Santorum’s Metaphors About Marriage Are Starting to Sound Pretty Gay

Jim Burroway

August 26th, 2011

Don't forget the Royal Doulton, Richard.

First, it  was napkins and not paper towels, then it was water and not beer, then it was tea and not basketball. Now GOP presidential candidate Sen. Rick Santorum says that marriage is a tree and not a car:

Burns: You’ve been pretty strong in your opposition to gay marriage. Iowa, of course, does have legalized gay marriage. How does the fact that there are a handful of gay couples married in Carroll affect my heterosexual life and your heterosexual life? How does it hurt other people in Carroll, Iowa, that there are folks among us we may not even know who happen to be gay and happen to be married? How does that hurt my life?

Santorum: Because it changes the definition of an intrinsic element of society in a way that minimizes what that bond means to society.

Marriage is what marriage is. Marriage was around before government said what it was.

It’s like going out and saying, ‘That tree is a car.’ Well, the tree’s not a car. A tree’s a tree. Marriage is marriage.

You can say that tree is something other than it is. It can redefine it. But it doesn’t change the essential nature of what marriage is.

He talks a lot about what he thinks marriage is not. But when he gets around to talking about what marriage is, he goes into napkins, water, tea and trees. Santorum is making marriage sound like an al fresco waterside supper with riparian entertainments. Which if you ask me sounds about as gay as gay could be.


August 26th, 2011

Ya know, if I see someone going around claiming that a tree is a car, I’m not going to be worried about his impact on the environment, or try to pass a law defining trees. I’m just gonna ignore a harmless lunatic.

Not saying, of course, that we are lunatics; but wouldn’t normal behavior be to just ignore what he sees as a silly or crazy person, instead of getting all riled up about it?


August 26th, 2011

How the hell did this guy ever get to be a senator, as much as he likes to say dumb shit? In a sane world no one would care what this guy thinks or what random shit metaphors he comes up with. As it is…the novelty wore off awhile ago…what the hell is wrong with these people?

Priya Lynn

August 26th, 2011

If redifining marriage doesn’t change its essential nature then how can redefining it minimize what that bond means to society?

Regan DuCasse

August 26th, 2011

Good one, Priya Lynn!

I bet if you confronted Herr Santorum with that face to face, it would be two seconds of a stupid blank look before he started to act like you didn’t say it.

That’s how he answers such questions. And even after doing it thousands of times, whether someone asks him or not, he’s STILL so stupid one cannot believe he’s the governor of anything but the public toilets at Stuckey’s.

Priya Lynn

August 26th, 2011

Yes Regan, I’d give anything to be able to put that one to Santorum.


August 26th, 2011

Wait. Let me get this straight. If same-sex marriage is legitimized in society, my car will turn into a tree, and there will be watery beer, and no paper towels–!? I’m confused.

In all seriousness, Santorum’s homophobia is every bit as ridiculous as his metaphors.

Ben in Atlanta

August 26th, 2011

It may be rude and socially unacceptable but I’m tempted to never call him anything other than “faggot” ever again. And yes I do mean it in a derogatory way. Or maybe “gay” with it’s current connotations.

What a total fuckwad!

Mark Littel

August 26th, 2011

Interesting, he seems to want to call things exactly what they are and not pretend they are something they aren’t. A few observations if that is the case…

1. Please don’t attempt to label LGTBQ people as “heterosexuals with issues”.

2. If you are going to refer to marriage as you define it as the “building block of our society”, then please acknowledge that 50% of your blocks are going to crumble… so the building isn’t very secure to start with.

3. If you are going to hold marriage as a lifelong bond between a man and women, please be sure to tell all the people in your churches and communities that have gotten divorced and remarried that they are committing adultery every time they have sex with their new spouses. (And they get to hold leadership positions.)


August 26th, 2011

How does anyone’s marriage minimize what marriage means to society? I hate the way santorum and the NOM nuts spout these sound bites as if they are fact. I’m a straight woman, married over thirty years. Equal marriage rights for gay and lesbian couples only STRENGTHENS marriage in our society. I wish the press would call them on this. They say these lies as if they are facts.

Lightning Baltimore

August 26th, 2011

If one calls a bucket a bouquet, will it still hold watery beer and soggy, ballpark napkins?


August 26th, 2011

And a moron is just a moron. I don’t care if it calls itself a candidate for president, it’s still just a moron.


August 26th, 2011

I used to think they were exaggerating when they say that he was the dumbest person in the Senate at the time (not sure who “they” are–I have just heard people mention this on the radio). Put him on the short bus with W, Perry, and MiBa.

I feel his stupid on me every time I hear/read his quotes.

Rob in San Diego

August 27th, 2011

At the next debate…

Santorum- “It’s like going out and saying that Santorum is like semen mixed with a frothy mixture of fecal matter during unclean anal intercourse.” (like who does that)

Moderator- Um Senator, that’s exactly what it is, it even says so on wikipedia.


August 27th, 2011

He definitely needs to read a history of marriage. It hasn’t always been seen as they way it is seen these days.

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