Box Turtle Bulletin

Box Turtle BulletinNews, analysis and fact-checking of anti-gay rhetoric
“Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife…”
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Posts for September, 2015

Greece Had an Election

Jim Burroway

September 21st, 2015

And with every election, everybody talks about who they think will win. As far as the politicians are concerned, Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras and his Syriza party scored a solid win. But if you ask me, any time a citizenry takes part in the democratic process, we all win.

Warn your children about that homosexual Mexican demon game!!

Timothy Kincaid

June 1st, 2015

gay demon

I understand that people of various faiths have strong beliefs about spiritual matters, including the existence and/or actions of demons. So pervasive is this concept in history and culture that billions of dollars are made off horror movies, television shows and books to read late at night in a dark house.

And I don’t want to be overly disrespectful to those who take such things seriously. Further, I understand that Caribbean cultures have a greater appreciation for the supernatural. But, well… (Nassau Guardian)

Anatol Rodgers [Nassau] High School Principal Myrle McPhee said yesterday that her students have been “experimenting with a homosexual Mexican demon” named Charlie at the school.

So much so, that the school called in pastors to pray to the institution Friday morning.

It seems the game of “Charlie, Charlie” goes like this: draw a two-line grid with “yes” in two boxes catercorner to each other and “no” in the other two boxes. Place pencils on the lines, one balanced on the side of the other. Then call for Charlie to answer your questions and watch the top pencil pivot to either yes or no.

McPhee is quite concerned.

“To me, it looks like it is real. You can’t take chances with this.”

“The concept is that Charlie is a homosexual. That’s how it came out.

So when the students say anything that has a homosexual tone or any sexual tone, the pencil seems to move.”

Well, as she says, you can’t take chances. So by all means, warn your children about the dangers of lisping at pencils in the hopes of summoning homosexual Mexican demons. Especially in Spanish.

Santorum’s comments concern the Box of Rocks

Timothy Kincaid

June 1st, 2015

This weekend, one candidate for the GOP nomination for President has made statements that may suggest an implied threat against another. (HuffPo)

Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum said on Sunday that if the Supreme Court legalizes gay marriage later this year, he would dispute the decision, saying that the court “doesn’t have the final word.”

“Of course I’d fight it,” he said on NBC’s “Meet the Press.” “Roe versus Wade was decided 30 some years ago, and I continue to fight that, because I think the court got it wrong. And I think if the court decides this case in error, I will continue to fight, as we have on the issue of life … We’re not bound by what nine people say in perpetuity.”

Santorum was not specific about how he would go about “fighting” the Supreme Court. However, the Box of Rocks feels this may be threatened retaliation to the Box’ assertion that with Santorum in the race, the Box is not the slowest thinker nor the least coherent candidate.

“If Santorum decides to fight the Court”, said the Box through a representative, “I hope he doesn’t throw rocks. That would be an insult to my community and a personal threat to my integrity.”

Headline of the Day

Jim Burroway

January 30th, 2015

From the New York Daily News:Screen Shot 2015-01-30 at 7.26.06 AM

I’m just a girl who cain’t say no….

Apply nightly

Timothy Kincaid

January 13th, 2015

renewed hope

At first glance, I immediately thought of Restored Hope Network, the anti-gay ex-gay group that arose after Exodus International closed up shop. But, sadly for Restored Hope, wrinkles are easier to fight off than one’s inherent orientation.


Jim Burroway

July 30th, 2014

ho·mo·phone: \ˈhä-mə-ˌfōn, ˈhō-\ noun : a word that is pronounced like another word but is different in meaning, origin, or spelling.

Like bear/bear or their/they’re/there.

“Homophone” doesn’t mean what Clarke Woodger, owner of a Provo-based English language learning center, thinks it means:

But when the social-media specialist for a private Provo-based English language learning center wrote a blog explaining homophones, he was let go for creating the perception that the school promoted a gay agenda.

Tim Torkildson says after he wrote the blog on the website of his employer, Nomen Global Language Center, his boss and Nomen owner Clarke Woodger, called him into his office and told him he was fired.

As Torkildson tells it, Woodger said he could not trust him and that the blog about homophones was the last straw.

“Now our school is going to be associated with homosexuality,” Woodger complained, according to Torkildson, who posted the exchange on his Facebook page.

Wooder, speaking of his English as a Second Language students,  told the Salt Lake Tribune’s Paul Rolly, “…People at this level of English … may see the ‘homo’ side and think it has something to do with gay sex. Makes cents to me.

Google Docs Celebrates Pride

Jim Burroway

June 26th, 2014

Screen Shot 2014-06-26 at 7.34.16 AM

Google Docs is celebrating pride with an Easter Egg in the spreadsheet app. Just go to Google Docs, create a new spreadsheet, and type P, R, I, D, and E in the first five cells in the top row. For the nerd in all of us.

Screen Shot 2014-06-26 at 7.29.50 AM

Dear commenter…

Timothy Kincaid

June 1st, 2014

Dear commenter who keeps posting to threads that are years old saying things like

discussion on the topic of this paragraph at this place at this blog, I
have read all that, so now me also commenting at
this place.|
I am sure this piece of writing has touched all the internet users, its really really pleasant post
on building up new blog.|
Wow, this paragraph is pleasant, my sister is analyzing such things, thus
I am going to tell her.|
Saved as a favorite, I love your blog!|
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you

I have a sneaking suspicion that you are a computer. We don’t accepts comments from computers. And deleting the dozen or so that slip by our filtering software each day is a hassle and annoyance.

Just thought you should know.

Go vote

Timothy Kincaid

March 18th, 2014

Something called Ranker allows participants to post things which are then ranked by vote. The wacky folks at World Net Daily were pushing to get WND ‘ranked’ by this arbitrary polling silliness and, for fun, several gay websites have joined.

I just included Box Turtle Bulletin in the mix. Have yourself a little fun and go join the ranking.

Duck Dynasty’s War on Christmas

Timothy Kincaid

February 5th, 2014

I haven’t had much time to post lately (still don’t), but I thought I’d share with you this little item I saw at the clearance shelf at Bed, Bath and Beyond. It looks like Duck Dynasty didn’t realize that their core audience wouldn’t appreciate a ‘War on Christmas’ cup.

A gendered shopping story

Timothy Kincaid

December 10th, 2013

On Saturday I had a toy drive party to attend, so I found myself at Target trying to find something that would appeal to any kid, even those not economically positioned to have seen the latest Hollywood blockbusters. I was in the Disney princess aisle when I heard a young woman behind me squeal and gush over the Ariel princess dress.

“But do you think we’re cementing her gender identity?” asked the young lady with whom she was shopping. I knew immediately that we were family.

They equivocated a bit over the right gift to give the family they had “adopted” and about whom they knew nothing but age and size. But then the first girl found the Ariel wig, an cranberry-red thing that nearly every four year old girl (and a few four year old boys) would find irresistible.

“I want this for myself”, she announced with dreams gleaming in the eyes of her inner child.

And as I grabbed a Cinderella dress and glided off to the unfamiliar world of 2013 boy toys, I heard her girlfriend mutter, “I think we’ll find use for that later”.

Report on Tony Perkin’s impact on General Mills

Timothy Kincaid

September 15th, 2013

It has been barely three days since I brought you the glorious news that media darling Tony Perkins had lent all of his prestige and influence to bringing General Mills to its knees. And I can now report on the tremendous response from good family-supporting people from across this great nation’s fruited plain.

Yes, in the brief moment since last Friday, the Dump General Mills signatory list has shot through the roof. In a mere 70-some hours, good wholesome people have rushed en masse to the site to add their name, promising that they too will “look for substitutes that I can purchase”. Today I can tell you, though I am humbled to do so, that the National Organization for Marriage’s project has grown to 26488 Signatures. Yes, dozens of people, a stunning total of 41 new dedicated souls have made that anonymous commitment.

And Tony Perkins should feel gratified that he has truly contributed. And though he is but doing what he knows is best, surely in a quiet moment he must be buoyed by the knowledge that his word alone can drive tens of people to join him in his battle for a more godly nation.

So supporters of traditional biblical marriage, take heart. While General Mills’ annual revenues are roughly seventeen billion dollars, and though the company’s sales are up some 7.5% from a year ago, just think, if each and every signatory ‘looks for a substitute’ for their Betty Crocker Devil’s Food Cake Mix, if each and every signatory ‘looks for a substitute’ to their Pillsbury rolls, why in no time General Mills may feel it on their bottom line.

Good news for Australia

Timothy Kincaid

September 12th, 2013

Supporters of marriage equality in Australia may be a bit down after last week’s election put Liberal Party leader Tony Abbott into power (in Australia, the Liberal Party is the more conservative of the two largest parties). While Labor leader Paul Kevin Rudd had promised to hold a vote on marriage equality within 100 days if reelected, Abbott has been a staunch opponent of equality under the law.

But there is good news. A positive omen. A promise of better times.

Because on their NOMblog, Brian Brown from the National Organization for Marriage (theirs, not yours) has this to say:

“Sank Like a Stone” — that’s how same-sex marriage faired (sic) in Australia this past week.

Australia held elections for Prime Minister the other day, but it was as much a referendum on whether the Aussies would redefine marriage or not. Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd nailed his hopes of winning to a promise of introducing legislation to redefine marriage within the first 100 days of returning to office.

As was reported, the pro-marriage platform of the former Prime Minister “sank beneath the waves” of the pro-marriage majority down under.

You may remember I had traveled to Australia in August for the World Congress of Families, and I could not be happier for the friends I made on that trip and our pro-marriage and family allies there.

It’s a great victory for marriage, and a win worth celebrating across the globe. It also serves as a reminder that when people are given the right to vote on marriage, they invariably vote to preserve the true and intrinsic nature of marriage as an institution binding one man to one woman for life in order to love and care for one another and for any children born of their union.

To cement this great victory, the people of Australia should insist on the right to a national referendum to preserve marriage. That’s the best way to capitalize on the momentum of the victory, and only an amendment will protect marriage from the unceasing efforts of gay-‘marriage’ activists and the politicians who rely on them for support. It’s the only way to ensure that the people — and not politicians or judges — control the definition of marriage in Australia.

Okay, let’s ignore for a moment the fact that the election was most certainly not a referendum on marriage, with 57% of voters saying that the candidates’ positions on marriage were “not important at all” to their vote. And let’s not giggle too loudly about NOM’s call for a public referendum on an issue which has the support of two-thirds of voters. Instead let’s look at what this means on a grand cosmic scale.

When NOM starts gloating, something magical happens. It’s an omen more accurate than pig entrails, astrological forecasts, and Pat Robertson’s Hurricane Watch combined. When NOM is on your side, you are certain to lose.

Look at Maine and Minnesota in November. Look at the New York elections this week. Look at France!!

Ah yes, NOM is joyous. And this is good news indeed.

Finally it’s ironic, don’t you think

Timothy Kincaid

July 17th, 2013

Finally, someone has fixed Alanis Morissette’s song, Isn’t it Ironic, in which she goes on and on listing things that, while unfortunate, are not at all ironic.

Yes, I know this has nothing to do with the usual theme of this site, but I know many of you who love language will appreciate this.

Though, to Alanis’ defense, I did once hear Alanis play at a gay event where she changed one lyric on her own and make it a smidge closer to irony: “It’s meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful husband”.

OMG! If You Never Watch Another Video, You Have To See This

Jim Burroway

July 9th, 2013

Thanks Homer.

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