Box Turtle Bulletin
News and commentary about the anti-gay lobby“Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife…”
News and commentary about the anti-gay lobbyJuly 21st, 2009
Stories are going around the web about Bryce Faulkner, a 23-year-old pre-med student who has been allegedly forced into an ex-gay program by his parents. According to an extremely annoying web site with cheezy exploding sound effects (PLEASE PEOPLE! Stop doing that! Some of us are at work.), Faulkner was “economically bullied” into entering an ex-gay facility after he revealed his sexual orientation to his parents.
Faulkner’s parents are reportedly threatening to sue over the web site. While I think having noisy sound affects which can’t be disabled should be grounds for a lawsuit, I don’t think that’s what they’re upset over. I’m not sure what other grounds they have for suing, unless they can prove his allegations are false.
There are many angles to discuss in this case. Someone brought this to me a few weeks ago, and my first reaction was the sheer stupidity of forcing anyone into any sort of therapy whatsoever. An unwilling patient makes for an absolute guarantee for failure. Furthermore, the leadership of Exodus International has claimed to be against treating anyone against their will, but they refuse to put that statement into an official policy. Again, clarity in exactly where they stand would be helpful, but we’ve learned long ago that if there’s anything Exodus is known for, it’s obfuscation over clarity.
According to Faulkner’s boyfriend, Faulkner is being held incommunicado against his will. That’s a difficult statement to confirm, but knowing what we know about many ex-gay programs, it’s not difficult to believe it regardless of whether it’s factual or not. Programs like Love In Action, the centerpiece live-in program of the Exodus network, actively enforces isolation from outside influences. Others demand that participants break contacts with gay friends and loved ones. And others still make no such demands at all. Without knowing where Faulkner is, it’s hard to know what conditions he’s under.
But there’s something else here that bears discussion, and that’s this: Faulkner is 23 years old. He’s an adult, which is why I wanted to wait before commenting. While I’m sure he’s dependent on his parents for financial support in order to complete his studies, he does have the option of taking some time off to investigate what it would take to break his financial links to his parents and going his own way. The downside, of course, is that it is much easier said than done, and it may not even be practically possible. But when parents are behaving in an equally impractical matter — by believing that therapy can successfully be imposed upon him against his will — then someone needs to step in and engage in some rational thinking. Since Faulkner is now an adult — and has been for five years, technically — he needs to be the one to do this. No one is entitled to a career as a doctor, but everyone is entitled to live on their own terms.
The problem, of course, is that in Faulkner’s case, living as the gay man that he is comes at an exceptionally high price, and I’m not even talking about the price of school expenses or possibly giving up his dream in the medical profession, steep as that is. The price that he’s being made to pay is the cost of his relationships with his friends and boyfriends, his relationship with his parents, and his own autonomy as an adult.
Many of these things he no longer has control over, but one thing he does: He is an adult. His autonomy is his own, as long as he’s willing and capable of paying the price to exercise it. The tragedy is that many aren’t capable of doing so. Risking a disruption in your relationship with your family is overwhelming for many people. Sometimes being an adult in age just isn’t enough to make the hardest decision of all as an adult. This, I know from personal experience, as do many others. There will likely come a time when Bryce comes to that breaking point — it often comes to a breaking point in these things — if his parents don’t relent first. Whichever the case may be, let’s hope that time comes sooner rather than later. Bryce has a long life ahead of him. He deserves every moment of it spent in pursuing his own dreams and aspirations, not in chasing down other people’s demons.
Latest Posts
Featured Reports
In this original BTB Investigation, we unveil the tragic story of Kirk Murphy, a four-year-old boy who was treated for “cross-gender disturbance” in 1970 by a young grad student by the name of George Rekers. This story is a stark reminder that there are severe and damaging consequences when therapists try to ensure that boys will be boys.
When we first reported on three American anti-gay activists traveling to Kampala for a three-day conference, we had no idea that it would be the first report of a long string of events leading to a proposal to institute the death penalty for LGBT people. But that is exactly what happened. In this report, we review our collection of more than 500 posts to tell the story of one nation’s embrace of hatred toward gay people. This report will be updated continuously as events continue to unfold. Check here for the latest updates.
In 2005, the Southern Poverty Law Center wrote that “[Paul] Cameron’s ‘science’ echoes Nazi Germany.” What the SPLC didn”t know was Cameron doesn’t just “echo” Nazi Germany. He quoted extensively from one of the Final Solution’s architects. This puts his fascination with quarantines, mandatory tattoos, and extermination being a “plausible idea” in a whole new and deeply disturbing light.
On February 10, I attended an all-day “Love Won Out” ex-gay conference in Phoenix, put on by Focus on the Family and Exodus International. In this series of reports, I talk about what I learned there: the people who go to these conferences, the things that they hear, and what this all means for them, their families and for the rest of us.
Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word "Change" Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For "Change"
At last, the truth can now be told.
Using the same research methods employed by most anti-gay political pressure groups, we examine the statistics and the case studies that dispel many of the myths about heterosexuality. Download your copy today!
And don‘t miss our companion report, How To Write An Anti-Gay Tract In Fifteen Easy Steps.
Anti-gay activists often charge that gay men and women pose a threat to children. In this report, we explore the supposed connection between homosexuality and child sexual abuse, the conclusions reached by the most knowledgeable professionals in the field, and how anti-gay activists continue to ignore their findings. This has tremendous consequences, not just for gay men and women, but more importantly for the safety of all our children.
Anti-gay activists often cite the “Dutch Study” to claim that gay unions last only about 1½ years and that the these men have an average of eight additional partners per year outside of their steady relationship. In this report, we will take you step by step into the study to see whether the claims are true.
Tony Perkins’ Family Research Council submitted an Amicus Brief to the Maryland Court of Appeals as that court prepared to consider the issue of gay marriage. We examine just one small section of that brief to reveal the junk science and fraudulent claims of the Family “Research” Council.
The FBI’s annual Hate Crime Statistics aren’t as complete as they ought to be, and their report for 2004 was no exception. In fact, their most recent report has quite a few glaring holes. Holes big enough for Daniel Fetty to fall through.
“Google” is a trademark of Google Inc.
© Box Turtle Bulletin. All Rights Reserved.
Posts 
Posts via daily email:
Ben in Oakland
July 21st, 2009
” The price that he’s being made to pay is the cost of his relationships with his friends and boyfriends, his relationship with his parents, and his own autonomy as an adult.”
This may not be true for many in the younger generation, but it is certainly true for Bryce, as it was for many in my generation.
I remmeber when I was 21, feeling like i was totally alone and have no one to turn to. I had no problem with being gay– it was obvious to me there was nothing wrong with that. But the threat against what happiness I had– that was a problem. Eventually, I decided I would just have to take the ocnsequences. I wass tired of being alone, of not having love in my life.
I made the decision, and surprise surprise, there were almost no negative consequences, but a host of positive ones. One of them was realizing that my parents, though not bad, were also not all that good. When I eventually lost them, I realized I had not lost much of anything.
“Bryce has a long life ahead of him. He deserves every moment of it spent in pursuing his own dreams and aspirations, not in chasing down other people’s demons.”
As my late, very astute and witty partner said to some anti-gay parents once: “Your attitude is never going to make your son sorry that he’s gay. It’s just going to make him sorry that you’re his parents.”
And isn’t that just too sad?
Richard in CA
July 21st, 2009
I feel sorry for anyone in the clutches of Exodus. That said, the website for Bryce is slightly annoying to me. I, too, was in The South as a youngster. Back then there were no gay folks … did not hear the ward “gayt” until I was a sophomore or junior in college – “it” just was not talked about. I had no words for my feelings – nothing to use to conceive them. It was weird.
But Bryce is a pre-med student and is 23 years old. The web site wants us to believe that he was utterly helpless without Mommy and Daddy and their money. Puleeze! At 23 I had been married for 2 years and paying rent and bills – often without a job. You get by! And yes, you even graduate college!
Bryce could not call Travis because Mommy took his cellphone away? Sorry, but I would have used a pay phone, a friends phone, a neighbor’s phone and reversed charges. Not rocket science. Or just borrowed a friend’s cellphone, for the love of Mike.
Bryce has a lot of growing up to do. I wish he and Travis well – but they need to get real and really face life.
L. Junius Brutus
July 21st, 2009
Guys, you need to install “NoScript” if you use FireFox. Not only does it prevent such annoyances, it prevents your computer from being infected by script-based viruses. It simply doesn’t run any script unless you give permission for that website.
As for this young man, it seems incontrovertible that he is being blackmailed by his “loving” parents. One shouldn’t be so quick to judge when one doesn’t know of the exact circumstances – as some people here do. It isn’t easy to have your life uprooted and your dreams shattered in one day. A bit more understanding wouldn’t hurt anyone.
Alex
July 21st, 2009
I agree with L. Junius Brutus. Are we even sure that Exodus is involved?
AJD
July 21st, 2009
I agree with Brutus… The guy has options and is not totally at the whim of his parents, but he’ll have to learn a lot of things the hard way and is going to have some difficult choices and sacrifices to make. That includes finding out how to pay for medical school (which is extremely expensive, by the way) without the help or support of his parents, if not having to change his major to something he can afford financially and emotionally.
I really feel for this guy… As Brutus pointed out, his dreams have been shattered by his parents’ false notions of love.
Penguinsaur
July 21st, 2009
Maybe he’s just gonna go say afew Hail Marys, kiss a girl and call himself cured. Then never speak to his parents again after he finishes med school and goes to rent an apartment with his boyfriend like Turk and J.D
Chad
July 21st, 2009
I’m surprised at the “Come on, get over it!” reaction, which I’ve also seen in response to other similar stories. Putting aside the psychological issues – to put it simply, it is difficult for quite a number of very intelligent and otherwise perfectly self-sufficient people even in their mid-late 20s to believe they can be completely autonomous from their families – full funding to med school, or indeed most post-grad programs, is very difficult to acquire, especially in the current economy. If the only other option is going into massive and possibly insurmountable debt, if not sacrificing any chance of a fulfilling career entirely, then, yes, I think for most of us freedom, independence, and even love can seem not worth the gamble.
Swampfox
July 21st, 2009
I just have to wish him the best. With all the publicity that this story is getting, perhaps his parents will come to their senses.
John K.
July 21st, 2009
Some people here apparently don’t grasp the coercive effect of religion on people. You think this kid has a choice? Please.
The problem is, he probably doesn’t know about the thousands of people pulling for him now through that website and others. I’ve seen some talk of people trying to get donations together so he can sustain himself for a while if his parents cut him off financially. But, the monsters at whatever facility he’s at will NEVER let him see that. If he saw it, then maybe his choices would become clearer to him. Until then, his parents and his religion will continue to cut off his choices.
fannie
July 21st, 2009
Personally, I am having trouble scrounging up all that much sympathy for Faulkner. His situation is very different than the imposition of “ex-gay therapy” on a minor who really is at the whim of her or his parents.
He is a 23-year-old adult who made the choice of going to ex-gay therapy and retaining his parents money over the choice of not going through therapy and losing his parents’ financial support. Lots of people make it through grad school and college without parental financial or emotional support (I am one of them) so to say that this guy didn’t have a choice isn’t realistic.
So, while yes, I think it is unfortunate that his parents are not accepting and have bought into the “ex-gay therapy” line, I hope he remembers that he is in control of his own destiny. If we wants to be a doctor, he will find a way to make it work with or without his parents help.
Burr
July 21st, 2009
No doubt it’s an extremely difficult choice, but it’s one that needs to be made. I can’t believe he’s letting himself be blackmailed like this. When is it ever going to end? At some point you have to be your own man. Better now than never. Most med school students graduate with a lot of debt. He’ll have plenty of company.
JJQR
July 21st, 2009
Sounds like a 23-year-old who decided it was more important to have mommy and daddy pay for medical school than to go with his true sexuality. I wouldn’t hold it against him, but I don’t feel sorry for him either.
AdrianT
July 21st, 2009
The global attention (headline news in Romanian tabloid newspapers, of all things…) given to this sordid affair can only be a good thing. We hear too much of young, vulnerablke gay teens being spirited away into such camps. With the Internet that can’t happen in secrecy now, and lone cries for help can gain world headlines.
All Travis had to do was to tell Bryce to make a message on his voice box, in those critical hours between 10pm on 6/13 and 2pm on 6/14 when his phone was apparently confiscated, and there could have been grounds to involve the law.
With his new found megastar status, young Bryce will not simply be able to return to El Dorado now, as if nothing has happened.
Andrew
July 21st, 2009
This is very simple; if the gentleman is truly missing, file a missing persons report. Involve local authorities and the FBI. Just because someone in the family says he is where he is does not qualify – as far as the authorities are concerned, he could be happy as a clam or dead in a ditch until he is heard from, not through intermediaries, but on his own terms.
If he’s “missing” then pursue it legally. The authorities can serve as disinterested parties who can confirm or deny the statements and assertions of all parties. If the guy wants to be left alone, the authorities can lean on the website and the boyfriend to bugger off. If the guy cannot be found or is not produced, they can pursue the parents with potential kidnapping, crossing state boundaries, forcible confinement, and other charges. In fact, the state boundaries issue potentially makes this an FBI case, not a matter for local law enforcement.
The parties involved should put up or shut up – on both sides. Everything else is just posturing and b-s.
Lynn David
July 22nd, 2009
There is a foundation for gays and lesbians which supports young people who are attending school and have lossed support from their families. I believe such a foundation supported the daughter Alan Keyes after he stopped his support when she came out in 2005. Is it the ForumFoundation?
It should be made known that there are resources out there.
Johnson
July 22nd, 2009
He’s put himself into a vicious circle with his parents. My guess is that even after he graduates Med School, his parents will still continue to guilt him the rest of his life by threatening to cut him out of their will or shunning him, or both. Time to be your Man, dude, or Mommy and Daddy will control you the rest of your life.
Marc Adams
July 24th, 2009
This is why HeartStrong owns http://www.exgay.com. Over the years we have helped many people who have been tricked into thinking they need to live a simulated heterosexual lifestyle.
Matt Kennedy
June 16th, 2012
Has there been any update on this? Based on recent statements from Exodus I believe they would not condemn such a thing happening; however, that does not mean they would have at the time. I’m wondering because I haven’t been able to find any news about this other than the initial comments and reports. I have not found a single follow-up article or report. Was he willing? Was he coerced? How is he now? Did he die?
Leave A Comment