Thanks, Ducky

Timothy Kincaid

July 24th, 2008

ducky.gifLife has a way of circling back on you.

In the late 80’s, I rented, with roommates, a very cool flat-roofed glass-walled house in the Nihonmachi (Japantown) section of San Jose. This was definitely the House of Love as everyone I knew who lived there met someone, fell in love, moved out, and was replaced with another single person.

Rich, one of the original three, fell in love with Chris. And though for all practical purposes he moved in with Chris (including for the time his very unique mother stayed with me for three weeks), Rich was my roommate for over a year.

Rich was the one who brought in Ducky as a roommate. Ducky was a small, funny, quirky girl with a mullet (though she wasn’t a lesbian). And, in addition to adding to the flavor of the house, she put up with me (not an easy task at the time).

I always thought of Ducky as “Ducky”, so when reading an article in 2004 about some woman named Kate it took me a while to recognize the name. But when I read that Kate looked to her best friends, a gay couple named Chris and Rich, as a model for how a marriage should work, memories came rushing back.

This week I receive a mass-email plea from “Jim & Kate DeLaHunt for Equality California” asking for contributions to help the fight to keep marriage legal. It started:

Ten years ago, we decided to take the plunge.
We got married.

Standing at our side were our friends, Rich and Chris. I don’t think we would have gotten married without their good example.

Jim and Kate promised to match the contributions brought in by the plea.

To my old friend and roommate Ducky, I say thank you for your support for the rights of my community. Thank you for lending your voice, your time, your efforts and your money to a cause that many straight people believe doesn’t really benefit their own lives.

And to Rich and Chris, thanks for modeling what love, commitment and marriage are all about.

Now to our readers: If you want to make a difference in an election battle that is likely to directly impact the lives of all gay Americans, please contribute to Equality California.

cowboy

July 24th, 2008

I have known a few Rich & Chris-type couples; I use various aspects of their relationships as the model I want some day in my life. The best way to fight Prop 8 is to present examples of couples that will be hurt by this legislation. Can opponents to same-sex marriage not see what they are doing to good decent people? Can they not see this is legislating discrimination? What is blinding some people to see the wrong in this proposition 8? It’s pure bigotry and it’s not always religious zealotry.

But, in any case, a lot of money is going to be spent. The wisest way to use the money would be to publicly appeal to common decency and fairness. At least that was what I was taught in Sunday School. The Golden Rule. The doctrine of fairness. A lot of money will be deemed wasted after November 4th by one side.

Regan DuCasse

July 25th, 2008

I already volunteer and have for Equality CA and more recently for Equality for All.

My own opinion is that we should emphasisze that our state and federal Constitutions are for the protection and equality of ALL citizens and that discrimination, especially towards a single group is anathema to the tenets of equality and the mission statement of the Bill of Rights as well as the Constitution.

For the first time, discrimination will be written into our state Constitution for the first time. And in effect will not protect marriage from the ravages of divorce, domestic abuse, abandonment or adultery, nor will this amendment protect the VOWS of marriage. Which are the most important aspects of any marriage.

When we are speaking to our fellow citizens, this isn’t only about what marriage means and access to it for gay couples, but what the purpose of Constitution and amendments are for.
One should not be at the expense of the other and marriage equality does neither.

Ducky Sherwood

September 30th, 2008

Tim —

I remember you well. I loved that house on Fifth Street!

FYI, I still use “Ducky”. :-) I made a conscious decision to use “Kate DeLaHunt” in fund-raising appeals to make it absolutely, 100% clear that we are a heterosexual, married couple. I kept my name when we got married (I had too much professional identity to throw ‘Sherwood’ away), but as I tell people, “‘Sherwood’ is my name, and ‘DeLaHunt’ is my title.” (Jim will also answer to “Mr. Sherwood”.)

BTW, nice site! It looks hugely comprehensive! I just spent about 90 minutes reading about your Love Won Out experience. (Please finish it!)

Timothy Kincaid

September 30th, 2008

Ducky,

Thanks for stopping by. It’s good to hear from you again.

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