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Where to find an ex-gay

Timothy Kincaid

February 25th, 2011

Ya know, ex-gays are a pretty elusive bunch. Oh they make statements to newspapers and comments on websites, but how many of us have ever actually met anyone in person who once was gay and now is “walking away from homosexuality,” as they say.

Well I have a solution. If you ever want to meet an ex-gay, I can guarantee how.

No, it’s not by hanging out at Mr. P’s or even by cruising craigslist for drug-fueled sex orgies.

No, if you ever want to meet an ex-gay, head to the nearest legislative body that is considering some effort to treat gay people decently. You’ll be sure to meet an ex-gay who has traveled there to argue that because they have chosen to “walk away from homosexuality,” therefore gay folks should be denied all rights. Yeah, it’s not exactly logical, but what do you expect from folks who continue to believe, year after year, decade after decade, that God is gunna make ‘em heterosexual. Some day. Yeah.

At the Maryland marriage hearings: (San Antonio Express-News)

A panel of formerly gay leaders, representing groups which convert people from homosexuality to heterosexuality, called the bill the work of a “sexual minority” imposing its will on the population.

Anthony Falzarano, national director of the Parents and Friends Ministries, said he spent nine years as a gay man before becoming heterosexual with God’s help.

Falzarano said gay activists have been “undermining the moral standards of the United States.”

Well, Falzarano should know. He was, after all, a whore in the 70′s with clientele that supposedly included Roy Cohn.

[I do think that it's only fair at this point to mention that I have noticed that Exodus International and its leaders have not been a visible presence recently in the political anti-gay movement. They had pledged to make a change away from political advocacy, and I think that they are due credit for living up to that pledge.]

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beachewtoy75
February 25th, 2011 | LINK

I read the headline and I’m like, “In a gay bar?” but whore in the 70′s works, too!

David Farrell
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

Timothy,
ex-gay folks can’t admit that it’s possible to be gay, happy, and well adjusted otherwise, they would lose all their funding and most of their members.

TampaZeke
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

It’s very telling that NOT ONE SINGLE ONE “ex-gay” (and yes I still put the word in “not really” quotes) has agreed to submit to a brain scan or plethysmograph test to prove just how straight, or at least “not gay” they are.

You would think that at least ONE would be dying to prove us wrong by passing such a definitive test. I would think that Exodus would be anxious to provide some of their “success” stories so that they could at least have ONE person who they can point to whenever that argument is made. But no! Not a SINGLE one.

I’ll make the challenge right now. Exodus, and I know you read this blog, provide us with your greatest success story, better yet Alan Chambers himself, to once and for all prove to us that a gay man has been made ex-gay through a brain scan test or plethysmograph test. If you pass it, I, and I’m sure MANY others will publicly state that homosexuality can be cured in some, if not all, people. Heck, Box Turtle Bulletin would probably even be willing to release a statement to that effect. Just imagine what a HUGE win this would be for you, your organization and your cause! How could you pass up such an opportunity?

TampaZeke
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

Sorry for the misplaced modifiers. Yes I know that no one is claiming that brain scans and plethysmographs have made people ex-gay. :)

…but neither have the things that are being claimed.

Bob Barnes
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

Has anyone ever met an ex-gay that wasn’t helped by God?

Doesn’t take a 10-year study to unearth the religious-societal stigmas pleased on individuals to drown out their natural callings.

mike
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

Why doesn’t someone mention in these articles about Ex-gay people and prove that these men are in fact Bi-sexual??

Any man who CAN have sex with a woman is BI and is not GAY, GAY men have zero sexual reaction to a woman’s presence in the bedroom.

This is the most fundamental truth. These men aren’t Ex anything, they are BI and therefore HAVE a choice. There’s a HUGE difference.

Priya Lynn
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

I agree Mike but none of these “exgays” are willing to undergo testing of their same sex attractions so we can’t prove that they are bisexual.

cowboy
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

No ex-gay can love a woman like a heterosexual can.

Diogenes
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

I once knew Anthony Falzarano (not personally) in the ’80′s, just after his alleged “walking away from homosexuality”. He was a creep then, and he is still a creep.
He used to publically say that “he still had desires for men” and would frequently sit on house stoops on 17th street in D.C. and fantasize about the men who would pass by him.
I thought then that he was more than “a little off” and believed then, as I do now, that he was in need of some professional help from a psychologist or a counselor.
Who does he think he is kidding?
Definitely not God!

Truth Is Reality
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

Where to find an ex-gay? I’m sure there are loads in Fantasyland. (And I’m not talking about Disney.)

John
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

So if I’ve never done drugs, am not an alcoholic and wouldn’t even dream of ever whoring myself out at any point in my life, does this mean I’m not an acceptable candidate for ex-gaydom? Gee, I almost feel put out about that. Almost.

Richard Rush
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

Is there a training camp for learning how to start a ministry/scam? If so, that would be one of the best places to find an ex-gay.

That was a dumb question, I guess. The ex-gay programs where they spent so much of their own time/money are, in effect, those training camps. After years immersed in the ex-gay bu11zhit, it’s not surprising that bu11zhit becomes their main field of expertise (remember, these are usually people who have little going for them). And then they realize that their best bet for earning a living is using that expertise to sell bu11zhit to other gullible people.

ScottLanter
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

What happened to Michael Glatze and Matt Sanchez? Both seemed to crave constant media attention but disappeared several months ago.

Richard Rush
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

And then there is my favorite ex-gay starlet of the past (with a ministry, of course), Michael Johnston. While he was earning a living by promoting the ex-gay scam by day, he was earning his legacy by indulging in all-male unprotected sex orgies by night.

Ex-Gay Watch was one of the first on the case:

http://www.exgaywatch.com/wp/2003/08/moral-failing-m/
(This post mentions Richard R. – that is me)

Here is a 2007 update:
http://www.exgaywatch.com/wp/2007/01/the-newly-refur/

EZam
February 26th, 2011 | LINK

We should do something in the vein of James Randi’s challenge: if any so-called exgay proves to be EXCLUSIVELY attracted to the opposite sex, then he or she would be awarded a large sum of money.

The problem is how can we know they aren’t straight people with no history of same-sex attraction pretending to be “former homosexuals”?

jafuf
February 27th, 2011 | LINK

Well, obviously, from the picture, he’s a former gay man because no guy wanted to have sex with him. And I say this, because I know, being a fat, ugly gay man myself. Of course I would never consider ‘becoming hetero’. I have a brain…an know how to use it. I’m quite sure he doesn’t have this problem.

TampaZeke
February 27th, 2011 | LINK

I’ve had sex with women. I have two children and I’m gay, not bisexual.

Mike, your claim is absurd.

It’s like claiming that a right handed person who has ever picked up an item with their left hand is actually ambidextrous and not right-handed.

It just doesn’t work that way. It’s ridiculous statements like yours that lead other ridiculous people to make the ridiculous claim that there is no such thing as bisexuality.

Regan DuCasse
February 27th, 2011 | LINK

I never trusted anyone that needs to exploit prejudice and ignorance to make claims like ex gays do.
If anything, they should be the first to work against continued stigmatizing of gay people to PROVE their point.
Because anyone engaged in PASSING to avoid that stigma, and the social distrust and hostility that accompany it, are not a legitimate case for ‘changing’ per se.

It’s corrupted conclusion, it’s support of BLACKMAILING someone into submitting to systemic bigotry.
There IS no choice when the alternative is attacks on the entire of your well being, let alone being at all.

Were there no stigma or prejudice and risks involved in being gay, who would ‘choose’ being heterosexual?

Heterosexuals are not forced to forfeit their civil and human rights if they don’t affiliate with a religious discipline or renunciation of a sex life, regardless of how they screw up their lives with adultery, or addiction or violence or anything else to do with whatever relationships they have.
A minority of heteros who do so, are not used to indict the entire of heteros to the same purpose either.
Nor does the ex gay industry point any of this out. That being heterosexual has as many pitfalls as being gay can. The difference is in equal rights and consideration.

I want to see an ex gay be honest about that. Put forth THEIR credentials on the line to prove their moral fortitude about discrimination and religious freedom and civil rights.

But I won’t hold my breath. I know exactly how to call them on this kind of bullshit, as do most of us. Perhaps as a hetero person, they don’t expect me to do that. They aren’t too prepared to have to be challenged in that detail, nor are they too articulate in defending their position to what’s REALLY right, as opposed to what they think is moral.
Morality isn’t about how much control freak you can go on a minority, but how much you want them treated like yourself. But especially those who have been disenfranchised and indecently treated. I guess they don’t expect to be outclassed on what morals really mean either.
I’m in the put up or shut up camp.
I know cowardice when I see it.

Jimmy Mac
February 27th, 2011 | LINK

I also recommend going to bath houses, truck stops and large bushes in parks. Lots of “ex gays” there, kiddies.

CPT_Doom
February 28th, 2011 | LINK

@TampaZeke – that’s why, whenever the “ex-gays” begin to spew their crap, the response should always be “There has never been a scientifically documented case of sexual orientation change in the history of humanity.” By “scientifically documented” I mean no one has ever demonstrated any physical or biological changes resulting from “ex-gay” theraphy – of any kind whatsoever.

It would be no help to have current “ex-gays” undergo testing, though, we would need a proactive study measuring key physiological functioning before and after such “therapy.” That would be the only true measure of change.

Eastside Jim
February 28th, 2011 | LINK

The human capacity for self-deception is immense… See the article below for examples of “straight” men (which would include “ex-gay”) who say they are “straight”. I really challenge anyone to prove that there is any “ex-gay” men. You know that 10% stat from Kinsey’s book is still a good number!

Nearly 10% of Self-Proclaimed ‘Straight’ Men Only Have Sex With Men
By Daniel J. DeNoon
WebMD Health News
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Sept. 18, 2006 —

Nearly one in 10 men who say they’re straight have sex only with other men, a New York City survey finds.

And 70% of those straight-identified men having sex with men are married.

In fact, 10% of all married men in this survey report same-sex behavior during the past year.

See URL below for the remainder of the article.

Ex-gay ministries who makes what is purportedly scientific claims should at the very least post some reputable verifiable references / cites / URLs wouldn’t you think?

http://www.webmd.com/sex/news/20060918/many-straight-men-have-gay-sex

Theo
February 28th, 2011 | LINK

I have followed this story for years and have even met with a number of ex-gays. In my experience, 100 percent of ex-gays link their purported change to a religious experience or some sort of divine grace. I was not able to find a single secular ex gay. Further, the only ex gays who make the claim that they have changed their sexual orientation from gay to straight that they are now happy, fully functional heterosexuals are in some way professionally involved with ex gay organizations.

Thus, you will hear this claim from Falzorano, Cohen, and Quinlan, but when you meet any of the ordinary members of the various ex gay groups, you will find that they: 1) are single with no interest in heterosexual dating 2)are married to an ex gay of the opposite sex or 3) acknowledge that they continue to “struggle” with what they call SSA (a term they created to re-medicalize homosexuality).

A recent non-peer reviewed study by Christian “researchers” Jones and Yarhouse found that in the most highly motivated, self-selected group of Exodus members, after 7 years of “treatment” and with all drop-outs discounted from the final results, only a 1 point shift on the Kinsey scale was achieved on average. And even this was on a self-reported basis, from a group of men heavily invested in the outcome, with no independent effort to verify the claim.

The bottom line: if you go to a religious group 3X a week and hound yourself about how your gayness is really a desire to frak your absent father, then in the most optimal group, after 7 years and while treatment is in progress, you can self-report that you think you have gone from a Kinsey 6 to a Kinsey 5.

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