Stories From the Frontlines: A Mother In the Closet

Jim Burroway

May 18th, 2010

Today’s letter to President Barack Obama urging repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is from a mother of a gay servicemember who is will soon become a pilot. She has addressed her letter to both the President and the First Lady, Michelle Obama, mother to mother. The servicemember’s mother is unable to identify herself publicly without risk to her son’s career, which effectively forces her into the closet as well. She writes:

Mom’s have lots of dreams when they have babies.  All of you moms know what I am talking about.  What if your child had to live a lie; had to remain alone through their best and brightest years?  My dream for my son is that the United States of America would wake up and realize that times have changed, that people who happen to be gay or lesbian are really just like the rest of us, with the same aspirations, the same needs, and the same goals.

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” throws more than just service people into the closet; it throws moms, dads, siblings, grandparents, godparents, friends and loved ones in there as well.

As a mom, my heart breaks for all the gay and lesbian “kids” in the military, and for all the special people in their lives who live with us in the closet.

I dream of actually being able to write to the President, my senators and representatives in the Congress, and actually signing my name, something I can’t do now due to the risk of outing my son.

I dream of the day when my son won’t have to live in fear, even as he works to keep the rest of us from living in fear.

And yes, as a mom, I dream of my son getting married to the man of his dreams.  I dream they will have all the rights that my husband and I do.  I dream that my son won’t have to wait through his entire military career to find love.  We all yearn for love.

Today, even in the closet, I dare to dream.

You can read her entire letter here. All of the letters from the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network’s campaign are available here. The SLDN explains why they are publishing this series of letters from active and former servicemembers:

“Stories from the Frontlines: Letters to President Barack Obama” is a new media campaign launched to underscore the urgent need for congressional action and presidential leadership at this critical point in the fight to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT). Every weekday morning as we approach the markup of the Defense Authorization bill in the Senate and House Armed Services Committees, SLDN and a coalition of voices supporting repeal, will share an open letter to the President from a person impacted by this discriminatory law. We are urging the President to include repeal in the Administration’s defense budget recommendations, but also to voice his support as we work to muster the 15 critical votes needed on the Senate Armed Services Committee to include repeal. The Defense Authorization bill represents the best legislative vehicle to bring repeal to the president’s desk. It also was the same vehicle used to pass DADT in 1993. By working together, we can help build momentum to get the votes! We ask that you forward and post these personal stories.

Maurice Lacunza

May 18th, 2010

I wish that I had the motivation to write a letter about the life NOT served; the gay man who didn’t join the military and the loss of his talents to the nation.

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