Bachmann Won’t Run

Jim Burroway

May 29th, 2013

This nearly nine minute video somehow, as if by magic, will feel like it sucked nine hours out of your life. So here’s what she said in a nutshell:

[Heroic background music] I will not running again in 2014. I could run, and I’d totally kick his ass if I did, but I just don’t feel like it. But if I did, I’d win. Totally.

And this has noting to do with that ethics investigation into my presidential campaign finances either. Which is totally bogus.

So yeah. I’d win. I ain’t chicken. Just don’t feel like running. Obama’s not running again, and he’s a socialist dictator.

And… Traditional marriage. Family Values. Obamacare. Margaret Thatcher. Ronald Reagan. Soviet Union. Socialism. Dodd-Frank. Muslim Jihad. Political correctness. Evil Jihadists. Israel. Iran. Benghazi. IRS. Balanced budget. Destruction of our entire economic system. Mainstream media. Dishonest mainstream media. Disparaging mainstream media. My wonderful husband. God. Jesus. Blessings. Fortitude. Blessed Nation. God Bless. God. God. God.

And more pork for my district. And I’ll still be crazy for the next 18 months. And I’ll keep being crazy long after I’m gone.


May 29th, 2013

What a shame. She’s one of the best clowns in the car.


May 29th, 2013

And more pork for my district

Wait wut? You really don’t know her or her district do you?

During the last election – my talking points to the wingnuttier parts of my family to get them to not vote for her was that she sucked as a legislator and the district deserved someone who could properly represent them in Congress. She failed time and time again to bring anything back to the district and is not the sponsor of any legislation that had any chance of actually becoming law at some point. She should of been kicked out for gross incompetence not for her idiotic views.


May 29th, 2013

“And, besides all of that, I have discovered I can make a great deal more money being a keynote speaker at events all over the country. Lots more money. I mean, really lots more money.”

Bernie Keefe

May 29th, 2013

Don’t turn your back on this wily one, she is up to something.

Priya Lynn

May 29th, 2013

Hilarious paraphrase! No doubt you accurately captured what she was really saying.


May 29th, 2013

She’ll have her own show on Fox News before her House seat gets cold!


May 30th, 2013

Oh, she’s discovered that Prominent Right Wing Culture Warrioress is a pretty good gig and an easy one. A lot less complicated and less work than this Elected Representative thing. As demonstrated by Peggy Noonan, Sarah Palin, Maggie Gallagher, Anne Coulter, Phyllis Schlafly, etc. In these circles being a crackpot is not a bug, it’s a mandatory feature. After all, they’re getting paid to try to keep crazy normalized in society.

There’s still life in the anti-gay thing for a couple of years but they’re all fishing around for The Next Big Thing. The best guess seems to be that this will be ‘religious freedom’.


May 30th, 2013

You do realize that the average IQ of Congress may go up as high as 10 points when she’s gone, right? Although Steve King and Steve Stockman are doing their best to prevent that…


May 31st, 2013

Dang. That Andy Borowitz beat me to that…


June 1st, 2013

Marcus is searching right now for a place to stash his gay porn! All the praying in the world is not going to pray THAT gay away!


June 2nd, 2013

It’s impressive how confident she can be when she says or implies so many things that reflect terribly on her and her party. I’ll paraphrase.

“No, it’s not that I’m afraid I’d lose the next election. I only ran last time because I was really afraid another Republican would’ve lost. And I was so hoping last election cycle that Republicans would win the Senate and Presidency. But, well, you know….

No, it’s not because there are inquiries into my presidential campaign’s finances. No, it’s not that I lost my presidential campaign badly. Really, 8 years is enough, it just feels right, because, uh, Presidents do the 8 year thing, and that’s a good number?”

By the way, she says verbatim, “…the law limits anyone from serving as President for more than eight years,” which is wrong. The 22nd amendment lets someone take over as president for up to 2 years and then they can get elected twice for a 10 year total. How did none of her staff nor she herself catch such a basic error? Too busy finding bad background music from the 90’s I suppose….

Anyway, what an idiot. She’s probably a nice enough person one-on-one, but she should never, ever have been making public policy decisions.

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