Startling discoveries about Lauren Ashley

Timothy Kincaid

February 26th, 2010

When the Pop Tart at Fox News first broke the story about how Lauren Ashley, the self-titled “Miss Beverly Hills”, opposed marriage equality, they played into her quest for that elusive minute and a half of fame.

Since then she’s been denounced by the city of Beverly Hills and pretty much anyone else with a blog and a sense of humor.

But now she has spoken with NBC Ch 4 to clarify that she does really mean that the Bible should be taken literally. And in the process sh revealed a number of exciting revelations to report.

View more news videos at: http://www.nbclosangeles.com/video.

There’s the discovery that Lauren seems not to be able to quote the scripture she “quoted” to Fox News. In fact, she doesn’t know much about it other than that it was “from Leviticus”.

There was the exciting news that in Christianity there is “forgiveness and receipt* from Jesus, himself” which gives new meaning to “be sure to keep your receipt.” But she was a bit stumped when asked, “if they get to know Jesus, can they remain gay?”

But perhaps the most startling revelation of all is that apparently, Lauren Ashley seems to only own one top!

UPDATE:

No, Timothy, no. Jesus doesn’t give a receipt, he gives mercy. Mercy.

Sigh. It was so much more fun when I thought she said ‘receipt’.

Richard W. Fitch

February 26th, 2010

It goes along with the one and only wrinkle in her brain.

Burr

February 26th, 2010

Gee.. kinda hard to take the Bible literally if you can’t even read or memorize it..

Transplanted Lawyer

February 26th, 2010

She says she was living in Pasadena when she reigstered as “Miss Beverly Hills,” and now she’s moved to somewhere “a little bit north of Beverly Hills.” How far north would that be? Bakersfield?

Frijondi

February 26th, 2010

Funny thing is, the denominations that believe most strongly in Biblical literalism rarely include any Scripture in their services. I think quite a few members of such churches just take their pastor’s word for it about what those texts really say.

Speaking of receipts — that reminds me of the bumpersticker, “Jesus saves souls, and redeems them for valuable cash prizes.”

Grant

February 26th, 2010

That skit by Liam Sullivan’s Kelly comes to mind:

“I wanna borrow that top!”

Richard W. Fitch

February 26th, 2010

Frijondi – My favorite along that line is:
“Jesus saves but Moses invests.”

Matt

February 26th, 2010

she actually says “forgiveness and mercy” not “forgiveness and reciept from Jesus himself”

:)

werdna

February 26th, 2010

“…if they get to know Jesus, can they remain gay?”

“ummm…. well.”

Genius!

She really doesn’t seem like a conventional beauty queen, but she’s so dull it doesn’t quite feel like a prank, so what is she up to?

Zoe Nicholson

February 26th, 2010

We can be glad that Miss Ashley knows what north means – which may be a big improvement for those who don’t have maps, like those in Iraq and such as.

However, I prefer to be part of a solution, not just a critic and so I have publicly volunteered to be a judge in the contest and I hope that a groundswell of support is collecting, such as.

Yes, I can supply you with a receipt.

sammyseattle

February 26th, 2010

Performance art?

TampaZeke

February 26th, 2010

Is it just me or does little Miss Beverly Hillsbilly Christianista have a Buddha sitting on her right shoulder?

I wonder what her jealous Levitical god thinks about that?

As a Buddhist myself I find it funny, and a bit ironic, but I doubt her MagGallager friends will be as amused as I am.

Richard W. Fitch

February 26th, 2010

I doubt it was shot in her home. Trailers are pretty cramped for camera crews.

Tony P

February 26th, 2010

The part about if a gay person accepted Jesus would that be allowed was funny. She just went blank faced because it directly challenged the bullshit dogma of Christianity.

andrew

February 26th, 2010

Oh, we need more girls like her. I know so many Christians that are just cringing when she opens her mouth. No one wants to be represented by anyone who’s cheap, craven, and ignorant.

Josh

February 27th, 2010

Fox News (we decide, you concur) has a segment called Pop Tart? For this girl, that title sounds oddly fitting.

Alex

February 27th, 2010

TampaZeke,

I think Maggie Gallagher’s husband is Hindu, so technically she shouldn’t have a problem with the Buddha statue behind Lauren.

But Maggie’s entire career is based on self-victimization and martyrdom, so she will probably say that some evil homosexual activists planted it there to trick the poor innocent Christian girl and make her look like an idol worshipper.

And besides, given that Lauren can’t even memorize a simple Bible verse, she probably thinks the statue is just a cute lil knick-knack.

Candace

February 27th, 2010

“I think Maggie Gallagher’s husband is Hindu, so technically she shouldn’t have a problem with the Buddha statue behind Lauren.”

Whoa thar, podnuh… the same diety who wrote the Levitical “execute gays” passage that our empty-brained young champion of sanctified, TrOo Marriage is quoting from, also wrote something to the effect of… what was it again? Oh yeah:

Exodus 20:4 “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.

Which, of course, contradicts the command in Exodus 25:22, where god not only commanded the Israelites to MAKE a graven image, but to plop it right in the middle of the Holiest place in the Temple.

So if Maggie et al., are going to take the Bible literally about executing gays, they should also take the Bible literally about not having graven images in your house or office or anywhere else.

But they don’t, because that would make them look like lunatics, and…

Never mind. Carry on, please.

Rob in San diego

February 27th, 2010

I hate to criticize ones looks but is this the best that Beverly Hills can do? the town that is know for face, body, and boob jobs?

Jody

February 28th, 2010

Just watched that interview. I have puppies that demonstrate more critical thinking skills.

I’d say we should expect the sex tape any moment now, but I’m not sure she could’ve worked out the difficult directions involved in recording something to make such a tape possible.

wister

February 28th, 2010

To judge by what she’s wearing and the ridiculous state of her face and hair I very much doubt this poor child has even met a gay man let alone counts any as friends. I mean, really. Let’s get stereotypical on her ass. Plus, the big take-away from this ‘interview’ is never hire a publicist who lets you be interviewed in a thrift shop.

Candace. Never let reason impinge on your thoughts about Fundiestania. That way madness lies.

Candace

February 28th, 2010

Candace. Never let reason impinge on your thoughts about Fundiestania. That way madness lies.

Honestly, I try to look away but am fascinated by the stupidity and hypocrisy of these people. They seriously believe that they should be in the position of deciding whether I live or die, where I should work, how I should dress, who I should love, who I can marry, what religion I should be, and EVERYTHING about my whole life while they are so STUPID they can’t even quote the bible verse they are using to justify my execution.

Doesn’t EVERYBODY here want Little Miss Rocket Scientist to be in charge of THIER life?????

Sigh.

Paul in Canada

March 1st, 2010

Sarah Palin for President with running mate Lauren Ashley.

Tommy

March 1st, 2010

First off most Christians who insist they read the bible “literally” are the type who believe in the rapture and the great tribulation and yada yada yada. Let’s just say the “literal” translation of a giant dragon rising from the sea is the United Nations dividing the world into ten administrative districts.

But the most fun you can have with such people is to quote the King James version of Luke 17: 34 (one of the passages they use as proof of the rapture), “I tell you, in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left.” Then explain to them that the LITERAL meaning is that 50% of all homosexuals will be raptured.

Candace

March 1st, 2010

Good one, Tommy.

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