Box Turtle Bulletin

Our condolences to the Burke family

Timothy Kincaid

February 6th, 2010

In November 2009, Brendan Burke came out to the world. He had come out to his famous hockey coach father Brian Burke two years earlier.

Burke’s story was happy in that it revealed that a sport as drenched in testosterone as hockey could accept Brandon with a shrug. His father, his coach, an his team were all supportive and even when reporters went searching for a story they could not find anyone in hockey willing to be disrespectful to him.

On Friday, Brendan Burke was in a fatal accident. While driving on a treacherous snowy road in Michigan Indiana, his vehicle slid sideways into the path of a truck and he and his passenger were both killed.

But Brandon Burke will be remembered for being brave. And for helping to illustrate to the next generation of hockey kids that homophobia need not be part of the sports world and helping to dispell the stereotype that gay men cannot be physically tough competitors.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family, friends, and teammates at this time of their grief.

UK rugby player comes out

Timothy Kincaid

December 18th, 2009

Gareth Thomas is not just a rugby player; he’s a legend in what is probably one of the toughest, most macho of sports. He was the first Welsh player to earn 100 caps and served as captain of Wale’s team. And he’s gay.

He told BBC:

“I just happen to be gay,” he added. “It’s irrelevant.

“What I choose to do when I close the door at home has nothing to do with what I have achieved in rugby.

“It’s pretty tough for me being the only international rugby player prepared to break the taboo.

“Statistically I can’t be the only one, but I’m not aware of any other gay player still in the game.

“I’d love for it, in 10 years’ time, not to even be an issue in sport, and for people to say: ‘So what?’”

Thomas is a welcome addition to those few other sports stars that have come out. He is especially welcome in that he is still a professional player in a sport that has not been historically seen as particularly welcoming to gay athletes or fans.

Welcome Out Meridith Baxter

Jim Burroway

December 2nd, 2009

She played the Mom, Elyse Keaton, from 1982 to 1989 on Family Ties , the sitcom that launched Michael J. Fox’s career in the U.S. She was actually only fourteen years older than Fox when she played his mother on the series. Before that, she was on the painfully earnest and perpetually sad-faced drama Family from 1986 to 1980, which earned her two Emmy Awards in 1978 and 1979. Since then, she has directed and stared in several TV movies and launched her own skin care product line, Meredith Baxter Simple Works, which raises money for breast cancer research.

This morning, Meridith Baxter came out as a lesbian on the Today Show:

“I am a lesbian and it was a later-in-life recognition,” she told Matt Lauer on TODAY. “Some people would say, well, you’re living a lie and, you know, the truth is — not at all. This has only been for the past seven years.”

Baxter, 62, though anxious, decided to come out on national television after her sexuality became tabloid fodder.

“I’ve always lived a very private life,” said the actress, who’s never even had a publicist. “To come out and disclose stuff is very antithetical to who I am.”

The National Enquirer reported that Baxter was seen on a lesbian cruise in the Caribbean “with a female friend, and she seemed very relaxed and comfortable.” Yesterday, Perez Hilton posted more recent photos of Meredith with her girlfriend. She then decided to come out under her own steam. “I did not want some tabloid to take the story and make it up — I wanted it to be in my own words,” she told Lauer.

She had married and divorced three times between 1966 and 2000, but she disclosed to Matt Lauer that she always chose men with whom she clashed, so that she could blame them for the end of the relationship. “It never occurred to me to think, oh, [the problem is] me,” she said. Then she met a woman seven years ago and suddenly things started to make sense:

“I got involved with someone I never expected to get involved with, and it was that kind of awakening,” she said. “I never fought it because it was like, oh, I understand why I had the issues I had early in life. I had a great deal of difficulty connecting with men in relationships.”

Meridith has been with her current girlfriend Nancy for four years.

Gay hockey shocker!!

Timothy Kincaid

November 25th, 2009

There is shocking news in the hockey world this week. A young man who is the son of a team’s general manager, the brother of another team’s scout, and the student manager of his college’s hockey team came out. That wasn’t the shocker.

What has been surprising to me is that no one involved seems to have reacted negatively.

His team responds with acceptance and by trying to cut back on gay slurs in the locker room. His coaches praise him for his contributions. And his father, Mr. Testosterone, has him fly into town so they can go to gay pride together.

But it isn’t just those that know Brendan Burke who are supportive. The news reporters hoping for a Big Controversy were unable to find one. (Globe) The most they could come up with was imagined unspoken uncomfortability.

All of the players said it would not be a problem in today’s NHL for someone on their team to publicly declare his sexual orientation. They said they did not think a gay player would face any harassment from his teammates, although the topic was not one they were willing to discuss for long.

In the Hockey News, a columnist predicts that soon this will be no big deal at all.

In hockey terms, it will be very soon when openly gay students begin to try out for and make high school teams. Their buddies will have known and become accustomed to that fact and it will be no big deal. If openly gay players are good enough, they’ll move on to major junior, college, the American League and the NHL.

All of which is wonderful. And surprising.

But what does it mean?

Well, it certainly isn’t the case that hockey, or any other major sport, is now a welcome space for gay athletes. Nor are locker rooms safe from gay slurs or homophobic banter.

But the significant change that this story illustrates is that overt public homophobia is now no longer seen as acceptable – even in the most masculine of communities.

Gay-hostile comments will continue to trumpet themselves through locker rooms due to bigotry, religion, stereotypes, or ignorance, but the idea of homophobia is no longer welcome. Gay people may still be subjected to abuse, but as with racism or religion-based discrimination, it is no longer socially acceptable to openly and publicly embrace homophobia, even in the hockey locker room.

At times it can be frustrating waiting for our fellow citizens to stop making up excuses for discrimination and unequal rights. It can seem disheartening to watch yet another state give in to its fears and biases. But stories like this remind us that the war is over and we have won.

Yes we have battles to fight, and we may frequently lose, but our biggest obstacle has been surpassed. We have convinced our neighbors that it is a shameful thing to mistreat gay people.

And that is a shocking thing indeed.

Coming Out Mormon

Jim Burroway

July 8th, 2009

Adam Lambert: “I’m Gay”

Jim Burroway

June 9th, 2009

Just in case anyone was unclear on that.

Former Milwaukee Archbishop Admits He’s Gay

Jim Burroway

May 12th, 2009

When public figures come out of the closet, the event is usually greeted with joy and applause in the gay community. But when that event is tainted with scandal, the reaction is considerably muted. When New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey announced that he was “a gay American” and was resigning just as a scandal was about to bust open, it was, shall we say, a mixed bag.

And so when the next coming out involves a Catholic Archbishop who was accused of sexual assaulting a seminarian and hiding pedophile priests, I’m reminded that there are those who I really don’t want as a member of my club.

In a soon-to-be released memoir, A Pilgrim in a Pilgrim Church: Memoirs of a Catholic Archbishop, former Milwaukee Archbishop Rembert Weakland acknowledges he is gay. He also discusses his struggles with his homosexuality and the teachings of the Catholic church. According to Publisher’s Weekly:

When Weakland resigned as Milwaukee archbishop in 2002 after revelations of a past homosexual relationship and a confidential payout, it was seen as another stunning episode in the unfolding clergy abuse scandal. It was especially painful to liberal Catholics who viewed Weakland as their champion. Weakland was publicly penitent, but other events that year—chief among them the resignation of Cardinal Bernard Law in Boston—made Weakland’s drama a footnote. With this frank and well-told memoir, that’s no longer the case. A Benedictine monk, Weakland is up front about his homosexuality in a church that preferred to ignore gays, and about his failures in overseeing pedophile priests. But this is really the poignant journey of a soul, not a mea culpa about sex, with chapters on his hardscrabble boyhood and fascinating, and sometimes sobering, insights into the life of a bishop and the tensions between the American Catholic Church and the Vatican. At points the narrative has more than enough detail on the life of a globe-trotting abbot. But overall this is an invaluable historical record and a moving personal confession. (June)

Weakland stepped down soon after Paul Marcoux, a former Marquette University theology student, revealed in May 2002 that he was paid $450,000 in archdiocese money to settle a sexual assault claim he made against the Weakland. The incident allegedly occurred more than two decades earlier. Weakland denied the assault, but apologized for concealing the payment.

Weakland was a favorite among liberal Catholics because of his strong stance on social justice issues and liturgical reform. In a recent statement, Weakland said Christians needed to speak more openly about gays in the priesthood without the “hysteria” that often characterizes the debate.

Welcome Out, Wanda Sykes

Jim Burroway

November 17th, 2008

Comedian Wanda Sykes surprised organizers of Saturday’s anti-Prop 8 rally in Las Vegas by officially coming out as a lesbian and announcing that she is now married. Sykes says the passage of a same-sex marriage ban made her feel “attacked,” and emboldened her to be more outspoken about being gay.

Here’s the video:

Republican Ex-Mayor of Conservative Town Comes Out and Opposes Proposition 8

Timothy Kincaid

October 23rd, 2008

Folsom, CA is probably best known for Folsom Prison, made famous by a Johnny Cash recorded concert. But Folsom is also a upper-middle class suburb of Sacramento, one that is strongly Republican.

Naturally, local elected officials tended also to be Republican family men, like Glenn Fait. (Sacramento Bee)

Fait was married for 40 years and raised two daughters. He was on the Folsom City Council from 1994 to 1998, serving as mayor from 1995-1996. He was also president of the Folsom Historical Society.

But five years ago, Fait came out to his family. And now he has taken the step of coming out to his neighbors – in a quarter page ad in the local newspaper.

In the ad, he appealed to his neighbors, business associates, and friends to oppose Proposition 8. Although Fait has no intention of marrying, he believed so strongly that no one else should be able to make that decision for him that he was compelled to take the step.

“I hope that some of the people who know me might take that into consideration when they vote,” said Fait. “People often have stereotypes of gay people. It helps sometimes when they realize that someone they have a business or community relationship with is gay.”

I admire Fait’s decision. He has put a face on the issue for some who would only think of gay people as “them”. Now when they vote, they are voting on Glenn’s rights and perhaps his public appeal will make some difference in Folsom.

Open Thread: National Coming Out Day

Jim Burroway

October 11th, 2008

Today is the twentieth annual National Coming Out Day. It’s not just a day to encourage people to come out to their friends and neighbors, but it’s also a day to encourage allies to come out as well.

Come on out, and tell us a little about yourself. When did you come out? And if you haven’t, what kind of barriers do you face in coming out? And if you’re out, is there anyone you still aren’t out to yet?

Welcome Out, Clay Aiken

Jim Burroway

September 23rd, 2008

Via Perez Hilton:

People magazine promises to have more tomorrow.

I have two thoughts on this:

1) I know some might be inclined to bash Aiken for waiting so long. But everyone has to go through their own stuff before they can do it, and that takes longer for some people than it does for others. Because it took me nearly 40 years to get over my stuff, I see no reason to say anything but “Welcome out!”

2) Poor Kathy Griffin. What will she have to joke about now?

Christian Singer Ray Boltz Comes Out

Timothy Kincaid

September 16th, 2008

There have long been rumors about the sexual orientation of some of the better known names in Christian music, including some who are superstars in the genre. Now an artist in Contemporary Christian Music with a recognizable name and familiar songs has come out.

Ray Boltz’ songs include “Thank You,” “Watch the Lamb,” “The Anchor Holds,” and “I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb.” If you were raised in an evangelical church, it’s likely you have heard at least one of his songs.

The Washington Blade has a well written, tasteful article about Boltz’ life and his decision to come to terms with himself.

Did You Know…

Jim Burroway

July 7th, 2008

… that employees who are “out” at work perform better?

Comment of the Day: Coming Out Will Change The World

Jim Burroway

May 16th, 2008

We’ve got a great groups of commentors here, and I’ve noticed some real gems this past week. Maybe we should start a series. Maybe not a daily one, but you know what I mean.

If this does end up becoming a regular series, then consider this one the first installment.

In response to Timothy Kincaid’s post, Make It Personal, Kim Ridley writes:

This really works! Coming out is what will change the world.

Let me tell you a story.

I live in small town Kentucky. My partner and I (I guess she’s my fiance now. We are moving back to California in July and will be married Labor Day Weekend) hang out at a local bar. It’s redneck as hell – barfights, country karaoke, the whole deal. Everyone had always been nice to us and most people were aware we were a couple, certainly all of the people I would consider my friends. One day, a woman came into the bar, walked up to me and asked me if Kristen and I were a couple. (I’d gotten this question before, never had a negative response, and thought nothing of it). I said “yes”. She said “go home.”

Within minutes, the entire population of the bar was on their feet, forcing this woman to leave. It was Kristen and I that kept the whole thing from coming to blows, on our behalf. People I’d never really met were coming up to me and telling me that the woman had no right to say that to me. That we were welcome there. That her bigotry was not. I had people telling me that they had gay friends, gay cousins, gay brothers.

I’d never felt so accepted, so loved, in my life. Come out. Come out as a couple. It’s easy to hate faceless people. It’s hard to hate your friends.

Welcome Out, Azariah Southworth

Jim Burroway

April 16th, 2008

Azariah Southworth lives in Nashville and has been the host of the popular Christian youth show The Remix for the past year and a half. The Remix is in syndication, where it reaches more than 200,000 viewers weekly on one of three networks. Ths program has hosted such major Christian contemporary and rock acts such as Jars of Clay, Avalon, Superchick, Building 429 and Rachael Lampa.

Azariah Southworth announced today that he has come out of the closet:

“This has been a long time coming. I’m in a place where I’m at peace with my faith, friends, family and more importantly myself. I know this will end my career in Christian television, but I must now live my life openly and honestly with everyone. This is my reason for doing this,” Southworth says. …

I know I will be cut off from many within the Christian community, and if so, then they didn’t get the point of the life of Christ. I believe by me living my life honestly and authentically now, I am able to be a better person and a better Christian. We all know there are so many other gay people in the Christian industry; they’re just all scared. I was scared, but now I’m no longer afraid,” notes Southworth.

Welcome out, Azariah Southworth.

Hat tip: Scott H.

More Tacky Details about Rep. Richard Curtis

Timothy Kincaid

October 31st, 2007

Thanks to Dan Savage and Jeremy at GoodAsYou we know far more about Rep. Curtis’ particular sexual appetites than we probably really want.

For more details, you can check out the police report (courtesy of The Stranger)

Without being too graphic, we know that Curtis is versatile, doesn’t like the feel of latex (and is willing to pay not to use it), thinks offering a potential sex partner “$100 for gas” differs from prostitution, likes dressing up in women’s lingerie.

We also know that Curtis’ toy has performed for the camera (Savage has the link for the truly curious).

UPDATE: KOIN is reporting that Curtis has resigned.

Add One More Closeted Anti-Gay Republican Politician to the List

Timothy Kincaid

October 30th, 2007

First there was Mark Foley
Then there was Bob Allen
Then there was Larry Craig
Then there was Joey DiFatta

And now there’s Richard Curtis.

Rumors have been circling that Curtis, a Republican state rep in Washington, was being blackmailed over gay sex. Now the documents have been released and Seattle Post Intelligencer has what they say:

A Republican state legislator from southwest Washington had sex with a man he met at an erotic video store and then told police he had been targeted in an extortion attempt, according to police documents released Tuesday.

And just to make it seedier:

Castagna told police that Curtis agreed to pay him $1,000 for sex and also said Curtis purchased two gay pornographic films from the hotel for them to watch in his room.

and

Police interviewed several witnesses at the Hollywood Erotic Boutique, and according to the report, Curtis walked into a bathroom at the store and a few minutes later left the bathroom wearing long red women’s stockings and a black sequined lingerie top. A witness told police that at another time in the store, he saw a man with a cane performing a sexual act on Curtis.

Curtis, married with children, predictably claims that he isn’t gay. And because they NEVER are libertarian minded Republicans who get caught in these messes:

In 2005 and 2006, Curtis voted against a bill that granted civil rights protections to gays and lesbians.

In 2007, Curtis voted against a bill that created domestic partnerships for same-sex couples.

At first this stuff was kinda funny. Now it’s just becoming progressively more pathetic.

The Love That Will Finally Speak Its Name

Jim Burroway

September 3rd, 2007

That’s the title of a column in Newsweek by Loraine Barr who at 88 decided that it was finally time to publicly acknowledge the truth of her 44-year relationship:

Finally, after almost nine years since my beloved partner’s death, I am able to do what I could never have braved in earlier years: present myself herewith to the world as a lesbian, along with all the women who ask to be judged by the full facet of our characters.

Why am I now able to speak the unspoken? A friend at the retirement community where I live recently came out in the local and national newspapers. When I saw her do that, I thought, for heaven’s sake, nobody can fire me, I’m 88 years old, my parents are gone.

Still, I was frightened. It took me several days to put this essay in the mailbox. I owe a lot of credit to people who are comfortable enough in their own skins to say, “This is who I am.”

Shall I be haunted for trying to tell my story now, when many might still not wish to address it, or shall I, perhaps, be congratulated?

Don’t worry Ms. Barr, congratulations are definitely in order. Welcome out.

Welcome Out, David Hyde Pierce

Jim Burroway

May 30th, 2007

AfterEllen.com found it, buried deep in an AP report on CNN’s web site:

He worked at Playwrights Horizons, the Public Theater, Shakespeare in the Park and a lot of regional theaters such as the Guthrie in Minneapolis, Chicago’s Goodman and Long Wharf in New Haven, Conn. Pierce got to Los Angeles in the early 1990s when his partner, actor-writer-producer Brian Hargrove, wanted to write for television.

David Hyde Pierce is probably better known for his role as Niles on the television sitcom Frasier. AfterEllen confirmed Pierce’s relationship with Hargrove through Pierce’s publicist. AfterEllen also notes that this quiet self-outing may be in response to Michael Musto’s more strident outing in Out magazine’s controversial “Gay Power List” which featured Jody Foster and Anderson Cooper.

As far as I’m concerned, everyone has the right to be as out or as closeted as they want to be. We all have our own reasons for deciding how much of our private lives we want to share, and we all should have the right to make those decisions freely. If the gay rights movement means anything, it must mean that either we all share the right to protect our privacy or none of us do. Otherwise, why are we fighting so hard to secure our place in the world regardless of what we do in the privacy of our homes?

And yet, I’m glad that David Hyde Pierce has decided to come out. Visible role models are a good thing. It’s just too bad that we still need visible role models. And it’s too bad that everyone who comes out is expected to become one.

But if Peirce is going to be a role model, the way he came out is a good example to follow. No big announcement, no press release, just a simple statement made matter-of-factly in an article that paints an expansive portrait of his career. Maybe someday all such “announcements” will be so mundane.

Being Gay, Becoming Strong

Jim Burroway

April 1st, 2007

I didn’t come out until sometime around my fortieth birthday. So I must admit a certain amount of envy when I read stories like this one from today’s New York Times.

Zach O’Connor knew early on that he was gay, even before he knew there was a word for it. He also knew that his classmates would’t consider this to be “normal,” which was a huge source of conflict for him. The pressure built until he could no longer contain it.

Then, for reasons he can’t wholly explain beyond pure desperation, …he told a female friend. By day’s end it was all over school. The psychologist called him in. “I burst into tears,” he recalls. “I said, ‘Yes, it’s true.’ Every piece of depression came pouring out. It was such a mess.”

That night, when his mother got home from work, she stuck her head in his room to say hi. “I said, ‘Ma, I need to talk to you about something, I’m gay.’ She said, ‘O.K., anything else?’ ‘No, but I just told you I’m gay.’ ‘O.K., that’s fine, we still love you.’ I said, ‘That’s it?’ I was preparing for this really dramatic moment.”

Ms. O’Connor recalls, “He said, ‘Mom, aren’t you going to freak out?’ I said: ‘It’s up to you to decide who to love. I have your father, and you have to figure out what’s best for you.’ He said, ‘Don’t tell Dad.’ ”

“Of course I told him,” Ms. O’Connor says.

Zach is very lucky to have such wonderful parents. He was also fortunate that his school system had a gay/straight alliance that he could attend. Now, he’s a seventeen-years-old high school junior and no longer needs the support he found in that club. What’s more, his grades are up, his self-confidence has skyrocketed, and he has a wide circle of male friends for the first time in his life.

I think it’s wonderful that more young people are growing up in an environment where there’s less stigma attached to being gay than when I was growing up. Like I said, Zach is very lucky. But even today, not all kids are as lucky as Zach. There are no accurate figures available, but according to one estimate some 20-40% of homeless youth are LGBT youth.

It’s important for all kids like Zach to know that their lives are valued, and they can receive support wherever and whenever they need it. When I was growing up, I never thought it was possible to live a well-balanced and fulfilling life as a gay man. Unfortunately, I’m a slow learner. Zach’s story is different. Maybe someday examples like his won’t be so remarkable.