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LaBarbera Award: Family Research Council

Jim Burroway

August 5th, 2010

The Family Research Council has detected a conspiracy:

After two decades of criticism that he wasn’t gay-friendly enough, the 65-year-old judge paid back his skeptics with the most powerful rebuke against man-woman marriage this country has ever seen. Back in 1987, his impartiality on homosexual issues was so stunning that Democrats actually opposed his nomination to the court where he now sits. But the reporter writes, “We now know what Walker never bothered to reveal when he was being castigated as anti-gay: He is gay.”

It turns out that the Judge behind Proposition 8’s undoing was just biding his time until he could unleash his ultimate agenda: decimating marriages that have defined civilization since the beginning of time.

How clever is that? Judge walker threw everyone off by his “impariality” for twenty-three years. First, in a particularly inspired stroke of brilliance, he got himself blocked for being too “anti-gay” when conservative icon Ronald Reagan tried to appoint him to the Federal bench in 1987. But hat was okay because he knew, clever as he was, that another Republican President, George H.W. Bush, would manage to get his second appointment attempt through the Senate just two years later. Successfully embedded, all he had to do was just wait there for the next two decades until someone would decide to propose, campaign for, and pass a state constitutional amdendment banning same-sex marriage. And to do that, of course they would use animus against LGBT people to achieve their noble aims. Because, you see, Walker knew that would happen. He also knew that he would still have to bide his time until someone else brought a Federal suit against the state of California and file it in San Francisco. And he just sat there, omnicient and all-powerful, waiting for his trap to spring as the random selection process that assigned cases to judges landed the lawsuit onto Walker’s docket. And with that, his diabolical plan had come to fruition and he could finally “unleash his ultimate agenda.”

Genius!

For good measure, the FRC ominously hints that the decision striking down Prop 8 may lead to violence:

 In the meantime, the Left might want to think twice about its victory lap. Instead of aiding their cause, this decision is feeding the unrest across America that our government has become tyrannical.

Insane consipracy theories and warnings of violence. That’s a very combustible combination. Be wary folks. Things are going to get really rough for a while.

Comments

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Scott P.
August 5th, 2010 | LINK

Ooooh, they better watch out. Remember, Scott Lively says we’re vicious killing machines!

Notice that the calls to violence almost always come from the wackadoodle Right?

occono
August 5th, 2010 | LINK

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/XanatosRoulette

beachewtoy75
August 5th, 2010 | LINK

I only wish that our side could have plans as well thought out as they imagine!

Priya Lynn
August 5th, 2010 | LINK

the 65-year-old judge paid back his skeptics with the most powerful rebuke against man-woman marriage this country has ever seen…
[He] was just biding his time until he could unleash his ultimate agenda: decimating marriages that have defined civilization since the beginning of time.”.

Do they even realize how absurd their hyperbole is? The judge didn’t rebuke male/female marriage, this had nothing to do with male/female marriage. And “decimated” marriages?! This has no effect whatsoever on the marriages the Family “Research” Council prefers. What idiots.

justsearching
August 5th, 2010 | LINK

Gay people can’t be trusted to be impartial and objective when it comes to anything related to gayness. That’s the premise that allows the FRC and the Christian Right to dismiss gay authors, gay Bible commentators, gay politicians, gay judges, etc.

homer
August 5th, 2010 | LINK

I confess, I built a time machine and went back twenty-odd years and did two things- got Judge Walker installed and set Maggie Gallagher up on that fateful date.

Burr
August 5th, 2010 | LINK

If Judge Walker is unfit to judge this case because he is gay and therefore has a stake in it, then a straight judge is unfit for this either as that could be a conflict of interest as well.

The solution is clear. This issue must be decided by an asexual judge.

Anna
August 5th, 2010 | LINK

Aromantic asexual judge, to be precise.

cd
August 5th, 2010 | LINK

Instead of aiding their cause, this decision is feeding the unrest across America that our government has become tyrannical.

Oh no, they’re threatening us with a Republican election victory!

Our cunning plans to institute Straight Reeducation Camps will not be foiled, however. These will be Bible based, too- Ezekiel 23:20, baby!

MIhangel apYrs
August 5th, 2010 | LINK

justsearching
What the Xian nutters are saying is that “Gay people can’t be trusted to be impartial and objective when it comes to anything!”

John Doucette
August 6th, 2010 | LINK

It would have been so much fairer to have a heterosexual judge rule on same-sex marriage? Why?

DN
August 6th, 2010 | LINK

I love your summary of Walker’s conspiracy. It reminds me of an old SNL fake commercial with Phil Hartman and Roseanne Barr. In separate interviews, they describe the time that he called her call centre, and at one point, Roseanne goes, “yeah if I had that kind of power over space and time, do you think I’d be sitting here on the phone with *you?*”

cd
August 6th, 2010 | LINK

It would have been so much fairer to have a heterosexual judge rule on same-sex marriage? Why?

You have to remember that these people are essentially in league with orthodox Catholicism despite the secular façade and Mormon money.

Do you remember the first response from the Vatican when the European part of the clergy sex abuse scandal broke out earlier this year? It was some old cardinal who alleged that it proved a conspiracy: the Devil had infiltrated the Church in the form of homosexuality and was using homosexuality to destroy it. The Vatican quickly downplayed and tried to whitewash and bury that under other statements.

But if you read ortho Catholic websites and follow the inofficial Vatican rhetoric, the theory is finally always there between the lines. The bottom line belief is that the Providential Order of the World (which exists) is such that Catholic Christianity will ultimately and necessarily prevail. Homosexuality is an error in that Order that, being exploited by the Devil, undoes the Divine Order and thus fatally undermines the Church. With a decrepit or collapsed Church the collapse of Civilization and its task (Christianization and Christian salvation of the World) is inevitable.

In short, Vaughn Walker being gay and in a position of authority will in their theory of the universe inevitably be instrument of the Devil. (Margaret Marshall, who wrote the Goodridge verdict and is afaik heterosexual, was voluntary instrument of the Devil.)

This theory is why homosexuality has to be categorized as a choice to its believers, or somehow has to be suppressible or correctable. God, being good, cannot have created a fatal flaw that unravels His One True Religion, Traditional Christianity.

In the end the most coherent religious anti-marriage sorts will admit that to them it’s finally all about keeping orthodox/Traditional Christian teleological beliefs and beliefs in a Providential Divine Order from unravelling. Both of these are however pre-Christian, which is to say Ancient World pagan, doctrines.

Among other things the anti-marriage activists represent a survival of Ancient World paganism(s) into Modern times. In a sense that’s the whole point of orthodox/Traditional Christianity- these the people who regard their lives meaningful and productive and sane only from an Ancient World Weltanschauung.

It’s not going to be a good day for them when the molecular geneticists prove that female homosexuality is directly and entirely genetically caused. And male homosexuality is perhaps mostly and indirectly genetically caused.

Lymis
August 8th, 2010 | LINK

“decimating marriages that have defined civilization since the beginning of time.”

What, he annulled Adam and Eve’s marriage? The scum.

Exactly whose marriage has been around since the beginning of time? And apparently there were ten of them, because he only took out a tenth of them.

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