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Growing Up Gay Attending Coastline Bible Church, Day IV of IV

"Gender Conformity And Giving In To Peer Pressure" and "The Teaching That Lead To The Loss Of My Faith"

Daniel Gonzales

October 9th, 2009

Here is the final installment of my daily series looking at my childhood church’s harmful teachings which ultimately lead me to seek out ex-gay therapy.

I generally blindly accepted everything I was taught in my church’s youth program but their teaching on gender expression was so blatantly hypocritical I didn’t fully buy into it even at the time.  The way we chose to express our gender is determined entirely by peer pressure.

I’ve talked about the eventual loss of my faith in previous videos and interviews but since it so directly relates to this church I felt the need to include it in this series.  So consider this a bonus video:

Part I, “What My Church Taught Me About My Sexuality”
Part II, “The Harm Of Trying To Fit Into Someone Else’s Mold”
Part III, “Distrusting Science When It Doesn’t Agree With Your Faith”
Part IV, “Gender Conformity And Giving In To Peer Pressure”



October 9th, 2009 | LINK

Again, Daniel, you leave me anxious to hear MORE of the story – I hope you’re writing a book or following up with more in depth video – you’ve done a great job but I’d like to hear “the rest of the story”. Now, I do know you are a young man so you are still constantly writing your story – but it seem you have more to tell about Coastline.

Thanks for sharing th is story with us. Thank you BTB for making this available to your readers.


Chris McCoy
October 9th, 2009 | LINK

Thank you for putting together this video diary of what is clearly still a painful/emotional topic for you to discuss.

Putting the faces and stories of real people to the abuse that these ex-gay con-men perpetrate is enlightening.

Seeing first hand the emotional and psychological abuse that GLBT kids are forced to endure for the sake of religious piety, will, I hope, help bring about real substantive change in the hearts of the people who silently consent to that very abuse.

If there were such a thing, those who have undergone such abuse should be awarded a medal of honor equal to the purple heart, for injury in this war against the GLBT community.

December 9th, 2009 | LINK

Speaking as a Christian, I’d like to apologize for everything your church put you through. I think that this is a trap that much of the church has fallen into, making homosexuality into this evil thing that needs to be stamped out. I hope that you will be willing to see past the mistakes that so many Christians make and not see it as a reflection on the rest of us or on God.

Edward Miessner
December 28th, 2009 | LINK

Daniel, thank you for assembling an excellent series of videos that so powerfully tells of your experience trying to turn from gay to straight. I, too, tried to do the same thing. I joined the Boston Church of Christ which at the time was a mind-control cult and therefore an ad-hoc ex-gay ministry. Well, it only served to shatter my faith in Jesus as well. Yet for some reason in the last week my faith came back together, all by itself! This was a result of a woman from ElDorado, AR blackmailing her 23 year old son, Bryce Faulkner, into joining an in-residence ex-gay ministry for 14 months. This young man’s still ongoing tragedy (I believe it shall end well) saddened me so much that it literally caused me to pick up Rev. Samuel Kader’s “Openly Gay, Openly Christian” and read the bulk of it thoroughly. It turns out the Bible absolutely does NOT say what these strongly deluded Christians claim it says against homosexuality. This book and its conclusions permitted God to put my faith back together.

Edward Miessner
July 4th, 2010 | LINK

I wish I hadn’t said what I said in the above post. Because since I posted the above, I had several runins with bigoted Christians on YouTube and other places. I had to do more research on what the “Holy Bible” says about homosexuality. Which caused me to conclude that that book contradicted itself. Which caused me to do more research into that book, its origins, the origins of Christianity and even the extrabiblical references to the central character of the New Testament, Jesus of Nazareth. And what I found out undermined my faith, completely.

Timothy Kincaid
July 4th, 2010 | LINK


If your faith was based in an assumption that the Bible is/was a book of literal history and – in and of itself – divine and that historical dogma and doctrine are absolute truth, then perhaps it is a good thing that your faith was undermined.

Some, when facing the reality that the Bible does contradict itself and that the early Christians were as conflicted and in dispute as today’s are, will choose to let go of faith entirely. Others will craft a new kind of faith that focuses more on the Divine than on the words on the pages or the rules in the Church.

I wish you the very best, whichever way your journey leads you.

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