Heterosexual Menace: Cop Had Oral Sex With Cows And Got Off

Jim Burroway

September 26th, 2009

Robert Melia (left) and Heather Lewis (right)

Robert Melia (left) and Heather Lewis (right)

No, none of the cows are shown in these mug shots, but the guy did get off:

A New Jersey judge has dismissed animal cruelty charges against a cop accused of committing a sex act with young cows, saying a grand jury had no way of knowing whether the animals were “tormented.” Moorestown police officer Robert Melia, who is currently suspended, allegedly engaged in oral sex acts with five calves in Southampton in 2006. Since New Jersey currently has no law explicitly banning such an act, prosecutors in Burlington county brought animal cruelty charges against Melia, the Philadelphia Daily News reports. Judge Morely said it was questionable that Melia’s acts, though “disgusting,” constituted animal cruelty.

Burlington County assistant prosecutor Gevin Moran didn’t agree. “I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man’s penis in the mouth of a calf is torment.” But Melia’s lawyer, countering with the impeccable heterosexual logic, pointed out that as long as the calves in question don’t complain then everything’s copacetic. The judge agreed.

This is where the second mug shot comes in because they’re not ready to release Melia into greener pastures just yet. He and his girlfriend, Heather Lewis, are still being held on charges of sexually assaulting three girls over a five year period. After one of the girls reported the incident to her stepfather, authorities investigated and found videos on Melia’s computer which not only depicted him having sex with one of the girls, but also the romantic interludes with the buxom bovines as well. Lewis is also being accused of sexually assaulting an underage (human) male.

There’s more heterosexual menace here and in our report, “The Heterosexual Agenda, Exposing the Myths.”

Richard W. Fitch

September 26th, 2009

Reminds me of an incident related by a friend who was once an EMT. This involved a young novitiate at a monastery, the other end of an adult cow and a fire hose being required to extricate the misguided fellow.

Richard Rush

September 26th, 2009


I’ve been thinking . . . You know, NOM is headquartered in Princeton, NJ, which is only a short drive from Moorestown. And given that guy’s proclivity for anything bovine, I’m wondering if Maggie Gallagher-Srivastav has had to obtain a restraining order against him.

Richard W. Fitch

September 26th, 2009

@R.Rush: I don’t think MaggieMoo needs to worry. He seems to prefer only the young heifers.


September 26th, 2009

Nah it’s still all our fault for this..

Why? Because they probably watched some bestiality porn before this, and all porn is gay, so it made them gay, and so now they’re a gay menace. *roll eyes*


September 26th, 2009

gives an entire new meaning to “chewing your cud”…

oh, wait. that’s the wrong word.

sorry, i couldn’t resist. honestly! the vapors just come over me all of a sudden and i can’t control them…

Bill S

September 26th, 2009

A while back, on another blog site, there was a guy posting comments who claimed he was into bestiality, and insisted that animals can, in fact, indicate consent. I couldn’t figure out if he was serious or simply making up sh*t just to rattle people and get a reaction. Anyone who could seriously believe that has parts on order.
In any case, after looking at THIS guy, I’m pretty sure the cows could do better.
On a more serious note, the pedophilia charge is pretty reprehensible, and the fact that he was also into other freaky sh*t shouldn’t distract us from what this guy REALLY belongs in jail for. Forget about the crazy, let’s focus on the evil.


September 26th, 2009

I will not make any jokes punning on the word “beef,” or this giving new meaning to the phrase “’til the cows come home”, or….

I hope those poor (human) kids that they violated find the justice they need and deserve.

Leonard Drake

September 26th, 2009

As an interesting tidbit on the old Arizona “crime against nature” statute (ARS 13-1411), civil rights to LGBT individuals were almost always based on the fact that “what we did in bed was illegal,” although with two exceptions (one in 1946 and one in 1976) ALL annotations for this statute concerned acts between human-animal or heterosexual rape.

Now, in relation to this case, those poor cows, and that poor girl. :-(


September 26th, 2009

So he got off with the cow in the picture next to his, is that what the headline is suggesting? lol

J. Varnedoe

September 27th, 2009

Oh my, I certainly hope none of those calves were male. That would have certainly raised eyebrows and and left the officer open to sodomy charges.

Richard Rush

September 27th, 2009

J. Varnedoe, it doesn’t matter if the calves were male or female, because all barnyard sex is gay sex. It’s just like porn in that regard.

Unrepentant Homosexual

September 27th, 2009

Why does the article say: “No, none of the cows are shown in these mug shots, but the guy did get off”. It looks to me there are two cows in the mug shots.


October 1st, 2009

Heterosexual Menace strikes again! This time in a public bathroom!


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