A Candid Explanation for Change

Jim Burroway

May 31st, 2007

My next post in my Love Won Out series is slated to focus on Alan Chambers’s workshop, “Hope for Those Who Struggle.” This is a talk in which Alan sets out to establish realistic expectations for change. Of all the workshops and all the plenary sessions at Love Won Out, I thought this one was the most realistic and honest of them all. As you can see, I haven’t posted it yet, but I promise I will.

I bring this up because Timothy Kincaid’s post on A Whole New Lack of Desire sparked a great conversation about change in the comments. And that ties in especially well with Daniel Gonzales’s podcast this week in which I talk to him about Love Won Out. In the last part of that podcast, you will get to hear a brief snippet from Alan’s talk, as well as my reaction to it. That will be the jumping off point for my next post in the series.

Like I said, I promise I will write it. But unfortunately the way things are going at work, I can’t promise when. Until then, I encourage you to listen to the podcast.

And I hasten to add, I really don’t sound like that.  Stupid cheap telephone…

John

May 31st, 2007

Jim,

The podcast with Daniel was really surprising. I am more confused by Alan Chambers now than I have ever been. Whatever comes out of his mouth never seems consistent with his previous statements. While his comments at Love Won Out about his daily struggle with denial sound believable and more reasonable than anything else I have heard him say, the fact that I have heard him say the exact opposite with absolute conviction leaves me at a loss. He has called himself a compulsive liar in the past. Perhaps nothing has changed, and I should stop trying to make sense of where he might be coming from.

disputed mutability

June 4th, 2007

Jim,

I have really enjoyed all of your audio remarks on LWO. I am eagerly awaiting the rest of your written posts on the subject…I guess I will have to eagerly wait a little bit longer. :)

I was horrified by the Melissa Fryrear bit. I’d read her words before (on the whole red-headed football kilt guy thing) from other commentaries on LWO, but never heard it with my own ears. Yikes! It’s painfully embarrassing to listen to. Was it your impression that the folks in the audience actually believed this?

Regarding Chambers, I share John’s bafflement. Will the real Alan Chambers please stand up? I understand it must be hard for these guys, especially after touting stories of glamorously total transformation, to be honest about their struggles. But this is important. People are making serious decisions about their own lives and their children’s lives based on the information they are getting. So I think it is dreadfully irresponsible to be coy, double-tongued, or jokey about this matter. It’s not just about me and my pride and my reputation and what I would like to believe about myself. Other people’s lives are affected by what I say about myself–I owe it to them to be transparent and straightforward.

On a side note, I was shocked by Chambers’s disclosure. I had no idea it was that rough for him. I guess I had just assumed his situation was sort of like mine, except for the taking-nine-months-to-consummate-his-marriage part. But apparently it isn’t.

Jim Burroway

June 4th, 2007

Not only did the folks in the audience believe Melissa Fryrear, but a couple hours later I personally witnessed one parent breaking down in tears. Not because her son was molested, but because her son MUST have been molested. “That lady said so.”

I had been reading and studying a lot of ex-gay stuff before then, so I guess I was able to take everything the speakers said in stride up to that point. But that parent really shook me up. Before, I was just exasperated. After seeing her grief, I became angry and have been ever since.

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