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Box of Rocks on Santorum’s acknowledgment of loss

Timothy Kincaid

April 10th, 2012

Rick Santorum has suspended his campaign. The final representative of the Box of Rocks presidential campaign has issued the following statement on the Rocks’ behalf:

Some months ago the campaign staff determined that the viability of our candidate’s campaign was non-existent. Rather than linger on in some delusional hope of convincing super-delegates to ignore the vote count or to put faith in Rush Limbaugh’s pointless assertions about it not being over until 1,144 delegates were committed, our candidate ceased campaigning.

Former Senator Rick Santorum is clearly dumber than our candidate.

However the Box of Rocks congratulates Sen. Santorum on his belated epiphany and praises his decision to stop making a fool of himself in public.

And noting that Sen. Santorum seems to have no skills that would serve him well in the private sector, the Box of Rocks wishes him the very best of luck and offers the following advice: although it may seem that the next logical step is to take the helm of an SPLC listed hate group, the Rocks advise against this move. In the long run, obscurity is preferable to infamy.

Comments

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MattNYC
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

How long until my “Box of Rocks” buttons and posters are worth something on eBay? ;)

(inevitably, sooner than Frothy’s)

Lindoro Almaviva
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

well, for such a hardcore Catholic he certainly pulled out.

Ben In Oakland
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

Don’t we have a quotation somewhere about god tell him to run?

Here’s one reference and a quote: http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/santorum-makes-it-official-hes-running-for-president-on-gods-platform/politics/2011/06/06/21438

Rick Santorum, who owns the record for the largest defeat of an incumbent U.S. Senator, announced Monday morning that he is running for president. Santorum, who has said, “America belongs to God,” attacked Barack Obama’s foreign policy, calling the very popular president a “paper tiger,” but left out why he is really running: God. Yes, God has told Rick Santorum to run for president. Just ask his wife, who said last month, “We believe with all our hearts that this is what God wants.”

That God. He’s such a kidder. first Abraham. (Show me how much you love me).
Moses (40years, buddy 400 years to go 300 miles!) Herman cain.

And now Little ricky.

Dante
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

Darn! And the 2013 Inaugural Sanitary Wipes memorabilia would have been so collectable.

StraightGrandmother
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, these comments are so great. You guys! OMG I am laughing my butt off. Each one of your comments is a jewel in itself.

StraightGrandmother
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

Why is there no “Like” button here? I wish Jim would put in a like button. So many times I really enjoy a comment but don’t always want to take the time to craft a specific reply letting the person know how much I enjoyed their comment. I even re-post some of them with accreditation.

Matt
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

So long Frothy!

Gotta wonder though, what’s Dan Savage going to do in his free time now?

Jim Burroway
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

Does this mean Mitt can go back to being more pro-gay than Ted Kennedy?

PLAINTOM
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

As soon as the Romney campaign wipes the Santorum off Etch a Sketch, Mitt will start denying all the statements he has made in the last several months.

Rob in San Diego
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

His campaign failed the moment he went after porn!

andrew
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

To be fair – and I’m not making excuses for Santorum – his daughter has been returned to the hospital. While Frothy would be suspending his campaign due to gross unpopularity anyways, we do run the risk of looking like cold bastards by rubbing our hands gleefully at this kind of exit. This may be exactly what he had in mind – the timing works in a number of different ways, some of which I’d prefer to think weren’t calculated. But it’s also possible that he compared a failing compaign and an ailing child and did the simple math.

Let’s just not make NOM’s mistake in looking like craven insensitive assholes. We all know that Frothy is a piece of garbage, but it’s still incumbent upon folks interested in civil discourse (even if the favor is not returned) to show the proper respect for a dad putting his sick kid first (assuming that it’s not a ploy).

The point is – he’s out. Take what you can get and just say “cool, good luck, go take care of your daughter, God bless. And please, take as much time as you need, and then some”.

Mark F.
April 10th, 2012 | LINK

Yeah, Rick can’t do us any more harm. I wish his daughter the best.

Richard Rush
April 11th, 2012 | LINK

I have no doubt that the timing of Santorum’s withdrawal was due to him slipping in the most recent polls which had begun to predict an embarrassing and humiliating loss in his home state of Pennsylvania’s primary on April 24th. A few weeks ago the polls showed him on top in Pennsylvania. But just a few months ago nobody thought he could possibly have the staying power to come this far.

Blake
April 11th, 2012 | LINK

I guess God told him to run in order to humble him.

He’ll become a lobbyist. Ralph Reed needs someone to draw attention away from his skeeze.

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