Video: Inside “Love Won Out”

In this multi-part series of videos Box Turtle Bulletin editor Jim Burroway discusses attending Love Won Out.

Daniel Gonzales

January 14th, 2008

Today’s videos focus on Joseph Nicolosi, who until recently always delivered Love Won Out’s opening session on “The Condition of Male Homosexuality.” In the first video Jim recalls an encounter with a greiving father attending LWO. Jim believes the message of LWO is serving to keep a relational wedge between the father and his son. In the second video Jim discusses Joseph Nicolosi’s acknowledgment that one of his former patients, Daniel Gonzales, is outside the church conference protesting.

Driving A Wedge Between Father And Son

Nicolosi Acknowledges Former Patient Now Protesting

Ben in oakland

January 15th, 2008

About 30 years, after a lot of therapy, self-examination, work on myself, and attempts to have a positive relationship with my parents, I finally told my parents in as many words that it was clear to me that their beliefs about homosexuality and what it means to be gay in our society was far more important to them than truth, or fairness, or compassion,and certainly more important than their relationship with their son. They proved my point by never discussing my letter to them and what I had to say. (What I said certainly had anger in it, but the anger was always reined in by the truth. There was no name calling, or viciousness, or anything like that).

Eventually, I realized that the problem was not really my being gay, though that was a convenient hook for them to hang their homophobic hats on. Nor was it me. I had always been a good son, top grades, never any trouble, athlete, musician, the whole shebang. The real problem was our whole relationship, how they saw me, treated me, etc. This was true for my two brothers, one of whom was gay, though not our sister. She got the loot.

Part of that realization was understanding that there would never be anything I could say OR do that would give me a relationship with them that I would want to have– at least not as an adult, though we did pretty well when I was a boy. And it certainly wouldn’t happen as long as I insisted on being a big fag, especially if I insisted that that part of my life was non-negotiable.

Why do I tell my story here, Jim? Because I have to wonder about the father. Which comes first for him? His son and his son’s love, or his belief in that conflagration of bad science, wishful thinking, and prejudice known as LWO? Why did you meet him there? Why would he expect to find an answer there which wouldn’t be underlined by his guilt at turning his son queer, at least as LWO would have him see it? What is their profit motive, if there is one? Why is he still going there when it isn’t working for him?

And finally, why hasn’t he called his son and apologized, explained his love with out the explanations of LWO?

The real problem I have with this whole thing, and which I believe you have accurately called attention to, is that in this particular situation, love isn’t winning out.

It may not even be in the contest.


January 18th, 2008

“A lot of what Focus on the Family and a lot of what Love Won Out was about was, I think, keeping that wedge there.”

Yes, Jim, how right you are. That’s why I feel nothing but contempt for these anti-gay organizations that portray themselves, with disarming dishonesty, as “pro-family”. They may be pro those families all of whose members are heterosexual; to others they are simply downright pernicious.

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