Brian Brown’s Dumbest Fundraising Claim Yet

Rob Tisinai

September 7th, 2012

In my email today I found an “IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM BRIAN BROWN,” president of the National Organization for Marriage. It contained this:

Obama’s official, national platform has codified homosexual marriage as its policy for all Americans!

Okay, if Will turns me down, I call dibs on Jake Gyllenhaal! After all, according to Brian Brown, Jake’s gonna have to gay-marry somebody.

What about you? Get your dibs in now, before all the good ones are taken.

Thom Watson

September 7th, 2012

To give him credit, while he did use the phrase “homosexual marriage” no less than five times, he didn’t put scare quotes around “marriage” when he did so (though he did later in the email, when he wrote about “gay ‘marriage'”). That notwithstanding, the rambling, speaking-for-God, bizarrely paranoid lies of the past few emails, and resorting to the word “homosexual” — typically only used by researchers (and then only rarely), the ignorant or the deliberately hateful, and Brian’s neither a researcher nor ignorant — have been entertaining, in a watching-someone-descend-into-madness kind of way.

David in Houston

September 7th, 2012

Lyndon B. Johnson’s official, national platform has codified interracial marriage as its policy for all Americans!

Yeah, it sounds just as stupid in 1967 as it does now. If Brian Brown is capable of manipulating homophobic straight people (aka: old Christians) into believing that they will be forced to take part in same-sex marriages, he truly is the king of bullshit. (Pardon my French.)


September 7th, 2012

Ryan Reynolds! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Of course I’ll have to “gay-divorce” my current husband!


September 7th, 2012

I call Tony Perkins.

What!? He’s cute!

Don’t judge me.

Michael C

September 7th, 2012

Being that mandatory so-called “gay” so-called “marriage” will also open the doors to mandatory polygamy, my list will be quite long.

Let’s hope this all passes before so-called “Palmer” can get so-called “gay” so-called “divorced” from his so-called “husband” because I plan on so-called “polygamously” so-called “marrying” Ryan Reynolds.

Lindoro Almaviva

September 7th, 2012

Dibs on Gilles Marini! And also on Brian Brown, I will take personal care of that a-hole. He will be for rent for all sorts of parties. Reasonable fee.

Lindoro Almaviva

September 7th, 2012

And since we all know gay marriage leads to polygamy, I’m also gonna call dibs on the Romney boys and on Ben Affleck.


September 7th, 2012

I actually like Ian’s choice. It would be awesome for the gay community to be able to fuck Tony for a change.

Ben In Oakland

September 7th, 2012

Sorry, Lindoro. i called Ben Affleck YEARS ago. also ben stiller. and ben cohen, though he’s a bit young for us.

that way, it will be a four way and we’re all called ben. Then we can say…

…wait for it…

Ben there, done that.

Ben In Oakland

September 7th, 2012

Maybe even the Unbearable Lightness of Benning.


September 7th, 2012

I think it’s about time for us to help our misguided friends by providing them with suggestions for the partners that they will be forced to marry. For starters:

Maggie Gallagher and Victoria Jackson (I would have said Melissa Etheridge but I am not that cruel)

Brian Brown and Allen West (I would have said Cheyenne Jackson, but see above)


September 8th, 2012

Hmmm, I might have to convert to Mormonism and insist on polyandry and add josh Duhamel to the mix!


September 8th, 2012

Yeah, I’m gonna claim Brian Brown. Sure,it will be worse for me than it will be for him, but someone’s gotta make the sacrifice.


September 8th, 2012

Gee, if I’m going to be forced to marry another man, I’d hardly know where to start. Today’s favorites: Taylor Kitsch and Chris Kluwe, although I’d take Chris Hemsworth in a pinch.

Actually, now that I think about it, since same-sex marriage inevitably leads to polygamy (polyandry in this case), I’ll take all three.

Jim Hlavac

September 9th, 2012

I think I’ll just take the guy next door. Nice, plain, simple, uncomplicated; fixes cars. And few are going to fight over him.


September 9th, 2012

I’m going to be greedy and keep my current one, add Ryan Reynolds, Josh Duhamel and Colby Melvin and Quinn Jaxon, because I’d hate to break up the set.

eventually ‘d like to surpass ole Breed’um Young!


September 10th, 2012

The radical social conservative fringe value system that “W’s” team brought in to the Big Tent may send more votes to Obama in this cycle than it gets for Republicans.

Know anyone who has studied that? It would be interesting to have some data.

Seems the Obama camp is very equity affirmative this year and Mrs. Romney wants to stay mum on the issue, that must mean it is a distraction that is losing votes for her team where they need them the most.

Apparently both sides have done the math.


September 10th, 2012

I’m so confused. Am I going to have to divorce my heterosexual husband so we can both gay marry? Or is NOM suggesting a polyamorous marriage where hubby marries George Clooney (I picked for him) and I marry whoever he picks?

Jim Burroway

September 10th, 2012

Jon Hamm.

(And I don’t care if it was photoshopped.)

Timothy Kincaid

September 10th, 2012

Sadly… I’m one of those guys who isn’t attracted to straight guys. All the celebrities that came to my mind are actually gay, dammit!!

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