Email of the Day

Jim Burroway

February 10th, 2014

It was a dark and stormy night.

It’s been a while since I’ve gotten one of these. I think his emails have been getting swept into the spam bucket. But this one made it through the gauntlet yesterday, in which Eugene Delgaudio resurrects an oldie but goodie while trying to get his minion to sign his sad little petition and, of course, to send him money.

One stormy night, I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses.  I’d heard something was up and wanted to see for myself. As I rounded the final turn, my eyes nearly popped.  Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses. Trembling with worry, I went inside.  It was worse than I ever imagined.

Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling.

My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers.  And still more petitions were flying off the press. Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, “Delgaudio, what are you doing here?” Dozens of men began moving toward me.  I’d been recognized.

As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, “This time, Delgaudio, we can’t lose!”

Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right.  This time the Homosexual Lobby could win it all.

I’ve been warned hundreds of thousands of pro-homosexual petitions will soon flood Congress.

And my friends in Congress tell me that the tens of millions of pro-Family Americans have remained virtually silent.

Will you remain silent?

Last summer, Delgaudio was finally disciplined by his fellow conservative boardmembers of the Loudin County (VA) Board of Supervisors. Delgaudio was censured, stripped of his staff and budget, and barred from serving on committees for illegally using taxpayer-paid staff for his anti-gay fundraising activities, although last January he was put back onto the county’s Transportation and Land Use Committee. He is now fighting a court petition by Loudin County residents in his district seeking to have him removed from office.


February 10th, 2014

Lest anyone forget. This man has been elected and re-elected NUMEROUS times by the people in his Virginia community. His special kind of crazy seems to sell very well in parts of America.


February 10th, 2014

I’m tempted to envy Mr Delgaudio his easily gained wealth that all he need do is circulate such palpably fictional anecdotes and, homophobic buttons pushed, the donations come flooding in.

Then I realise that to behave in this way is to be either so sadly deluded by paranoid anxiety that his quality of life must be severely diminished, or a most wretchedly cynical person. And I am cured of all envy.


February 10th, 2014

Has anyone received their petition yet?

I know I’m on the mailing list for the Homosexual Lobby, but I haven’t gotten my petition yet.

Do you think Eugene might have been delusional, maybe even off his meds? Or, could it be, he just made it up to get donations?


February 11th, 2014

I’m the President of the Homosexual Lobby, also known as the Supreme Homosexual, and I can assure you that we haven’t sent out a single petition.

Fritz Keppler

February 11th, 2014

I work in his district but don’t live there, so I’m not able to vote against him. By the way, the name of the jurisdiction is Loudoun County, home of Washington-Dulles International Airport.


February 11th, 2014

Wait. So it’s good when he claims to send out petitions by the million but it’s bad when the Homosexual Lobby does it?

Is it the ear-rings?


February 11th, 2014

Delgaudio’s text continues:

“Not so fast! You’re driving too fast!” said Mrs. Mitty. “What are you driving so fast for?”


February 11th, 2014

Is it me, or does this story sound like a sexual fantasy? Scared, ‘straight’ guy goes to an isolated warehouse, gets used by the burly gay men, then drives home crying in a sad mixture of guilt and satisfaction. He just left out the good bits of the story.


February 13th, 2014

Nathaniel, yes now that you mention it, it does sound like that. My first thought, though, was that the letters and capitalizations made Homosexua Lobby look an awful lot like Hobby Lobby.

Chris McCoy

February 13th, 2014

I didn’t get my petition. Have I been kicked out of the Homosexual Lobby? Am I not homosexual enough?

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