Stolam mea est pulchellus

Timothy Kincaid

November 21st, 2013

While the marriage bill was being signed, those who oppose equality as being contrary to the procreative purpose of marriage met in Springfield at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception to join celibate Bishop Thomas Paprocki for a rather unusual response: an exorcism.

Speaking in a language that has for 1,000 years been spoken only by those who vow not to marry, Paprocki commanded that “every unclean sprit, every power of darkness, every incursion of the infernal enemy, every diabolical legion, cohort and faction” be gone.

But evidence suggests that the command may not have been effective as he himself did not immediately disappear in a puff of purple smoke

Richard Rush

November 21st, 2013

As exorcisms go, this one was boring. Typically, they are much more entertaining. Here is a real exorcism:


November 21st, 2013

How ironic that a never married, never had sex, celibate man, in a penis shaped hat, in a building named for a fictional sexless impregnation, lectures people on what to do and what not to do with their naughty bits.

Ben In Oakland

November 21st, 2013

Did it work yet?

Nope. still married.

Did it work yet?

Nope. still married.

Did it work yet?

Nope. still married.

Did it work yet?

Nope. still married.

Did it work yet?

Nope. still married.

Did it work yet?

Nope. still married.

Did it work yet?

Nope. still married.

Did it work yet?

Nope. still married

He held his exorcism, according to the megalomania that tells him that he commands god, or angels, or great magical powers…

or merely just demons, not such powerful supernatural critters after all…

by means of waving his hands around, invoking spirits, burning incense, and presumably speaking in a nearly dead language that those demons understand..

And we’re supposed to take this is a sign of holiness and not psycholiness? If so, Sts. Harry and Hermione are not far down the line.

And did it work? Nope, legislature passed the bill anyway. Nope, governor Quinn still signed it, and the paper didn’t burst into flames. Nope, the law is still the law, and will continue to be the law. Nope, gay people will get married, it won’t affect the B-man in the slightest, except to put his knickers into a thoroughly uncomfortable bunch.

And you know what else? His Bishopness didn’t disappear in a cloud of sulphurous smoke.

Ben In Oakland

November 21st, 2013

Damme. I forgot my last sentence.

“I wanted to fill in the backstory for you. And correct the obvious error of purple smoke. Purple smoke– actually, lavender– is reserved for the gay demons favored by protestant exorcists everywhere.”

Ben In Oakland

November 21st, 2013


In his address, The Bitchup had this to say…

“The diversion of the Devil in same-sex marriage may be seen in the fact that so much of our time, energy and resources are being spent in addressing this issue, when there are more pressing needs facing our state and our Church.”

In other words, There are great many things that are far more important than this, but the involvement of the Devil, which of course the Good Bitchup ascertained through the offices of Mumbo and Jumbo, attorneys and theologians, meant that the more pressing needs of the church are taking a back seat to this issue, and his reasoning for permitting this unwise expenditure of “time, energy and resources” is that the devil made him do it?

thank god I’m an atheist.


November 21st, 2013

What makes you so sure he’s actually celibate? These types often have a few growing families stashed here and there.

Gene in L.A.

November 22nd, 2013

He won’t face up to the truth that it is his (and the Church’s) own fixation on gay marriage that is the problem, not “the diversion of the Devil” in it. They can make the choice at any time to re-focus their precious “time, energy and resources” to the “more pressing needs” he himself acknowledges.


November 22nd, 2013

I will quibble alittle with your description of Latin. For years it functioned as a lingua franca among highly educated Europeans and Americans. It totally collapsed with educational reforms in the 50’s and 60’s.


November 22nd, 2013

Difficult to make a substantive comment when his name can be so easily misread as “Pop-Rocks” or “Paparazzi.” Just got stuck on that for a moment.

Sir Andrew

November 22nd, 2013

Ben, your long question/answer post proves that the exorcism worked. Now that “every unclean sprit, every power of darkness, every incursion of the infernal enemy, every diabolical legion, cohort and faction” are gone, I expect our divorce rates to be very low. I think he may have also driven the Catholic Church and the Mormon Whatever from the gay marriage issue.

So, thank you, Bishop Pop Rocks. Thanks for clearing the way for us to not only get married, but to also have long successful marriages. Next, you ought to try this same technique on straight marriages, which are failing at a rate that would have caused any other institution to close down.


November 22nd, 2013

@Ben in Oakland, so you’re saying the devil made him do it and since he’s wearing a dress, he’s just like Geraldine? The devil made her do everything but she was funny, the bitchup isn’t.


November 22nd, 2013

The text of that exorcism ought to be the very first thing handed to every inquirer from this day forward.

Make them wonder if they really, really want to get involved with this organization.

Ben in Oakland

November 23rd, 2013

From what I can see, the Devil has stood by the Catholic Church as least as well as the Other Side has. And the B-man, by his apparent profaning of what ought to be seriously considered–if you believe in devils and demons that is, which is a whole other thing apart from invoking the powers of heaven– a serious matter. the Bitchup has turned it into a piece of very bad theater.

but you,re right. He isnt as funny as flip wilson. If I were a Catholic, I would be outraged. what’s next? Marrying a dog and a toaster at a catholic alter in order to prove what same sex marriage will bring?

Jim Hlavac

November 24th, 2013

Well, let us at least compliment the man in the funny outfit for having brought gay folks a great deal of mirth and merriment. I myself have always enjoyed clowns, and frankly, in my humble opinion, he’s one of the best.

People for Humanity

November 27th, 2013

Stolam mea est pulchellus = My dress is pretty

Thanks for the explanatory headline, which put the topic into perspective.

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