Box Turtle Bulletin

Comment of the Day: Coming Out Will Change The World

Jim Burroway

May 16th, 2008

We’ve got a great groups of commentors here, and I’ve noticed some real gems this past week. Maybe we should start a series. Maybe not a daily one, but you know what I mean.

If this does end up becoming a regular series, then consider this one the first installment.

In response to Timothy Kincaid’s post, Make It Personal, Kim Ridley writes:

This really works! Coming out is what will change the world.

Let me tell you a story.

I live in small town Kentucky. My partner and I (I guess she’s my fiance now. We are moving back to California in July and will be married Labor Day Weekend) hang out at a local bar. It’s redneck as hell - barfights, country karaoke, the whole deal. Everyone had always been nice to us and most people were aware we were a couple, certainly all of the people I would consider my friends. One day, a woman came into the bar, walked up to me and asked me if Kristen and I were a couple. (I’d gotten this question before, never had a negative response, and thought nothing of it). I said “yes”. She said “go home.”

Within minutes, the entire population of the bar was on their feet, forcing this woman to leave. It was Kristen and I that kept the whole thing from coming to blows, on our behalf. People I’d never really met were coming up to me and telling me that the woman had no right to say that to me. That we were welcome there. That her bigotry was not. I had people telling me that they had gay friends, gay cousins, gay brothers.

I’d never felt so accepted, so loved, in my life. Come out. Come out as a couple. It’s easy to hate faceless people. It’s hard to hate your friends.

Welcome Out, Azariah Southworth

Jim Burroway

April 16th, 2008

Azariah Southworth lives in Nashville and has been the host of the popular Christian youth show The Remix for the past year and a half. The Remix is in syndication, where it reaches more than 200,000 viewers weekly on one of three networks. Ths program has hosted such major Christian contemporary and rock acts such as Jars of Clay, Avalon, Superchick, Building 429 and Rachael Lampa.

 Azariah Southworth announced today that he has come out of the closet:

“This has been a long time coming. I’m in a place where I’m at peace with my faith, friends, family and more importantly myself. I know this will end my career in Christian television, but I must now live my life openly and honestly with everyone. This is my reason for doing this,” Southworth says. …

I know I will be cut off from many within the Christian community, and if so, then they didn’t get the point of the life of Christ. I believe by me living my life honestly and authentically now, I am able to be a better person and a better Christian. We all know there are so many other gay people in the Christian industry; they’re just all scared. I was scared, but now I’m no longer afraid,” notes Southworth.

Welcome out, Azariah Southworth.

Hat tip: Scott H.

More Tacky Details about Rep. Richard Curtis

Timothy Kincaid

October 31st, 2007

Thanks to Dan Savage and Jeremy at GoodAsYou we know far more about Rep. Curtis’ particular sexual appetites than we probably really want.

For more details, you can check out the police report (courtesy of The Stranger)

Without being too graphic, we know that Curtis is versatile, doesn’t like the feel of latex (and is willing to pay not to use it), thinks offering a potential sex partner “$100 for gas” differs from prostitution, likes dressing up in women’s lingerie.

We also know that Curtis’ toy has performed for the camera (Savage has the link for the truly curious).

UPDATE: KOIN is reporting that Curtis has resigned.

Add One More Closeted Anti-Gay Republican Politician to the List

Timothy Kincaid

October 30th, 2007

First there was Mark Foley
Then there was Bob Allen
Then there was Larry Craig
Then there was Joey DiFatta

And now there’s Richard Curtis.

Rumors have been circling that Curtis, a Republican state rep in Washington, was being blackmailed over gay sex. Now the documents have been released and Seattle Post Intelligencer has what they say:

A Republican state legislator from southwest Washington had sex with a man he met at an erotic video store and then told police he had been targeted in an extortion attempt, according to police documents released Tuesday.

And just to make it seedier:

Castagna told police that Curtis agreed to pay him $1,000 for sex and also said Curtis purchased two gay pornographic films from the hotel for them to watch in his room.

and

Police interviewed several witnesses at the Hollywood Erotic Boutique, and according to the report, Curtis walked into a bathroom at the store and a few minutes later left the bathroom wearing long red women’s stockings and a black sequined lingerie top. A witness told police that at another time in the store, he saw a man with a cane performing a sexual act on Curtis.

Curtis, married with children, predictably claims that he isn’t gay. And because they NEVER are libertarian minded Republicans who get caught in these messes:

In 2005 and 2006, Curtis voted against a bill that granted civil rights protections to gays and lesbians.

In 2007, Curtis voted against a bill that created domestic partnerships for same-sex couples.

At first this stuff was kinda funny. Now it’s just becoming progressively more pathetic.

The Love That Will Finally Speak Its Name

Jim Burroway

September 3rd, 2007

That’s the title of a column in Newsweek by Loraine Barr who at 88 decided that it was finally time to publicly acknowledge the truth of her 44-year relationship:

Finally, after almost nine years since my beloved partner’s death, I am able to do what I could never have braved in earlier years: present myself herewith to the world as a lesbian, along with all the women who ask to be judged by the full facet of our characters.

Why am I now able to speak the unspoken? A friend at the retirement community where I live recently came out in the local and national newspapers. When I saw her do that, I thought, for heaven’s sake, nobody can fire me, I’m 88 years old, my parents are gone.

Still, I was frightened. It took me several days to put this essay in the mailbox. I owe a lot of credit to people who are comfortable enough in their own skins to say, “This is who I am.”

Shall I be haunted for trying to tell my story now, when many might still not wish to address it, or shall I, perhaps, be congratulated?

Don’t worry Ms. Barr, congratulations are definitely in order. Welcome out.

Welcome Out, David Hyde Pierce

Jim Burroway

May 30th, 2007

AfterEllen.com found it, buried deep in an AP report on CNN’s web site:

He worked at Playwrights Horizons, the Public Theater, Shakespeare in the Park and a lot of regional theaters such as the Guthrie in Minneapolis, Chicago’s Goodman and Long Wharf in New Haven, Conn. Pierce got to Los Angeles in the early 1990s when his partner, actor-writer-producer Brian Hargrove, wanted to write for television.

David Hyde Pierce is probably better known for his role as Niles on the television sitcom Frasier. AfterEllen confirmed Pierce’s relationship with Hargrove through Pierce’s publicist. AfterEllen also notes that this quiet self-outing may be in response to Michael Musto’s more strident outing in Out magazine’s controversial “Gay Power List” which featured Jody Foster and Anderson Cooper.

As far as I’m concerned, everyone has the right to be as out or as closeted as they want to be. We all have our own reasons for deciding how much of our private lives we want to share, and we all should have the right to make those decisions freely. If the gay rights movement means anything, it must mean that either we all share the right to protect our privacy or none of us do. Otherwise, why are we fighting so hard to secure our place in the world regardless of what we do in the privacy of our homes?

And yet, I’m glad that David Hyde Pierce has decided to come out. Visible role models are a good thing. It’s just too bad that we still need visible role models. And it’s too bad that everyone who comes out is expected to become one.

But if Peirce is going to be a role model, the way he came out is a good example to follow. No big announcement, no press release, just a simple statement made matter-of-factly in an article that paints an expansive portrait of his career. Maybe someday all such “announcements” will be so mundane.

Being Gay, Becoming Strong

Jim Burroway

April 1st, 2007

I didn’t come out until sometime around my fortieth birthday. So I must admit a certain amount of envy when I read stories like this one from today’s New York Times.

Zach O’Connor knew early on that he was gay, even before he knew there was a word for it. He also knew that his classmates would’t consider this to be “normal,” which was a huge source of conflict for him. The pressure built until he could no longer contain it.

Then, for reasons he can’t wholly explain beyond pure desperation, …he told a female friend. By day’s end it was all over school. The psychologist called him in. “I burst into tears,” he recalls. “I said, ‘Yes, it’s true.’ Every piece of depression came pouring out. It was such a mess.”

That night, when his mother got home from work, she stuck her head in his room to say hi. “I said, ‘Ma, I need to talk to you about something, I’m gay.’ She said, ‘O.K., anything else?’ ‘No, but I just told you I’m gay.’ ‘O.K., that’s fine, we still love you.’ I said, ‘That’s it?’ I was preparing for this really dramatic moment.”

Ms. O’Connor recalls, “He said, ‘Mom, aren’t you going to freak out?’ I said: ‘It’s up to you to decide who to love. I have your father, and you have to figure out what’s best for you.’ He said, ‘Don’t tell Dad.’ ”

“Of course I told him,” Ms. O’Connor says.

Zach is very lucky to have such wonderful parents. He was also fortunate that his school system had a gay/straight alliance that he could attend. Now, he’s a seventeen-years-old high school junior and no longer needs the support he found in that club. What’s more, his grades are up, his self-confidence has skyrocketed, and he has a wide circle of male friends for the first time in his life.

I think it’s wonderful that more young people are growing up in an environment where there’s less stigma attached to being gay than when I was growing up. Like I said, Zach is very lucky. But even today, not all kids are as lucky as Zach. There are no accurate figures available, but according to one estimate some 20-40% of homeless youth are LGBT youth.

It’s important for all kids like Zach to know that their lives are valued, and they can receive support wherever and whenever they need it. When I was growing up, I never thought it was possible to live a well-balanced and fulfilling life as a gay man. Unfortunately, I’m a slow learner. Zach’s story is different. Maybe someday examples like his won’t be so remarkable.

LGBT Elders Retreating to the Closet

Jim Burroway

March 31st, 2007

Gays and Lesbians are now having to face the scarcity of safe places for their long-term care as they get older. There are very few places they can turn to where they feel safe and accepted. This is forcing some back into the closet as they enter their twilight years.

Coming Out On Our Team

Jim Burroway

February 8th, 2007

If you buy the notion that Robinson’s integration of the national pastime was the first big wedge in the door to real societal change — the way that black entertainers were not — then you ought to buy the notion that breaking that barrier for gay athletes today can do the same.

David Steele’s column in today’s Baltimore Sun is well worth reading. While welcoming the steady stream of gay former athletes coming out in recent years, he notes one problem. As long as all of these gay athletes are former athletes, attitudes won’t change.

Sure, he says, it’ll be extremely rough for that gay athlete who finally does come out while still playing on a major league team. Just as it wasn’t easy for the first major league black athlete:

Robinson became an American hero, an iconic figure to every race, and his number is retired on every team in major league baseball. He also lived only 16 years past retirement, dying at 53. The stress ruined his health. The fairy-tale version of this story doesn’t usually mention that part.

Imagine, though, if Robinson had simply returned to the Negro Leagues, and after his retirement, he’d written a book about how hard it was on him and others to have never played in the majors.

It would have been very enlightening. Others might have later written similar books: Willie Mays, Jim Brown, Michael Jordan. And we might still have separate leagues, schools and water fountains today.

That’s what’s going on now with gay athletes.

I don’t want to diminish the step that John Amaichi has take by coming out. I really don’t. It’s important for everyone to come out, and everyone has a right to do so at their own time and manner. And besdies that, John Amaichi will be a great role model for LGBT youth. Nor do I want to diminish Esera Tuaolo’s, Roy Simmons’, Billy Bean’s, or Dave Kopay’s stories either. They, too, are very important and must be told.

But as we continue to look to the civil rights movement for inspiration in our efforts for acceptance, we ought to consider the very real personal risk and sacrifice that are exemplified by the towering heros of that movement. They didn’t wait until things got easier. If they had, they’d still be waiting today.

As David Steele says, this is all easy for me to say. And yet, it’s hard to argue otherwise.

See Also:

Welcome Out, John Amaechi

Welcome Out, John Amaechi

Jim Burroway

February 8th, 2007

Update: An brief interview with Cleveland standout LeBron James appeared in the Columbus Dispatch showing the bind that gay athletes find themselves in.

Outsports is reporting that John Amaechi, a former player for the Cleveland Cavaliers, Utah Jazz and Orlando Magic, has become the first NBA player to come out as gay.

He has a book coming in a couples of weeks. In Man In The Middle he talks about the difficulties of being a closeted professional athlete in the NBA. Ironically, it wasn’t until he was on contract with the Utah Jazz in the middle of conservative Mormon country that he felt secure enough to begin spending his off time in gay establishments and hanging out with a mostly gay circle of friends:

“Those grumpy social conservatives who continue to insist that gay life is lonely and unhappy have obviously never met my friends,” Amaechi wrote.

…He also acknowledges that those in gay clubs like New York’s Splash and Los Angeles’ Abbey who have claimed in the past to have spotted him there while he was with the Jazz may, in fact, have done so.

“By the end of my second Utah season, I was practically daring reporters to take the bait and out me,” he wrote. “But it never happened. My sexuality, I felt, had become an open secret, which was fine by me. I’d left enough open to interpretation that suspicions were gaining momentum.”

Rumors about Amaechi had swirled for quite a while, egged on by his enjoyment of gardening, writing poetry, and listening to opera before gametime.

An interview with Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James reveals the impossible double-bind in which gay athletes in the professional leagues are placed. On the one hand, LeBron doesn’t think an openly gay athlete could survive in the NBA. But on the other hand, the fact that a gay athlete has to hide presents problems as well:

“We spend so much time together, honestly, that we’re kind of like a family,” James said. “We take showers with each other after practice. You’re on the bus talking about a lot of things. If you’re sitting there and you’re conversing with us but you’re not sincere about it … you’re kind of hiding it.

“As teammates, you have to be trustworthy, and if you’re gay and you’re not admitting it that you are, you’re not trustworthy.”

And yet, if you’re gay and you are admitting it, you’re running around on the court with a bulls-eye on your back. That’s a lot to deal with. For gay athletes in the major leagues thinking about coming out, it’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Young people often look to sports figures as role models, and unfortunately many of the examples set by athletes are questionable at best. LGBT youth need good role models more than anyone. So far, they’ll have to settle on retired athletes. But if the excerpts from his forthcoming book are any indication, it looks like John Amaechi will make a fine role model.

Welcome out, John Amaechi.

See Also:

Coming Out On Our Team

Another Evangelical Pastor Comes Out Of The Closet

A Commentary

Jim Burroway

December 11th, 2006

Another evangelical pastor has apparently come out of the closet:

In a tearful videotaped message Sunday to his congregation, the senior pastor of a thriving evangelical megachurch in south metro Denver confessed to sexual relations with other men and announced he had voluntarily resigned his pulpit.

A month ago, the Rev. Paul Barnes of Grace Chapel in Doug las County preached to his 2,100-member congregation about integrity and grace in the aftermath of the Ted Haggard drugs-and-gay-sex scandal.

Now, the 54-year-old Barnes joins Haggard as a fallen evangelical minister who preached that homosexuality was a sin but grappled with a hidden life.

If the Denver Post article is accurate, this case appears to be somewhat different from that of Ted Haggard. Rev. Barnes is described as an “introvert who avoided politics,” staying out of the debate over Colorado’s Amendment 43 which banned same-sex marriage.

The Denver Post’s account of Rev. Barnes’ struggle will be very familiar to anyone who has tried to conceal or bury their sexuality. When he was a teenager, his only talk about sex with his father ended with his father describing what he would do if a “fag” approached him, driving the younger man deeper into the closet. And while he converted to Christianity at 17, his feelings for other men never went away. He married, and is the father of two girls. But at the same time, he’s described as someone who is struggling with the biblical teachings of homosexuality with “hope for a future where one can ‘be who you are’ and be accepted and loved in the Christian community.”

And yet, he says that homosexuality is a sin.

I’m afraid that many gay advocates will see in this a simple morality tale of the mighty laid low, the hypocrite exposed, and, of course, schadenfreude. But in this particular case, I can’t quite see it that way.

This is a very deep struggle that many gay men and women must contend with, especially those who are themselves people of faith. We’ve seen Daniel Gonzales at Ex-Gay Watch describe some of his own struggles, before he was able to come out the other side as a fine young gay man. His story is not unique. There are many stories like these that we can all reflect on — those of us who have spent a large measure of our lives trying to reconcile who we are with what we profess to believe. And to believe that being who you are requires a separation from the very God who created you, well, there’s nothing more devastating for someone of faith. The sense of abandonment can be very powerful.

There is a way out of that hopelessness however, and it is the way of profound faith. Faith in the goodness of creation, including your own. And faith in the love of a benevolent Creator and the mercy of a just judge. Perhaps Rev. Barnes will discover that it really is possible to be gay and Christian. Because in the end, love can never contradict Love, and truth can never contradict Truth.

Welcome Out, Neil Patrick Harris

Jim Burroway

November 3rd, 2006

A few days ago, the internet was buzzing with rumors that Neil Patrick Harris, former Dougie Houser, M.D. star and currently of the TV sitcom How I Met Your Mother, had helped his “longtime sweetheart” David Burtka land a part on the show. This prompted Harris’ publicist to issue a statement claiming, “He’s not of that pursuasion.”

It appears the publicist spoke too soon. Harris now tells People Magazine that the denial never should have been issued:

The public eye has always been kind to me, and until recently I have been able to live a pretty normal life. Now it seems there is speculation and interest in my private life and relationships.

So, rather than ignore those who choose to publish their opinions without actually talking to me, I am happy to dispel any rumors or misconceptions and am quite proud to say that I am a very content gay man living my life to the fullest and feel most fortunate to be working with wonderful people in the business I love.

No word yet on whether David Burtke really is his “longtime sweetheart” or not. But if he is, all I can say is you go!

In any case, welcome out, Neil Patrick Harris.

Welcome Out, CNN Anchor Thomas Roberts

Jim Burroway

September 12th, 2006

CNN Headline News anchor Thomas Robert decided to come out of the closet at this year’s Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association conference in Miami.

Roberts said that participating as a panel speaker at the gay journalists conference was the biggest step he took to really being out and public. He also told the audience that he’s proud of his partner and how he has gradually come out at work over the years. And he offers this observation about being closeted while everyone else around you is speculating:

“When you hold something back, that’s all everyone wants to know,” he told the audience.

Welcome out, Thomas Roberts

Stop the Presses! In what has to be the worst possible case of bad timing on CNN’s part, Thomas Roberts’ newscast has been canceled. I’m sure we’ll see an adamant disclaimer from CNN soon.

Another update: A reader tipped me to Thomas Roberts’ extensive interview that was just published (Friday) in After Elton. He denies any connection between his “coming out” and CNN’s rescheduled newscasts. He points out that news programs get shuffled all the time. Also, he has been out to his co-workers for several years, so that shouldn’t have been a big deal to anyone.

Welcome Out, Lance Bass

Jim Burroway

July 26th, 2006

Lance Bass, of popular boy-band ‘N Sync came out in the most recent edition of People Magazine. With all of the rumors floating around, why did he wait so long?

“I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys’ careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything,” says Bass, referring to bandmates Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick, JC Chasez and Justin Timberlake.

“I didn’t know: Could that be the end of ’N Sync? So I had that weight on me of like, ‘Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it’s bad.’ So I just never did,” he says speaking about his sexual orientation for the first time with PEOPLE.

Now, after years of keeping his personal life private, the Mississippi-bred, Southern Baptist-reared Bass, 27, is publicly revealing what he first shared with his friends, then his shocked family.

Coming out is a deeply personal decision. Speaking as one who came out late in life, I know the pressures and the expectations that keep so many in the closet. But, I also know the joy of sheer liberation that comes from not hiding any more. And apparently so does Lance:

“The thing is, I’m not ashamed — that’s the one thing I want to say,” he explains of his decision to come out. “I don’t think it’s wrong, I’m not devastated going through this. I’m more liberated and happy than I’ve been my whole life. I’m just happy.”

People hits the newstands Friday. Welcome to the sunlight, Lance.

An Indian Prince Comes Out

Jim Burroway

July 12th, 2006

It’s not unusual for a son or daughter to be disowned by his or her familiy after disclosing their sexual orientation. But it’s almost unprecedented among royalty — because royalty almost never “comes out.” There’s typically far too much at stake to allow such a bold step, but that may be changing.

Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil, who is from one of India’s richest royal families that ruled the former Rajpipla principality in the western state of Gujarat, was disowned by his family after he publicly announced that he is gay. While princely kingdoms were abolished when India declared its independence, many royal families continue to enjoy tremendous wealth and influence.

Prince Manvendra responded, “I will not stake my claim to the property. I have found a family in the (gay) community and am happy working for the community. … As an activist, I thought it right to come out of the closet first. Otherwise, it would have been living a lie.”

Prince Manvendra runs Lakshya Trust, an organization working with Indian gays with HIV/AIDS. That work is complicated by the fact that homosexuality is banned in India, where it is punishable by up to ten years in prison.

Parents of Gay Sons Trying To Make Sense

Jim Burroway

June 9th, 2006

Aveline, David. “‘Did I have blinders on or what?’: Restrospective sense making by parents of gay sons recalling their son’s earlier years.” Journal of Family Issues 27, no. 6 (June 2006): 777-802. Abstract available online at http://jfi.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/27/6/777.

We live in a society that operates under what’s called a “heterosexual presumption” — in other words, we tend to assume that someone is straight unless we notice something to suggest otherwise (or unless that person comes right out and tells us). But since many gay people don’t exhibit traits that are stereotypically “gay” — and many others try to pass as straight — learning that someone in fact is actually gay can be quite a shock. Only then do we try to remember clues that we might have missed in the past to try to understand how we might have missed it. David Aveline examines this phenomenon in the June 2006 issue of the Journal of Family Issues.

Method

Dr. Aveline interviewed eighty parents of gay sons. He approached PFLAG, a gay-affirming group of parents, as well as groups that were not gay-affirming such as PFOX (Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays) and other organizations associated with Exodus International. He did this because he wanted to gather information from a wider range of parents since most previous research relied too heavily on gay-affirming parents. Unfortunately, he was only able to get two parents from the “disaffirming” groups. (One facilitator of an ex-gay ministry said that parents in his group were typically ashamed and reluctant to talk to a stranger.) PFLAG parents, on the other hand, were so supportive he had to turn some away. For this reason, this study cannot be generalized to the overall population of parents of gay sons.

Statistics

Out of this sample, 27.5% said they never suspected their sons were gay, although they were able to remember events which, in retrospect, “should have” clued them in. 62.5% said they not only suspected their sons were gay, but were able to give the child’s age when their suspicions first occurred. The remaining 10% had suspicions, but couldn’t pinpoint a time when they first suspected.

What Parents Remembered

Parents’ stories fell into three broad categories:

1. Revelations (”I never noticed until now.’): Reinterpretation of particular events in the past that they missed at the time but now believe were relevant.
2. Confirmations (”So I was right.”): Observations of earlier events led them to believe their sons were gay before their suspicions were confirmed.
3. Justifications (”How could I have known?”): Similar to Revelations, except parents gave specific reasons for discounting the meaning of earlier events (for example, their sons’ dating habits, interests in sports, or masculine appearance).

Some parents didn’t recall a particular event, saying only that their children were “different” from other boys. Only a few said they associated this “difference” with homosexuality at the time. Most said that they now took this “difference” to be a clue only in hindsight. Some parents noticed when their sons weren’t interested in sports (although this wasn’t true for all sons). Some noticed when their sons chose girls as playmates instead of other boys, while a couple of parents noticed when their sons expressed particular interests in other boys:

“But he just talked about this boy as a girl would talk about a boyfriend or something. And that’s when I just knew. There was just such excitement, you know. He was kind of giddy with this friend person, you know.”

“And I didn’t tell you this. He did tell me when he was in the fifth or sixth grade. He said to me, “Why do I think guys are cute and not girls?” And I said, “Well, I guess if they’re cute, they’re cute. You’re cute, so maybe you think they’re cute.” And I just… It just kind of went right over my head.”

Dr. Aveline however noted that very little of the reported “evidence” actually involved early homosexual expression. These two stories are notable exceptions.

Some parents thought their boys developed “too close” a relationship with girls, while others felt that their relationships with girls weren’t “close enough.” When their boys later reached their teenage years, some dated girls while others didn’t. Parents whose boys dated took it as confirmation that their sons weren’t gay after all. But parents whose boys didn’t date either suspected their sons were gay, or explained it away by citing a lack of time or money, being a late bloomer, or shyness.

Dr. Aveline concluded that although parents reported noticing atypical gender behavior, they often didn’t interpret it in terms of homosexuality. As mentioned at the start, we tend to assume someone is heterosexual unless we have very specific proof otherwise. One parents echoed this, saying “No one of my generation ever imagined that their child would be gay.” But when parents are confronted with proof that their sons are gay, they are then are left with the task of making sense of this new information. That’s when they turn to past events and begin a process of “second-level interpretation,” where they replace the original interpretation with a new one.

My Thoughts

Gender roles continue to play an important part of how we interpret homosexuality, despite the blurring of gender roles in society. As women continue to take on a greater range of gender roles, behaviors that were previously considered “masculine” are now accepted for men and women. The same is true for behaviors that are traditionally “feminine.” Parents are increasingly open to these less rigid gender roles, which explains how parents can discount atypical gender behavior in their sons before learning of theirs sons’ homosexuality.

But when parents are confronted with the newly discovered fact that their sons are gay, they tend to revert to more rigid ideas of “typical” gender behavior and seek out past clues based on those ideas. Whether these confirmations are legitimate or not is another matter. Ironically, most of these parents were perfectly able to accept their sons’ atypical gender roles before learning that they were gay. Only afterwards are these evidences taken as clues that their sons were somehow different.

But in fact, their sons are no different than before. What has changed is how parents look at their sons’ childhood activities and behaviors. Unfortunately, Dr. Aveline doesn’t explore whether this change in interpretation affects how these parents see their sons today. This would be an interesting avenue for future research.

Because these participants, by and large, were accepting of their sons’ homosexuality, it’s a shame Dr. Aveline couldn’t get better participation from Exodus or PFOX parents. It would be interesting to understand how parents who don’t approve or accept their sons’ homosexuality interpret past events.