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Maybe It Was The Line “Galileo Figaro”

Jim Burroway

May 13th, 2011

Dateline Wasilla:

The Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman reports today that the principal of Wasilla High School told members of the school’s symphonic jazz choir that they would not be allowed to perform the 1975 Queen song “Bohemian Rhapsody” because Freddy Mercury, who wrote it, was gay.

In the face of student protests, and fearing ACLU involvement, the principal backed down–to a point.

The choir will be allowed to perform the song, but only in a censored version, without lyrics the principal deems objectionable.

In a lame face-saving move, principal Dwight Probasco decided to compromise by banning the lyrics about the singer having “just killed a man.” No word on whether “We Will Rock You” and “We Are The Champions” are allowed at hockey games. Joe McGinniss is having a field day on his blog, including a “separated at birth” photo of Probasco alongside Elton John that you absolutely have to see. His commenters are also getting in the spirit, including one Sandra Tompkins who re-wrote the lyrics of “Bohemian Rhapsody” just for Wasilla and its favorite daughter. It totally needs to go viral:

“Wasillian Rhapsody”

Is this the real life?
Or is it just fantasy?
Caught in the Valley
Not a part of reality…

Open your eyes
We don’t like gay guys
You see…

I’m just like Sarah
I have no empathy
I like Jesus Christ (and Prevo)
I’m hetero, not homo

Anyway my cash grows
That’s what really matters to me
To ME!

Mama.
The Paliban.
Put a gun up to my head.
Pulled the trigger
But I’m not dead.

Mama.
They can’t shoot a gun.
Or else
They would
Have blown my ### away.

Mama, oooo (anyway my cash grows)
Didn’t mean to make you cry
If my chin implant’s not in this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, cause the look is all that matters

It’s too late.
Bin Laden’s gone.
Sends shivers down my spine.
Why can’t the glory all be mine?
Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go
To get a nip and tuck so I can face the truth…
Mama, ooo (anyway my cash grows)
I don’t want to lie
I sometimes wish I could tell the truth at all.

(Opera Section)

I’M WEARING LITTLE RED STILETTOS ON MY FEET!

SARAH LOU!

DO YOU THINK

BRISTOL’S SHOW IS LIKE MANDINGO?

BLUNDERS DOLTS INFIGHTING

TELL-ALL BOOKS ENLIGHTENING

ME!

GALLERIA! GALLERIA!
GALLERIA! SHOES FOR ME-A!
GALLERIA! And ZAPPO’S!

MAGNIFICO!

I’m just a poor girl, everybody HATES me!
(SHE’S JUST A POOR GIRL, FIVE SCHOOLS FOR ONE DEGREE!)
McCAIN SPARE US ALL FROM THIS MONSTROSITY!

(Easy come, easy go, rolling in the dough!)

PEPTOBISMOL! NO! IT WILL NOT LET US GO!
(LET ME GO!) PEPTOBISMOL! IT WILL NOT LET US GO!
(LET ME GO!) PEPTOBISMOL! IT WILL NOT LET US GO!
(LET ME GO) WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
(LET ME GO) Will not let you go (let us go) Ah
No no no no no no no
(Oh mama mia, Galleria) mama mia let us go!

Thomas Muthee’s pulled a DEVIL from inside of ME!
From ME!
From ME!
From ME!

(guitar solo)

So you think you can NOMINATE me, then spit in my eye?
So you think Katie Couric’s the apple of your eye?
Oh baby, Barry’s a Kenyan maybe!!!
Just gotta get out
Just get the white vote out of here!

Ooh yeah ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me.

(Anyway my cash grows)

Gong!

Comments

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Ivan
May 13th, 2011 | LINK

Someone should tell this guy about Alan Turing to see if he throws out all the school computers or declares Germany winners of WWII.

Regan DuCasse
May 13th, 2011 | LINK

How do people get THIS dumb, who are teaching children?!

Patrick Hogan
May 13th, 2011 | LINK

Not to mention how difficult any study of the Rennaissance will be without mentioning Davinci or Michaelangelo, or how much classical music will suffer without Tchaikovsky…

And forget about…well, anything from Hollywood — god knows there’s been at least one gay man key to virtually anything to do with cinema, modern or not.

Snark aside, though: how sad a message they are sending their gay students. “If you’re gay, even if you’re successful and popular, we’ll still reject you and your work simply because you are gay.”

Though, in fairness to Wasilla, my high school in KS is likely no better…

Kith
May 13th, 2011 | LINK

What I find amusing is that a song about a convicted killer seeking sympathy on his way to his exaction was potentially banned not because of it’s questionable content but because the guy who wrote it might have had teh gey.

Kith
May 13th, 2011 | LINK

Oh well can’t edit. Went and looked at the linked article. I noticed the line that was edited out was the like about killing a man. So where do we find out if it was the fact that the song starts and ends with murder that was the problem, we know one person complained about sex, but what other complaints where there?

Also should I be worried about the fact that “The whole attitude of the song just seems to fit our class” Because I would like to point out it is a song about a defiant killer on his way to his execution.

Rob in San Diego
May 14th, 2011 | LINK

“Mama I just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s
dead…”

And I thought they were all for 2nd amendment rights?

MJC
May 17th, 2011 | LINK

Ahem. Principals do NOT get to “edit” the lyrics of copyrighted material at will.

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