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Parents Needed

Rob Tisinai

March 28th, 2013

Anti-marriage folks are still promoting Gracie Evans, the 11-year-old who testified against same-sex marriage before the Minnesota legislature, asking:

Which parent do I not need: my Mom or my Dad?

I wrote a lengthy response to Gracie, but sometimes we just need a quick reply. If anyone pulls this bit on me, here’s my plan to shift the conversation:

Some kids aren’t asking which parent they don’t need. They’re asking, “Why can’t I have a parent at all?”

Support same-sex adoption.



Ben in Oakland
March 28th, 2013 | LINK

That’s exactly what I wrote this morning..

Gracie, no one thinks you don’t need one if your parents. But a lot of kids would like to have parents.

March 28th, 2013 | LINK

Ezra Klein wrote a good piece on the same subject in the WaPo yesterday afternoon.

Sir Andrew
March 28th, 2013 | LINK

Gracie’s testimony would be relevant if the end result of marriage equality would be that every opposite-sex marriage would automatically be annulled, with the children able to choose one—and only one—parent for the rest of their lives. Otherwise, there was no reason to put her in the position of repeating the script her parents or NOM handlers had prepared for her. She is too young and inexperienced to have a valid opinion on this issue, and certainly wouldn’t have drawn the “one parent solution” scenario herself. This is a disgrace to reasoned debate, but no less than we have come to expect.

March 28th, 2013 | LINK

What Sir Andrew said.

Gay parents have rescued plenty of kids from foster care and abandonment by their natural parents, and great is their reward.

There is, however, for me a moral question mark hanging over the idea of two gay parents creating a new life via petri dishes or whatever. With an adopted kid who has no natural parents, the die is already cast, so anyone who takes them in is doing a good deed.

However, even the in vitro method can’t be criticized when you consider that for the last 30 years or more, this society has breezily approved the whole idea of single moms deliberately getting pregnant when they are not married and have no intention of doing so.

I think for all sorts of obvious reasons it takes two, not one, to raise a child; but having never raised any children, I have to stop with that observation and leave the rest of the world to work it all out.

Regan DuCasse
March 31st, 2013 | LINK

I think a good deal of the reason why gays and lesbians sought in vitro support, was to have a biological child that no state could refuse them or easily take away.
Better than anyone, a gay couple has likely known of custody battles where orientation was enough be used against them to lose their children, even to other relatives out of spite.
Even if it WAS their biological child.

Without another family to contest custody (anonymous donor), there would be so much less fear in the decision to have a child more of one’s own.
I think the most outrageous case of custody loss, and spite towards a gay person, happened in Florida (not surprising).
After a brief affair, a lesbian had given birth to a baby girl. From the child’s infancy, this woman had lived in a committed relationship with another woman.
The father of the child, had been incarcerated for the murder of his first wife and was released after seven years (WTF?!).
He petitioned for custody, citing the mother’s homosexuality and involvement with another woman as grounds for full custody.
This child had NEVER known this man, and had been raised by the two women all her life.
The prejudice against the mother’s orientation worked, forget that the child was happy and healthy and loved.
The father got custody.

And we all know about Lisa Miller and Janet Jenkins and what a hot mess that is.
So, yes…even though adoption would seem the most practical and best thing to do for children.
Sometimes the way states make it hard to marry, they’ve made it hard to be a married parent AND a parent when you’re gay.
And not wanting the detriment of any of that, is understandable.
But sad for the children who need the very love that’s being wasted.

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