A very classy “no”

Timothy Kincaid

January 18th, 2013

The Campaign for Southern Equality is hoeing a tough row. They are fighting for our equality in that part of the nation most reluctant to recognize it, the Southern states.

Part of their strategy is asking for what we don’t have. Personally, I think this is something we must always consider. If we let people go without even asking, they may never confront within themselves the reality that they are harming others.

Since January 1st, 35 LGBT couples from across Alabama, Georgia and Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee have stood up for marriage equality in their home states. The WE DO Campaign involves LGBT couples in the Southern communities where they live requesting – and being denied – marriage licenses in order to call for full equality under federal law and to resist unjust state laws.

And as part of that ongoing effort, yesterday couples met at the Arlington County Courthouse to request marriage licenses. Their reception was a very classy “no”: (arlnow.com)

Participants gathered in the square to request marriage licenses from Paul Ferguson, the Clerk of the Circuit Court of Arlington County and the City of Falls Church.

“I commend each of you that is coming forward today for your courage. I think you do realize that by law, the Commonwealth of Virginia does not allow me to issue those marriage licenses to you,” Ferguson said. “I hope that if laws do change in the future, that you will choose to return one day to Arlington County to receive a marriage license.”

More than a dozen couples stepped forward to request marriage licenses from Ferguson. In turn, each was rejected.

“Unfortunately, I am not able to grant that license by law,” Ferguson repeated to each couple.

Each of the couples acknowledged the rejection, some vowing to return for licenses should the laws change.

“You’re just doing your job. We’ve been together 25 years. It hurts to be rejected,” one tearful applicant said to Ferguson. “We know hearts and minds do change, and we hope Virginia will too.”

Andrew

January 19th, 2013

A classy “no” reflects decent public service. Just because the law doesn’t allow for it – perhaps especially because the law doesn’t allow for it, the fellow didn’t need to be (and wasn’t) a dick about it. He showed appropriate respect for those folks. Classy indeed.

markanthony

January 19th, 2013

Not to put a damper this event, but Arlington County is only technically in Va. It was originally a part of DC and there is nothing “Southern” about it. Its much younger, wealthier and more liberal than the rest of the Va or the south at large. The average education level probably higher than even many college towns.

This is a great project, but everyone in Arlington is already on board.

Hyhybt

January 19th, 2013

I don’t quite see how this is supposed to have any effect. Nobody at the courthouse has any power over this issue, and anyone on the other side seeing a report about it in the news is just going to dismiss it as silly.

Robert

January 19th, 2013

Hyhybt,

Respectful responses to our community in this fight have been rare by these types of officials, if you can’t see what type of effect that has, then you need to do some research on human behavior. Signs and statments of support have ONLY been helpful in our movement. Dismissing them as “nothing” is to say we don’t need your support, when in fact this is the way we get laws and views changed.

Michael C

January 19th, 2013

Hi Robert, I think Hyhybt was referring to the demonstration itself, not Ferguson’s response to it.

Hyhybt, I agree that most anti-gay people will dismiss this public form of protest as being pointless and silly. That doesn’t make it irrelevant. Some people are anti-gay, MOST people are simply unaware of gay people and what it means to be gay in the United States. Any action to put a face on marriage equality has a positive effect. Every effort to display a societal need for equality brings us closer to healthier and happier lives.

Robert

January 19th, 2013

Michael C-

Upon re-reading I see you are correct.

Hyhybt-

I thought you were saying something else, see Michael C’s answer in reply. :)

Hope everyone enjoys their week-end.

Reed

January 19th, 2013

Hmmmm . . . “asking for what we don’t have. Personally, I think this is something we must always consider.”

Well, yes “consider,” but “actually asking” really IS probably going to be much more useful. . . otherwise, lacking telepathy, most people won’t know what we’d like to have.

DN

January 20th, 2013

markanthony, I mostly agree with you, and I would have pretty much completely agreed with you until I learned that Bob Marshall, known in Richmond as Sideshow Bob is born & raised in the DC area and represents a district that is 100% Northern Virginia.

He’s from Virginia’s 13th district and I would post a link to a map of it, but it won’t go through.

We have Bob Marshall to thank for making it illegal for a Virginia based company to give health benefits to gay partners. We have him to thank for the confusing laws that won’t stand constitutional scrutiny but which say that no two people of the same sex can enter any contract that substantially replicates the benefits of marriage.

Hunter

January 21st, 2013

Hyhybt, Michael C —

I’m not sure that anti-gays will dismiss this kind of protest as pointless — I think it’s the sort of thing that worries them, if only subliminally: we made no progress until we started becoming visible, and the tactic that has worked best has been to put a human face on LGBTs and not let the stereotypes stand unchallenged. And I suspect that it’s the smaller, local efforts that have the most impact: it’s easy to shrug off a demonstration in the streets of another city, but your neighbors at city hall, not so much.

DN

January 21st, 2013

Hunter, you are exactly right. Humans are good at recognizing patterns – but it takes extra effort to recognize *big* patterns.

As to your comment, I would say that humans are great at resolving cognitive dissonance. And for every gay person who is out and proud and just doing what he or she does and not giving a crap about what some “holy” book says – that creates cognitive dissonance with the fundies.

Either this person who I know and love and who I know to be a solid human being is a sinful piece of trash, or I’m wrong in my “theology.”

For every single out gay person, we build support. Let’s keep at it :)

markanthony

January 22nd, 2013

DN, Thank you for the thoughtful response. I believe that using Del. Bob, who is actually worse than your post suggests, actually strengthens the point that I made in a somewhat clumsy fashion.

PW County, which is where the 13th district is located, is truly an ex-burb of DC. It has a much larger population of African-Americans, lots of single family house with sizable yards, big bible churches. It looks like the “South”. Its an hour plus drive from Arlington and a completely different world.

Arlington looks and feels more like a mix of a highly selective private college campus and a high value business center. Even its physical size is much smaller.

The statement in the post is great, but I wonder if a similar statement from an official from Berkley Ca, Madison WI, or Miami Beach would have been considered noteworthy.

Leave A Comment

All comments reflect the opinions of commenters only. They are not necessarily those of anyone associated with Box Turtle Bulletin. Comments are subject to our Comments Policy.

(Required)
(Required, never shared)

PLEASE NOTE: All comments are subject to our Comments Policy.

 

Latest Posts

The Things You Learn from the Internet

"The Intel On This Wasn't 100 Percent"

From Fake News To Real Bullets: This Is The New Normal

NC Gov McCrory Throws In The Towel

Colorado Store Manager Verbally Attacks "Faggot That Voted For Hillary" In Front of 4-Year-Old Son

Associated Press Updates "Alt-Right" Usage Guide

A Challenge for Blue Bubble Democrats

Baptist Churches in Dallas, Austin Expelled Over LGBT-Affirming Stance

Featured Reports

What Are Little Boys Made Of?

In this original BTB Investigation, we unveil the tragic story of Kirk Murphy, a four-year-old boy who was treated for “cross-gender disturbance” in 1970 by a young grad student by the name of George Rekers. This story is a stark reminder that there are severe and damaging consequences when therapists try to ensure that boys will be boys.

Slouching Towards Kampala: Uganda’s Deadly Embrace of Hate

When we first reported on three American anti-gay activists traveling to Kampala for a three-day conference, we had no idea that it would be the first report of a long string of events leading to a proposal to institute the death penalty for LGBT people. But that is exactly what happened. In this report, we review our collection of more than 500 posts to tell the story of one nation’s embrace of hatred toward gay people. This report will be updated continuously as events continue to unfold. Check here for the latest updates.

Paul Cameron’s World

In 2005, the Southern Poverty Law Center wrote that “[Paul] Cameron’s ‘science’ echoes Nazi Germany.” What the SPLC didn”t know was Cameron doesn’t just “echo” Nazi Germany. He quoted extensively from one of the Final Solution’s architects. This puts his fascination with quarantines, mandatory tattoos, and extermination being a “plausible idea” in a whole new and deeply disturbing light.

From the Inside: Focus on the Family’s “Love Won Out”

On February 10, I attended an all-day “Love Won Out” ex-gay conference in Phoenix, put on by Focus on the Family and Exodus International. In this series of reports, I talk about what I learned there: the people who go to these conferences, the things that they hear, and what this all means for them, their families and for the rest of us.

Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word "Change" Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For "Change"

The Heterosexual Agenda: Exposing The Myths

At last, the truth can now be told.

Using the same research methods employed by most anti-gay political pressure groups, we examine the statistics and the case studies that dispel many of the myths about heterosexuality. Download your copy today!

And don‘t miss our companion report, How To Write An Anti-Gay Tract In Fifteen Easy Steps.

Testing The Premise: Are Gays A Threat To Our Children?

Anti-gay activists often charge that gay men and women pose a threat to children. In this report, we explore the supposed connection between homosexuality and child sexual abuse, the conclusions reached by the most knowledgeable professionals in the field, and how anti-gay activists continue to ignore their findings. This has tremendous consequences, not just for gay men and women, but more importantly for the safety of all our children.

Straight From The Source: What the “Dutch Study” Really Says About Gay Couples

Anti-gay activists often cite the “Dutch Study” to claim that gay unions last only about 1½ years and that the these men have an average of eight additional partners per year outside of their steady relationship. In this report, we will take you step by step into the study to see whether the claims are true.

The FRC’s Briefs Are Showing

Tony Perkins’ Family Research Council submitted an Amicus Brief to the Maryland Court of Appeals as that court prepared to consider the issue of gay marriage. We examine just one small section of that brief to reveal the junk science and fraudulent claims of the Family “Research” Council.

Daniel Fetty Doesn’t Count

Daniel FettyThe FBI’s annual Hate Crime Statistics aren’t as complete as they ought to be, and their report for 2004 was no exception. In fact, their most recent report has quite a few glaring holes. Holes big enough for Daniel Fetty to fall through.