Heterosexual Menace: Fifty-One Going On Sixteen

Jim Burroway

June 21st, 2011

This, I suppose, is what they mean by “traditional marriage”:

May-December romances aren’t unusual. But when the bride can’t yet vote and the groom is eligible to join AARP? That’s extreme, even for Hollywood. “Green Mile” and “Lost” actor Doug Hutchison, 51, revealed on Monday that he wed aspiring country singer Courtney Alexis Stodden, 16, in May.

And yes, it is all perfectly legal. Her parents are totally on board with the marriage. They had to be: Nevada law required their consent for little Courtney’s nuptuals.

I turned fifty last January. Does this mean that it’s okay for me to hook up with a sixteen year old? I’m asking because, well, for no particular reason really. But you never know when a mid-life crisis might come along. It’ll be good to have all this sorted out ahead of time.

How else are the heterosexuals leading the way? Check it out here.


June 21st, 2011

“I turned fifty last January. Does this mean that it’s okay for me to hook up with a sixteen year old? ”

You have to wait another year, and preferable, be in a couple of hits.

Cory Sampson

June 21st, 2011

“I turned fifty last January. Does this mean that it’s okay for me to hook up with a sixteen year old? ”

Silly! YOU can’t do that! You’re one ‘a them there GAYS!

Mark F.

June 21st, 2011

16 year olds have been getting married to older heterosexual men since God was young.

Regan DuCasse

June 22nd, 2011

1. She disturbingly looks like a Carrie Prejean/Playboy bunny/”________”, name the Hollywood bound blondie here, CLONE.

2. Her parents signed off on this, bringing back ‘traditional’ marriage alright. Selling their daughter to whatever randy older guy with enough money to pay for her implants shows up.

3. After seeing the exceptionally talented teens on American Idol recently, I’ll withhold judgement on whether or not THIS girl has talent for singing. Because apparently, so far as we can literally see, her talents appear to be in her pair of D cups.
Which goes to my OTHER point…

4. I have mentored countless teenagers. Their parents have entrusted me with helping them navigate difficult moral and social issues. We talk and have serious discussions and mature adults try to prepare the young for life’s inevitable minefield. I cannot, absolutely CANNOT see a KID as eligible marriage material for ANY reason. However intelligent, or serious and mature a teen might be, THAT is rare and still SKEEVY for a man THIS old to consider as someone worthy as a LIFE PARTNER.
5. To read this, either HE is exceptionally IMMATURE and cannot handle a woman of his equivalent mental, emotional and physical maturity, or he’s essentially a man that can only consort with a GIRL he can easily manipulate and control.
And her PARENTS are just as skeevy as to be so star struck they were willing to SELL her to advance her career aspirations.

And trust me when I say the beautiful and talented over age 35 women who are single out there and witnessing this, have reason to want to see men like this have their nuts put in a blender. We’re the ones who continually get abandoned or rejected for this!

Regan DuCasse

June 23rd, 2011

There is a music video on YouTube of this girl singing some kind of dance song.
She’s acting rather slutty, and she’s terrible.
She cannot sing.
What what the hell her parents were thinking?!

Priya Lynn

June 23rd, 2011

Regan, to me its clear: He’s rich and wanted a sex toy and that’s what he thinks he’s got.

Regan DuCasse

June 23rd, 2011

Yep, Priya. For sure.
Because there is NO WAY this girl could possibly be taken seriously as a singer. I’m thinking that this SKEEVY actor made promises that HE could do something for her in that regard and didn’t care that she can’t sing.
HE is going to get what HE wants, and SHE is just going to suffer eventually. Unless she turns to acting instead of singing.
And she can’t act either.

This is so gross.


June 23rd, 2011

Her boobs look fake. She was photographed nude with a flag draped over her, she married a 51 year-old pervert, and she is 16. Conclusion: Her parents should be bitch-slapped up and down the street until their miserable faces fall off. Nice parenting there, Mom and Dad. And they say we gays shouldn’t be trusted with children…..

Timothy Kincaid

June 24th, 2011

What what the hell her parents were thinking?!

“woo hoo. She’s someone else’s problem now”


June 24th, 2011

Yep, here in Milwaukee, the United Way has launched a campaign to warn underage girls that an older man who comes to “sweep them off their feet” is committing rape…


They are using the images of a princess waiting for the “some day” scenario, when the reality is that an older man talking his way into an underage girl’s pants is NOT a prince…they apparently didn’t take into consideration the possiblility that the King and Queen would sell her pretty princess booty TO the Nasty Prince…Eew. Just. Eew.

Cory Sampson

June 25th, 2011

“They are using the images of a princess waiting for the “some day” scenario, when the reality is that an older man talking his way into an underage girl’s pants is NOT a prince…they apparently didn’t take into consideration the possiblility that the King and Queen would sell her pretty princess booty TO the Nasty Prince…Eew. Just. Eew.”

And yet, that’s a far more honest portrayal of the destiny of a princess than anything Disney has ever done.

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