't know about her blog.]

Click here to view the embedded video.

Parents’ Narratives For The Lives Of Their Children

Click here to view the embedded video.

In this video Jim recounts the attitude parents at the Exodus Freedom Conference with gay and lesbian children. Jim likens their level of emotion to a death in the family. I’ll let Jim elaborate:

How Can My Child Be Gay?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

As lumping is not allowable under some states’ constitutions, these all inclusive amendments are often challenged. Leading the charge in Wisconsin is a relatively unknown University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh political science instructor, Bill McConkey, who thinks that Wisconsonites would never have voted to ban civil unions and that the amendment is thus unconstitutional.

Anti-gay activists often wail and moan about secular progressive, anti-Christian, anti-family homosexuals trying to overturn the will of the people. But according the the Star Tribune, Bill doesn’t meet their stereotype.

Q: You’ve described yourself as a Christian, straight, married, father of seven. You’re kind of an unlikely figure to be leading the charge on gay rights.

A: I’ve also been a Republican all my life, and people have said, that’s certainly a conflict but I don’t think so. The reason I don’t is because it’s consistent with my view of human dignity and human rights as opposed to government and the power of government. This is really an overreaching amendment.

Q: What was your motivation to file suit?

A: I thought it was horrible when it first came out, because of the implication of the precedent that it sets. If you don’t like gay people, who’s next? Short people? Or maybe we can go back to black people or to Jews or something. As a student of history and as an educated person, I know the history and the implications of that mind-set. It began with that. I also have a gay daughter. People have asked me, would you have filed this suit if it wasn’t for your daughter? To be real honest, maybe not. Maybe I would have just ranted and raved in my classrooms and written letters to the editor and fumed off to the side. But because of her, it also became a personal issue and I feel like I’m fighting for my kid. I’m a family man above all.

Although anti-gay activists like to hide behind the term “pro-family”, I think Bill McConkey illustrates what being pro-family is all about. Oh, and he doesn’t do a half-bad job of showing what “Republican principles” of governmental non-interference really look like.

It seems almost more than coincidental that there are so many anti-gay activists with gay children ranging from Eagle Forum’s Phyllis Schafly and Operation Rescue’s Randall Terry to ex-gay proponants like PFOX’s Regina Griggs and NARTH’s Charles Socarides. Oddly, none of the anti-gay or ex-gay leaders have ever had a child that succeeded in changing their orientation.

We recently told you about Sal Roggio, the Cumberland County, NJ, preacher who is bringing in ex-gay Greg Quinlan to “explain that homosexuality is a changeable behavior”. Rev. Roggio wanted “folks to come in and know there’s hope.”

I guess it’s really not all that surprising that Sal Roggio’s daughter Sharon is a lesbian. As reported by NBC10 she just couldn’t remain silent in the face of her father’s public crusade.

“I love my father and want only happiness for him,” Sharon Roggio said. “But I cannot stand silent and allow false statements against gay and lesbian people to be made any longer.”