Poor Pitiful Pathetic David Benkof is Still Spouting His Bitterness

Timothy Kincaid

June 27th, 2009

benkof.jpgI hesitate to give attention to anti-gay writer David Benkof. There’s nothing he likes better than seeing his name in print. It makes him feel as though there is validation for the decision he made to create for himself a bitter, empty, lonely, loveless life.

And it’s not like Benkof’s writing deserves commentary. It has no substance to refute, just insinuation, condemnation, nonsense, and lots and lots of whining.

Benkof loves to whine. He whines about gay folks wanting to marry, wanting to serve their country, wanting to live in freedom. He whines about how selfish gay people are to want equality, how cruel to have children, how careless it was for gays to endanger the police at Stonewall. It’s all so shrill it makes my ears hurt just to read it.

Benkof used to live as a gay man. But feeling unfulfilled (and in no small part bitter), he decided to convert to Orthodox Judaism. And as living a life consistent with his orientation is in conflict with his restrictive religion, he now lives in some wacky sexless existence of his own creation dreaming of the day that some nice Jewish girl will choose a loveless marriage to an egocentric man and give him social standing.

And if he can’t be happy, well then he’s going to darn sure try to make you unhappy as well.

But, unlike most “not gay any more” activists, Benkof feels compelled to pretend to be someone he is not. He thinks it adds credibility to act as though he is part of the gay community and speaks for gay people.

For example, here he is at the Houston Chronicle itemizing a list of mostly-imagined grievances that straight folk should have against gays. And to make his spitefulness stand out from the average hate-spouting loon, he says,

Having experienced the closet and coming out as a gay man in my late teens, I understand the common gay experience of overcoming shame and the constant need for self-esteem reassurance.

Of course, he fails to mention that his own obsessive craving for self-esteem reassurance led him to change his name, his religion, and his proclaimed orientation. And if the reader wasn’t adquately left with the false impression that David identifies as gay and is not an anti-gay activist, he lists his bio as

Benkof is the author of Gay Essentials: Facts for Your Queer Brain (Alyson, 1999). He blogs at GaysDefendMarriage.com and can be reached at DavidBenkof@aol.com.

We’ve condemned his deception before, but David just can’t help himself. He’s compulsive. He’s incapable of presenting his arguments with integrity.

But we should pity him. It’s very very sad.

Having chosen to live a life of complicated internal conflict, he’s now required to lie to himself just to survive. He lacks integrity in his writing because he has none in his life.

Poor pitiful pathetic sad little man.

a. mcewen

June 27th, 2009

I read it and I want to sue you all for pointing it out and tapping on my inate curiousity. LOL.

Seriously though, he is getting destroyed in the comments section as he should be.

Movement Guy

June 27th, 2009

The most offensive part to me is his complete ignorance of many straight people of color have HIV/AIDS, even in the US. I guess because white, gay men have protease inhibitors, he doesn’t need to do any research into who’s dying now.


June 27th, 2009

This guy is really exactly like a bad penny that keeps coming back around. Every few months or so he pops his head up, spouts a bunch of nonsense, half-truths, and outright lies, gets whiney and angry when everyone doesn’t agree with him or treat him like the genius he thinks he is, and then he stomps back to oblivion for another few months. It’s almost like clockwork. He must live a really sad and pathetic life.


June 27th, 2009

I thought it was sickening enough when Seymour Pine (who is still around at 89 years old, who authorized the Stonewall raids) said last week that he still thinks he and his police officers were right. I remember when David went by another last name and I read his “Past Out” column, which discussed LGBT history. I really liked that column; I have always believed that, to paraphrase an old expression, if we stand tall, it is because we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. And now he subverts that history for the heterosexual masses and talks about what a safety hazard those brave women and men were.

My wife and I celebrated that anniversary today. We, at least, are still grateful. To hell with David Benkof.


June 27th, 2009

Someone really needs to expose this clown in the comments sections of EVERY piece he gets published. People read his charlatan commentaries and swallow his claim to be “gay” hook, line and sinker, JUST as he intends. That way people will say, “see, even gay people think gay people are hateful and dangerous and selfish and pushy”.

Please Timothy, leave a comment with a link to your exposes on this hateful scumbag.

Jason D

June 27th, 2009

wow, his crawler hasn’t found this column and sent him running to defend himself. I’m amazed, DB is exercising restraint?!

It’s really sick how he paints himself as part of our community so he sounds credible when he attacks us. No David, you left us a LONG time ago. You’re standing outside looking in, you’re not part of this, you gave that up a long time ago for your religion — and you even said that was what was best for you. Can’t have it both ways.

Emily K

June 27th, 2009

I honestly think his religion is a front for wanting to spite gay people while simultaneously claiming he isn’t “ex-gay.” He wanted to leave the community that (in his eyes) must have done something really, really, bad to him – but rather than saying “I’m swearing off men,” he said “I’m embarking on this noble journey where I’m denying my sexuality for the sake of my G-d given path.” But his writing reveals his true motives. He can’t hide behind his special cloak of Jewish Orthodox self-righteousness. I have a feeling that many Orthodox Jews might find him insufferable.


June 27th, 2009

I just think Mr. Benkof needs to get a real job.

Richard W. Fitch

June 27th, 2009

Emily K: I have a question that is OT and perhaps best dealt with privately. Would you please contact me:
Thanks. -rwf


June 28th, 2009

Who needs enemies when you have people like David Benkof?


June 28th, 2009

Benkof is a living, breathing, walking “concern troll”


June 28th, 2009

I am assuming someone has contacted the Houston Chronicle about Beckof’s history – as it is, I’m rather appalled the newspaper even published that poorly researched “opinion,” particularly during Pride month. If the newspaper editorial staff is incapable of properly vetting submissions (or if anyone can claim to be anything and the newspaper accepts it as gospel), then they need some education – and some remedial journalism training.


June 29th, 2009

I hate it when someone’s so cute on the outside but ruins it by being so ugly on the inside. Shame.


June 29th, 2009

Does anyone know if he’s ever admitted or denied being compensated for his writings by NOM or Maggie Gallagher? I have my suspicions and would very much like him to address this issue.

David Benkof

June 29th, 2009


I’ve actually answered that question here at BTB before (the last time you asked it), but you must have missed the answer. I was paid to do some writing for marriagedebate.com in early 2004. Since then I have not received money from NOM or Maggie for anything I have written, although I would gladly take their money should it become available.

Anything else, just ask.


June 29th, 2009

Thanks David. Since you didn’t respond to my question right away the first time and I didn’t come back to check on it a few days later, I missed it.

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