Rapture Updates

Jim Burroway

May 21st, 2011

As of post time (6:00 a.m. EDT), it is now 6:00 p.m. in Perth, Australia. So far, we have had no reports of the Rapture. But then again, what do you expect from a former penal colony? Since the great swath of Asia is pretty much written off and Russia may not count (barely reconstituted commies, you know) it may remain quite for quite a while. But if you do notice anyone suddenly missing, please let us know in the comments.

Darren

May 21st, 2011

No one missing that I know of so far, but LOTS of folks left behind for various reasons:

http://www.iwasleftbehind.com/?perma

Be sure to check out the “So you were left behind. Now what?” link. Maybe we can make something good out of this mess of a rapture after all!

Rebecca Ashling

May 21st, 2011

I very much doubt that we’ll hear of any Rapturous disappearances. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if we had a deficit of beetles. God is inordinately fond of these insects it is said.

cowboy

May 21st, 2011

I am surprised there isn’t a Facebook feature that would list everyone?

Shannon

May 21st, 2011

ya, maybe all the wackadoodles will be gone and the planet will be a better place! /hope

Brenda

May 21st, 2011

Well in that case, we in the Rocky Mountain States would like to nominate the pine bark beetle for Rapture before they end up converting all the beautiful lodge pole pines into tourist furniture. ;)

Jonny

May 21st, 2011

http://www.iwasleftbehind.com/?perma=155 Take that Anita Bryant :)

cowboy

May 21st, 2011

Yeah, Brenda, it’s a mess isn’t it?

What is “tourist furniture’? Is it furniture only coming to pay a visit? Oh…I get it. It’s all the teak Scandinavian stuff I bought when I was in my pre-modern-de’cor mood? (I’ve gone way past the IKEA stuff too).

Or do you mean the once trendy stuff I see at all the cutesy little rental cabins in Jackson Hole, WY area?

And If I see one more elk-antler chandelier in a cabin built by some rich California doctor/movie producer I’ll puke.

(Thank you Rebecca for the chuckle.)

JohnAGJ

May 21st, 2011

Well obviously it’s because the Aussies and Kiwis are all dirty lil’ heathens. I mean Mordor was located in NZ, right?

Rebecca Ashling

May 21st, 2011

It’s well after 1900 BST (1800 GMT) in the UK. No earthquake. The sun is still shining. My cat, Whisky is dozing peacefully in the garden. In Colchester, at least, there’s been no rapture.

BlackDog

May 21st, 2011

I can’t hear the apocalypse over the sound of the crickets chirping.

Oh…wait…that’s because nothing is happening.

Sounds like Mr. Camping was wrong again.
When will Fundamentalist Christians stop believeing these guys and thus allowing themselves to be made to look like idiots?

Rebecca Ashling

May 21st, 2011

Hey BlackDog. I understand that stupidity is a sacrament for this kind of fundamentalist. Be as a child and all that. Although actual kids are seldom so utterly moronic. It takes us adults to be such cretins.

Sen

May 21st, 2011

I know the ones who were raptured. It was a bizarre Christian sect from Papua New Guinea that believed Jesus was an intersexual kangaroo from space. They had it right the whole time and everyone else is damned.

kachina

May 21st, 2011

where did people get such a lie. to assume that a man can put thousands of money..that should be ur first clue, this was done out of sin….and scripture says we will not even know the very hour in which Christ will come. and last time i check the word rapture isn’t even part of the Greek or Hebrew. when the day comes…..no1 will know. and may those with Christ be lifted. man there is so much about Christ that one should know, before the assumption that all are going to heaven. n um….it’s not that bad yet. i tell u this, when the tower of nimrod is finish then we will see the anti-Christ, so what side are u on. im right here in the kingdom. one body, one church. and im sorry, but it has to get a lot worst before, the rapture. be warned that u are not listen to apostates, or the mimic who is coming. trust and only have faith in Christ my king, for he will set u free, not by human standards which are lies

kachina

May 21st, 2011

another thing, with all the lies about gay people. have u not forgotten tht looking apon a women, or a man with lust is sin. the word homosexual, again in not in the Greek or Hebrew, and at some time i don’t know when , but even American scripture has been changed. after studying the Greek. Ive learned to only put my heart and faith in the true King, judger. i find it funny, that Christians are tell unbelievers, esp gay and lesbians, that god hates them, last time i read, it said he hates the sin, the sin of sexual immorality, since when do anybody for this matter gets to decide what God hates. i recall him saying anyone who blasts the Holy Spirit, HE, the LORD our God HATES!i can’t tell u how much the body of Christ, is in a world off hurt. sin is sin people, all have come short of the glory of God, no not one is even clean, by HIS father’s blessing ALL< even HOMOSEXUALS, can and will enter the kingdom, with new hearts..since when did salvation have a sexual orientation. and since when has the body of Christ assume that we are fully exempt. last time i check He is coming to remind every1. please show me title, chapter and verse to scripture. please also back it up to thew Greek and the Hebrew. also show me where in scripture Lord says he haters someone over their sin. man oh man… i do hope ur heart is right with Christ, cuz in the end it is he to whom u and i will answer to. u know i find it funny, Satan has done such a great job at tricking the lords body. im looking to see how many of u, he has called me to protect, when the 1st war comes, the war of man, the next….you will not be able to run! know his words people! its the only thing that will set u free. not ppl who buy into a gimmick to be made like Christ. shame on his fellows, they lay their hearts to ruins and lies, forgive ur ppl for what they still don't know and what they assume of u father. please have a litle more mercy on all of us…lead not ur life into temptation, but be delivered from such lies and repent and know truth, not on ur or human standards.

Kate

May 21st, 2011

745 pm Central US time…Darn, guess I’ll have to pay my bills again this month, since according to their websites, the electric/phone/water/insurance, etc, etc, companies are godless unbelievers who didn’t get Raptured and they are ALL still sitting there waiting for me to pay my sinful money for another month of blasphemous service.

kachina? Punkin? You still there?

Oh. Um, condolences. I’m sure it was an oversight. Maybe the next Rapture…

Houston

May 21st, 2011

Still rapture-free at 8:00 pm in Houston, Texas.

Richard Rush

May 21st, 2011

Well, by now it has become evident that we will continue to be stuck here on earth struggling to coexist with America’s finest Christians. I had gone up on the roof at 6:00 PM (US EST) prepared to wave my heartfelt goodbyes accompanied by my warmest smile, but soon became bitterly disappointed. But that’s the way it always works with God: His promoters build up hopes and dreams, and then when it’s time to deliver, He either won’t, can’t, or is busy elsewhere drumming up more unearned glory for Himself.

If you were a god, wouldn’t you take your responsibilities a little more seriously, and also want to make sure that your promoters were not incompetent nutjobs?

Rob in San Diego

May 22nd, 2011

Well it’s currently 12:20 am Sunday morning in San Diego. All the christians are still here, however all the scientologists disappeared, you don’t think that that could of been been the true religion? Maybe they’re all at a convention. I’m not quite sure though about the huge vortex that formed downtown. I figured the Republican convention was in town.

All my buddies are playing Magic right now while I do the timer and play Star Trek online. If any one disappears from their clothes, I hope it’s because their going to my room.

grantdale

May 22nd, 2011

Yeah. Still here. Haven’t missed anyone today either, but that could simply be because all the people I know are bad.

Or really, really, really heavy.

Also, have you spoken to Timothy today? Just askin.

(“a former penal colony”… you mean like the Americas? Sheesh, short memories. Probably too busy sniffing out witches and praying for their salvation and stuff to have time for them booklernin history lessons.)

Cowboy, this one’s for you. Got your bucket at the ready, we hope.

Not sure what that “Jackson Hole Wyoming feeling” is precisely, but it looks rather pointy. Not something I’d care to have to dust either.

Timothy Kincaid

May 22nd, 2011

grantdale,

Around 6 I did feel a slight tremor and momentary weightlessness, but I guess I just didn’t pass inspection.

And as for the others who didn’t make it… to borrow from Rep. Steve Simon

“How many more conservative Christians does God have to fail to rapture before we ask ourselves whether or not God actually wants them around Him?”

Richard Rush

May 22nd, 2011

Oh, I love this:

How many more conservative Christians does God have to fail to rapture before we ask ourselves whether or not God actually wants them around Him?

Normally, with predictions and special requests involving God, these Christians are smart enough to give themselves plenty of wiggle-room so they can delude themselves, and/or hoodwink others, into believing that He delivers, when in actuality, there is never a shred of evidence that He does. Usually, something like the ever-handy “God works in mysterious ways” is enough to pull themselves out of a jam. But when you’re predicting a specific event on a specific date, it gets much tougher.

Anyway, I can’t wait to hear Harold Camping’s explanation. It’s possible, of course, that all this was a well-planned scam, and Camping may have prepared his explanation before the plan went public. Either way, it should be fun to watch.

cowboy

May 22nd, 2011

hey DaleGrant, (Dale gets second billing so often I thought I would give him a little extra boost…and where the he!! have you guys been lately?)

I guess the cowboy de’cor comes in cycles. I should be happy to see they’re not using old wagon-wheels with electrified kerosine lamps chandeliers anymore?

I was in the vicinity of the Salt Lake LDS Temple last night. (They said the Temple there would survive a major earthquake and I thought I would keep all my options open…just in case…)

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