Glee’s bully: It Gets Better
November 16th, 2010
There are, by now, thousands of videos of those who have joined the It Gets Better Project all of whom tell bullied kids that some day life gets better. Max Adler, who plays the football player who bullies gay kid
Kirk Kurt, has added his voice.
These video range from amateur but sincere to polished and scripted. But few feel quite as natural and spontaneous as this one. Although I’ve more or less decided not to post any new It Gets Better Videos (there are so very many), I’m making an exception:
Straight Pride = Death
November 10th, 2010
I’m all for straight pride. I think that straight folk are pretty amazing, over all, and that there’s an awful lot of good that can be celebrated in the history, culture and contributions of straight people. I even think that taking a moment to acknowledge one’s orientation can make one respectful for the orientation of others. When you look closely at your own attractions and how that impacts the way you interact with others, it not only makes you a better person but more appreciative of the way that others interact.
But that’s not really what those who trumpet the slogan “straight pride” usually mean. They aren’t really proud or appreciative or contemplative or even much aware of heterosexuality. No, they just want to demonstrate their animus towards gay folk.
Take, for example, three students at St. Charles North High School in St. Charles, IL: (mysuburbanlife.com)
While this week is ally week at St. Charles North and East High Schools, a week meant to put an end to anti-gay and anti-lesbian bullying and harassment, a group of three students from St. Charles North High School wanted to express their own views.
Michael Fairbanks, president of the St. Charles East Gay-Straight Alliance, sent out an e-mail to the media last night saying a group of St. Charles North boys came to school yesterday with shirts that read “STRAIGHT PRIDE” on the front and “If a man lay with a male as those who lay with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination and shall surely be put to DEATH,” a Bible verse from Leviticus 20:13.
I guess that they put “death” in capitals for some purpose and I can’t imagine that it was charitable. Taken in the context of the week, I guess they were trying to say, “No, gay students shouldn’t be defended from bullying, they should be killed instead.”
The school handled the situation intelligently.
St. Charles Community Unit School District 303 spokesman Jim Blaney said once the building administrators became aware of the shirts, the three students wearing them were called into the deans’ office to discuss the matter. They were sent back to class and later were called back for a second discussion.
Blaney said the administration wanted to explain to students that they have a right to express their point of view, but they also wanted to make the students aware that their message could be seen as hurtful by other students.
The kids agreed to cover up the death threat and not to wear the shirts again. They said that they didn’t really mean to harm anyone. Which, of course, isn’t true.
They probably didn’t mean for physical harm to come to any specific person, but they fully intended to harm what their parents (“good Christians”, no doubt) would call “the radical militant homosexual agenda” but which is, in reality, the message that gay kids should not be bullied.
But they did make a good illustration to prove the point of the gay-straight alliance, so it wasn’t all bad.
A mother refuses to be bullied by good concerned Christian women
November 4th, 2010
If you have not yet seen this, and you probably have, this here is the five year old son of Nerdy Apple Bottom. It’s Halloween and he’s Daphne. And his mother is not going to let you bully him about it.
If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.
If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. No one.
But it also was heartbreaking to me that my sweet, kind-hearted five year old was right to be worried. He knew that there were people like A, B, and C. And he, at 5, was concerned about how they would perceive him and what would happen to him.
Just as it was heartbreaking to those parents that have lost their children recently due to bullying. IT IS NOT OK TO BULLY. Even if you wrap it up in a bow and call it ‘concern.’ Those women were trying to bully me. And my son. MY son.
These good mothers at the Christian school would never ever think of themselves as bullies. But they are setting role models for their children, approving of condemnation and rejection and letting their kids know that they have the right to humiliate other kids who don’t dress up to their standards or live according to their gender expectations.
But I think this kid’s going to be okay. He has a cop for a father and a super-hero for a mother. I love this woman.
My son is gay. Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don’t want to know you.
Reaching the bullies
November 4th, 2010
I am pretty certain that were I a 14 year old kid, I would have almost zero interest in watching professional wrestling. But there are certainly plenty of boys who do, and it’s probably a fair assumption that those who are inclined to physically harass their classmates are among those more likely to be drawn to such entertainment.
So it is encouraging that Total Nonstop Action Wrestling has begun an anti-bullying campaign.
“Everyone at TNA stands firmly behind this new anti-bullying campaign. The bullying must stop, and we want to take a stand,” said TNA Chief Marketing Officer, Al Ovadia, himself a father of two. “There’s no place in our schools for bullying, be it based on a student’s looks, race, sexual orientation or anything else.”
Such “yeah, us too” campaigns may not seem to be as professionally prepared as those planned by child advocates, but they are of tremendous importance. Bullies may dismiss the efforts of the goodie-goodies, but when presumed safe havens for bullies – such as tough-guy wrestling sports – make it clear that bullying is not accepted by them either, it places importance on the issue.
When we as adults make it clear that no one – not churches, not tough guys, not conservatives, no one at all – accepts the torment of others, including less masculine boys and less feminine girls, then we will finally reach these kids. Let’s hope that those few voices who still give shelter to bullies and wink at their behavior – or justify it – are soon shamed into joining
My existence is not a violation of your rights
November 3rd, 2010
I am becoming increasingly frustrated by the notion of “balance” that some in the anti-gay industry are espousing.
I support the right of those who believe that homosexual acts are sinful and wish to encourage abstinence to have their voices heard. And those who think that the social acceptance of same-sex couples in society reduces public morality and will lead to social ills should be given the space to present their case.
But the false equivalencies that have been presented lately do not speak to an exchange of ideas, but rather to the assumptions of entitlement to which anti-gay activists think they are due.
The counterbalance to “I wish to advocate for gay rights” is not “you must be kept silent.” And there is no moral equivalency between “I wish to live unharmed” and “I wish to beat you to submission.” Yet these are not greatly exaggerated from that which we see presented.
Take, for example, Russian gay rights protesters who sued their country in the European Court after being denied the right to assemble. The court found last month that their rights had been violated and ordered that Russia allow for future gay rights demonstrations and assigned compensation.
The response to this decision by the Russian Orthodox Church is astonishing. (Interfax Religion)
“The decision made in Strasbourg essentially constitutes violence against the feelings and morals of the majority of [Russian] society. That will hardly help achieve the stated purpose to cultivate tolerance and achieve accord, mutual understanding and peaceful co-existence,” Father Filaret said in an interview with Interfax-Religion.
Peaceful assembly is depicted by the church as “violence against the morals and feelings of society.” The real violence enacted against the physical bodies of gay people in Russia was given less concern by the church than the “violence” against anti-gays feelings.
Or take note of the equivalencies assigned by the school board in Howell, Michigan. (Livingston Daily)
- On October 20, Jay McDowell wore a purple shirt to class to express solidarity with students who are bullied for being (or being perceived as) gay or lesbian. This led to a discussion about bullying and why it should be opposed.
- One student, who had come to class with a Confederate Flag belt buckle was asked by McDowell to remove the item (she did).
- In response, a male student declared that he opposes rainbow flags because, “I don’t accept Gays. It is against my religion. I am Catholic.”
- McDowell attempted to explain how “I don’t accept” followed by any group was disruptive and when the student refused to back down, suspended him and another student from the class for the day.
As the Michigan Messenger describes it:
That student … and another student, were kicked out of McDowell’s Economic class after debating with the teacher about a third student’s Confederate flag belt buckle. The student questioned why it was OK for students to wear clothing to support LGBT issues, but not for a student to wear a Confederate flag.
In other words, why isn’t “I support” equivalent to “I don’t accept”? Shouldn’t both positions be given the same prominence and legal and moral weight?
No. Perhaps in some settings, but not this one.
Because the context of the debate was over the bullying of children. And in that context, “I don’t accept gays” is an implicit endorsement of bullying of school children. When speaking of bullying, “I don’t accept” is a justification for bullying.
Yet the school board found that McDowell violated the rights of these two boys to their free expression and reprimanded him. And in doing so, they made the following comparison:
You also state you routinely do not allow [the Confederate Flag] in your classroom because it offends you, and you personally connect this symbol to a list of oppressions and atrocities. You do, however, allow the display of the rainbow flag, to which some of your students have voiced opposition.
McDowell actually does not display the rainbow flag. (And, indeed, if McDowell did use his class space to advocate for specific (or even general) political positions to the exclusion of other positions, I would agree that this was unfair.) But irrespective of that inaccuracy, consider what it means that the school board administration compared the two:
On one hand the Confederate Flag has a traceable history and an identifiable connection with acts of violence and advocacy of discrimination and intolerance towards people based on their racial and religious identity. In fact, in this particular high school it was linked to a Facebook Hate Group which, in 2009, used the flag as its profile picture and students have been required to remove the symbol from their cars. The Confederate Flag at Howell High was directly connected to a threat against some students.
On the other hand, the rainbow flag is linked with a set of social positions with which some students disagree. At most, it exists as a challenge to the beliefs of some students. But in the minds of this school board administration, a challenge to their beliefs is equivalent to – or worse than – a physical threat against others.
And so they accused McDowell of bullying the students, of denying their right to “not accept” their fellow students. In response to his defense of gay students from being bullied (or “not accepted”), they order him to “cease from engaging in the promotion of your personal social issues.”
For refusing to accept statements of intolerance in his classroom, the board accused McDowell of being intolerant.
Nonsense. Contrary to what anti-gay activists claim, tolerance is not defined by the extent to which it allows intolerance to prevail.
But perhaps most troubling is this instruction to McDowell: “Where controversial issues arise, be sure all sides of the controversial issue be explored without emotion and bias.” Think back to the originating situation, the reason for McDowell’s decision to wear purple: the suicide deaths of a number of gay and presumed-gay children.
What, I wonder, are “all sides” of the “controversial issue” that gay students should not be bullied to death?
More Christians see need to speak out against bullying
November 3rd, 2010
From Connecticut’s MinuteManNewsService:
Two vigils held in Fairfield in the last week have sought to shine light, literally and figuratively, on the tragedy of gay teens who have taken their own lives after being bullied.
One vigil was to be held at Fairfield University Wednesday night after our press time and the other was held in front of First Church Congregational at the corner of Old Post Road and Beach Road last Friday night.
Jennifer Habetz, Youth Minister of First Church, said, “We are morally obligated, in the face of suicide after suicide to work to change the world in which our young people are growing up. And we must do so loudly and visibly, so they know that they are not alone.”
Habetz runs a ministry at First Church which seeks to provide a space for kids of all faiths to counteract the messages which say “they are less than acceptable in the eyes of God.”
At Fairfield University, their Jesuit heritage called on them to support troubled kids and to give comfort a higher priority than condemnation.
The head of Campus Ministry Reverend Michael Doody, S. J. said, “We don’t beat up or demonize people we disagree with. Everyone is entitled to their dignity.”
“The sin against that young man (Tyler Clementi at Rutgers) is far more grievous than anything he could have thought of committing,” said Doody, who pointed out that the Church also says that drinking too much is a sin.
“The Vigil is being held to raise the consciousness of the University Community,” said the priest, adding, “We’re all God’s people. God doesn’t discriminate in His loving.”
Shhhhhh. Don’t tell the Pope.
Little Rock religious leaders speak out against bullying
November 1st, 2010
Perhaps one positive result has come from the bald bigotry spewed by Arkansas school-board member, Clint McCance; it seems that some religious leaders have become shocked by McCance’s attempts to justify his statements by appeals to religion.
On Friday, several ministers in Little Rock spoke out against bullying and in support of gay and lesbian kids. (Arkansas Times)
The Arkansas Interfaith Alliance, a group of local religious leaders, spoke this morning on the steps of Christ Episcopal Church downtown in support for bullied gay and lesbian teens in the wake of the resignation of Midland School Board member Clint McCance.
The speakers were minister Barbara Jones, Bishop Charles Crutchfield of the United Methodist Church, Ruth Shepherd of Just Communities of Arkansas, Rabbi Gene Levy, pastor Bob Cline of the Universalist Unitarian Church, and former United Methodist Church Bishop Kenneth Hicks. They were backed by other community and religious leaders, including Judge Wendell Griffen and gay and lesbian advocate Randi Romo of the Center for Artistic Revolution.
It’s hard to say whether this is but a momentary response or whether this is part of a growing recognition on the part of people of faith that they have an obligation to break the connection between religion and bigotry. Let’s hope it is the latter.
It Gets Better: President Barack Obama
October 21st, 2010
Whatever complaints and irritations the gay community has right now, this video matters. People do still listen to the President in a way in which they don’t listen to us bloggers and activists. Yes, people will make potshots at the speech. We’re pretty angry over DADT, DOMA and all the other areas of active discrimination that are written into our laws.
And as Alvin McEwen’s facebook friend said, “Heck, we can’t even thank someone without getting into an argument. ”
Well, I’ll go ahead and say it anyway: thank you Mr. President.
More Videos Like This One, Please
October 20th, 2010
From a straight (albeit sometimes questioning) Christian young man:
Warren Throckmorton responds:
This video is a direct challenge to far right observers who believe the distress felt by many young people is due to their sexual orientation. This young man identifies as straight and yet reports repeated harassment due to perceptions that he was gay.
I believe that observation is in rebuttal to people like Tony Perkins, who blamed the recent rash of suicides on the kids’ sexual orientation in a Washington Post op-ed. By the way, the controversey over that op-ed continues to reverberate.
Middle School Student Takes a Stand Against Bullying
October 16th, 2010
An NBC affiliate in California covered this story about 7th grader Marco Melgoza, a victim of anti-gay bullying at his middle school in Madera, CA. Despite efforts made by school administrators to curb the bullying, Marco reports that it is still happening. It’s amazing to see youth standing up for themselves with the support of their parents.
Long Island Police Arrest Teens for Bullying
October 15th, 2010
Nassau County Police on Long Island have arrested three teens who stomped and kicked another teen on a school bus because they perceived him to be gay. Investigators have learned that the bullying went on for weeks. Police have charged Chase Morrison, 16; David Spencer, 18; Roy Wilson, 16 with felonies as hate crimes:
“Punches, backhand slaps and kicks, the victim retreated to the back of the bus where the defendants followed and continued with the assault,” Nassau County Police Det. Lt. John McEwan said.
The trio allegedly stomped on the victim’s arms, legs, stomach and thigh, while making disparaging remarks about his sexual orientation.
It also looks like the school system may be held responsible for the attacks as well:
Unfortunately, buses and locker rooms and hallways and playgrounds are fertile fields for bullying,” said Alane Fagin of Nassau County Child Abuse Prevention Services. The bus driver and matron are cooperating, being questioned by their supervisors and police, who said it is their duty to immediately report any taunting or bullying on the bus.
I’ve asked before when will the time come when school administrators and personnel are held responsible for bullying that takes place on their watch. While it’s not clear in this case whether school employees ignored the bullying, but it looks like the police are taking the possibility seriously.
A Fierce Advocate from Ft. Worth
October 14th, 2010
What do you say we elect Ft. Worth City Councilman Joel Burns our next President?
Perez Hilton Swears Off Bullying and Outing
October 14th, 2010
The September Suicides have heightened everyone’s awareness of the role that bullying and harassment has played in these tragedies. Some, like Focus On the Family and the Family “Research Council” have continued to oppose efforts to end anti-gay bullying and even shifted the blame for the suicides on the victims themselves.
But others are taking a more honorable route by looking at their own behavior to see if there’s anything they’re doing that is detrimental to the overall climate for gay people or anyone else who is different. Perez Hilton, who has been widely seen as something of a bully himself. He appeared on Ellen Degeneres’ program to say that the suicides has been “big wake-up call” call for him to turn over a new leaf.
Staten Island Teens Arrested For Bullying
October 12th, 2010
At least some local authorities are starting to take bullying seriously:
A Muslim boy says four bullies made his life a living hell in the halls of a Staten Island public school, calling him a “terrorist” and beating him every chance they got.
The victim, a 16-year-old high school freshman, told his father and the police of the constant abuse he endured, prompting the arrests Sunday of his teen tormenters on suspicion of hate crimes.
“[They] punched me in my groin, and I fell to the floor. They started kicking me, and calling me ‘You f—in’ terrorist,’ ‘You f—in’ Muslim,’” the victim, Kristian, told the Daily News. …”I think I can’t go through a year like this again,” said the soft-spoken victim.
Dan Savage Has A Bone To Pick With the White House
October 11th, 2010
Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” video project, launched in response to what is now being called the “September Suicides,” has been so successful that it has maxed out its YouTube channel at 650 videos. So now there is a dedicated web site where the project can continue to grow and flourish.
The phrase “It Gets Better” has become something of a catch phrase, and all kinds of people, famous and obscure, are helping to spread the message. It’s really great to see everyone rallying around the kids who really need to hear it. It’s become such a popular cause that even the White House has jumped on the bandwagon. To which Dan Savage responds in his typically demure way.
Seth Walsh’s “Daily Gauntlet”
October 7th, 2010
The mother of Seth Walsh, the Bakersfield-area teen who committed suicide in response to a daily dose of bullying in school, quietly mourns the loss of her son. She is refusing to speak to the public, as are Seth’s friends. But Seth’s grandparents have opened up, and the world gets to see just a bit of the incredible kid that we lost:
Judy and Jim still laugh over his tastes. He colored his hair blond on occasion and wore it with a long swoop that partly covered his eyes. Judy took him shopping once, and he went to the girl’s department to find pants with tapered legs. He added a vest, and a few months later she noticed the style everywhere.
…He was a gentle child, they say, who preferred to “relocate bugs” rather than kill them, who made sure his younger brother got his share of Easter eggs and who once apologized to a bed of flowers when he picked one and placed it on the grave of the family dog.
But the Walshes realize that Seth’s gentleness made him a target, and they recall listening to Wendy (Seth’s mother) as she shared her worries about Seth and what he had to endure.
The teasing and bullying began in fourth grade. At first it was because he was different — more comfortable with girls, not interested in sports, neither aggressive nor assertive — and then it was because he thought he was gay. Once classmates found out and the news spread, the abuse became more focused and cruel.
When Judy learned from her daughter that Seth was gay, she became concerned for the challenges that lay ahead of her grandson.
“Life is hard enough,” she says, “but this makes it harder.”
“Especially in a small town,” Jim says.
The Los Angeles Times’ profile is a must-read.
Throckmorton: prioritizing the well-being of the kids
October 5th, 2010
Focus on the Family, and those who fear “the homosexual agenda,” tend to oppose anti-bullying programs that include specific curricula which seeks to counter-act anti-gay bullying. They fear that it contributes to the “normalization of homosexuality” and in a perverse distortion of “faith” they give this fear a far higher importance than the physical well-being of the children.
However, Dr. Warren Throckmorton, a conservative evangelical Christian who advocates for a conservative sexual ethic, advises evangelicals to reconsider their priorities (CNN):
As a traditional evangelical, I may have some differences of opinion with my gay friends. However, such ideological differences don’t matter to a middle school child who is afraid to go to school.
There are many such children who need adults to care more about their well being than about religious differences. Adults need to focus on common values of respect and civility and take the culture war off the school campus.
Throckmorton reminds fellow Christians that their role in society is to protect the oppressed and that Christians should be part of the solution, not contributing to the problem.
It seems to me that people of faith should lead the way in providing safe and respectful environments for all. To do this, you have to be there and you have to name the problem to solve it.
Let’s hope the Church is listening.
It Gets Better: From a BTB Reader
October 4th, 2010
Ben Mathis, who comments regularly on BTB, contributed this video to Dan Savage’s It Gets Better project:
I love BTB readers! You can contribute your message of encouragement and support here.
It Gets Better: From a Divinity Professor
October 3rd, 2010
Rev. Stephen Sprinkle is the director of field education and supervised ministry, and associate professor of practical theology at Brite Divinity School, which is an independent school affiliate with Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, Texas. He is also a gay man, and he has a message for you: It gets better.
Rev. Sprinke attended the memorial service for Asher Brown over the weekend and wrote about it for the Dallas Voice.
(By the way, my first contact with Rev. Sprinkle came when he emailed me to express his complements for one of my earlier endeavors, Testing The Premise: Are Gays A Threat To Our Children? That was back in 2005 or 2006, when I still wasn’t sure exactly where this web site was going — I was still working under the delusion that it would not be a blog. I was and remain grateful for Rev. Sprinkle’s words of encouragement and support.)
You can contribute your message of encouragement and support here.
How Suicides Serve the Anti-Gay Agenda
October 3rd, 2010
From Oklahoma City:
Some time back, I asked this question of Focus On the Family and other groups like them: “When Does Opposition to Suicide Prevention Equal Murder?”
I think that with Focus On the Family’s response to what are now being called “The September Suicides,” we have that answer. The “when” is now. Opposition to suicide prevention equals murder.
I was reminded of that question three times today. First, with the video you see above. And then again when I read this heartfelt and thought-provoking piece by Exodus International vice-president Randy Thomas — that is, until I read where he re-posted Exodus’ policy statement on bullying:
In addition, every individual deserves equal protection and every offender should receive equal punishment. We call upon other organizations concerned with preserving the essential equality of all individuals to exhibit impartiality in their policies, rather than singling out some for special treatment. [Emphasis mine]
That last phrase serves a very specific reason: Anti-gay groups like Exodus International and others routinely oppose anti-bullying programs which mention gay people, on the theory that if you don’t talk about a problem, it will no longer exist. That’s the rationale behind Focus’ opposition to anti-bullying programs that talk about gay people.
But of course, we know the problem exists precisely because the specific problem isn’t being addressed in schools. The problem exists because school administrators turn a blind eye to gay kids being bullied. It exists because very public people give a green light to bullying. And it exists because people create an atmosphere — administrators, teachers, parents, preachers, and ex-gay program vice-presidents — where they only speak of gay people as problems to be dealt with, struggles to be cured, “choices” to be condemned, and any notion of positive futures to be denied.
And the problem exists precisely because gay kids, along with gay people in general, are already being singled out for special treatment. The special treatment exists in the prohibitions and discrimination written into our laws, where we can’t marry, we can’t serve in the military, we can be fired from our jobs without cause, and in many states we cannot even claim our spouse’s corpse. And this special treatment exists beyond the law and into the hearts of those who protest that we are a threat to society, our families, our children and ourselves.
Against this backdrop, you can see how suicide may begin to look logical for a tormented individual. It becomes an acceptance of an open and unspoken (and yes, sometimes a spoken) invitation to just go ahead and kill yourself and be done with it. After all, if people like Focus and Exodus don’t want us to actually name the problem in schools, then the problem for these kids isn’t that there are bullies in school. The problem is that these kids are gay. And that is precisely the message that anti-gay groups would have for kids, parents, administrators, politicians and everyone else, to the exclusion of all other messages.
I think it is time to turn the question into a declarative: Opposition to anti-bullying programs and suicide prevention equals murder.
If you don’t believe it, then here is my third reminder for today. It’s from Dan Savage:
The religious right points to the suicide rate among gay teenagers—which the religious right works so hard to drive up (see above)—as evidence that the gay lifestyle is destructive. It’s like intentionally running someone down with your car and then claiming that it isn’t safe to walk the streets.
Which is why I argued that every gay teen suicide is a victory for the religious right. Because, you see, your side does use those suicides to “perpetuate [your] agenda.” Tony Perkins and all those other oddly effete defenders of “Christian values” and “traditional marriage” will point to this recent spate of gay teen suicides to argue against gay marriage, anti-bullying programs, against allowing gay people to serve in the military—basically, they’ll gleefully use these tragedies to justify what they like to call the “Christian, pro-family agenda.”
Savage added that profound insight as a quick post script to an already outstanding post. Read the whole thing.