Pam Spaulding’s Encounter With NOM Volunteer

Jim Burroway

August 11th, 2010

Pam Spaulding attended the NOM rally in Raleigh, N.C., and she has posted extensive video at her web site. All of it is must see. Unfortunately, the absolute best part wasn’t caught on video. It’s where Pam and a colleague are confused with being NOM sympathizers:

Now what happened next was beyond surreal. This middle-aged woman with a floppy hat on and a clipboard in her hand, looking a bit wild-eyed, came over and asked us if we wanted to sign up for some “scientifically-based information on marriage.” Robyn and I looked at each other and knew exactly where this was going. I said:

Pam: Scientific information? What are you talking about?

Fundie: I’m with The Ruth Institute (a “project of the National Organization for Marriage) and I have literature I can share with you…

Pam: I’m sorry, I’m not interested…I’m married to a woman.

PREGNANT PAUSE…FUNDIE JAW OPEN. Clearly she thought I was straight and on her side.

Robyn: I am married to a woman as well.

PREGNANT PAUSE…FUNDIE JAW OPENING WIDER. Oh NOES, her Gaydar is broken for sure! A fly could have entered and buzzed around in her piehole. Finally she regains her composure and says…

Fundie: You’re marriage is not real. You’re not married in the state of NC.

Pam: No, you’re right. But when I go to visit my relatives in NY, I’m married. If I go to Iowa, I’m married, if I go to Massachusetts I’m married…

Fundie (interrupting, voice shaking): Your marriage is a legal fraud, that doesn’t matter, what matters is natural marriage.

Pam (interrupting): My marriage is not a fraud…and I don’t need your literature.

Fundie (turning and walking away, head exploding in anger): You’re being rude…

Pam: Hey you’re the one who came up to me first…(laughing).

Robyn and I laughed the entire ride back to work because this woman 1) pegged us both as straight and kindred spirits, 2) clearly hasn’t run into this “problem” before, and 3) had a meltdown that was priceless.

Ben Mathis

August 11th, 2010

lol, wish I could have seen THAT in person!

I think this undermines why full on marriage and not civil unions with full legal rights are needed. She and Robyn said they laughed, but having someone tell you that your marriage isn’t real, and having any modicum of truth to it, is degrading. I love being able to say I am legally married to my husband, and having it be 100% legal and equal in name and rights here in Iceland. No one is going to say I’m pretend married, and no American should have to face that either.

Ben Mathis

August 11th, 2010

Sorry that should have been *underlines* not undermines.

Rob Lll

August 11th, 2010

I love how this woman tells Pam her marriage is fraud and doesn’t matter, then accuses Pam herself of being rude. Not much self-awareness here, lol


August 11th, 2010

Well, meeting a real-life one is the first step in accepting gays :D So, this woman just took a much needed step.

Christopher Mongeau

August 11th, 2010

I look forward to the latest “News Flash” on the NOM website, the YouTube video (complete with inspirational music in the background) of the “innocent” worker from the Ruth Institute who was rudely rebuffed by militant activists when she lovingly pointed out their fraudulent and fantasy “marriage”.

I admire Pam and Robyn’s restraint.

Timothy Kincaid

August 11th, 2010

And here I said nothing interesting happened in Raleigh. Oh how wrong I was.

Jason D

August 11th, 2010

what on earth is “natural marriage”, does the certificate get made by erosion or something?

Regan DuCasse

August 11th, 2010

First of all Pam, I LOVE you!

And that woman WAS rude! Saying that your marriage was a fraud, and disqualifying you from having the option because she doesn’t think enough of you as a human being with the same needs, hopes and responsibilities as every other adult human being in this country.

I’ve had similar encounters, as a straight ally. Me and my best friend Mikey (a good looking young white gay man), sometimes are mistaken for a couple. To the extent of being gushed over…
Until he reveals he’s gay, and that I’m his straight ally…
And we get the same shit. How despicable we are for initially fooling such upstanding folks like this woman.
Or how DARE he think that he was as good as a normal person.

But see, this woman RAN. SHE. RAN.
Subject, case…dismiss. End of discussion.
Whether online, or in person: the opposition are craven and in no such mood to actually have a conversation, or be challenged or contradicted. If they aren’t there, then you can’t argue with them.

Usually online folks find it much easier to insult, abuse, name call and character assassinate.
But an in person encounter, forget it. They are SCURRED of us hordes of military, activist gay folks and their hostile, angry friends and family.
But being dismissed, or shouted down or in forums not controlled by neutrality or themselves…is the last vestige of a kind of power they are trying to hold.

Being spoken to as if a naughty child is another infuriating symptom of what their actions are towards us. The way an abusive or controlling parent would behave.
And how dare we contradict that, when they say this is them showing us how much they care.

I find myself losing patience with this bullshit.
And now that Mexico, and nearly all of the Americas are advancing marriage equality except the entire US, makes it hard to let people like this keep a foot on our necks.
I’m almost worried about losing it sometimes. I’m only human, and I’m VERY protective.
So, sister…your cool and class is something I truly respect.
You’re my shero, Pam.

And that goes for all my other friends here.

Lindoro Almaviva

August 11th, 2010

I am going to bite my lips until blood comes out.


August 12th, 2010

So this is what happens to those kids in school that used to say that gay relationships were not “real.” Apparently, they just grew into adults who continued to be inarticulate about their thoughts and feelings concerning the subject. I always feel sorry for folks who never intellectually matured beyond high school.


August 13th, 2010

Reminds me of a sketch on the Big Gay Sketch Show — same-sex married couple checking into a hotel in Florida as husband and husband, while hotel worker will call them anything but married — including “business partner,” “tennis coach,” “fishing buddy,” “personal chef,” and “fraternity brother.”

Leave A Comment

All comments reflect the opinions of commenters only. They are not necessarily those of anyone associated with Box Turtle Bulletin. Comments are subject to our Comments Policy.

(Required, never shared)

PLEASE NOTE: All comments are subject to our Comments Policy.


Latest Posts

The Things You Learn from the Internet

"The Intel On This Wasn't 100 Percent"

From Fake News To Real Bullets: This Is The New Normal

NC Gov McCrory Throws In The Towel

Colorado Store Manager Verbally Attacks "Faggot That Voted For Hillary" In Front of 4-Year-Old Son

Associated Press Updates "Alt-Right" Usage Guide

A Challenge for Blue Bubble Democrats

Baptist Churches in Dallas, Austin Expelled Over LGBT-Affirming Stance

Featured Reports

What Are Little Boys Made Of?

In this original BTB Investigation, we unveil the tragic story of Kirk Murphy, a four-year-old boy who was treated for “cross-gender disturbance” in 1970 by a young grad student by the name of George Rekers. This story is a stark reminder that there are severe and damaging consequences when therapists try to ensure that boys will be boys.

Slouching Towards Kampala: Uganda’s Deadly Embrace of Hate

When we first reported on three American anti-gay activists traveling to Kampala for a three-day conference, we had no idea that it would be the first report of a long string of events leading to a proposal to institute the death penalty for LGBT people. But that is exactly what happened. In this report, we review our collection of more than 500 posts to tell the story of one nation’s embrace of hatred toward gay people. This report will be updated continuously as events continue to unfold. Check here for the latest updates.

Paul Cameron’s World

In 2005, the Southern Poverty Law Center wrote that “[Paul] Cameron’s ‘science’ echoes Nazi Germany.” What the SPLC didn”t know was Cameron doesn’t just “echo” Nazi Germany. He quoted extensively from one of the Final Solution’s architects. This puts his fascination with quarantines, mandatory tattoos, and extermination being a “plausible idea” in a whole new and deeply disturbing light.

From the Inside: Focus on the Family’s “Love Won Out”

On February 10, I attended an all-day “Love Won Out” ex-gay conference in Phoenix, put on by Focus on the Family and Exodus International. In this series of reports, I talk about what I learned there: the people who go to these conferences, the things that they hear, and what this all means for them, their families and for the rest of us.

Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word "Change" Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For "Change"

The Heterosexual Agenda: Exposing The Myths

At last, the truth can now be told.

Using the same research methods employed by most anti-gay political pressure groups, we examine the statistics and the case studies that dispel many of the myths about heterosexuality. Download your copy today!

And don‘t miss our companion report, How To Write An Anti-Gay Tract In Fifteen Easy Steps.

Testing The Premise: Are Gays A Threat To Our Children?

Anti-gay activists often charge that gay men and women pose a threat to children. In this report, we explore the supposed connection between homosexuality and child sexual abuse, the conclusions reached by the most knowledgeable professionals in the field, and how anti-gay activists continue to ignore their findings. This has tremendous consequences, not just for gay men and women, but more importantly for the safety of all our children.

Straight From The Source: What the “Dutch Study” Really Says About Gay Couples

Anti-gay activists often cite the “Dutch Study” to claim that gay unions last only about 1½ years and that the these men have an average of eight additional partners per year outside of their steady relationship. In this report, we will take you step by step into the study to see whether the claims are true.

The FRC’s Briefs Are Showing

Tony Perkins’ Family Research Council submitted an Amicus Brief to the Maryland Court of Appeals as that court prepared to consider the issue of gay marriage. We examine just one small section of that brief to reveal the junk science and fraudulent claims of the Family “Research” Council.

Daniel Fetty Doesn’t Count

Daniel FettyThe FBI’s annual Hate Crime Statistics aren’t as complete as they ought to be, and their report for 2004 was no exception. In fact, their most recent report has quite a few glaring holes. Holes big enough for Daniel Fetty to fall through.