56 responses

  1. Ed Myhro
    July 18, 2011

    Wow, This is all starting to make my head hurt! Here’s what I know.
    Been different since about 7 yrs. old, learned that I was ‘gay’ since 12. Between 7 and 12 I was trying to figure out what it was.
    Came out at 20
    Went back into closet at 21 to marry because God and Society said you need to. Raised 3 children, been married 30 years. Came back out of closet at 55.
    Still married, minus the sex, and bottom line, gay after all these years. I tried very hard, therapy and all to change to be heterosexual. It only made it worse. I have alway’s been gay and will continue to be until the day I close my eyes forever.
    Only thing is, you can’t get back all the lost time in your life to be true to yourself and happy with the way you are.

  2. Darina
    July 18, 2011

    Did I miss something in the actual text of the study, or did I get it right that the author never mentioned who was male and who is female? It’s clear that bouth “heterosexual spouses” and “sexual minorities” were mixed male-femal groups though.

    I would be interested in the individual Kinsey rating of each of the participants, to see just how many of them were some degree of bisexual and what difference it made from those who were purely homosexual.

  3. Timothy Kincaid
    July 18, 2011


    good points in both comments.

  4. StraightGrandmother
    July 18, 2011

    Whew! Thanks for the affirmation.
    A very interesting statement from Dr Warren Throckmorton on CNN’d Belief Blog


    These words of Dr. Throckmorton literally jumped off the page at me

    “Some Christian counselors have moved away from reparative therapy and have adopted a therapeutic approach that Throckmorton describes as a “congruence paradigm.” The model encourages counselors to appreciate a client’s wishes to harmonize their values, often shaped by religion, and their sexuality.

    Under the congruence approach, a religious person who considers homosexuality sinful could attempt to square their beliefs and sexuality by trying to remain celibate. A bisexual client who perceives a similar conflict could try to focus on heterosexual relationships.”

    I just started studying ex-gay within the last month or so (as my name indicates I really am str8 and a grandmother)because, “You can just change” is used as an excuse to deny Equal Civil Rights to gays, lesbains, bi-sexual and transgender citizens. I went into my research slanted towards, “I don’t think they can change” but was still open minded. I still had not decided if it really was possible for gays to change until I read that Yarhouse research.

    It was only yesterday that I made up my mind. I am now in the “No” camp. Any therapy that has a goal of getting a person to BEHAVE contra their same sex attractions is then going to involve another person. And as Yarhouse’s research clearly shows this other person, the heterosexual spouse is going to be harmed. I do not believe it is ethical for a medical person to counsel a person in therapy knowing that, although their patient may report that s/he has a better life, outwardly living contra to their natural sexual orientation, the spouse does NOT. I think it is unethical of them to spring their “little project” on unsuspecting heterosexuals. Those heterosexual spouses never can get those years back again. The numbers are just not there to justify this type of therapy and the risk of harm is documented.

  5. Timothy Kincaid
    July 18, 2011


    Unless I’m mistaken Yarhouse and Throckmorton work with already married couples mostly.

    I don’t think that they encourage unmarried gay men to marry women… probably because they work with those who have. I think they go with celibacy as a reasonable expectation and if that’s what someone wants, well, there are a lot of people who are celibate for one reason or another.

    If you are interested in knowing more about spouses, the Straight Spouse Network is an information source. They are a group whose spouses came out.

    Interestingly, they’re pretty pro-gay politically. They figure that ‘if society accepts a gay man then he won’t marry me!’

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