Run for your Life!! Lesbian Gangs on the Loose!!

Timothy Kincaid

July 10th, 2007

For a good healthy dose of crazy, it’s hard to beat the ex-gays. But when you combine an ex-gay, World Net Daily, and Peter LaBarbera, you get enough crazy for a three ring circus full of clowns in big shoes and little cars.

Take, for example, the report by he-of-no-spin, Bill O’Reilly, about a national network of lesbian gangs (150 in DC alone) who were raping schoolgirls. In addition to being a national crime cartel, Bill’s reporter, Rod Wheeler, breathlessly tells him that a lot of their viewers will want to know that some of these lesbian gangs call themselves Pink Pistol Carriers.

Which would, no doubt, be quite a surprise to the actual Pink Pistols, a national gay and lesbian gun-enthusists group that is friendly with the NRA.

GLAAD took a little look-see and found that the report was, well, spinning faster than a tornado in a trailer park:

Gaithersburg, Md., Detective Patrick Word is President of the Mid-Atlantic Regional Gang Investigators Network, an intelligence-sharing organization of 400 criminal justice professionals in Maryland; Washington, D.C.; and Virginia. He told the Intelligence Report, “there is no evidence whatsoever of a lesbian gang epidemic in this region…our membership reports only one lesbian gang.”

When confronted by the facts, Bill O’Reilly apologized because his reporter “got carried away” and had a follow-up segment in which he backed away from the earlier claims and allowed a representative from GLAAD to provide facts that shed a different light on the story.

But anti-gay gadfly LaBarbera knows things that the Gang Investigators Network and The O’Reilly Factor are afraid to tell. LaBarbera has access to (breathless pause) an ex-lesbian:

Having heard over the years of the fast-growing influence of lesbian gangs and their tactics of intimidation, LaBarbera said the reports, including an estimate of 150 attack squads in the Washington, D.C., region alone, were no surprise.

LaBarbera told WND he heard about the “lesbian bullying phenomenon” from former lesbian-turned-Christian evangelist Linda Jernigan, who was contacted by a teacher about speaking at a suburban Chicago where “this sick behavior was occurring.”

“Jernigan said she was told that lesbian girl gangs would drag a targeted female into the school restroom, hold her down, and perform oral sex on her to ‘turn her out’ – i.e., forcible ‘seduce’ the poor girl through lesbian rape,” he said.

And the only reason we don’t all quiver in our boots that marauding gangs of lesbians will attack us and subject us all to hours of lesbian sex is because of the evil homosexual lobby that controls all of the media. And though O’Reilly admitted that he isn’t afraid of being attacked by lesbians on the loose on the way to his car, he should be!!

“All they wanted to do was shut down the story,” LaBarbera told WND. “This epitomizes the selfishness of the gay activists.”

Now I don’t want to diminish any harm anyone has experienced as the victim of a lesbian gang. Any violence, bullying, or harassment should be immediately met with a concerted effort to see that the guilty parties are swiftly brought to justice. If there is a gang of lesbians that is harming schoolgirls, I encourage authorities to allocate resources to ending this swiftly.

But until such allegations are substantiated, sometimes you just have to sit back and laugh at the clowns.

Update: Rod Wheeler, Bill O’Reilly’s “Lesbian Gangs!!!” expert recants.


July 10th, 2007

I spend my nights quaking in fear of the Lesbian Gangs. So many things to worry about nowadays!

Jody Wheeler

July 10th, 2007

I thought Lesbian Gangs just tune up your car whether it needs it or not? And Gay Terrorists break into your home and arrange your spices by size, color and granularity?

I’m confused…

Rob Lll

July 10th, 2007

Lesbian gangs? Sounds frightening… fabulous!!! I’m envisioning it as some half-forgotten sleazy exploitation flick from the 70s. With Pam Grier, of course. And Karen Black. And, if we’re lucky, Barbara Steele in a special guest appearance!

Lynn David

July 10th, 2007

My cousin married into a family that used to gather around their grannies table (mostly the women, but I waa often there too) for a game of some strange game of cards with 5 or 6 decks and 8 or 10 players paired up. Then the grand-daughter biker-dyke started showing up. Now my straight cousin said she and her biker-dyke gang (when they weren’t tuning and turbocharging motorcyclese) would sometimes cruise the big city south of us pointing out who was gay, and my straight cousin ought to know she would often go with them!

So I was dang scared when the few times I had to sit next to this lesbian. Just looking at those muscular thighs on her took me back to the two-month stretch when I played the queer-boi to a lesbian’s … top. Remembering those times when I was held there by those iron maidens of my former lover, I nearly wet my pants right there…. with the less viscous stuff.

So it is my experience that young gay men, especially those of us who are trying to consider ourselves as ex-gay or not gay or anything but gay are in much greater risk from lesbians of a similar ilk. From my own experience they’ll have you doing unspeakable acts (you can’t say a thing when you’re being held by those thighs of iron), they might even have you engage in sex with another man. Then they’ll show off how much more well-equipped their “add-ons” are than that previous guy. If you allow them to demonstrate then you’ve stuck yourself in stranger than queer relationship. The next thing you know you’re shopping with her for leather pants and vests for yourself with chains and and what’s that lock for…. where?!

So, I warn you, you young queer bois! Don’t do it! Besides, she’s usually got a lesbian lover on the side and you don’t want to come inbetween that! Or heaven-forbid, they might want to share you… that’s hell on earth. It’s obvious to me that gay men have much more to fear from lesbians than anyone else!


July 11th, 2007

We had to dis-invite some lesbians that attended our garden parties. They kept parking their bikes in our rose garden and tromping through our azaleas. And one lesbian never returned a pair of leather chaps she borrowed from me…which is just fine…they’re probably stretched out and un-wearable now.

But, I’m not afraid of any lesbian tuff-titty.

July 12th, 2007

You can tell it’s quality journalism when the source (ex-lesbian) heard it from another source (teacher), who heard it from another source (student)…

Also, I imagine lesbians find O’Reilly even less appealing than straight women find him.

moolah mattath

August 2nd, 2007

i’m a man but i’d like to be a lesbian, are there any gangs of lesbians out there willing to convert me?

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