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When I Was An Ex-Gay I Voted To Ban Gay Marriage

Today The State Supreme Court Ruled To Overturn My Vote

Daniel Gonzales

May 15th, 2008

Yes, in 2000 I voted yes on California Ballot Proposition 22 which defined marriage as the union of one man and one woman. At the time I had recently concluded reparative therapy with Joseph Nicolosi and held beliefs about sexuality largely consistent with Evangelical Christianity. I believed marriage was created by the Christian God and that our society had no choice but to retain God’s definition and voted accordingly.

In reaction to today’s decision the religious-right will no doubt claim this decision is counter to the will of the people. However this assumes nothing has changed in 8 years.

Eight years later I now realize how flawed, hurtful, and destructive my logic was. I wish to apologize for that vote. There are very few things in my ex-gay experience I am truly ashamed of — My vote in 2000 is one of those things. I thank the California State Supreme Court for making right on my error.

I have never been prouder than I am today to be from California.



May 15th, 2008 | LINK

I had already planned to return permenantly to California later this year – even before this ruling came down. I moved away in 1999 for a job, and while I recognize the importance of having made that move, I am ready to go back. There’s no place like the Golden State. California or bust!

May 15th, 2008 | LINK

Go, California!

Thanks for keeping us up to date.

May 15th, 2008 | LINK

In reaction to today’s decision the religious-right will no doubt claim this decision is counter to the will of the people.

I agree that this is what they will likely done (and it appears that Matt Barber already has). But I’ve always found it strange that people who normally preach that (1) people’s “willfulness” is what usually get them in trouble and (2) the majority are often in the wrong (“wide is the gate and broad is the path that leads to destruction”?) would suddenly be advocating for “the will of the people.” Such advocacy just isn’t consistent with the rest of their theology.

May 15th, 2008 | LINK

We’ll forgive you this time, Daniel. :) Seriously, a very heartfelt writing and very encouraging to see how hearts and minds change over time.

My partner and I had to leave California a few months ago for job/economic reasons. I hope we can move back someday.

May 15th, 2008 | LINK

I was a field coordinator in the LA office for the No on Knight (Prop. 22) in 2000. I cannot tell you the disillusionment and shock that many of my coworkers and friends had about California when 22 passed. Most of us were transplants and considered California a mythical place. It was a rude awakening.

I left 4 years ago for a job and still not a day goes by I don’t miss “home”.

I miss it even more today.

Jason D
May 15th, 2008 | LINK

it’s amazing to me how often the anti-gay side seems to not understand the government of their own country.

Supreme Courts NEVER interpret the law! Lower courts decide if a law has been violated or not, the Supremes decide if the law violates the constitution, and if it’s justifiable or not. That’s why they’re not elected, so that they care about the constitution, not “the will of the people”.

Our forefathers recognized that democracy, by itself, is little more than mob rule. They recognized that majority can be swayed, and that just because a bunch of people agree on something, doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong. So they came up with The Constitution, a set of rules and guidelines, basics. Do whatever you want, as long as your law doesn’t violate the consitution. Some of our laws don’t direcly violate freedoms, just define the parameters, the boundaries of that freedom — you can say whatever you want, but you can’t incite a riot, and you can’t openly threaten the life of the president. These are reasonable limits.

I should probably stop my lecture now, but it’s like they get hot and bothered, but don’t have any grasp of way this country works!

May 16th, 2008 | LINK

It takes a strong person to admit they were wrong, Daniel.

May 16th, 2008 | LINK

Though there are very few things from your “ex-gay” experiences that you are truly ashamed of (I sincerely hope that means that you didn’t encourage others to go down that road) I would assume that there are at least a few things that you regret.

May 25th, 2012 | LINK

That’s okay Daniel Gonzales, it is never to late to say you’re sorry. We all have regrets in life. Hopefully our regrets make us work harder to right the wrong.


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