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News and commentary about the anti-gay lobby“Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife…”
News and commentary about the anti-gay lobbySeptember 23rd, 2009
The Times has an article discussing gay teens. And God do I feel old.
Austin didn\’t know what to wear to his first gay dance last spring. It was bad enough that the gangly 13-year-old from Sand Springs, Okla., had to go without his boyfriend at the time, a 14-year-old star athlete at another middle school, but there were also laundry issues. “I don\’t have any clean clothes!” he complained to me by text message, his favored method of communication.
I know that I knew that I was gay early on, before I knew that there was even a word for it. But like many guys my generation, I didn’t come out until my 20’s.
I can’t imagine how different life would be had I let the world know I was gay at age 13.
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Bruce Garrett
September 23rd, 2009
Yes…I envy them. But this is exactly what we were, and are, working for. That world where that wonderful magical time when you discover what it is to be in love isn’t a nightmare anymore for gay kids. I wish I had it to live, but I am so very glad I lived to see its dawning, finally. This world will be a much better place with more happy memories of being young and in love for the first time in it.
Gina9223
September 23rd, 2009
I’m so glad that a teenager has the freedom to grow up in a country that allows himself to be himself…. to think, he’s going to a gay dance and is worried about clean clothes… it’s so different to my own youth.
I’m glad for him and all the other teens out there that are getting to go to dances and be normal teenagers. I know that there are those out there who still are not allowed to be themselves and I hope we can make it a better place for all of them.
rusty
September 23rd, 2009
I have had many a conversation about the second adolescence that many glbt folk have to go through as a result of ‘the closet’. I cry when I meet young people who get to date peers, their first crush, their happy times.
Bill Herrmann
September 23rd, 2009
Rusty, I couldn’t agree with you more. I had my second adolescence in my mid-30s and wished that I could have had both of them simultaneously.
I want these kids get to just take it for granted that that’s the way the world is. I don’t want them eternally grateful for the struggle that got them to this point. I want them to enjoy their lives and live them as normally as possible.
Andrew
September 23rd, 2009
It’s amazing to me, being from Oklahoma, the difference. I’m only a decade older than that kid, but things have changed a lot. Even in OK.
Stefano A
September 23rd, 2009
This New York Times magazine piece was truly one of the best msm pieces on gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth that I’ve read in the last few years.
The one and only fault I had was Benoit’s brief quote from the director of the Christian Educators Association International, Finn Laursen. That brief quote, in my opinion, gave a rather distorted impression of the CEAI as being “supportive” of GSA’s for example. However, a search of the CEAI web site for the word “homosexuality” brings up only six resource links, all of which are links associated with Exodus International specifically or organizations whose primary purpose is “liberating people from homosexuality”.
The main membership center of CEAI, btw, is in Ohio. I don’t really know much about them or Laursen, but it would be interesting to know what role they’ve played in getting passed (or not passed as the reality is) anti-bully legislation in Ohio.
Polaris
September 23rd, 2009
Wow, these kids are amazing, I didnt have the courage to come out to myself till I was 27. This truly is the best news I heard all day.
Waldo
September 23rd, 2009
I knew I was in 1968. There was nothing to read, no one to tell, and certainly no 14 year old jocks to date.
Lynn David
September 24th, 2009
I was 14 in 1968 also…. and I told my best friend. I still remember the homophobic tirade I got from him, because it forced me back into that closet. Having lived in Oklahoma during that time of my second adolescence, I too am surprised at how far things have come. It is what we have voted, fought, marched, aggitated for these many years. I often think homophobia will be with us forever, but items such as this herald that glimmer of hope moreso than any vote against DADT or the DOMA or for gay marriage or ENDA.
paul j stein
September 24th, 2009
I had a priest trying to explain to me that liking guys was wrong especially at 13yo (1973). When I transferred to public High School the next year (1974) it was the dean of students (he had 10 kids and cheating on his wife with female students)doing the exact same thing . I beat a guys ass thoroughly for calling me a “faggot” and throwing my books at me (first day of High School). That was the “DAY OF DECISION”, my “Stonewall Moment”. Every GLBT person faces it, take it forever or make a stand! I took my 5 day suspension. My coaches saw that I had the balls to stand up and were supportive to the point of stepping in if the harassment would get too far past “normal” adolescent harassment. After awhile the harassment stopped and bigger guys , I was 6’2″(really bigger football guys)would step in and kick some ass for me. People will step up if given the support from peers and people in places of authority.
Emily K
September 24th, 2009
I came out when I was 15, in 2000. :¬) That was almost 10 years ago. Glory!
I have to say it didn’t make things any easier in terms of admitting who I was in love with, or being able to date. I’m just a shy person by nature. Just like a straight adolescent (and now 20-something), I have trouble with that. “Coming out” isn’t a magic bullet to happiness, but it helps to be honest about who you love.
Chris McCoy
September 24th, 2009
Wow. I am so happy that something I could only dream of 15 years ago is a reality for gay youth now.
I pause to celebrate, and remind myself that it’s the little victories that count.
I look forward to the day when these same youths grow up and marry their high school sweet hearts and no one bats an eye. When they adopt a child, and no one thinks twice.
RebLaw
September 24th, 2009
You know, it’s times like these when I feel like an odd duck. I’m pretty young (27 years as of April), yet I find myself identifying more with the older posters than the younger ones. I was raised in a very conservative Catholic house, that’s probably why. While I remember knowing that I wanted to marry another girl at a young age, but I wasn’t able to come to terms with it until I was in my 20s. I didn’t come out to my parents until I was in my mid-20s. And, my parents didn’t understand, and still don’t.
grantdale
September 24th, 2009
Don’t be silly Timothy — if you had come out at 13 you would now be internationally famous, stunningly attractive and also embarrassingly rich.
(Instead, you’ve had to settle for just the one of those.)
Fortuitously, I didn’t come out at 13 either. And I’m not sure what I would have come out of at that age and in that era, come to think of it.
But I’m glad things are changing. All else aside, I think most sensible parents would rather their son or daughter be open and supported and monitored during these first stumbling steps with a peer than leave them to discover for themselves what it means to be under the caring tutelage of a dirty old Larry Craig in a restroom.
Not that this happened to me. But my stance on this is anything but a “wide stance”. 13 year old gay boys should have 13 year old boyfriends, if any. Full stop. Well, OK, maybe 14.
Cute. And exactly what we’ve been fighting for. One of the things.
Dan
September 24th, 2009
From what I’ve noticed, kids at that age even if given the opportunity still prefer to not label themselves as gay. Sexuality is much more complex than simply coming out.
I did not come out until I was 18 years old, but I’ve had sexual relations with a couple of boys my age since we were 12.
You guys have nothing to feel bad about. Being a teenager still sucks!
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