24 responses

  1. Lucrece
    February 1, 2013

    Gay people tend to overestimate how much straight neighbors actually support them.

    More importantly, that’s why I really hate these vague anti-bullying videos that don’t even mention or emphasize the plight of gay people. Because then gay children get sidelined for more palatable bullying victims.

  2. Mark F.
    February 1, 2013

    People don’t care about the 49ers the way they care about the Giants. And the team is moving to Santa Clara next year anyway.

  3. Ben in Oakland
    February 1, 2013

    Tukuafu and Sopoaga. Samoans or Tongans from the last names. The Mormon church has made major inroads among Polynesians, and its not surprising that they thing the way they do.

    Mahu and ‘aikane in Hawaiian. I don’t know the non-Hawaiian words– probably Taitane and Mafu– but they should probably know their own cultural history a little better.

  4. TampaZeke
    February 1, 2013

    I’ve commented here and on other sites before that I didn’t think some of the participants in the IGB videos had a clue that it was directed toward GLBT youth. Some of the videos don’t mention the words gay or lesbian or GLBT. They are very generic “bullying” videos. It seemed to me that many of the videos seemed to miss the point. I’m not a bit surprised by these two players claiming ignorance. Truth be told I bet there are many others who would, if honest, admit that they didn’t know it was about gay youth either. I also don’t think that the makers of some of these videos are innocent either. I think they avoided being too specific about what the videos were about. This has allowed something that could have been very effective in educating and uplifting to be sullied by showing the broad lack of education on the issue of anti-gay bullying EVEN among the IGB participants and has also made the whole thing a bit of a downer when it’s being demonstrated so publicly that a lot of people support ending bullying as long as it’s not anti-gay bullying.

  5. F Young
    February 1, 2013

    My understanding has always been that the “It gets Better” campaign is not aimed at countering homophobic bullying, but rather aimed at countering suicide by LGBTIQ youth.

  6. F Young
    February 1, 2013

    Well-written story, by the way.

  7. tristram
    February 1, 2013

    One superb piece of writing.

    Thanks, Jim.

  8. Keppler
    February 1, 2013

    Yes, very well written. I am from San Francisco, so I suggest that you do what I’m doing this year – rooting for the Ravens.

    As to “It’s Gets Better,” the minute straight people started making those videos, making promises to gay kids about a future they knew nothing about, what started off as a way for gay people to counsel their young became instead a way for straight people to prove to themselves that they care. That’s not an inconsequential mission, but it’s not the mission that the project started out with.

  9. StraightGrandmother
    February 1, 2013

    Go Ravens. I still remember the article Tim wrote, that Ravens player on Sunday night winning his conference championship at like almost 4 in the morning e-mailed somebody asking for advice on how he could leverage Civil Marriage for sexual minorities now that he would be getting press exposure. I’ll never forget that. He has a funny name but I know I’ll recognize it when I see it.

    My home team is NFC, but this year I’ll be rooting for Baltimore the AFC Team.

    Good writing Jim, you might submit that somewhere.

  10. Donny D.
    February 2, 2013

    I’m very comfortable as a San Franciscan right now. And I don’t believe in supporting some team other than the 49ers. I oppose, as I have since middle school, the whole culture of male team sports worship. I oppose the 49ers, the Ravens and all the rest of it. If it all ceased to exist tomorrow, I’d happily mutter, “Good riddance” and continue on my way.

    That whole culture is, in my experience, profoundly femiphobic and homophobic. To hell with it.

  11. Donny D.
    February 2, 2013

    Mark F. wrote,

    People don’t care about the 49ers the way they care about the Giants. And the team is moving to Santa Clara next year anyway.

    A great many women and gay and bisexual men in San Francisco don’t care about ANY of it.

    Straight men, in SF and outside of it, are the only people who, as a group, care all THAT much about male team sports spectating.

  12. Robert
    February 2, 2013

    Donny D-

    Yeah yeah yeah, that’s why the new Gay Sports bar is always packed. No gay people like sports. Please, I have plenty of LGBT friends who LOVE sports and follow all the games.

    Your statement that it’s only straight men who like this just supports every stereotype about LGBT people we hear every day.

    Hi Tops is one of the highest rated gay bars in San Francisco on yelp.

    If you don’y care for sports, that’s one thing, but to claim all the rest of us don’t, well that’s just a lie.

  13. Priya Lynn
    February 2, 2013

    Right Robert. My husband and I are both big football fans.

  14. Robert
    February 2, 2013

    Priya Lynn-

    I like some sports and do enjoy watching a game here and there as well.

    I just get tired of this meme from our own, that we are somehow all girlie-men who have no athletic ability or interest. And full disclosure, while I am not a girlie man myself, I do love one and Married him almost five years ago and have been together for 14 1/2 years.

    Sometimes it’s the words of our own that do us in and support the stereotypes hoisted upon us.

  15. Ben in Oakland
    February 2, 2013

    I should add that I despise team sports. I’d rather watch newt Gingrich congratulate himself for his self assigned by wholly imaginary brilliance for two hours.

    Never the less, I was a jock in high school and college and a coach for many years. I generally maintain a fairly serious workout program, 40 years later.

    Athletics is one thing, professional sports quite another.

  16. Maurice Lacunza
    February 2, 2013

    Jim, sports is not my cup of tea; but, your article wasn’t really about sports. I actually read it and I was moved by the emotion and trip down history lane. That was a great article.

    You weren’t writing about sports as much or instead about camaraderie and mutual respect. Thanks.

  17. Donny D.
    February 3, 2013

    I don’t have much time right now, but I think I need to clarify what I wrote, since most of you read it differently than I meant it.

    Please note that I referred to “male team sports worship” and “male team sports spectating”. I am talking about following and spectating male team sports, and NOT engaging in them oneself. (The first of those two phrases was clearly ambiguous and should not have been used.)

    And let me repeat one of my sentences with added emphasis:

    Straight men, in SF and outside of it, are the only people who, as a group, care all THAT much about male team sports spectating.

    What I meant is that, cut by sexual orientation and gender, straight men are the only group among whom following and spectating male teams sports is of interest to the majority.

    In my experience, only a minority of gay men are interested in following male team sports, and only a minority of women of any sexual orientation. (I just realized that I’m not sure if only a minority of bisexual men follow male team sports or not. Bisexual men tend to be so unwilling to identify as such that it’s hard to know which of these is true.)

    In all of this, I meant only professional and college male team sports, and not any other kind. I don’t know if leaving that out would ever have caused a problem in this discussion, but I’m including it just in case.

  18. Priya Lynn
    February 3, 2013

    I know a lot of women that watch football.

  19. Robert
    February 3, 2013

    Priya Lynn-

    Me too. The majority of women I know watch football weekly. A large majority of lesbians I know follow sports almost religiously.

    And yeah, Donny D is still ignoring the fact that one of the, if not THE most popular gay bar in SF right now is Hi Tops, the gay sports bar, it was even featured in Sports Illustrated just a few days ago.

  20. MattNYC
    February 4, 2013

    I didn’t end up watching much of the game–tuned in during the blackout and then turned it off when my watching was apparently the cause of the 49ers comeback (I am not religious, but I AM highly superstitious about sports–I NEVER watch a game in which I care about the outcome ;).

    I am pretty surprised to find in the box score that Brendon Ayanbadejo has zero Tackles or Assists. That’s not easy to do as a linebacker. Too bad.

  21. MattNYC
    February 4, 2013
  22. Timothy Kincaid
    February 4, 2013


    Are you sure? I distinctly recall hearing “blah blah blah by Brenden Ayanbadejo”. I noticed not only for the obvious reasons but because it was pronounce “Eye-an-buh-day-JOE” not “Eye-an-buh-day-HO” as I thought.

  23. MattNYC
    February 4, 2013


    It may be a technicality and you can’t always tell a game from the box score. I think only the last tackler and sometimes the next-to-last hit gets credited. It’s very possible he “gummed up” his zones so others could make the plays. He may have also been getting double-teamed–which does make it harder to get stats.

  24. Richard Rush
    February 4, 2013

    Although I have nearly zero interest in sports, especially team sports, I do enjoy sitting down with a six-pack and watching figure skating or synchronized swimming.

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