Box Turtle Bulletin

I think you are reading into it. It is a tough life to be gay, you deal with safety issues with regards to gay bashing and discrimination. It is hard for people to accept it, I don’t see her saying anything about why a “homosexual lifestyle” is bad, she is just saying it’s hard and that is societal fault.

Neil H

Being gay in a homophobic society is a tough life.

But Sigourney’s intended meaning is unclear…

Emily K

Yeah, I’m willing to grant her some leeway with the hope she clarifies. Sometimes when you’re outside of it, even with the best intentions you say something that just comes out sounding all wrong.

Josh

When Sigourney was promoting Prayers for Bobby on The View last week she was clear that she supported gays.

I think she meant dangerous and unsafe as in gays could be victims of hate crimes.

Piper

Yeah, when my mom thought I was gay she said something like Ms. Weaver. I think her(my mom) point was more, “Sweetheart, if you are gay I will love you and support you , I will just worry, because it is dangerous to be gay in America right now.”
So I kind of read her comments in the same light.

Benjamin

I think Sigourney is talking about those youth who are growing up in a strict Evangelical or other anti-gay homes, etc. It’s tough.

Jason D

Okay, okay, calm down. I’m an actor, and when actor’s discuss their characters there’s a lot of things that the average person may not quite get, or it may just sound loopy.

What we have here is Sigourney Weaver, the actor, talking about her craft. She’s not discussing her own personal or political beliefs, she’s merely relaying how she played such a difficult role.

All good actors seek out characters that are, in some way, at odds with who we are personally. They are more challenging and rewarding than playing characters who match our likes and dislikes. The way you connect with a character who has nothing in common with you is finding parallels. Not finding similarities, so much as finding things that are in some way parallel. No good actor ever plays an antagonist as outright evil, because very few antagonists ever see themselves as evil. They always think that what they are doing is the right thing.

Sigourney chose to connect and play this character by viewing this situation through the eyes of a concerned parent — rather than a cackling villian, and that’s what makes it more believable as a role. That’s all that’s going on in this quote.

If you snap at her for telling how she found a way to play Mary with depth and compassion, I think you’re missing the point. Doesn’t the character come around at the end?

Ted

I read it as meaning that life is tough in general.

KipEsquire

I read that quote as within the context of Bobby essentially running away from home to live with his cousin in Portland and feeling disowned, unwelcome and without a family support system.

Paranoid much?

Pomo

Oh Timmy, don’t get too worked up. It doesn’t sound to me like she meant anything negative by it. Not everyone is out to get us :) As others have said, she was refering to how its not easy being gay in our society. Not that its inherintly evil.

Norm!

Her statement is weird, but it’s not clear what context the statement was given. Was she responding to a question? I don’t think she meant anything by it considering the overall message of the movie.

Also, she may have been talking from the perspective of her character, 1980 Mary Griffith who did feared for her son’s soul and safety.

azpueblojim

Wow, Timothy. You’re kind of reaching by implying that Sigorney was even talking in the context of homosexual lifestyles at all. Did you ever stop to think that she’s speaking outside of the narrow context of the movie? While I understand and enjoy the context of BTB, everything else is not ALLways about homo-stuff, ya know.

Standing on its own, her quote seems to touch on parent/child relationships and the real worries that most good parents have about their kids being safe and making sound decisions in a broad sense. This can be who they get into a car with, what they do when confronted with drugs, alcohol, other health choices, etc.(Read: not limited to sexual lifestyles).

Suggest you try taking a half-step back from time to time as a way to keep from going into full homo attack mode when it’s not warranted.

David Weintraub

I think this is an uncharitable reading of the quote. While it’s not clear what exactly she meant, I see no reason to make the assumption that she’s channeling anti-gay propaganda. It makes more sense that she’s speaking to what she’s learned about the danger to gay kids from anti-gay prejudice. That parents naturally want the best, conflict-free lives for their kids is what makes even well-meaning ones vulnerable to lies about “change.”

It could be useful to have a conversation in which she expands on and clarifies what she meant. There is certainly the potential for exactly such parents to misunderstand her meaning, and that’s the real unfortunate thing here. The way her words are perceived are in a way more important than what she actually meant.

Mike

I think she’s referring to becoming an intern under Sam Adams :)

Priya Lynn

Well several of you claim that Sigourney wasn’t trying to be anti-gay but I disagree with you – she was channeling anti-gay propaganda. If she was expressing a concern about gays being oppressed she wouldn’t have said “all parents do is try to keep their kids from leading lives that are dangerous or unsafe”, she’d have acknowledged that gay children will be gay regardless instead of suggesting they can be kept from such a life. If she was expressing concern about her gay child being harmed she’d have said have stated that parents try to keep their children from harm, not from being gay.

Laura

I think Weaver’s comments reflect her empathy with Griffith rather than on her own fears. Unfortunately, it came out as “being gay is something to be feared”.

sandy

The way I understand it, you have to listen to Weaver’s statement in context. (Things like this don’t exist in a vacuum.) She’s coming off the heels of an intense acting experience, in which her character’s son lost his life. Of course, she might perceive it as dangerous and unsafe, in relation to that true story. I don’t, however, think that it is how she perceives the gay existence full stop.

Kristie

The way I read the comments was that she was not even actually referring to homosexuality specifically. She says that she approached the role by trying to imagine her own daughter dealing with something difficult and overwhelming in her own life that she was unable to discuss with her mother. This could be any issue-drug addiction, an eating disorder, a sexual assault, sexual identity issues, or even a mental health issue.

I felt that she was simply talking about drawing on the fear and helplessness you feel as a parent when you see your child struggling with something that is emotionally burdening them. Life is tough enough for any kid at that age, but a kid that is going through an emotional crisis is in far more danger of putting themselves at risk or doing harm to themselves as a way to escape from whatever issue is weighing on them.

I could be wrong, but that was how I took her comments.

Paul Stevens

I think that she is referring to life in the universal sense. It seems to me like she is saying that this is a tough life for all of us.

Seeing her comments at the end of the film (during the credits) I really don’t think she is in any way homophobic and I think she certainly has met many living, breathing, happy gay and lesbian people.

tristram

What’s going on here is quite obvious – after a lifetime struggling in obscurity, this homophobic actress gets her shot at the big time – the prestige of a role on Lifetime, a huge payout in a big-budget production (just wait ’til those overseas residuals start rolling in), and a year in the Oscar spotlight. So she grits her teeth, plays the part, cashes her check and then spews forth the true bigotry that infests her heart.

tristram

And what could be unsafe or tough for a queer kid these days – even one living in a fundamentalist community – let’s say a small town in Arkansas or Oklahoma? Maybe the tough choice of what body part to get pierced with this week’s allowance? Or which ‘lifestyle’ to ‘choose’ – L, G, B, T or Q? Besides, if it were so tough, wouldn’t the homosexualists be lobbying for legislation against bullying, hate crimes, employment discrimination, etc., etc.?

Dave

Oh, for the love of Pete!

Box Turtle Bulletin is frequently citing
hate crime statistics and pointing out how often anti-gay motivated crimes are violent.

But when Sigourney Weaver says something that might indicate that being gay in America is tougher than being straight, you jump down her throat!

Just what does it take to please you, Timothy?

Seething Mom

As a mom who has a gay son, I can say that my very first reaction upon learning about my son was an extreme and almost irrational fear for his safety (getting beat up for being gay, not practicing safe sex and contracting HIV, etc). I am hoping that is what Sigourney Weaver was alluding to when she made that statement. Although, I do have to admit, she could have been a little less clumsy in the way she said it, if that was indeed what she meant.

Jason D

Tim, after finally having the chance to read the article you got this quote from, I begin to wonder if YOU read the article yourself…

Sigourney notes, about the film’s release on Lifetime —

“More people will see this in one airing than may ever see some of the features I’ve done. And there’s a message here that a lot of people need to hear.”

And what other message could she possibly mean with regard to a movie that’s plot revolves around an anti-gay mother that feels responsible for her son’s suicide and resolves to educate herself and become an advocate?

This next section directly follows the quote you pulled:

Weaver has kept in touch with the real-life Griffith, whom she met during production.

“One of her grandchildren just came out who is 15,” Weaver said, getting misty again. “And Bobby would be so proud because it was greeted with such unconditional love from the entire family and they said, ‘We’re proud of you.'”

Let’s repeat that in case you missed it:
And Bobby would be so proud because it was greeted with such unconditional love from the entire family and they said, ‘We’re proud of you.'”

Now, with all that in context, perhaps Sigourney handled her explanation in a clumsy way (gee a mother investing part of herself into the difficult role of another mother responsible for her own child’s death — can’t imagine why it wouldn’t come out letter-perfect!) I’d have to say you really jumped over the edge with this one.

“A tough lifeâ€¦ um, ya mean like that dangerous and unsafe â€œhomosexual lifestyleâ€ that anti-gay activists tell us about?”

No, Tim, the tough life she’s referring to is the one where we live in a country that treats us as second class citizens, the tough life where we can be killed for flirting with the wrong man and have a jury accept a “gay panic defense”. That’s the tough life, Tim.

“I really hope that AP misquoted you, Sigourney. If not, you need to get out and meet some actual living breathing happy gay people. The kind that arenâ€™t living dangerous, unsafe, or even â€œtoughâ€ lives.”

No, I don’t think the AP misquoted Sigourney. I think you perhaps were looking for something to be upset about. I think perhaps Ms. Weaver was referring to Prop 8, the tragic death of Harvey Milk, Matthew Shepard, having to even create groups like PFLAG, having to wonder if you’re going to get beaten for holding your partner’s hand, — that’s what she meant by tough life.

It’s so funny, so much of this site exists to defend and provide information against the onslaught of lies and hate sent our way — and it’s like you refuse to believe that Sigourney was referring to Our Struggle (which is still going on, unless I missed a memo). You had to do a great leap to get to the idea that Sigourney Weaver was dissing us. It’s quite plain, when taken in context that Sigourney Weaver is very much pro-gay, and the Tough Life she referred to? That’s the one that makes sites like BTB, Pam’s House Blend, Good As You sadly NECESSARY.

Priya Lynn

Not buying it Jason. She referred to lives that are “dangerous or unsafe”, not to a society that treats gay people badly. She was channeling anti-gay propaganda directly from Focus on the Anus and Exodus international.

Timothy Kincaid

For those who may have misunderstood me:

I don’t think that Sigourney Weaver had any intentions other than admirable or attitudes other than supportive.

But I do think that her words reflect an understanding of gay life that is far out of date. And that may well be due in part to her participation in Prayers for Bobby (which takes place in the 80’s).

Unfortunately, many people – especially those who may be liberal and kind but who don’t know gay folks well – believe that being gay is akin to being crippled in some way. We deserve pity and kindness but oh how very very sad it all is. What a difficult life and how disappointing for the parents.

They simply cannot fathom that a parent might find that having a gay child is like having a left-handed child or a child that is shy. Yes, it’s interesting and may require attention, but it’s hardly a catastrophy.

Those with less admirable intentions use such misperceptions about the ‘tragic lives’ of gays to build artificial barriers and to enact political punishments. They say “see, the life is sad, dangerous, and difficult so we should discourage it” and then set about to push reorientation and to argue against marriage and other matters of equality and decency. Every time you hear or read “the homosexual lifestyle”, it is an appeal to that presumption.

And even those who may well have charitable instincts can find themselves saying, “well I’m a supporter but wouldn’t it be better if they could change” or “gosh darnit I love em, but well maybe they shouldn’t have marriage because they just don’t have happy and ‘real’ relationships”.

I don’t know Sigourney Weaver’s attitudes about sexuality and would be a bit surprised if the few brief words reported were truly representative. But those words reflect a false paradigm:

Either A) Gays have difficult and dangerous lives so we should do everything we can to change them and fight their homosexuality,

Or B) Gays have difficult and dangerous lives so we should love and pity them and try and make them less miserable if we can.

What is missing is the recognition that many gay people do not have difficult or dangerous lives at all. And while external pressures can and do lead to disproportionate problems, there is nothing inherent in same-sex attraction that determines or predicts a dangerous, unsafe, or tough life.

I think that Sigourney has the right instincts – a desire to support our community. But I think that the premises underlying the paragraph should be rejected.

Because until gay people are no longer perceived as tragic then they will remain a people of either scorn or pity. And neither of those lead to equality.

Ben in Oakland

Jason– perfectly said.

Timothy– also perfectly said.

ScooterJ

Ms. Weaver has shown her support for the gay community all of her life. If you need recent examples, check her out on the View and read the article in the current Advocate.

When are we going to stop over-analyzing and over-scrutinizing our community heros?

If her performance can change the heart of a single overly-zealous mother, then she deserves all of the accolades that our community can muster.

azpueblojim

Amen, ScooterJ.

Timothy can backpedal and rationalize all he wants. Unfortunately in this case, the editorial (with snarky headline) ends up being just an example of the kind of spin-doctoring that illustrates how this community tends to eat it’s own.

Alex H