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Duck Dispatch?

Jim Burroway

October 15th, 2012

It’s a good thing my brother sent this too me because I don’t think I’ve read Wonkette since, like, 2006. Anyway, he suggests that I might have to change the name of this web site. And not to pick on 14-year-old homeschoolers or anything, but I think my brother might be on to something. Box turtles are, after all, so 2005.

Anyway, here’s the kind of logic being taught to homeschooled kids in New Zealand:

 …If homosexuality spreads, it can cause human evolution to come to a standstill. It could threaten the human position on the evolutionary ladder, and say, ducks, could take over the world. Ducks always nest in pairs and if we allow same-sex marriage, then ducks will have evolved further than we have. We will be danger of all being equal, with ducks more equal than us. …I don’t want my children to have to compete with ducks. I want them to evolved further than I have. …

I was about to get all excited because here was a homeschooled kid talking about evolution! Wow! Homeschooled kids in New Zealand are way different from American homeschooled kids! But then Jasmin reveals that she doesn’t believe in evolution either, but “if you believe in evolution, you can’t be in favour of homosexuality, or the ducks will get you in the end.”

So yeah, it turns out homeschooled kids in New Zealand are exactly like homeschooled kids in America. She’ll have a great future as a speechwriter for a Senator from Texas.

Comments

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tim
October 16th, 2012 | LINK

So yeah, it turns out homeschooled kids in New Zealand are exactly like homeschooled kids in America.

Pet peeve. What you mean is homeschool kids being raised by evangelicals – correct?

There are many secular families homeschooling their kids for a variety of reasons. Sometimes because the local schools are overrun with religious wingnuts (especially in the south). Sometimes because of the lack of quality of the local school and they can’t afford private schooling (as my cousines family is doing). Sometimes because they just feel they can give the kids a better education at home.

But then – you and Kinclaid like to paint in broad brushes so this over generalization is not much of a surprise.

Eric in Oakland
October 16th, 2012 | LINK

They know even less about ducks than they do about evolution. Ducks are one of the birds with very well documented examples of homosexual pairings.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1160596/Pictured-The-rare-male-ducks-quackers–meaning-breed-die-Britain.html

Andrew
October 16th, 2012 | LINK

Actually, here in CA, it’s got to do with the utter failure of the public school systems and the prevalence of gangs. And the prevalence of religious nutjobs doesn’t help either.

gsingjane
October 16th, 2012 | LINK

Obviously, the above comment was very, very silly. Having known many 14 year olds in my time, perhaps not completely beyond the bounds of silliness displayed by many – most – 14 year olds, regardless of educational setting.

As did the above posters, I do take issue with your slam against homeschooling generally. I homeschooled my four kids for varying amounts of time (8 years in total) and… get this… originally started because my then fifth grader was “gender nonconforming” and getting beat on regularly by the other kids in school, on the bus, playground, etc. Unfortunately, at that time awareness of bullying was not where it is today, and the school was unable to protect him, and I felt I had no choice but to remove him. Other school settings were not an option, for financial or other reasons.

All of them seemed to have turned out just fine; the older three are in competitive, mainstream colleges and the youngest is now in high school. While we need to work hard to make sure our schools are safe for all kids, homeschoooling can, in some cases, be a much better choice for a GLBT kid. Please don’t knock it! Our years were fun, enriching, drew our family very close, and resulted in a great educational foundation for all the kids.

I agree that there are plenty of odd-balls and fanatics who homeschool and believe me, I met more than my share of them. But, just like with so many other groups, it isn’t really fair to judge the entire group by the actions of the “fringe.”

james
October 16th, 2012 | LINK

If she wants her children to be more evolved than she is, well, that’s not a very high standard for her children to meet, is it?

Nathaniel
October 16th, 2012 | LINK

Although I was home-schooled myself, it didn’t occur to me to question Mr. Burroway’s denigrating comments. Although my education was thorough and advanced (compared to my peers in the same grades when I did attend public school), it was also heavily dogmatic. I have only recently begun to encounter home-schoolers who have a very different experience.

What I found most amusing about this little anti-gay rant was that the writer defeats their own argument by admitting that they don’t believe in evolution. I can’t help but wonder what was the point. Perhaps, they mistakingly believe that ‘homosexual’ and ‘evolutionist’ are interchangeable with ‘atheist’. I wonder equally if this isn’t a hoax; some sarcastic know-it-all trying to emulate an anti-gay extremist.

David Rogers
October 16th, 2012 | LINK

Oh please, someone introduce this girl to Garfunkel and Oates!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXPcBI4CJc8

Lord_Byron
October 16th, 2012 | LINK

We should fear ducks evolving beyond humans and becoming the dominant life form?
What about the super-intelligent atheist otters from the future?

katz
October 16th, 2012 | LINK

I’m getting a 404 from that link.

Jim Burroway
October 16th, 2012 | LINK

I’ve fixed the link.

Marcus
October 16th, 2012 | LINK

Are we sure it’s a genuine letter? It reads as satire to me – a sarcastic sendup of antigay arguments written by a young teen who hasn’t quite gotten the hang of satire.

Steve
October 17th, 2012 | LINK

Ducks also rape so much that they evolved totally freaky penises that are as long as their body and corkscrewed. In response females evolved vaginas that turn the other way and have cul-de-sacs so they don’t get pregnant so easily. Over a third of duck sex is rape. There has also been a case gay necrophiliac duck rape (that went on for almost an hour I think)

Snowman
October 17th, 2012 | LINK

Hmmm, I’ve met several people from New Zealand over the years. Nearly all of them were pretty level headed and not very religious, or of more liberal beliefs. The one exception was this Pentecostal Evangelist chick who was basically my ex-wife’s best friend for a while. (She was a nut! Yet she hated it when I referred to her as a conservative Christian!)

Ray Comfort i.e. the Banana Guy who works with Kirk Cameron, is also from New Zealand originally.

So I would have to conclude there are at least some freaks everywhere.

Timothy Kincaid
October 17th, 2012 | LINK

I only have one thing to say:

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