Box Turtle Bulletin

Coming Out Mormon

Jim Burroway

July 8th, 2009

Adam Lambert: “I’m Gay”

Jim Burroway

June 9th, 2009

Just in case anyone was unclear on that.

Former Milwaukee Archbishop Admits He’s Gay

Jim Burroway

May 12th, 2009

When public figures come out of the closet, the event is usually greeted with joy and applause in the gay community. But when that event is tainted with scandal, the reaction is considerably muted. When New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey announced that he was “a gay American” and was resigning just as a scandal was about to bust open, it was, shall we say, a mixed bag.

And so when the next coming out involves a Catholic Archbishop who was accused of sexual assaulting a seminarian and hiding pedophile priests, I’m reminded that there are those who I really don’t want as a member of my club.

In a soon-to-be released memoir, A Pilgrim in a Pilgrim Church: Memoirs of a Catholic Archbishop, former Milwaukee Archbishop Rembert Weakland acknowledges he is gay. He also discusses his struggles with his homosexuality and the teachings of the Catholic church. According to Publisher’s Weekly:

When Weakland resigned as Milwaukee archbishop in 2002 after revelations of a past homosexual relationship and a confidential payout, it was seen as another stunning episode in the unfolding clergy abuse scandal. It was especially painful to liberal Catholics who viewed Weakland as their champion. Weakland was publicly penitent, but other events that year—chief among them the resignation of Cardinal Bernard Law in Boston—made Weakland’s drama a footnote. With this frank and well-told memoir, that’s no longer the case. A Benedictine monk, Weakland is up front about his homosexuality in a church that preferred to ignore gays, and about his failures in overseeing pedophile priests. But this is really the poignant journey of a soul, not a mea culpa about sex, with chapters on his hardscrabble boyhood and fascinating, and sometimes sobering, insights into the life of a bishop and the tensions between the American Catholic Church and the Vatican. At points the narrative has more than enough detail on the life of a globe-trotting abbot. But overall this is an invaluable historical record and a moving personal confession. (June)

Weakland stepped down soon after Paul Marcoux, a former Marquette University theology student, revealed in May 2002 that he was paid $450,000 in archdiocese money to settle a sexual assault claim he made against the Weakland. The incident allegedly occurred more than two decades earlier. Weakland denied the assault, but apologized for concealing the payment.

Weakland was a favorite among liberal Catholics because of his strong stance on social justice issues and liturgical reform. In a recent statement, Weakland said Christians needed to speak more openly about gays in the priesthood without the “hysteria” that often characterizes the debate.

Welcome Out, Wanda Sykes

Jim Burroway

November 17th, 2008

Comedian Wanda Sykes surprised organizers of Saturday’s anti-Prop 8 rally in Las Vegas by officially coming out as a lesbian and announcing that she is now married. Sykes says the passage of a same-sex marriage ban made her feel “attacked,” and emboldened her to be more outspoken about being gay.

Here’s the video:

Republican Ex-Mayor of Conservative Town Comes Out and Opposes Proposition 8

Timothy Kincaid

October 23rd, 2008

Folsom, CA is probably best known for Folsom Prison, made famous by a Johnny Cash recorded concert. But Folsom is also a upper-middle class suburb of Sacramento, one that is strongly Republican.

Naturally, local elected officials tended also to be Republican family men, like Glenn Fait. (Sacramento Bee)

Fait was married for 40 years and raised two daughters. He was on the Folsom City Council from 1994 to 1998, serving as mayor from 1995-1996. He was also president of the Folsom Historical Society.

But five years ago, Fait came out to his family. And now he has taken the step of coming out to his neighbors – in a quarter page ad in the local newspaper.

In the ad, he appealed to his neighbors, business associates, and friends to oppose Proposition 8. Although Fait has no intention of marrying, he believed so strongly that no one else should be able to make that decision for him that he was compelled to take the step.

“I hope that some of the people who know me might take that into consideration when they vote,” said Fait. “People often have stereotypes of gay people. It helps sometimes when they realize that someone they have a business or community relationship with is gay.”

I admire Fait’s decision. He has put a face on the issue for some who would only think of gay people as “them”. Now when they vote, they are voting on Glenn’s rights and perhaps his public appeal will make some difference in Folsom.

Open Thread: National Coming Out Day

Jim Burroway

October 11th, 2008

Today is the twentieth annual National Coming Out Day. It’s not just a day to encourage people to come out to their friends and neighbors, but it’s also a day to encourage allies to come out as well.

Come on out, and tell us a little about yourself. When did you come out? And if you haven’t, what kind of barriers do you face in coming out? And if you’re out, is there anyone you still aren’t out to yet?

Welcome Out, Clay Aiken

Jim Burroway

September 23rd, 2008

Via Perez Hilton:

People magazine promises to have more tomorrow.

I have two thoughts on this:

1) I know some might be inclined to bash Aiken for waiting so long. But everyone has to go through their own stuff before they can do it, and that takes longer for some people than it does for others. Because it took me nearly 40 years to get over my stuff, I see no reason to say anything but “Welcome out!”

2) Poor Kathy Griffin. What will she have to joke about now?

Christian Singer Ray Boltz Comes Out

Timothy Kincaid

September 16th, 2008

There have long been rumors about the sexual orientation of some of the better known names in Christian music, including some who are superstars in the genre. Now an artist in Contemporary Christian Music with a recognizable name and familiar songs has come out.

Ray Boltz’ songs include “Thank You,” “Watch the Lamb,” “The Anchor Holds,” and “I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb.” If you were raised in an evangelical church, it’s likely you have heard at least one of his songs.

The Washington Blade has a well written, tasteful article about Boltz’ life and his decision to come to terms with himself.

Did You Know…

Jim Burroway

July 7th, 2008

… that employees who are “out” at work perform better?

Comment of the Day: Coming Out Will Change The World

Jim Burroway

May 16th, 2008

We’ve got a great groups of commentors here, and I’ve noticed some real gems this past week. Maybe we should start a series. Maybe not a daily one, but you know what I mean.

If this does end up becoming a regular series, then consider this one the first installment.

In response to Timothy Kincaid’s post, Make It Personal, Kim Ridley writes:

This really works! Coming out is what will change the world.

Let me tell you a story.

I live in small town Kentucky. My partner and I (I guess she’s my fiance now. We are moving back to California in July and will be married Labor Day Weekend) hang out at a local bar. It’s redneck as hell – barfights, country karaoke, the whole deal. Everyone had always been nice to us and most people were aware we were a couple, certainly all of the people I would consider my friends. One day, a woman came into the bar, walked up to me and asked me if Kristen and I were a couple. (I’d gotten this question before, never had a negative response, and thought nothing of it). I said “yes”. She said “go home.”

Within minutes, the entire population of the bar was on their feet, forcing this woman to leave. It was Kristen and I that kept the whole thing from coming to blows, on our behalf. People I’d never really met were coming up to me and telling me that the woman had no right to say that to me. That we were welcome there. That her bigotry was not. I had people telling me that they had gay friends, gay cousins, gay brothers.

I’d never felt so accepted, so loved, in my life. Come out. Come out as a couple. It’s easy to hate faceless people. It’s hard to hate your friends.

Welcome Out, Azariah Southworth

Jim Burroway

April 16th, 2008

Azariah Southworth lives in Nashville and has been the host of the popular Christian youth show The Remix for the past year and a half. The Remix is in syndication, where it reaches more than 200,000 viewers weekly on one of three networks. Ths program has hosted such major Christian contemporary and rock acts such as Jars of Clay, Avalon, Superchick, Building 429 and Rachael Lampa.

Azariah Southworth announced today that he has come out of the closet:

“This has been a long time coming. I’m in a place where I’m at peace with my faith, friends, family and more importantly myself. I know this will end my career in Christian television, but I must now live my life openly and honestly with everyone. This is my reason for doing this,” Southworth says. …

I know I will be cut off from many within the Christian community, and if so, then they didn’t get the point of the life of Christ. I believe by me living my life honestly and authentically now, I am able to be a better person and a better Christian. We all know there are so many other gay people in the Christian industry; they’re just all scared. I was scared, but now I’m no longer afraid,” notes Southworth.

Welcome out, Azariah Southworth.

Hat tip: Scott H.

More Tacky Details about Rep. Richard Curtis

Timothy Kincaid

October 31st, 2007

Thanks to Dan Savage and Jeremy at GoodAsYou we know far more about Rep. Curtis’ particular sexual appetites than we probably really want.

For more details, you can check out the police report (courtesy of The Stranger)

Without being too graphic, we know that Curtis is versatile, doesn’t like the feel of latex (and is willing to pay not to use it), thinks offering a potential sex partner “$100 for gas” differs from prostitution, likes dressing up in women’s lingerie.

We also know that Curtis’ toy has performed for the camera (Savage has the link for the truly curious).

UPDATE: KOIN is reporting that Curtis has resigned.

Add One More Closeted Anti-Gay Republican Politician to the List

Timothy Kincaid

October 30th, 2007

First there was Mark Foley
Then there was Bob Allen
Then there was Larry Craig
Then there was Joey DiFatta

And now there’s Richard Curtis.

Rumors have been circling that Curtis, a Republican state rep in Washington, was being blackmailed over gay sex. Now the documents have been released and Seattle Post Intelligencer has what they say:

A Republican state legislator from southwest Washington had sex with a man he met at an erotic video store and then told police he had been targeted in an extortion attempt, according to police documents released Tuesday.

And just to make it seedier:

Castagna told police that Curtis agreed to pay him $1,000 for sex and also said Curtis purchased two gay pornographic films from the hotel for them to watch in his room.

and

Police interviewed several witnesses at the Hollywood Erotic Boutique, and according to the report, Curtis walked into a bathroom at the store and a few minutes later left the bathroom wearing long red women’s stockings and a black sequined lingerie top. A witness told police that at another time in the store, he saw a man with a cane performing a sexual act on Curtis.

Curtis, married with children, predictably claims that he isn’t gay. And because they NEVER are libertarian minded Republicans who get caught in these messes:

In 2005 and 2006, Curtis voted against a bill that granted civil rights protections to gays and lesbians.

In 2007, Curtis voted against a bill that created domestic partnerships for same-sex couples.

At first this stuff was kinda funny. Now it’s just becoming progressively more pathetic.

The Love That Will Finally Speak Its Name

Jim Burroway

September 3rd, 2007

That’s the title of a column in Newsweek by Loraine Barr who at 88 decided that it was finally time to publicly acknowledge the truth of her 44-year relationship:

Finally, after almost nine years since my beloved partner’s death, I am able to do what I could never have braved in earlier years: present myself herewith to the world as a lesbian, along with all the women who ask to be judged by the full facet of our characters.

Why am I now able to speak the unspoken? A friend at the retirement community where I live recently came out in the local and national newspapers. When I saw her do that, I thought, for heaven’s sake, nobody can fire me, I’m 88 years old, my parents are gone.

Still, I was frightened. It took me several days to put this essay in the mailbox. I owe a lot of credit to people who are comfortable enough in their own skins to say, “This is who I am.”

Shall I be haunted for trying to tell my story now, when many might still not wish to address it, or shall I, perhaps, be congratulated?

Don’t worry Ms. Barr, congratulations are definitely in order. Welcome out.

Welcome Out, David Hyde Pierce

Jim Burroway

May 30th, 2007

AfterEllen.com found it, buried deep in an AP report on CNN’s web site:

He worked at Playwrights Horizons, the Public Theater, Shakespeare in the Park and a lot of regional theaters such as the Guthrie in Minneapolis, Chicago’s Goodman and Long Wharf in New Haven, Conn. Pierce got to Los Angeles in the early 1990s when his partner, actor-writer-producer Brian Hargrove, wanted to write for television.

David Hyde Pierce is probably better known for his role as Niles on the television sitcom Frasier. AfterEllen confirmed Pierce’s relationship with Hargrove through Pierce’s publicist. AfterEllen also notes that this quiet self-outing may be in response to Michael Musto’s more strident outing in Out magazine’s controversial “Gay Power List” which featured Jody Foster and Anderson Cooper.

As far as I’m concerned, everyone has the right to be as out or as closeted as they want to be. We all have our own reasons for deciding how much of our private lives we want to share, and we all should have the right to make those decisions freely. If the gay rights movement means anything, it must mean that either we all share the right to protect our privacy or none of us do. Otherwise, why are we fighting so hard to secure our place in the world regardless of what we do in the privacy of our homes?

And yet, I’m glad that David Hyde Pierce has decided to come out. Visible role models are a good thing. It’s just too bad that we still need visible role models. And it’s too bad that everyone who comes out is expected to become one.

But if Peirce is going to be a role model, the way he came out is a good example to follow. No big announcement, no press release, just a simple statement made matter-of-factly in an article that paints an expansive portrait of his career. Maybe someday all such “announcements” will be so mundane.

Being Gay, Becoming Strong

Jim Burroway

April 1st, 2007

I didn’t come out until sometime around my fortieth birthday. So I must admit a certain amount of envy when I read stories like this one from today’s New York Times.

Zach O’Connor knew early on that he was gay, even before he knew there was a word for it. He also knew that his classmates would’t consider this to be “normal,” which was a huge source of conflict for him. The pressure built until he could no longer contain it.

Then, for reasons he can’t wholly explain beyond pure desperation, …he told a female friend. By day’s end it was all over school. The psychologist called him in. “I burst into tears,” he recalls. “I said, ‘Yes, it’s true.’ Every piece of depression came pouring out. It was such a mess.”

That night, when his mother got home from work, she stuck her head in his room to say hi. “I said, ‘Ma, I need to talk to you about something, I’m gay.’ She said, ‘O.K., anything else?’ ‘No, but I just told you I’m gay.’ ‘O.K., that’s fine, we still love you.’ I said, ‘That’s it?’ I was preparing for this really dramatic moment.”

Ms. O’Connor recalls, “He said, ‘Mom, aren’t you going to freak out?’ I said: ‘It’s up to you to decide who to love. I have your father, and you have to figure out what’s best for you.’ He said, ‘Don’t tell Dad.’ ”

“Of course I told him,” Ms. O’Connor says.

Zach is very lucky to have such wonderful parents. He was also fortunate that his school system had a gay/straight alliance that he could attend. Now, he’s a seventeen-years-old high school junior and no longer needs the support he found in that club. What’s more, his grades are up, his self-confidence has skyrocketed, and he has a wide circle of male friends for the first time in his life.

I think it’s wonderful that more young people are growing up in an environment where there’s less stigma attached to being gay than when I was growing up. Like I said, Zach is very lucky. But even today, not all kids are as lucky as Zach. There are no accurate figures available, but according to one estimate some 20-40% of homeless youth are LGBT youth.

It’s important for all kids like Zach to know that their lives are valued, and they can receive support wherever and whenever they need it. When I was growing up, I never thought it was possible to live a well-balanced and fulfilling life as a gay man. Unfortunately, I’m a slow learner. Zach’s story is different. Maybe someday examples like his won’t be so remarkable.

LGBT Elders Retreating to the Closet

Jim Burroway

March 31st, 2007

Gays and Lesbians are now having to face the scarcity of safe places for their long-term care as they get older. There are very few places they can turn to where they feel safe and accepted. This is forcing some back into the closet as they enter their twilight years.

Coming Out On Our Team

Jim Burroway

February 8th, 2007

If you buy the notion that Robinson’s integration of the national pastime was the first big wedge in the door to real societal change — the way that black entertainers were not — then you ought to buy the notion that breaking that barrier for gay athletes today can do the same.

David Steele’s column in today’s Baltimore Sun is well worth reading. While welcoming the steady stream of gay former athletes coming out in recent years, he notes one problem. As long as all of these gay athletes are former athletes, attitudes won’t change.

Sure, he says, it’ll be extremely rough for that gay athlete who finally does come out while still playing on a major league team. Just as it wasn’t easy for the first major league black athlete:

Robinson became an American hero, an iconic figure to every race, and his number is retired on every team in major league baseball. He also lived only 16 years past retirement, dying at 53. The stress ruined his health. The fairy-tale version of this story doesn’t usually mention that part.

Imagine, though, if Robinson had simply returned to the Negro Leagues, and after his retirement, he’d written a book about how hard it was on him and others to have never played in the majors.

It would have been very enlightening. Others might have later written similar books: Willie Mays, Jim Brown, Michael Jordan. And we might still have separate leagues, schools and water fountains today.

That’s what’s going on now with gay athletes.

I don’t want to diminish the step that John Amaichi has take by coming out. I really don’t. It’s important for everyone to come out, and everyone has a right to do so at their own time and manner. And besdies that, John Amaichi will be a great role model for LGBT youth. Nor do I want to diminish Esera Tuaolo’s, Roy Simmons’, Billy Bean’s, or Dave Kopay’s stories either. They, too, are very important and must be told.

But as we continue to look to the civil rights movement for inspiration in our efforts for acceptance, we ought to consider the very real personal risk and sacrifice that are exemplified by the towering heros of that movement. They didn’t wait until things got easier. If they had, they’d still be waiting today.

As David Steele says, this is all easy for me to say. And yet, it’s hard to argue otherwise.

See Also:

Welcome Out, John Amaechi

Welcome Out, John Amaechi

Jim Burroway

February 8th, 2007

Update: An brief interview with Cleveland standout LeBron James appeared in the Columbus Dispatch showing the bind that gay athletes find themselves in.

Outsports is reporting that John Amaechi, a former player for the Cleveland Cavaliers, Utah Jazz and Orlando Magic, has become the first NBA player to come out as gay.

He has a book coming in a couples of weeks. In Man In The Middle he talks about the difficulties of being a closeted professional athlete in the NBA. Ironically, it wasn’t until he was on contract with the Utah Jazz in the middle of conservative Mormon country that he felt secure enough to begin spending his off time in gay establishments and hanging out with a mostly gay circle of friends:

“Those grumpy social conservatives who continue to insist that gay life is lonely and unhappy have obviously never met my friends,” Amaechi wrote.

…He also acknowledges that those in gay clubs like New York’s Splash and Los Angeles’ Abbey who have claimed in the past to have spotted him there while he was with the Jazz may, in fact, have done so.

“By the end of my second Utah season, I was practically daring reporters to take the bait and out me,” he wrote. “But it never happened. My sexuality, I felt, had become an open secret, which was fine by me. I’d left enough open to interpretation that suspicions were gaining momentum.”

Rumors about Amaechi had swirled for quite a while, egged on by his enjoyment of gardening, writing poetry, and listening to opera before gametime.

An interview with Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James reveals the impossible double-bind in which gay athletes in the professional leagues are placed. On the one hand, LeBron doesn’t think an openly gay athlete could survive in the NBA. But on the other hand, the fact that a gay athlete has to hide presents problems as well:

“We spend so much time together, honestly, that we’re kind of like a family,” James said. “We take showers with each other after practice. You’re on the bus talking about a lot of things. If you’re sitting there and you’re conversing with us but you’re not sincere about it … you’re kind of hiding it.

“As teammates, you have to be trustworthy, and if you’re gay and you’re not admitting it that you are, you’re not trustworthy.”

And yet, if you’re gay and you are admitting it, you’re running around on the court with a bulls-eye on your back. That’s a lot to deal with. For gay athletes in the major leagues thinking about coming out, it’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Young people often look to sports figures as role models, and unfortunately many of the examples set by athletes are questionable at best. LGBT youth need good role models more than anyone. So far, they’ll have to settle on retired athletes. But if the excerpts from his forthcoming book are any indication, it looks like John Amaechi will make a fine role model.

Welcome out, John Amaechi.

See Also:

Coming Out On Our Team

Another Evangelical Pastor Comes Out Of The Closet

A Commentary

Jim Burroway

December 11th, 2006

Another evangelical pastor has apparently come out of the closet:

In a tearful videotaped message Sunday to his congregation, the senior pastor of a thriving evangelical megachurch in south metro Denver confessed to sexual relations with other men and announced he had voluntarily resigned his pulpit.

A month ago, the Rev. Paul Barnes of Grace Chapel in Doug las County preached to his 2,100-member congregation about integrity and grace in the aftermath of the Ted Haggard drugs-and-gay-sex scandal.

Now, the 54-year-old Barnes joins Haggard as a fallen evangelical minister who preached that homosexuality was a sin but grappled with a hidden life.

If the Denver Post article is accurate, this case appears to be somewhat different from that of Ted Haggard. Rev. Barnes is described as an “introvert who avoided politics,” staying out of the debate over Colorado’s Amendment 43 which banned same-sex marriage.

The Denver Post’s account of Rev. Barnes’ struggle will be very familiar to anyone who has tried to conceal or bury their sexuality. When he was a teenager, his only talk about sex with his father ended with his father describing what he would do if a “fag” approached him, driving the younger man deeper into the closet. And while he converted to Christianity at 17, his feelings for other men never went away. He married, and is the father of two girls. But at the same time, he’s described as someone who is struggling with the biblical teachings of homosexuality with “hope for a future where one can ‘be who you are’ and be accepted and loved in the Christian community.”

And yet, he says that homosexuality is a sin.

I’m afraid that many gay advocates will see in this a simple morality tale of the mighty laid low, the hypocrite exposed, and, of course, schadenfreude. But in this particular case, I can’t quite see it that way.

This is a very deep struggle that many gay men and women must contend with, especially those who are themselves people of faith. We’ve seen Daniel Gonzales at Ex-Gay Watch describe some of his own struggles, before he was able to come out the other side as a fine young gay man. His story is not unique. There are many stories like these that we can all reflect on — those of us who have spent a large measure of our lives trying to reconcile who we are with what we profess to believe. And to believe that being who you are requires a separation from the very God who created you, well, there’s nothing more devastating for someone of faith. The sense of abandonment can be very powerful.

There is a way out of that hopelessness however, and it is the way of profound faith. Faith in the goodness of creation, including your own. And faith in the love of a benevolent Creator and the mercy of a just judge. Perhaps Rev. Barnes will discover that it really is possible to be gay and Christian. Because in the end, love can never contradict Love, and truth can never contradict Truth.