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The Long and Winding Road

Jim Burroway

January 26th, 2011

Ted Haggard finally figures it out:

“I think that probably, if I were 21 in this society, I would identify myself as a bisexual.”



January 26th, 2011 | LINK


L. Junius Brutus
January 26th, 2011 | LINK

If he were a bisexual, he might have been able to stay faithful to his wife. Like he says, if you’re straight, that doesn’t mean that you have to have sex with every woman out there. So he’s either gay (sex with a woman can’t satisfy him), or a moral wretch (it does, but he has to cheat anyway). Too bad.

Rob San Diego
January 26th, 2011 | LINK

Now Ted, I’m not sure why you, your church, and that witch who’s name I’ve forgotten who tried to run for the Senate last fall think that masturbation is bad. Ted, why do you think guys masturbate in the first place, HELLO IT FEELS GOOD! See Ted, it’s not hard to admit. Your already making progress on the road to recovery.

Now yes masturbation can feel good on drugs, however once you stop doing those drugs, masturbation and sex will not feel the same for a while, until your body readjusts to the normal pleasures without drugs.

Now with all that said (and I hope I didn’t scare anyone off), how does it feel to have the very same mega church that you helped start, throw you out so quickly, with so much vile and hatred. I mean to actually force you out of the state you lived in, REALLY, I didn’t realize they had more power then the Constitution of the United States.

You know Ted, when I came out to my Mom (in the middle of a yelling argument in 1994) I told her that I was bi so to not shock her into a heart attack. So that way I could break the full “gay” part during another argument some months later. You see, it’s sometimes better and easier to start off simple with being bi before coming out completely of the closet.

Lindoro Almaviva
January 26th, 2011 | LINK

Bets that in less than 5 years he will be talking about how coming out as bisexual was a stepping stone on a bigger coming out as gay.

Surely I was not the only one who at 15 tried to convince myself that i was bisexual.

January 26th, 2011 | LINK

Listen, I know this guy screwed up, but I think some compassion is in order here. Most people who read this site probably had to go through some sort of a process on the road to accepting oneself as LGBT. I know I did. I hail from the same background as Ted Haggard and fought my sexual orientation for 15 years. Those of you who did not grow up in a conservative home or who did not practice a conservative faith that you deeply cherished have no idea how painful and difficult it is to have to come to terms with your sexuality. When I see this guy my heart goes out to him. I remember the nights I cried myself to sleep, desperately wanting to be anything but gay. I know the internal fight that he is going through and I see him slowly working this out over time. I think we need to start learning to be patient with those who are making the transition, as slow or as fast as they are making it. Again, I understand that he has disseminated hateful, untrue things about our community in the past, and I’m NOT excusing that, but what ever happened to that thing called forgiveness? Imagine how much easier we could make it for “ex-gays” to transition to our community if they knew it were safe and welcoming even for prodigal sons like they. When we bless our enemies we expose their hypocrisy and hate, and they sow the seeds of their own defeat. By being the better, more loving community, we testify to the conservatives who oppose us and to the nation at large that we are not what they label us as, but are a place for those wounded by their own self-hate to find healing. We should not rejoice at their falls, but grieve for them until they find their way home with us – for they ARE us, whether they will admit it or not.

January 27th, 2011 | LINK

I have to agree with T.J. The process of coming to terms with one’s sexuality — especially for those raised in earlier days with stronger social strictures — can twist a personality, and a soul, into some very peculiar contortions.

I do give the man credit for engaging in some introspection and changing his tune – even if it was not his original intention. There’s something to be said for finding grace, even if you get there kicking and screaming.

That said, Haggard has a special responsibility, given his history of doing harm to our community, to try to apply what he’s learned and make some amends, perhaps by reaching out across the chasm between the religious right and the gay community. He’s singularly positioned to speak to those who honestly believe their religion requires them to condemn homosexuals about this issue to help them see the error of their ways, and that might just be worth something.

Ben in Oakland
January 27th, 2011 | LINK

Last we heard from The Haggard One, he was “straight with issues”.

Now he’s bi. Does that mean that all that “I’ve been cured” stuff was just more lies to himself, to his congregants, to his family, and to his god? Does that mean that a cure is impossible because there is nothing to cure? Or merely that he has not prayed hard enough, or given of himself to Jesus hard enough, to effect that promised miracle?

This reminds me of a Jane Fonda movie “Agnes of God”, where Jane is talking about how losing her mother was the worst thing that ever happened to her. The elderly Mother superior sagely nods her sage-ish head nad pronounces piously that “God never sends us burdens bigger than we can bear.” Jane replies:

“Does that mean if I were a weaker person, my mother would still be alive?”

Translating that to this situation, “Does that mean if I were a weaker person, I’d be straight?”

As I wrote many times when this was unfolding:

“I used to be gay, but now I’m straight.”

really just means:

“I was always somewhat bisexual– aren’t we all?– but the gay part really bothered me.”

Ben in Oakland
January 27th, 2011 | LINK

Actually, I should be fair.

If The Haggard Onre is speaking the truth, then maybe he has started dealing iwth his self hatred. Becuase that is always REALLY the problem– self hatred.

And is he has stopped hating himself quite so much, that enables him to move more to a position of choice regarding his sexuality, and less of the addiction he created into being.

So it could be quite true that he can now be faithful to his wife.

Priya Lynn
January 27th, 2011 | LINK

Junius said “If he were a bisexual, he might have been able to stay faithful to his wife.”.

The mere presence of opposite sex attractions doesn’t mean a bisexual man should be able to stay faithful to his wife. Many heterosexual men cheat on their wives.

I can kind of relate to Ted. As a bisexual you try to suppress those first same sex attractions and it can work for a while and you think you’re completely straight. Then after a while those same sex attractions can’t be denied and you give in to fantasies or maybe same sex sex and you think “Okay, I guess I’m really gay as I’m thinking all about same sex sex”. Then after a while of that the same sex desires wane and the opposite sex ones return and you think “Why on earth have I been lying to people and telling them I’m same sex attracted, I don’t feel any same sex attractions at all, I’m straight”. After a number of years and many such cycles you figure out that the desires you feel at any given time can change, and although they may wane at times neither attaction is going away and you’re bisexual.

Some gay people do a disservice to bisexuals, telling them that they’re in denial and they’re one huncred percent gay and temporarily derailing the process of self-discovery and acceptance. Hey, just because you lied about being bisexual doesn’t mean ever one else is lying about it. I suspect such gay people resent bisexuals to a degree, feeling they’ve got an easier time of it due to the ability to have heterosexual relationships and they want to deny them that and see them go through the same sense of rejection they have.

Timothy Kincaid
January 27th, 2011 | LINK

It is a sad fact that some aspects of faith encourage self-deception. Not just “believe what you don’t see”, but an active encouragement of “step out in faith and believe what there is direct evidence in contradiction.”

If you are immersed in a community that uniformly agrees that same-sex attraction is nothing but temptation from Satan, then it saying “I am heterosexual” is less an expression of one’s personal experience than it is an expression of one’s faith. And not only do you claim it, but you have to believe it completely or you are doubting and denying Christ.

(Note: not all Christians think this way.)

It is good to see that Haggard is growing beyond that position.

Many here may not realize the difficult step he has taken. He is acknowledging that his same-sex attraction exists, that it is intrinsic, and that it is an experience rather than merely a form of temptation. (Or, at least, if he were younger.)

If he is bisexual then I completely agree with his goal of living with integrity inside his relationship with his wife. Just as I would support his relationship with a husband.

January 27th, 2011 | LINK

I’m more interested with his open and honest statements about the level of hate within his former church than in how gay/bi/whatever he is willing to admit he is now.

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