Box Turtle Bulletin

That’s my birthday. I was hoping to get a new cell phone, but I suppose getting Jesus back is just as good. Although my cell phone would probably have a cool touch screen. Jesus doesn’t have a touch screen. I’m leaning towards the cell phone.

I thought the book of Revelation says it is wrong to predict the second coming of Christ.

Bernie

http://familyradio.com/index.html

Brought to you from your good friends at Family Radio, featuring Pastor Harold Camping.

Not to worry, its marked in my calendar.

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2010/09/jebus_but_i_despise_these_peop.php

ravenbiker

I’m glad He’s getting back to us. I have a question for him —what do you think of your religion?

Andrew

Aside from the amazing facebook comments I’m going to get from linking this…

I think he’s been hiding nearby. There’s this guy named Jesus who lives next door to me.

Richard Rush

Who is coming again? That billboard doesn’t say.

Hmmm . . . Is this really a subtle cigarette ad intended to arouse curiosity for a major upcoming event? Is it hinting that the Marlboro man is coming back again, and as a wise man, he has switched to Camels?

Those creative marketing people are awesome.

Dave H

Maybe when he comes, he’ll save us from his followers.

My husband was in the cashier line at our nearby Safeway last week, and in front of him was a 40-ish man with two carts full of all kinds of junk food and staple items. With him was an older woman, presumably his mother (with whom he probably lives, in the basement), who reluctantly paid for all this with her credit card.

The cashier asked the man if he was hosting a big party, and he replied that, no, he was stocking up because the world was going to end in two weeks. (The mother just rolled her eyes.) My husband, who has the gift of always having the best possible retort ready in an instant, said, “Well, you’d better get more toilet paper.” The man asked, “Why?” “For when your mother beats the shit out of you when the world doesn’t end in two weeks.”

Everyone around busted a gut laughing (including the mother).

Regan DuCasse

Over the centuries, our world has known similar prophets LIKE Jesus. Men of charismatic intelligence, who dressed and lived simply, whose voices commanded attention and whose entreat of compassion and peace was paramount.

Even Christ’s own avowed followers and His message is lost on and to people who choose power and dominance over compassion and peace.

And each one of those prophets and brothers who chose to enable justice, were killed the way Christ was. For being a commanding and RIGHTFUL leader. Who didn’t care for riches, but the RICHNESS of what peace and good will brings.
Men who were FEARLESS, even as those around them were forced to live in fear and injustice.

Jesus HAS come, again and again and again…and if he does again, he’ll be struck down again by another who trades power by injustice.

Maybe next time Jesus will be a woman, or someone gay…or someone with a disability. Or already has been, but their potential was destroyed early.

Those who claim they believe in Jesus, don’t necessarily have to be held accountable for the OTHER Jesus’s that have come our way.
They just assume Jesus’s return is in the form of a white heterosexual male and that ONLY these kinds of people can channel God’s will and intention or be God’s son and know that son’s will and intentions.
Look at all the people who have claimed such. All pretty much the same kind of person.

Joseph Smith is one such person, and look at what HE did. Goody for him, disaster for others.

It’s not supposed to be a disaster that heralds such a coming, but a divine confluence of what makes human beings their greatest selves all at once.
Perhaps a plague like AIDS is the test of our humanity and compassion for each other.
Or things like the massive quakes in Haiti and China.
It’s not so much that such disasters are to punish, but to show how we can come together in compassion and peace, simply to save lives and ease pain and suffering.
What better way is there to learn such a thing?

Jesus will come in spirit, when ALL of us believe in the spirit in which we ALL deserve to live. In the spirit of empathy, justice, compassion, generosity and human dignity.

I’m not even religious, or claim any kind of particular faith and I don’t go to church.
I figure all GOOD people should know that already.

Akheloios

I love the bit in the article, only 24 shopping days to christmas, and 171 days to the second coming.

I think that means that I can buy all the chocolate I like and splurge on the turducken.

Huzza for Jesus!

RomeoandJoe

So is The Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and Elvis

TampaZeke

GREAT!

Then he can tell the “Christians”, “THAT’S NOT WHAT I F*CKING MEANT!”

Then maybe he’ll take them back with him and we can finally have Peace on Earth.

TampaZeke

Regan, great post. I would like to point out however, that the Buddha (one of the greatest prophets) wasn’t killed even though he spoke truth to power.

Norm!

Apparently this same guy previously predicted the end would be 09/06/1994, but his math was wrong.

Barring some awful Heavens Gate or Jim Jones ‘rapture’, my calculations show there will be more math corrections on May 22, 2010.

cowboy

You mean: May 22, 2011

Start getting used to writing that year on your checks soon.

Ben in Atlanta

Christianity was started about Jesus, not by him. If you read the non-canonical gospels you might come away with a different idea about the man. I’m not mad at Jesus. Christ is a title, not a name.

Rob San Diego

Really, there are still people left on this planet who qualify to be raptured?

I too have a lot of questions for Jesus when he returns. I wonder how long he would be around before he is killed again at the hands of his Fathers children.

Bobbie-Jane

Camping seems to be a false prophet — Not even Jesus knew the time of His return — He stated that only God the Father Knew the time.

Camping was wrong before when he set the date… When a prophet makes a prophecy and it fails to come to pass he shows him self to be a false prophet…

He preaches against LGBT folks in churches and condemns churches for allowing women in ministry and for a lot of other reasons…

He only matters in his own eyes…

Wyzdyx

I’ve always suspected that if Jesus returns, the people who claim to worship him will miss it entirely. Jesus will be passing out fish sandwiches at a homeless shelter and the “good christians” won’t be anywhere near the place.

Ivan

I’m very pleased for Him but as it’s 2000 years since he last came my advice is to have a whole box of tissues handy.

Paul J. Stein

OOPS! The christian media has some “splaining” to do. “Jesus is coming and is he pissed !” should be the headline.

Paul J. Stein

Let’s hope his papers are in order, has an up to date visa, and isn’t on the T.S.A “NO FLY” list. After all he would be considered a terrorist militant in today’s society… wait, that happened awhile back, didn’t it. S.S.D.D.

RWG

Just watch their heads explode when he gets here and they discover he’s a Liberal Democrat.

John

I thought the end of the world was December 21, 2012.

Soren456

Why, oh, why didn’t I think of that animal thing? I wonder if I could buy a franchise.

Ben in Oakland

Greetings from Argentina, the land where they want to make Eva Peron a saint. It explains SO much about the problems here.

There was a Christian cult in korea back in 1994 that predicted the same thing. When it didnÂ´t happen, they re-did the math and gave a new date. When it didnÂ´t happen again, this is what they said:

“I guess we made a mistake.”

What can you say in the face of such utter humility?

The generations who never believed that they were living in the end times are few and far between.

Soren456

The really sad, stupid, ridiculous thing about this is that they will go (figuratively) up to the rooftop to await rapture at midnight.

When they are still sitting there in the dawn, they will descend and they will blame themselves.

Never will they ever consider that what they believe is wrong. Or foolish. Or out of step with everything around them.

Always, they will blame themselves: They weren’t holy enough, didn’t pray hard enough, didn’t trust strongly enough, didn’t challenge Satan often enough.

It’s a little closed system, like a religious terrarium. And I, for one, am glad to be on the outside.

Jason D

I think if Jesus showed up again.

They’d just crucify him again.

Richard Rush

Soren456 said,
“Itâ€™s a little closed system, like a religious terrarium.
And I, for one, am glad to be on the outside.”

Me too.

Angelia Sparrow

I’ll blow him a kiss and go about my business. Just like any old lover that I’ve parted ways with.

Every now and then we consider a reconciliation, and I remember why we broke up in the first place. Nope, no can do.

Jesus was a Capricorn, he ate organic foods.
He believed in love and peace and never wore no shoes.
Long hair, beard and sandals and a funky bunch of friends.
Reckon they’d just nail him up if He come down again.
–Kris Kristofferson

pamohamedameen

The Muslim Sacred scripture called the QURAN denies Jesusâ€™s divinity in the form of a dialogue, at the Day of Judgement, between the Almighty Jesus. All the Messengers and their nations will gather before God and He will ask the Messengers how they were received by their people and what they said to them. Among those who will be questioned is Jesus:

â€œAnd when God said, â€˜O Jesus, son of Mary, did you say unto men, â€œTake me and my mother as gods, apart from Godâ€? He said, â€˜To you be glory! It is not mine to say what I have no right to. If I indeed said it, you would have known it, knowing what is within my heart, though I do not know your knowledge; you know the things unseen. I only said to them what you did commands me: â€œServe God, my God and your God.â€ Holy Quran Chapter Al-Maida 5-116)

The quran mentions that Prophet Isaâ€™s (Jesus christ)second coming will be on the day of judgement. Key words â€ All the Messengers and their nations will gather before God and He will ask the Messengers how they were received by their people and what they said to them.â€

Quran Surah Al-i-imran verse 45 and 46:
45. (Remember) when the angels said: â€œO Maryam (Mary)! Verily, Allah gives you the glad tidings of a Word [“Be!” – and he was! i.e. ‘Iesa (Jesus) the son of Maryam (Mary)] from Him, his name will be the Messiah â€˜Iesa (Jesus), the son of Maryam (Mary), held in honour in this world and in the Hereafter, and will be one of those who are near to Allah.â€

46. â€œHe will speak to the people in the cradle and in manhood, and he will be one of the righteous.â€

Moving on Surah A-Nisa now verse 157:
157. And because of their saying (in boast), â€œWe killed Messiah â€˜Iesa (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary), the Messenger of Allah,â€ â€“ but they killed him not, nor crucified him, but the resemblance of â€˜Iesa (Jesus) was put over another man (and they killed that man), and those who differ therein are full of doubts. They have no (certain) knowledge, they follow nothing but conjecture. For surely; they killed him not [i.e. ‘Iesa (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary) ]:

Priya Lynn

Pamohamedameen no one here cares about your myths.

Timothy Kincaid

Actually, Pamohamadameen, Priya Lynn speaks only for herself and not for anyone else here.

I, for example, think your quotations are interesting. And while I know sadly little about the Quran or Islam, I found it fascinating how similar these specific verses are to certain early Gnostic ideas.

Emily K

yeah, I think that’s interesting too. thanks for sharing. I believe Gnosticism was once more dominant than Pauline Christianity. But obviously Pauline Christianity won out.

Priya Lynn