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Pam Spaulding’s Encounter With NOM Volunteer

Jim Burroway

August 11th, 2010

Pam Spaulding attended the NOM rally in Raleigh, N.C., and she has posted extensive video at her web site. All of it is must see. Unfortunately, the absolute best part wasn’t caught on video. It’s where Pam and a colleague are confused with being NOM sympathizers:

Now what happened next was beyond surreal. This middle-aged woman with a floppy hat on and a clipboard in her hand, looking a bit wild-eyed, came over and asked us if we wanted to sign up for some “scientifically-based information on marriage.” Robyn and I looked at each other and knew exactly where this was going. I said:

Pam: Scientific information? What are you talking about?

Fundie: I’m with The Ruth Institute (a “project of the National Organization for Marriage) and I have literature I can share with you…

Pam: I’m sorry, I’m not interested…I’m married to a woman.

PREGNANT PAUSE…FUNDIE JAW OPEN. Clearly she thought I was straight and on her side.

Robyn: I am married to a woman as well.

PREGNANT PAUSE…FUNDIE JAW OPENING WIDER. Oh NOES, her Gaydar is broken for sure! A fly could have entered and buzzed around in her piehole. Finally she regains her composure and says…

Fundie: You’re marriage is not real. You’re not married in the state of NC.

Pam: No, you’re right. But when I go to visit my relatives in NY, I’m married. If I go to Iowa, I’m married, if I go to Massachusetts I’m married…

Fundie (interrupting, voice shaking): Your marriage is a legal fraud, that doesn’t matter, what matters is natural marriage.

Pam (interrupting): My marriage is not a fraud…and I don’t need your literature.

Fundie (turning and walking away, head exploding in anger): You’re being rude…

Pam: Hey you’re the one who came up to me first…(laughing).

Robyn and I laughed the entire ride back to work because this woman 1) pegged us both as straight and kindred spirits, 2) clearly hasn’t run into this “problem” before, and 3) had a meltdown that was priceless.



Ben Mathis
August 11th, 2010 | LINK

lol, wish I could have seen THAT in person!

I think this undermines why full on marriage and not civil unions with full legal rights are needed. She and Robyn said they laughed, but having someone tell you that your marriage isn’t real, and having any modicum of truth to it, is degrading. I love being able to say I am legally married to my husband, and having it be 100% legal and equal in name and rights here in Iceland. No one is going to say I’m pretend married, and no American should have to face that either.

Ben Mathis
August 11th, 2010 | LINK

Sorry that should have been *underlines* not undermines.

Rob Lll
August 11th, 2010 | LINK

I love how this woman tells Pam her marriage is fraud and doesn’t matter, then accuses Pam herself of being rude. Not much self-awareness here, lol

August 11th, 2010 | LINK

Well, meeting a real-life one is the first step in accepting gays :D So, this woman just took a much needed step.

Christopher Mongeau
August 11th, 2010 | LINK

I look forward to the latest “News Flash” on the NOM website, the YouTube video (complete with inspirational music in the background) of the “innocent” worker from the Ruth Institute who was rudely rebuffed by militant activists when she lovingly pointed out their fraudulent and fantasy “marriage”.

I admire Pam and Robyn’s restraint.

Timothy Kincaid
August 11th, 2010 | LINK

And here I said nothing interesting happened in Raleigh. Oh how wrong I was.

Jason D
August 11th, 2010 | LINK

what on earth is “natural marriage”, does the certificate get made by erosion or something?

Regan DuCasse
August 11th, 2010 | LINK

First of all Pam, I LOVE you!

And that woman WAS rude! Saying that your marriage was a fraud, and disqualifying you from having the option because she doesn’t think enough of you as a human being with the same needs, hopes and responsibilities as every other adult human being in this country.

I’ve had similar encounters, as a straight ally. Me and my best friend Mikey (a good looking young white gay man), sometimes are mistaken for a couple. To the extent of being gushed over…
Until he reveals he’s gay, and that I’m his straight ally…
And we get the same shit. How despicable we are for initially fooling such upstanding folks like this woman.
Or how DARE he think that he was as good as a normal person.

But see, this woman RAN. SHE. RAN.
Subject, case…dismiss. End of discussion.
Whether online, or in person: the opposition are craven and in no such mood to actually have a conversation, or be challenged or contradicted. If they aren’t there, then you can’t argue with them.

Usually online folks find it much easier to insult, abuse, name call and character assassinate.
But an in person encounter, forget it. They are SCURRED of us hordes of military, activist gay folks and their hostile, angry friends and family.
But being dismissed, or shouted down or in forums not controlled by neutrality or themselves…is the last vestige of a kind of power they are trying to hold.

Being spoken to as if a naughty child is another infuriating symptom of what their actions are towards us. The way an abusive or controlling parent would behave.
And how dare we contradict that, when they say this is them showing us how much they care.

I find myself losing patience with this bullshit.
And now that Mexico, and nearly all of the Americas are advancing marriage equality except the entire US, makes it hard to let people like this keep a foot on our necks.
I’m almost worried about losing it sometimes. I’m only human, and I’m VERY protective.
So, sister…your cool and class is something I truly respect.
You’re my shero, Pam.

And that goes for all my other friends here.

Lindoro Almaviva
August 11th, 2010 | LINK

I am going to bite my lips until blood comes out.

August 12th, 2010 | LINK

So this is what happens to those kids in school that used to say that gay relationships were not “real.” Apparently, they just grew into adults who continued to be inarticulate about their thoughts and feelings concerning the subject. I always feel sorry for folks who never intellectually matured beyond high school.

August 13th, 2010 | LINK

Reminds me of a sketch on the Big Gay Sketch Show — same-sex married couple checking into a hotel in Florida as husband and husband, while hotel worker will call them anything but married — including “business partner,” “tennis coach,” “fishing buddy,” “personal chef,” and “fraternity brother.”

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