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Mr. Burns’ evil scheme to deprive Maryland of love

Timothy Kincaid

January 14th, 2010

emmett burnsEmmett C. Burns, Jr. has an evil scheme to deprive Maryland of love. Same-sex, long-term, committed, til death do us part love, to be exact. And he knows just how to do it.

No, Mr. Burns is not building a solar shield over the town of Springfield. He’s not bribing Homer to ignore safety precautions with donuts fried in the rendered fat of endangered species. But it is a plan as nefarious. (

A Baltimore County delegate is sponsoring legislation that would prohibit Maryland from recognizing gay marriages validated by other states or countries.

Del. Emmett C. Burns Jr.’s measure would also declare that marriages between individuals of the same sex are against the public policy of the state of Maryland.

I can almost see him rubbing his hands exclaiming “excellent“.

I’m not sure why Mr. Burns is so worried about marriage. Perhaps he thinks that with rights and equality, Smithers may find internal peace and contentment and no longer be his toady.

But whatever the reason, his evil plan must be foiled.

(oh, and isn’t it strange how he looks even scarier when he’s not a cartoon)



paul j stein
January 15th, 2010 | LINK

YOU Mr. Burns should look back a few decades and see if you can remember if you could marry any woman you wanted to without getting a rude party thrown in your honor by the “local boys”. It has not been that long ago Mr. Burns that your position and even thoughts on the subject would not be taken seriously. Your attitude is a slap in the face of ALL AMERICANS who fought for, and continue to fight for the civil rights of ALL AMERICANS.

January 15th, 2010 | LINK

Maybe this was intended as part of the article’s satire, but I don’t understand how prohibiting gay marriage in Maryland equates to “depriving Maryland of love.” My partner and I happen to live in Maryland and we will remain a long-term, committed, til-death-do-us-part couple regardless of what our state government says. Delegate Burns can deprive us of legal recognition and protection, but he cannot deprive us of love.

(P.S., “sheme” in paragraph 1 should be “scheme,” and “piece” at the bottom should be “peace.”)

January 15th, 2010 | LINK

What’s wrong with endangered animal fat donuts!

I certainly hope all of Mr. Burn’s family members have stable marriages, no divorces, no illegitimate babies. I wish a reporter would ask him to detail the marital statuses of every single one of his immediate family members, so the rest of us can evaluate the effects on public policy.

January 15th, 2010 | LINK


Did you mean to say “peace and contentment” in your last paragraph? I can think of ways in which the homonym you chose would work, but they all involve a kind of humor BTB doesn’t usually employ in the posts.

January 15th, 2010 | LINK

Call me ignorant, but this is different from current Maryland law how?

Timothy Kincaid
January 15th, 2010 | LINK

Sorry for the typos, folks. I’ve been fighting a nasty cold all week and am not at top form.

Rob Lll
January 16th, 2010 | LINK

Of course, the sad irony of all this is that the only person who really loves Mr. Burns is his faithful male assistant Smithers. How blind we are sometimes…

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