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The “staying over” text message

Timothy Kincaid

February 22nd, 2012

Presented without commentary



February 22nd, 2012 | LINK

This boyfriend is nuts.

February 22nd, 2012 | LINK

How can two people communicate like that. Jesus, and I’m not even a grammar nazi.

P.S. Somebody, please give me a V-A-P-I-D.

P.S.S. You have to wonder what kind of man would put up with this if it wasn’t for some mestizo booty call privilege.

Bryan J Blumberg
February 22nd, 2012 | LINK

José’s reaction to his sheriff boyfriend being away seems like the kind of insecurity based jealousy that I have encountered from some Latinos whom I have dated.

Having said that, I also don’t know why the closeted sheriff didn’t want to bring José along considering the sheriff was already in the company of an openly gay ex-congressman and an openly gay current congressman and that congressman’s boyfriend. Had José been my boyfriend and if he had time to go to Tucson, I would have wanted him with me to go out with the congressmen.

Finally, all of these text messages simply provide evidence that the sheriff is gay, which he has already admitted. What these texts don’t provide is evidence that the sheriff was threatening José with possible deportation.

February 22nd, 2012 | LINK

I’m not sure what his ethnicity has to do with his jealously. I think jealously is a common trait in many races.

To the substance of the text message, I don’t know why Babeu would lie about this, but it sounds like the easy accusation of lying and the questioning means they needed to work on their relationship.

But I’m not sure Box Turtle should be delving into this sort of thing. Keep it political and cultural, not personal. Love your work generally, especially your continued work on Uganda.

Timothy Kincaid
February 22nd, 2012 | LINK


I think this story is both political and cultural. For me, the issues are twofold:

1 – political party and sexuality. Babeu’s outing and orientation come with piles of presumptions and biases and notions (and hopes for what the details will eventually reveal) depending on one’s own sexual and political identity. It is truly fascinating to see how different factions of the population present this story and react to it. Straight liberals and gay conservatives have VERY different heroes and villains in this tale and a sociology major could write a thesis on where and how straight conservatives and gay liberals respond.

2 – the extent to which being gay is acceptable in political candidates. It is only fairly recently that Harvey Milk could have been elected anywhere outside of the Castro in San Francisco. Yet today it is far more relevant to his electability that the mayor of Redondo Beach is Chinese American than that he’s a gay Republican. But what does this mean in rural conservative Arizona? We all sort of have the same assumption, but it does remain to be seen.

For BTB, this is not sensationalism. It is a story at the heart of what we look at.

While these text messages are incidental to the story, they do provide context and clarification to some points and details.

February 22nd, 2012 | LINK


Well, the purpose of this post wasn’t to give you juicy entertainment, but to show that Jose isn’t some saintly victim and that his credibility is suspect.

Posting on the Uganda bill does not keep you from posting other stories. This is the same fallacious thinking that leads to the thought that gay rights cannot be passed with all the concerns about the economy.

For one, you got two contributors. Uganda has always been Jim’s domain. Moreover, they don’t post 24/7. Timothy’s contributions don’t come at the expense of his covering otehr topics, which a simple search on his contributions should show you.

February 22nd, 2012 | LINK

I LOVE Latin guys but seriously, the second I get called “Papi” I go soft.

February 23rd, 2012 | LINK

Why would Jose want this message string made public? It puts him in the bad light. Does he think it “proves” Paul was “cheating” on him? All it really supports is that Paul has political connections and friendships. Every one of Paul’s messages is an exchange of information. Every one of Jose’s messages is an accusation or a demand. That’s why I continue to wonder who benefits politically from this entire episode. Right now, I’d say Mr. Babeu has the edge.

February 23rd, 2012 | LINK

On the other hand, we don’t know their relationship, maybe Jose caught him lying about where he was before. Look, I’m not really judging either side right now, the only way I could get angry over this is if it is found to be true that the sheriff really did threaten him with deportation, since he was legal. His being gay and being on a hook-up site doesn’t bother me in the slightest, unless he was hooking up on taxpayer dollars, which there is no allegations of.

February 23rd, 2012 | LINK

Another news report says the two of them broke up in 2009. These messages are two years later. I think they could be used as evidence against Jose for stalking or harassment.

Another news report notes Jose is on a tourist visa, which is extendable for up to 10 years but has to be renewed every six months by returning to one’s home country and asking for an extension. It is certainly possible he had committed a deportable violation of his visa.

If Sheriff Babeu said “I could have you deported,” some would say he was doing his duty as a law enforcement officer. But the personal relationship makes it appear he was trying to intimidate Jose into leaving him alone. And his failure to report Jose to immigration authorities for investigation could be a dereliction of duty. Or it could be an attempt to keep the relationship a secret to protect his political career.

This entire situation is a mess — politically, legally, ethically, socially, personally.

February 23rd, 2012 | LINK

This posting, and the comments attached are not appropriate. What part of THIS IS NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUSINESS do you not get.

Vile gossip – nothing less. Yes, dance if you will (in private) that another closet case has had his hypocrisy thrown back in his face, but this, this is just extremely poor manners. Posting private messages NEVER intended for your review is nothing more than being an electronic Peeping Tom!

There is NOTHING SADDER than someone showing how superior they are by stooping to such vile actions.


Dennis W
February 23rd, 2012 | LINK

Tom – thanks for you post. I read this site regularly and, for the most part find it useful. This post and the comments have me needing a shower.

February 23rd, 2012 | LINK

I agree that these text messages add nothing and that putting them up here is unpleasant and not in the service of any greater truth or argument or whatever.

February 23rd, 2012 | LINK

JFE and Tim re: sensationalism – Tim, you know I’m a frequent critic especially vis a vis judgement or sensationalism, but in this case, I have to agree with BTB. We have extremely superficial media coverage elsewhere, and one or both parties is lying. And who’s lying matters, because what’s at stake is not only an elected office, but a gay conservative who is not ducking and running for cover – these you can count on one hand – and as such, could be the beginning of a change we see in the modern GOP wrt gays.

It’s also a VERY timely reminder of the nature of electronic communications in our day and age, where people post things thoughtlessly only to have them come back to haunt them later. And this case has been all about the technology. Given the frank sophistication with which the gay community has engaged with technology – it’s replaced the entire industry of gay bars, for instance, this is important from a cultural aspect as well.

Plus, it’s a reminder to ditch neurotic jealous insecure boyfriends before they screw up your entire life.

February 23rd, 2012 | LINK

After reading the texts shown, the first emotion I felt was sadness, for both of them. Forgetting the politics, it shows the difficulties many relationships go through, only laid-bare for all to see.

What I’m seeing in these texts are the death-throws of a dying relationship. The raw emotions of Orosco and the resigned but cold demeanor of Babeu are witnessed all too often in our community. I’m so thankful for my 10-year relationship right now, for all the tribulations we’ve been through and survived.

I hope both these men come out of this with more forgiveness of each other, and compassion for others.

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