Box Turtle Bulletin

Box Turtle BulletinNews, analysis and fact-checking of anti-gay rhetoric
“Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife…”
This article can be found at:
Latest Posts

Heterosexual menace: the Smileys

Timothy Kincaid

June 21st, 2010

In April 2008, John Smiley was enjoying a trip to San Francisco. He had spent the day at the zoo with his wife and two kids and then, he wrote, “this wonderful afternoon was followed by a great dinner and an announcement that the grandparents would watch the kids so Cindy and I could have a long overdue night out together.” But John’s night out with his wife ended in tragedy, a gun shot in the back.

When coworkers of Smiley, a prison guard, heard that he had been shot by an angry parolee, they rallied to help him. They donated their vacation time, provided emotional support, donated $30,000, and organized the annual annual John Smiley Golf Tournament to raise more funds.

And, of course, there was Smiley’s workers’ compensation claim, saying that because he was shot by a parolee that it was a job related injury worthy of $2.5 million.

But sadly there was a bit more to the story. Fraud investigators discovered a little detail that Smiley reported incorrectly. Smiley wasn’t actually shot by a parolee. (Sacramento Bee)

Court records say Smiley was shot in the predawn hours of April 27, 2008, after going to a swingers club with his 36-year-old wife, where they engaged in sex with strangers. A dispute arose after Smiley’s condom broke while he was having sex with a woman he had just met, and her companion later confronted Smiley outside and shot him, court records indicate.

So the Smileys now face prison for felony fraud charges.

Who can deny the notorious promiscuity that is rampant in the heterosexual subculture – and which often continues even after two heterosexual adults have children. The heterosexual community’s normative acceptance of casual sex, anonymous sex and nonmonogamy in couple relationships represents a dramatic departure from accepted norms and values.

If adult men and women chooses to embrace heterosexuality, that’s one thing. But a man and woman imposing their heterosexual lifestyle on innocent, impressionable children is something quite different.

We need to protect children from heterosexuals and their deviant lifestyle. It is wrong to force children into a situation where they have a man and women modeling immoral behavior — condemned by God and all major religions — as the most important role models in their lives.

Clearly heterosexuals cannot be trusted to raise children and for the sake of our future we must remove our precious young ones from their predatory grasp.

Today’s venture into the absurd, including most of the language, was inspired by Peter LaBarbera.

Comments

POST COMMENT | COMMENT RSS 2.0

Ben in Oakland
June 21st, 2010 | LINK

Timothy; I’m really suprised at this. what did you expect? That they are going to tell the gransparents, “Hey, you keep the kids. Honey and I are going to tap some strange ass and have some sex with a bunch of people we don’t know, and we can’t have the kids there, can we.?”

Timothy Kincaid
June 21st, 2010 | LINK

Ben,

You have to read the LaBarbera piece to understand the satire. Click on the link

Henry
June 21st, 2010 | LINK

you’re forgetting that took place in “san fagcisco” or “sick francisco”, so porno pete can say that these poor heteros were easily let down the evil path by so called “san francisco values” that obama/pelosi/reid are trying to impose on the rest of america.

Regan DuCasse
June 21st, 2010 | LINK

Was the injury permanent? Did it cause disability like paralysis?
What about prosecution of the man who shot him?

It’s a good thing their children weren’t around and being watched by their grandparents.
Because here in CA closer to the SD area, a hetero couple was doing the same thing, and their pervert neighbor David Westerfield, who had vids of little girls being raped, kidnapped their daughter, raped and killed her.

Her body was left in the open and wasn’t found for three weeks. Decomp was to extensive to determine sexual assault or cause of death, but a blood stain in his motorhome and her DNA on clothes that he had cleaned, confirmed that she’d been around him and he tried to hide it.

That’s the thing about those parental competence and marital fidelity tests and screening processes when you apply for a marriage license.
Oh right, that’s only supposed to be the reason GAY couples can’t have a marriage license!

David C.
June 21st, 2010 | LINK

Peter LaBarbera and those that follow him or are members of AFT cannot connect the dots between their rhetoric and people like the Smileys. This satirical dig is priceless and serves to illustrate that such myopia is a characteristic of the principals and founding fathers of the anti-gay industry. Well done Timothy.

WMDKitty
June 21st, 2010 | LINK

Well played!

David
June 21st, 2010 | LINK

Those mixed gender marriages never work.

Ben in Oakland
June 21st, 2010 | LINK

I got the satire. :)

I qwas trying to be satirical myself. Oh well/

Rob San Diego
June 21st, 2010 | LINK

Regan as a San Diego local I totally forgot the situation of the parents being swingers and Westerfield.

But hey, these are all straight people. Straight people wrote the bible, straight people wrote the constitution, straight people run this planet, the military, the press (except for this website) and they can and will do anything they want, and you know what, THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT IT! We live in their world.

David C.
June 21st, 2010 | LINK

@Rob SD

Well, not exactly. There are plenty of damaged and confused gay people willing to help with the repression.

We need to keep in mind that we are not all of one mind nor do the best we could at being organized and actually working together, supporting those that support us, and getting beyond our own apathy. It doesn’t all boil down to straight v. gay or vice versa. It’s time for everybody to focus on the things we have in common, being who we are wherever we are all the time, and knowing the truth about ourselves and being able to tell it courageously without hesitation.

Nugget
June 22nd, 2010 | LINK

Brilliant.

Neil D
June 22nd, 2010 | LINK

I’m really curious what the religious gays and their affirming partners in faith think about Peter LeBarbera’s observation:

“Savage promotes ‘non-monogamy’ as an alternative to marital fidelity — and admits that he and his ‘husband’ twice engaged in sexual ‘three-ways’ even after they adopted a baby boy.”

Is this acceptable to them?

Jason D
June 22nd, 2010 | LINK

Neil D,
I’m really curious what your post has to do with this thread or what Dan Savage has to do with religious gays.

Richard Rush
June 22nd, 2010 | LINK

Jason D., LaBarbera’s post that Timothy linked to at the end of his article contains a sidebar about Dan Savage.

Neil D
June 22nd, 2010 | LINK

RR – thanks, I should have made that clear. Still curious, though.

Soren456
June 22nd, 2010 | LINK

If these people expect to live the Disney version of heterosexuality, they should expect to pay the price.

And why am I the only one to notice that that broken condom was God’s direct judgement that Smiley’s weenie was in the wrong place, at the wrong time?

Leave A Comment

All comments reflect the opinions of commenters only. They are not necessarily those of anyone associated with Box Turtle Bulletin. Comments are subject to our Comments Policy.

(Required)
(Required, never shared)

PLEASE NOTE: All comments are subject to our Comments Policy.