Box Turtle Bulletin
News and commentary about the anti-gay lobby“Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife…”
News and commentary about the anti-gay lobbyJuly 11th, 2007
For years we’ve heard tales of “former homosexuals just like me” touted by national spokesmen with a sincere delivery, a confident smile, and a wife and children hovering just within view of the cameras. That is the public face of the ex-gay movement, the one presented when politicians seek justification for denying civil equality to gay individuals or couples.
The Miami New Times featured a story today on their local ex-gay ministry, Worthy Creations. Those familiar with the movement will not read much new; it covers the history of the movement and its many embarrassments along with its wishes, dreams, and claims. But these stories that sporadically appear around the nation which highlight local ministries give a flavor that seems miles from the slick image that Exodus’ national office sells.
Although Exodus’ Randy Thomas claims an informal study in 2003 resulted in 11,000 weekly attendants at their 150 ministries (an average of 73), at the meeting attended by the reporter, there were only six strugglers – a number far more consistent with what we read in other local reports. And unlike the happily married ex-gays that show up to press conferences and White House events, the local ex-gay seems to be more like those described in this article:
Bowing his clean-shaven head, he flutters his dark eyelashes and nods reassuringly toward the effeminate, lanky Miami Beach man seated across from him.
“Exactly!” [Joe] Alicea beams, palms open, arms outstretched toward the heavens. “You are not homosexual.”
Lowering his hands, he purses his lips, raises a tweezed eyebrow, and pensively taps a manicured finger on his cheek.
“You’re not homosexual,” Alicea repeats, in the same stupefied tone an astronomer might use if someone suggested the Earth were flat. “You are just s-e-n-s-i-t-i-v-e.”
It’s immediately clear that the journalist wasn’t impressed or convinced by Worthy Creations. Yet even considering bias, it’s hard to dismiss the anxious hope, but obvious futility that was evident behind the bright claims of those she interviewed:
In the half-decade since joining the ex-gay ministry, Sarah has not had any sexual contact with a man. She hasn’t felt an urge to kiss one yet, either. In fact she hasn’t even reached the point of wanting to go out on a date with a guy. But she is convinced she will someday.
“I’m not there yet, that’s all. It’s a process; it takes time,” she says with a half-hearted smile. “Am I attracted to men? Of course,” she adds. Asked what kind of physical traits she finds attractive in men, she repeats the question and then pauses. “It’s more about who the person is inside.”
Or that of the leader
“When I left the gay lifestyle after 13 years, I wasn’t struggling. I was gay, period. I had a boyfriend,” Alicea recalls. That was five years ago. Like Sarah, he tells his flock, he has yet to embark on a heterosexual relationship. Like Sarah, he says he isn’t ready yet.
Instead he is celibate. But he is happy — happier than he has ever been.
Or even of some in national leadership
“My sexual orientation shift isn’t alleged. I assure you it’s real,” says Thomas, who “left” the gay lifestyle in 1992. “I have dated women over the years and I’ve had two very serious relationships…. I won’t have sex with a woman until I’m married, though, because of my Biblical sexual ethic.”
All in all, the article leaves the reader with a deep sense of sadness. And your heart can’t help but go out to those who, like Sarah and Joe, struggle on and on, year after year, in the hopes attaining an easy celibacy and seek that point where – perhaps after 15 years or so – they too can have sexless “serious relationships”.
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Your mom
July 11th, 2007
If I recall correctly Lorraine Durso (Randy’s ex) is on staff at Worthy Creations.
Lynn David
July 12th, 2007
From the paper:
“About one-third has a life-changing experience and never goes back to a homosexual lifestyle,” he [Randy Thomas] adds confidently. By that measure, Exodus has made tens of thousands of gay people straight.
She jumped to a conclusion there. Included in that “third” which Exodus sees as having “life changing experiences” are those who are merely celibate. The percentage of which is likely very high.
Also from the article:
“There is no published scientific evidence supporting the efficacy of reparative therapy as a treatment to change one’s sexual orientation.”
“One of the reasons there isn’t any data,” says Thomas, “is because the APA has a lot of internal politics determined by gay activists within their own ranks.
WHAT? The folks offering reparative therapy aren’t scientists who can create there own study of what they do and thus provide their own data? Does the APA have to to it for them? NO! The reason that statistics aren’t forthcoming from the perpetrators of reparative therapies is that they don’t want to show how dismal those statistics are.
And if this is correct, “I couldn’t understand why if being gay was wrong, why He had made me this way. I felt like I’d been given a raw deal and I wasn’t equipped to handle it.” Then why is this necessary: “The idea is to make God love us, and you go to whatever lengths you can to please him. So I finally told Him: ‘You have got to help me.'” When after half a decade or more, you’ve seemingly destroyed your social life just to “please a god?” If it is only the “ex-gay movement” which bolsters a conviction, then you’re not banking on much (except for Randy Thomas’ rantings).
And if this doesn’t show that its not about the sex, I don’t know what does. It’s about having a confidence in yourself, about your sense of self-worth, and self-respect (self-esteem). And that is which the very essence of the “ex-gay movement” works against, instead constantly using guilt to tear down elements of one’s self-esteem year after year after year, to attempt to remold it under a Christian ethic. That is in effect to destroy one’s personality uttterly to remold it – just what other “sin” does religion demand such destruction of a person’s character?
I think that even if Exodus were to repudiate reparative therapy, they would still have a problem. Exodus would, in their own ministries, still be engaging in a theraputic protocol infused in the idea that a homosexual orientation is a psychological disorder. But then they’re a religion which is somewhat “immune” from professional scrutiny and having a deeply-held faith does not make one delusional. So I guess neither does thinking you can somehow become straight.
…
Benton
July 12th, 2007
Denial takes so much psychic energy. What I wonder is what other gifts these people are suppressing while trying to suppress their sexuality?
What I thought was funny was that my congregation started commenting how I had become a better pastor and preacher just before I had to leave because of my sexuality. The self-honesty that made me a better pastor is the self-honesty that caused me to leave my call.
We are to be known from our fruits (pun NOT intended!) but when the “fertilzer” for that fruit is homosexuality, well, the church would rather the field be barren.
Timothy Kincaid
July 12th, 2007
The reason that statistics aren’t forthcoming from the perpetrators of reparative therapies is that they don’t want to show how dismal those statistics are.
I suspect it has more to do with the religious nature of the ministry.
Churches do not track those who get saved and stay saved v. those who backslide into sin (to use Christianese). And because the focus of these ministries is “change” as in conversion not “change” as in orientation (though you wouldn’t know it from the advertising) then there’s no need to track the numbers that “turn back to that sinful lifestyle”. They are just backsliders.
Randi Schimnosky
July 12th, 2007
Timothy, you’re just making excuses for the religionists. The fact is they encourage people to believe a change in orientation has taken place and the last thing they want is to have this failure exposed with statistics. Don’t give us this “saved” vs “unsaved” hogwash.
Timothy Kincaid
July 12th, 2007
Randi,
This will not be a venue in which your usual hostile and confrontational comments will be allowed. Either play nice or you won’t play at all.
Christine
July 12th, 2007
Randi, think of Timothy as the messenger here, and hold yer fire. :)
He’s right about the prevailing beliefs; and from what I see, he’s just trying to explain those beliefs, for folks who are not from this background.
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