Startling discoveries about Lauren Ashley

Timothy Kincaid

February 26th, 2010

When the Pop Tart at Fox News first broke the story about how Lauren Ashley, the self-titled “Miss Beverly Hills”, opposed marriage equality, they played into her quest for that elusive minute and a half of fame.

Since then she’s been denounced by the city of Beverly Hills and pretty much anyone else with a blog and a sense of humor.

But now she has spoken with NBC Ch 4 to clarify that she does really mean that the Bible should be taken literally. And in the process sh revealed a number of exciting revelations to report.

View more news videos at:

There’s the discovery that Lauren seems not to be able to quote the scripture she “quoted” to Fox News. In fact, she doesn’t know much about it other than that it was “from Leviticus”.

There was the exciting news that in Christianity there is “forgiveness and receipt* from Jesus, himself” which gives new meaning to “be sure to keep your receipt.” But she was a bit stumped when asked, “if they get to know Jesus, can they remain gay?”

But perhaps the most startling revelation of all is that apparently, Lauren Ashley seems to only own one top!


No, Timothy, no. Jesus doesn’t give a receipt, he gives mercy. Mercy.

Sigh. It was so much more fun when I thought she said ‘receipt’.

Richard W. Fitch

February 26th, 2010

It goes along with the one and only wrinkle in her brain.


February 26th, 2010

Gee.. kinda hard to take the Bible literally if you can’t even read or memorize it..

Transplanted Lawyer

February 26th, 2010

She says she was living in Pasadena when she reigstered as “Miss Beverly Hills,” and now she’s moved to somewhere “a little bit north of Beverly Hills.” How far north would that be? Bakersfield?


February 26th, 2010

Funny thing is, the denominations that believe most strongly in Biblical literalism rarely include any Scripture in their services. I think quite a few members of such churches just take their pastor’s word for it about what those texts really say.

Speaking of receipts — that reminds me of the bumpersticker, “Jesus saves souls, and redeems them for valuable cash prizes.”


February 26th, 2010

That skit by Liam Sullivan’s Kelly comes to mind:

“I wanna borrow that top!”

Richard W. Fitch

February 26th, 2010

Frijondi – My favorite along that line is:
“Jesus saves but Moses invests.”


February 26th, 2010

she actually says “forgiveness and mercy” not “forgiveness and reciept from Jesus himself”



February 26th, 2010

“…if they get to know Jesus, can they remain gay?”

“ummm…. well.”


She really doesn’t seem like a conventional beauty queen, but she’s so dull it doesn’t quite feel like a prank, so what is she up to?

Zoe Nicholson

February 26th, 2010

We can be glad that Miss Ashley knows what north means – which may be a big improvement for those who don’t have maps, like those in Iraq and such as.

However, I prefer to be part of a solution, not just a critic and so I have publicly volunteered to be a judge in the contest and I hope that a groundswell of support is collecting, such as.

Yes, I can supply you with a receipt.


February 26th, 2010

Performance art?


February 26th, 2010

Is it just me or does little Miss Beverly Hillsbilly Christianista have a Buddha sitting on her right shoulder?

I wonder what her jealous Levitical god thinks about that?

As a Buddhist myself I find it funny, and a bit ironic, but I doubt her MagGallager friends will be as amused as I am.

Richard W. Fitch

February 26th, 2010

I doubt it was shot in her home. Trailers are pretty cramped for camera crews.

Tony P

February 26th, 2010

The part about if a gay person accepted Jesus would that be allowed was funny. She just went blank faced because it directly challenged the bullshit dogma of Christianity.


February 26th, 2010

Oh, we need more girls like her. I know so many Christians that are just cringing when she opens her mouth. No one wants to be represented by anyone who’s cheap, craven, and ignorant.


February 27th, 2010

Fox News (we decide, you concur) has a segment called Pop Tart? For this girl, that title sounds oddly fitting.


February 27th, 2010


I think Maggie Gallagher’s husband is Hindu, so technically she shouldn’t have a problem with the Buddha statue behind Lauren.

But Maggie’s entire career is based on self-victimization and martyrdom, so she will probably say that some evil homosexual activists planted it there to trick the poor innocent Christian girl and make her look like an idol worshipper.

And besides, given that Lauren can’t even memorize a simple Bible verse, she probably thinks the statue is just a cute lil knick-knack.


February 27th, 2010

“I think Maggie Gallagher’s husband is Hindu, so technically she shouldn’t have a problem with the Buddha statue behind Lauren.”

Whoa thar, podnuh… the same diety who wrote the Levitical “execute gays” passage that our empty-brained young champion of sanctified, TrOo Marriage is quoting from, also wrote something to the effect of… what was it again? Oh yeah:

Exodus 20:4 “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.

Which, of course, contradicts the command in Exodus 25:22, where god not only commanded the Israelites to MAKE a graven image, but to plop it right in the middle of the Holiest place in the Temple.

So if Maggie et al., are going to take the Bible literally about executing gays, they should also take the Bible literally about not having graven images in your house or office or anywhere else.

But they don’t, because that would make them look like lunatics, and…

Never mind. Carry on, please.

Rob in San diego

February 27th, 2010

I hate to criticize ones looks but is this the best that Beverly Hills can do? the town that is know for face, body, and boob jobs?


February 28th, 2010

Just watched that interview. I have puppies that demonstrate more critical thinking skills.

I’d say we should expect the sex tape any moment now, but I’m not sure she could’ve worked out the difficult directions involved in recording something to make such a tape possible.


February 28th, 2010

To judge by what she’s wearing and the ridiculous state of her face and hair I very much doubt this poor child has even met a gay man let alone counts any as friends. I mean, really. Let’s get stereotypical on her ass. Plus, the big take-away from this ‘interview’ is never hire a publicist who lets you be interviewed in a thrift shop.

Candace. Never let reason impinge on your thoughts about Fundiestania. That way madness lies.


February 28th, 2010

Candace. Never let reason impinge on your thoughts about Fundiestania. That way madness lies.

Honestly, I try to look away but am fascinated by the stupidity and hypocrisy of these people. They seriously believe that they should be in the position of deciding whether I live or die, where I should work, how I should dress, who I should love, who I can marry, what religion I should be, and EVERYTHING about my whole life while they are so STUPID they can’t even quote the bible verse they are using to justify my execution.

Doesn’t EVERYBODY here want Little Miss Rocket Scientist to be in charge of THIER life?????


Paul in Canada

March 1st, 2010

Sarah Palin for President with running mate Lauren Ashley.


March 1st, 2010

First off most Christians who insist they read the bible “literally” are the type who believe in the rapture and the great tribulation and yada yada yada. Let’s just say the “literal” translation of a giant dragon rising from the sea is the United Nations dividing the world into ten administrative districts.

But the most fun you can have with such people is to quote the King James version of Luke 17: 34 (one of the passages they use as proof of the rapture), “I tell you, in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left.” Then explain to them that the LITERAL meaning is that 50% of all homosexuals will be raptured.


March 1st, 2010

Good one, Tommy.

Leave A Comment

All comments reflect the opinions of commenters only. They are not necessarily those of anyone associated with Box Turtle Bulletin. Comments are subject to our Comments Policy.

(Required, never shared)

PLEASE NOTE: All comments are subject to our Comments Policy.


Latest Posts

The Things You Learn from the Internet

"The Intel On This Wasn't 100 Percent"

From Fake News To Real Bullets: This Is The New Normal

NC Gov McCrory Throws In The Towel

Colorado Store Manager Verbally Attacks "Faggot That Voted For Hillary" In Front of 4-Year-Old Son

Associated Press Updates "Alt-Right" Usage Guide

A Challenge for Blue Bubble Democrats

Baptist Churches in Dallas, Austin Expelled Over LGBT-Affirming Stance

Featured Reports

What Are Little Boys Made Of?

In this original BTB Investigation, we unveil the tragic story of Kirk Murphy, a four-year-old boy who was treated for “cross-gender disturbance” in 1970 by a young grad student by the name of George Rekers. This story is a stark reminder that there are severe and damaging consequences when therapists try to ensure that boys will be boys.

Slouching Towards Kampala: Uganda’s Deadly Embrace of Hate

When we first reported on three American anti-gay activists traveling to Kampala for a three-day conference, we had no idea that it would be the first report of a long string of events leading to a proposal to institute the death penalty for LGBT people. But that is exactly what happened. In this report, we review our collection of more than 500 posts to tell the story of one nation’s embrace of hatred toward gay people. This report will be updated continuously as events continue to unfold. Check here for the latest updates.

Paul Cameron’s World

In 2005, the Southern Poverty Law Center wrote that “[Paul] Cameron’s ‘science’ echoes Nazi Germany.” What the SPLC didn”t know was Cameron doesn’t just “echo” Nazi Germany. He quoted extensively from one of the Final Solution’s architects. This puts his fascination with quarantines, mandatory tattoos, and extermination being a “plausible idea” in a whole new and deeply disturbing light.

From the Inside: Focus on the Family’s “Love Won Out”

On February 10, I attended an all-day “Love Won Out” ex-gay conference in Phoenix, put on by Focus on the Family and Exodus International. In this series of reports, I talk about what I learned there: the people who go to these conferences, the things that they hear, and what this all means for them, their families and for the rest of us.

Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word "Change" Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For "Change"

The Heterosexual Agenda: Exposing The Myths

At last, the truth can now be told.

Using the same research methods employed by most anti-gay political pressure groups, we examine the statistics and the case studies that dispel many of the myths about heterosexuality. Download your copy today!

And don‘t miss our companion report, How To Write An Anti-Gay Tract In Fifteen Easy Steps.

Testing The Premise: Are Gays A Threat To Our Children?

Anti-gay activists often charge that gay men and women pose a threat to children. In this report, we explore the supposed connection between homosexuality and child sexual abuse, the conclusions reached by the most knowledgeable professionals in the field, and how anti-gay activists continue to ignore their findings. This has tremendous consequences, not just for gay men and women, but more importantly for the safety of all our children.

Straight From The Source: What the “Dutch Study” Really Says About Gay Couples

Anti-gay activists often cite the “Dutch Study” to claim that gay unions last only about 1½ years and that the these men have an average of eight additional partners per year outside of their steady relationship. In this report, we will take you step by step into the study to see whether the claims are true.

The FRC’s Briefs Are Showing

Tony Perkins’ Family Research Council submitted an Amicus Brief to the Maryland Court of Appeals as that court prepared to consider the issue of gay marriage. We examine just one small section of that brief to reveal the junk science and fraudulent claims of the Family “Research” Council.

Daniel Fetty Doesn’t Count

Daniel FettyThe FBI’s annual Hate Crime Statistics aren’t as complete as they ought to be, and their report for 2004 was no exception. In fact, their most recent report has quite a few glaring holes. Holes big enough for Daniel Fetty to fall through.